A/N: Here be the completely unplanned for second chapter of Short People, Unite! The one that popped into my head fully formed and demanded (very loudly) to be written. But this is the end. For real, this time. I promise.


Several hours into their mischief and mayhem causing, right after they knocked over a milk cart to get away from angry villagers (and a few ninjas), Ed had to pause and ask Naruto a very important question.

"So," the alchemist said as they casually strolled down a street toward their next target. "How do you feel about milk?"

Naruto frowned thoughtfully. "Milk?" he asked.

"Milk," Ed confirmed.

"Hmm," the ninja said. "Well, I used to drink it more – in cereal or something – but ever since That Incident I haven't liked it as much."

"That Incident?"

Naruto shuddered. "Trust me, you don't really want to know. Suffice to say, my plan was interrupted while in action and I was almost discovered."

Ed raised an eyebrow but didn't press the other blond for details after the look on the ninja's face.

"Would you, for any reason, try to force me to drink the disgusting opaque liquid that is secreted from a cow?" was the next question from the alchemist.

Naruto's lips quirked at Ed's description of milk as the two looked cautiously around a corner before turning it and continuing on their way. "Most likely not, no," he answered. "Unless under extenuating circumstances."

Ed grunted. That was probably the best he could hope for. "And do you have any friends that would try to force me to drink It?"

"No," Naruto said. Then he frowned. "Wait Kakashi might – no, he usually tries to make me eat fruits and vegetables. Sasuke probably wouldn't care about you except to assess your level of threat. Sakura–"

The blond ninja paled, halting.

"What?" Ed demanded sharply, looking around for something dangerous.

"Oh, crap," the ninja whispered. He point to the end of the street they were on where a girl with pink (what?) hair was making her way toward them.

"Run," Naruto whispered to the alchemist. The sheer terror in the ninja's voice startled Ed, but he stood his ground.

"Who is that?"

"Sakura," the ninja whimpered. If he'd been a dog his ears would have been down and his tail between his legs. As it was, he just cowered.

Ed tugged the other's arm, fruitlessly trying to get the other blond to follow him so that they could retreat and regroup away from the girl who was emitting a surprising amount of menace.

"Save yourself," Naruto said, his eyes fixed on her.

Ed took off. He didn't feel too much of a coward, even when he heard howls of pain and yells from behind him.

Good luck, the alchemist thought to the blond he'd been commanded to leave behind. Ed winced as several more painful sounds came from behind him. I think you're going to need it.

And thus ended one of the largest pranks on Konoha in the hidden village's history.