Okay, so LJ_Bard and I got together and cowrote this piece based on some twitter fun from our favorite Ambiguously Lesbian Duo.
Enjoy it and please feed us! We like our crack.
Of course, non of these characters are ours, but we promise to treat them well and give them back when we're done.
"Ugh," I grumble. "Maura, Jesus, its ten 'til ten, we are gonna be late. Are you ready yet?" I call from Maura's bedroom closet, horrified at the size of it and the amount of shoes there were. It never ceased to amaze me that, as I recollected the first time I'd discovered Maura's closet, I'd gotten lost thinking it was the living room.
"Don't rush me, Jane." I find Jane's impatience to be one of her more trying traits. It can be an effective personality trait when working toward a quick solution regarding a crime, but it is often a hindrance when I am attempting to make myself presentable for an event we may be attending. I may lightly tease her as I answer her, but I often find myself wishing she would simply trust in my ability to finish in a timely manner. In addition, I don't understand why she is in my closet while I am in the bathroom. It seems an odd location. Of course, when it comes to my friend, she is often beyond my understanding.
"Alright, but you can be the one to explain to the guys why we're late… again," I quip.
"Jane, you're hyperbolizing again." I can't help but roll my eyes. Must she always over exaggerate to make a point? Honestly, the best way to demonstrate something is by giving exact, precise data. I can't think of the number of times I've tried to explain this to her. Perhaps I should do so again once I find a shirt to go with this outfit?
Turning to exit the closet, I trip over a high heeled shoe which forces me to stumble out and into Maura's arms, I hear Maura squeak in surprise and indignation as she catches me.
I cannot believe Jane just tripped over my favorite pair of Jimmy Choos! I keep telling her to watch where she is going when she is in my closet. The last time this happened, she broke the heel on a pair of shoes, and… Oh my, Jane is lying on top of me. I'm not certain, but my physical reaction to her proximity is probably not appropriate. I seem to be getting warmer…
My face burns at the compromising position that my clumsiness has put me in, sending Maura backwards, sprawling us both onto the bed, Maura, beneath me, is soft and still half naked, having been unable to decide on the proper blouse to wear. I leap back in shock, blushing, and clear my throat.
She looks embarrassed. Perhaps I should address what is going on here? There's not time. However, we really need to talk about this. At the very least, I need to think in more detail about my physical reaction to Jane's proximity. Clearly, there is some sort of mutual attraction.
"Uh…" I stammer offering a hand to help Maura up, she takes it, and I make it a point to not stare at her creamy skin as she stands in nothing more than a lacy bra and pressed gray slacks.
She's not looking at me. Well, perhaps my assessment is wrong. This could end poorly for me if I'm misinterpreting her facial expressions. Right now, I believe she is chastising herself, but I can't imagine what for. My bra is unhooked. I haven't the faintest idea how that happened. This is becoming an increasingly uncomfortable situation.
'Damn it, Jane, get yourself together!' I snap internally, and bristle at Maura's own attempts to hide her discomfort.
Why would now be the time that I cannot clasp this shut? There must be something faulty with the fastener, but I really don't have the time to change undergarments, and I hate having mismatched underwear. Maybe Jane can help? "Jane could you?"
I turn, eyes widening as I noticed her struggle to clasp an extra hook in her bra.
"Jesus, woman…" I breathe in deeply through my nose and then out again, and reached up, willing my hands to stop shaking as I clasp the last hook of her bra and then step away. I could practically feel the heat radiating off of her skin.
Having Jane touch me is increasing my heart rate, my respiration, and my overall physical response to stimuli. While she is in proximity, my physical responses seem to be heightened. When did I become physically attracted to my best friend?
"C'mon, the guys are probably wondering where we are," I say in my best perturbed voice, trying to pull my mind off of the dirty thoughts about ravishing my best friend. This had been an ongoing occurrence now for some time, ever since that damn undercover job at the Merch…
She is rushing me again. Perhaps it's not that she is concerned about being late to this event. Perhaps she's uncomfortable around me when we are alone. Her hands were shaking a moment ago, her respiration has also increased, her eyes are slightly dilated, and she is becoming increasingly agitated. Is Jane also attracted to me? "Patience, Jane." None of these tops seem appropriate for tonight. There has to be something here that will allow Jane to continue to look at me in that way. I can't believe I'm having these thoughts. "I really should look into getting a new line of tops. These are simply too casual."
