Pragmatophobia - The Fear Of Reality

I'm not stupid - I'm really, really not! I know that lots of people think that I'm stupid, but I'm not! I promise! What, don't you believe me?

Weeeelllll my best friend will tell you otherwise!

His name is Zim and he's the coooolest best friend I've ever had! I mean, I've had like, tons of best friends, but Zim is DE-FIN-ITE-LY the best of all best friends!

I mean like, we hang out every day! In fact, he lives with me at my house! It's sooooo cool!

I mean, it all started when I found him lying on the beach! You wanna know what was weird about that? His hair was gone! He had two weird almost pigtail looking things on his head, but I didn't care too much about that.

Anyways, he was all asleep and stuff, so I just brought him home! My mom didn't care… well, actualllly… my mom was out of town, so she doesn't really know… but I'm sure she wouldn't care!

Soooo like, I brought him home and he was kinda wet and - get this - his skin was peeling off! It was crazy! But I dried him off and I tucked him into bed and I waited for him to wake up, but he wouldn't, so I had to open his eyes for him.

Believe it or not, his eyeballs were gone! It was soooo weird! But you know, he's my best friend so if he doesn't want his eyeballs, that's his own choice! He didn't seem too excited to see me, so I tried talking to him.

"Heeeyyyy Zimmy! How about we play some board games? Or watch TV? Or maybe make some popcorn and have a dance party?"

"Hey… Keef… best friend… please, can we go to sleep? Pleeaaassseee I'm sooooo tired!" he'd replied in a really awesome super cool way - he never even opened his mouth! He's so talented!

"Of course Zim, ol' buddy ol' pal! There's only one bed in my room and the cockroaches like to eat flesh, so is it okay if I just sleep next to you then?"

"Of course! It'll be just like a sleep over, with just the two of us!" he said. It was sooo coolio!

So, in the morning, I had to wake him up and we went for a jog.

Weeelllll, by jog, I mean that I went jogging and gave him a piggy pack ride half of the way… Okay, the whole way if you wanna be specific, but he was just soooo tired! He musta swam for a loooong time yesterday to be so tired!

Anyways, while we were out jogging and stuff, my other friend, Dib, runs up and he's all like "Hey, what're you doing with spaceboy?" which probably meant "Hey, can I come along too?" and then his eyes got all wide and he started to back away really slow for some reason and then he screamed "Oh my GOD, what did you DO to him?" which obviously meant "We could do makeovers at my house!" And then he threw up and ran away, and that, of course, meant that he would come back later to my house and we could hang out then.

Soooo, then I went home with my bestest friend in the whole wide world and did some thinking. I didn't want to share him with anybody!

Soooooooooo I decided that maybe we would just never ever go outside again! It would be just me and him - best friends forever!

We have tea parties allll the time and we play games and draw pictures and even though my bestest buddy's skin might have all disintegrated, his skeleton still talks to me and plays with me and I'm just really so glad that he's MY best friend and nobody else's!

Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine!

Our little world here is just PER-FECT!

I never ever EVER wanna leave it ever again! I mean, come on, who would want to? It's just me and my best buddy, together forever!

So um… please, whoever you are, would you mind leaving? Oh yes, Zim says that he'd prefer it if you left as well. We're trying to hang out. What? You can't hear him? Hmph. Just leave, please. Now.


AN: Surprised to see me again? I know. Me too.

Gosh, it's been WAY too long since I've updated this. I honestly don't know why - but I promise you this - I'd like to finish it.

I don't know if this will be the last chapter or what, since I really can't think of any more ideas. Perchance would any of you readers have a phobia for a character?