4 a.m.

"Was she worth it?"


I have to believe him, but I don't. I want to believe him. But I can't. I don't know why I ask as I feel the bed indent with his presence. It's always the same time, same night, every week. We do this song and dance and I've grown tired of it. My question is always the same; phrased with the four words he's come t know so well. His answer is always a resounding no. And I ask myself, why. Why does he continue to hurt me this way? Why does he disregard my feelings and do what he does? So I ask…

"Why do you do it then?"


"Yes. I didn't ask how, where or when. Your knowledge of the English language is pretty sufficient; you should understand the phrasing, so answer my question."

"It's in my nature. I cannot help myself."

"Do you try to help yourself? Do you try to keep from feeding the beast within?"

"I do. I am hopeless against it. It is much stronger than I am."

"Bullshit! You're the strongest person I know yet you let some pesky little nuisance like your innate being dictate what you will and won't do."

"Can I not call you the same? Do you not dictate to me what I should and should not do?"

"NO! I only ask that you not hurt me. Is that so difficult?"

"It seems it is. What would you have me do?"

"Come to me when you are in need."

"If I did, you know the consequences."

"We can handle them. Together."

He shakes his head with finality. I sigh and pull the blanket up over my shoulders, though I'm not cold. It seems I need to take matters into my hands.