"It's The Dirty Robber Maur," I groan, earning a glare from Maura that did not look at all threatening. I snort at the thought of the ME ever being able to harm a fly. "It's not like we're going to some ritzy gala, just throw something on and let's go…"
Again, I find myself repeating previous conversations. Maybe I should simply create a flow chart for her? "One should always wear appropriate attire to any function, Jane. You know this. Just as I would never wear a ball gown to go to a baseball game, I would never wear a casual top when attending a formal party. It will just be a moment more. I promise."
"I swear woman, your closet is so large that it crosses international time zones," I crack up at my own joke.
She clearly finds something funny. I, however, find nothing funny about this situation. She's distracting me. "I find that statement hardly logical, Jane. The proper time zones are backdated from way-"
"Fine!" I growl and storm into the closet, grabbing the first blouse I see, a powder blue with pearl buttons and sleeves cut at the elbow, and toss it at her. Maura catches it, and I cross my arms. "What?"
Surely, she jests.
She gives me a hard look.
"C'mon Maura, really? Live a little, it's just a couple drinks with the guys at work. It's not like anyone there will recognize that you are underdressed… besides you look beautiful in just about anything you wear-" I snap my jaw shut as soon as I realize what I've said, and I see Maura's eyes visibly widen for a moment. Her cheeks tinge pink, and she looks away. Is that a smile I see tugging at the corner of her lips?
She thinks I'm physically attractive. My hypothesis may be correct, after all! Well, I really will have to find a top that will accentuate the positives.
Maura places the blouse back, much to my dismay, and I leave the closet, refusing to neither help nor wait around, she throws out a comment over my shoulder that stops me.
"Jane, I'm ready now."Her reaction to my attire should support my ongoing theory. If what I believe is true, I think tonight will be very interesting.
I turn and my jaw unhinges from. My eyes rake over the low v-cut black shirt that clings to Maura's round curves, accentuating her torso, the sleeves, like the blouse I had tried to make her wear, were cut off at the elbow. She has a wool jacket in her arms, and her purse is slung over her shoulder with keys in hand.
Rapid eye blinking, increased respiration again, and her eyes are most definitely dilated. Interesting…
"Can I drive?" I beg, knowing all-too well that Maura would be sure to follow all the speed signs and stop lights with unnecessary caution.
"No, I don't think so, Jane." She makes me smile. I really enjoy that about her. However, her driving skills leave much to be desired, and I'd prefer to make it to the Robber without incident.
I walk after her, holding in a childish huff, knowing better than to argue because obviously the Doctor already has her mind made up. It's probably better that I don't drive anyway. I know I am definitely going to have more than my fair share of beers tonight.
"Janie! Took ya long enough!" Frankie calls out from his table near the dartboards where he managed to grab Frosts' attention into a game with him. I smirk at the mistake Frost is making. If there is one thing I know my baby brother can do hands down, blindfolded, and under the most intense pressure, it is win a darts game.
I don't believe Frost is likely to win the game he is currently playing with Jane's brother. Frankie's hand/eye coordination seems to be far above par when it specifically comes to the game of darts. It's an interesting phenomenon. I really should read up on sports players and accelerated abilities in their respective fields. "Good evening Frankie, Barry."
The small table is loaded down with a large plate of chili cheese fries, nachos, a pitcher of beer, a score pad, and a small darts kit that I bought for Frankie on his last birthday.
I believe this table lacks appropriate accommodations for all of us.
"Hey, Rizzoli, gimme a hand! Hey Doc," Korsak comes over from the bar, holding another two pitchers and a bottle of wine that I called ahead and had him order for Maura. Plastic cups were balanced under his arms.
She remembered the wine I like. I don't know why I assume this is Jane's doing. I suppose Vince could be just as thoughtful. Yet, the look on Jane's face… I should help her with her things.
Maura grabs my jacket to hang up while I help Korsak. I pour myself and Maura a glass of each. I down my first glass in three large gulps.
"Whoa, partner, save some for the fish!" Frost jokes, tightening his dart as Frankie takes his turn. "You wanna join in? Your brother's kickin' my ass here."
Jane looks lovely in this lighting. Why must everyone use profanity?
"Naw, I'll pass, thanks," I respond with a smirk and hand Maura a glass of wine as she approaches. Maura beams me one of her megawatt smiles, and I melt a little inside. I notice Korsak watching, and I set my face into its stony game mode that I usually reserved for interrogations.
I don't understand. She seemed to be responding well to our interactions, and now her face has completely shut down. Have I done something wrong? I'm sure I'll find out eventually. Jane is such a puzzle. The wine, however, is excellent.
"So, first time we've all managed to get together after the New Year," Korsak mentions, smirking at me. "Neither of you ladies bothered to call and tell me what ya'll were doing?"
Jane may be hiding it well, but she is becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and I don't understand why Korsak would expect either of us to tell him our respective plans. It was no secret I was spending the New Year with the Rizzoli's. Oh… perhaps he is giving us a hard time regarding who we spent New Year's Eve with? He and others seem to do that a great deal when it comes to me and Jane.
"They came over to Ma 'n Pop's; we all did," Frankie says between a mouthful of cheese fries, keeping his eye on Frost and nearly choking at his poor form. "Dude, you're gonna break the darts!" he cries as Frost misses the board and, narrowly, a Narcotics Agent's head. The Agent in question turns to glower at Frost who waves in apology, sheepishly.
I find it a bad idea for Barry to be throwing sharp objects so close to living people while intoxicated. I would say something about this, but I suspect I would be chastised as being… what did Jane call it once? Oh yes, a 'party pooper'.
"How many beers you have, Frost?" I joke at Frost's poor playing.
"Are you kidding? That's him getting better after the booze," Korsak joins in the teasing, patting Frost on the shoulder as Frankie grabs the dart, allowing Frost to avoid further embarrassment.
Their camaraderie is pleasant to see, but it often makes me feel uncomfortable. I have difficulty understanding their humor. I much prefer it when Jane and I are alone. She's less guarded then, and I find I enjoy the time more. The wine, however, remains very nice.
"So… spill it, boys. Did either of you do any re-gifting this year?" I change the subject, trying to ease Frost's discomfort. It's not that Frost minds the banter, but I know how Korsak can get. He can get a bit out of line. Even if he says he's over my whole partner debacle, I don't believe it.
"None here, I was too busy fighting wicked traffic through Christmas trying to get to my folks' place," Frost claims.
"Coming from the idiot that re-gifted the hallway twister board that we lost to the Drug Unit last year," Korsak nudges and Frost glowers. I sigh. Can't say I didn't try.
So, that is where that game disappeared to. I had been wondering. I wonder why she decided to bring up the concept of re-gifting. She must have received something she didn't care for and decided to give it to someone else. I wonder what it could have been. Oh, she couldn't have! "Jane, you didn't re-gift the-"
Maura eyes me, and I blink, immediately falling into that deer in the headlights expression.
"Oh, you didn't… did you-?" Based on her facial expressions, it's clear that she did, in fact, re-gift my gift to her. I am hurt. How could she? I put so much thought into it.
Korsak and Frost watch the exchange in silence, Frankie returns and takes a long swig of beer, passing the darts to Korsak, noticing the tension.
"What happened?" he asks.
"No, Maura!" I reply, quickly, noticing her eyes begin to shine with tears. "Don't cry, please… I didn't, honest… I definitely didn't re-gift the… Hey, I know! Who wants another drink?" My smile falters as I notice the pitchers and bottle on the table are still barely broken in, and there is no room to escape.
I can't believe she's embarrassed by my gift.I should have known better. I don't think I'm going to be able to hold off my tears. Why must I cry when I'm upset?
Maura sniffles, and my throat lodges. Oh, please don't cry… I'll never live this down! "Hey, no crying… Maura, I totally love… the pink – scarf…" my enthusiasm dies along with my voice, and Maura wipes at her eyes, miffed, narrowing them at me.
She does this on purpose. I suppose I should follow suit. "It's mauve, Jane! I even wrote that in the card!" She's attempting to lighten the situation using humor. It's one of her better personality traits.
"Potato.. Po-tah-toh. Same thing?" Frost offers, and both of us glare at him. He shuts up and focuses on the game.
Barry has unfortunate timing.
"Hey, isn't mauve French for purple? Or pink? One of those sissy – I mean, girly colors?" Korsak objects as he throws his last dart and turns back to the table, stealing a nacho. I snatch one up as well, occupying my mouth from overrunning itself again and getting me into even more trouble.
What is it with this department and their lack of accuracy? If I was not a witness to the positive results regarding cases, I would be very concerned by the accuracy of their investigations. "It's a pale purple."
"Tell you what, I will wear it to yoga class on Wednesday," I offer, hoping that would brighten my friend's spirits. It works. Maura's eyes light up at the prospect of me wearing something that she thought I'd gotten rid of.
She didn't re-gift it! Maybe I was too harsh on Jane?
Now I need to make sure that I can get it back from Ma for the day and back before she realizes I took it. I grin at my friend's happiness.
Her facial expressions tell me she is still hiding something. I would press the issue, but this isn't the right time. I'll talk to her about it tomorrow when we're alone.
"So, Frankie, did ya get a New Year's kiss this year?" Korsak jabs as Frankie tosses a dart from one hand and drinks a beer from the other.
"Watch where you throw, Frankie, jeez, we don't need someone's eye getting poked out," I scold my brother for his cockiness. He winks at me with a knowing grin, though, and I roll my eyes. Sometimes he is just too cocky.
I find it odd that Jane would chastise Frankie for his recklessness while playing darts given her recklessness when driving, which is far more dangerous. Observing people's interactions is educational, but I find I'm often left with more questions than answers. Those nachos look unsanitary. I think I'll wait and eat something once I'm home.
"What? You're ex-wife didn't tell ya she was my date?" Frankie ribs back at Korsak, whose face falls, and Frost makes one of those obnoxious cat-calls at Frankie's cleverness.
"Daaaaamn," Frost jokes. "Which one, though? There are three," Frost chuckles. Korsak glowers and slaps him on the back of the head. Frost straightens and gives Korsak a look that could kill. I chuckle quietly as I take a drag from beer.
Such violence and perverse suggestions. "Boys…"Sometimes, I feel like I am babysitting children.
"What about you, there, Doc?" Korsak turns toward Maura. That's when Frankie and I both choke on our drinks. Frost has a knowing look in his eye; it's no big secret that Frost secretly holds a torch for the beautiful Medical Examiner, and I feel my insides twist at his look of envy toward her. He practically screams that he would gladly be her first kiss of the New Year if she hadn't already had one. I bite my tongue to keep the growl from emitting out of my throat.
Jane has a frightened look. Perhaps I do as well? I'm not certain I really want to share this information in an accurate form. However, the prospect of hyperventilating is unappealing.
My eyes widened and my blood runs cold at the recollection of the New Year's Eve Maura and I had shared our very first kiss as the Ball dropped signifying the year new year, but, later, she said nothing about the matter. Yet, now I wondered why we still haven't talked about it. I know I am just as guilty as Maura for not bringing up the topic. But, is it possible that she is concerned that she could lose our friendship?
The last thing I want to do is alienate Jane. She's one of the best friends I've ever had. If I answer this question honestly and accurately, she may run. Jane has a tendency to do that when a situation occurs that she is uncomfortable with. When we kissed, she seemed at ease with it. But, later, she was restless and agitated. Based on my previous encounters, I presume that meant she wasn't pleased with what had transpired. If I'm correct, this will not end well tonight. I should have spoken with her about this prior to coming. I should have predicted this conversation might have come up. I'm supposed to be prepared. I prepare for most things. Why did I not prepare for this?
I feel hurt at the notion that maybe she just doesn't feel that way toward me and, rather than face the problem, she's ignoring it. My insecurities are getting the better of me, I know. I want to see what she says.
Frankie looks from Maura to me and then back to Maura. He's wondering if she is going to be honest. I know Maura can't lie. We all do. Oh, Hell…
What am I going to do? "Well, I… that is to say…" I am trembling and perspiring. Oh dear. Why won't Jane help me answer this? This answer will affect her as much as it will me. It may, in fact, affect her more.
She looks to me for help, and I melt at her helpless look and grabbed her hand in solace.
"What Maura is meaning to say is that it's none of you guys' business, and that we all need to be back at the office tomorrow morning… so – Maura? You about ready?" I ask, hoping the usually bright doctor would catch on.
I could kiss her for this. "Yes, I agree, gaining a proper amount of rest is important to optimal morning functionality."
"Aw, c'mon Doc! That's a cop out, Janie!" Korsak whines. I reach under me and grab my coat and Maura's that she placed there inconspicuously since no hangers were left. "Sorry it must have been under me the whole time," I grin sheepishly.
I suppose the damage could be worse. "That's alright I will just have to iron out the wrinkles before bed."
"See you guys tomorrow!" I call out over my shoulder as we make a break for it.
"Rizzoli! C'mon we're not finished!" Korsak calls out. Frankie helps rein him in. Thankfully, my little brother is on on our side, having witnessed the spectacle that was now spinning in both of our heads…