BACK WITH A VENGANCE! Yes, the crack pairrings have returned. Yet again we find ourselves thrust into the realm of 'Who gets it with whom'. Now obviously this is an 'M' story, so please keep your hands where we can see them, and be wary of any and all implied and actual sexual actions.

Thank you

This one is Third, again. So thank him. Or don't.

I'll Take A Little Photo Of You...

Negi Springfield was in the cacky, to put it mildly.

Being a teacher to the thirty-one strange, mysterious, downright crazy, and above all else teenaged girls of 2-A would test the resolve of many a man. Being a mere ten years old only made it worse, as they saw him as more of a playmate than an authority figure. And don't even start on the secrets all of the class seemed to be hiding...

However, now was not the time to worry about such things. Negi had been given one very specific instruction by the headmaster: "If 2-A does not finish in last place for the end-of-year exams, you will be confirmed as a fulltime teacher."

The whole point of his training had been to grow and become accepted by the community of mages, and if he could achieve his goal, then his training would reach the next level. Becoming a Magister Magi would take several years longer on the other hand, should he fail.

Negi looked at a chart detailing how 3-A fit into the grading system. There were a surprising number of people at the top of the school, including Chao Lingshen in first place, Satomi Hakase in second, and the class representative in fourth place. The rest of the class was passable in terms of their ranking, though Negi made a mental note to keep an eye on (he hurriedly looked at the class roster to match names to faces) Sakurazaki, Evangeline, Chachamaru and Zazie.

At the far right of the graph were exactly who he expected to be here: the Baka Rangers. The same girls who he had ended up giving afterschool lessons beforehand. It looks like they'll need my help once again...

Something light and clothy hit his head, and Negi realised that he'd left the girls to their own devices again. Ah! Gotta stop spacing out like tha...

His train of thought petered out as he realised the Baka Rangers were standing in the middle of the classroom in various stages of undress, the rest of 2-A standing around them yelling questions or teasing comments.

"What the heck are you doing?"

One of the cheerleaders turned to see Negi twitching slightly, utterly bewildered. "Baseball Janken, " Sakurak said, one finger raised. "It's like strip poker: lose one item of clothing for every answer you miss." She turned back to the group, smiling almost evilly.

Well, the chart's worst five are the most naked. That figures, Negi thought as he looked on, Makie trying to retain her dignity, Yue, Ku Fei and Kaede striking a pose straight out of a Super Sentai show, and Asuna losing her temper at her classmates' apathy for ridicule.

"Asuna, you bungled another one!"

"Hel-loh? Naked already!", Asuna fumed, covering herself desperately.

Man, oh man. This won't be easy...

Later that night, Negi shifted on his futon, sleepless with worry. If i use the Grey Cell Spell, they'll become geniuses (Genii?) for 72 hours. Downside is, they'll become dumb as rocks for a month afterward... Arrrgh! Why am I always looking to magic to help me? I'll never be a proper teacher this way...

He shifted position. I have only tomorrow and the weekend to get the Baka Rangers up to scratch, but is that really going to be enough time? I may be their teacher, but I don't know how Takamichi taught them English. The only people who know that are the other... members... of... the... Negi sat up ramrod straight in his 'bed', eyes alight with an idea. Of course! Being tutored by another member of the class is the perfect solution! It'll bring them closer together as a group, and I can help out if they need anything!

Negi rose as stealthily as he could, tiptoeing across the floor so as not to wake the girls. His folder was on the desk, if he could just reach it and check the notes then he could figure out who could teach who...

His foot hit a loose floorboard underneath the carpet, and a creak sounded out. Negi froze. Fortunately, only Konoka seemed to have heard it. "...No, Se-cha', we'll ge' caugh'..." She giggled in her sleep, and turned over. Negi blinked, and decided to ask Konoka about it at a later date.

Right now, he had work to do...

"All rise and bow!"

2-A bowed in unison, and Negi smiled somwhwat sleepily, motioning for them to be seated.

"Now then. Some of you may have looked at a calendar and noticed that end-of-term exams are on Monday. As your teacher, I believe it is very important that you pass your exams, and I hope that you will study hard so as to avoid last place."

The class collectively furrowed their brows.

"I-I mean, it's a good idea in general to not be last in the school, right?'

More than a few heads were tilting, wondering where their pintsized was getting at.

"I-it's not like being in last place would be a really bad..." Negi realised he was babbling, and decided to start again. "Anyway, homeroom today will be a study session for the class. Also, could I please have the following people to speak with: Yukihiro Ayaka, Hakase Satomi, Lingshen Chao, Konoe Konoka, Miyazaki Nodoka, Kazumi Asakura and Naba Chizuru."

Once the usual low buzz of conversation had settled and the people he had asked for had arrived from their desks, Negi drew them aside.

"Listen, girls. I have been looking over the results from the last few exams, and you represent the highest-scoring group of students in 2-A." Nodoka blushed slightly at the edge of the group, and Ayaka drew in a breath.

"Of course, I have only been able to make such progress in my education thanks to your help, Negi-sens-"

Chizuru laid a hand on Ayaka's shoulder. "Iincho-san, I believe Negi-sensei wants to say something else." Ayaka fell silent, looking expectantly at Negi again.

"Thank you, Naba-san. Now then, despite your sterling efforts, I am afraid that the overall class score does not reflect your efforts due to the academic results of the lowest-scoring ranking members of the class, which you may know as..."

"The Baka Rangers, " the girls finished for him. Negi felt a little relieved - they may be the weakest academically, but calling them stupid was a little too much for him as of now.

"Yes, and that's why I designed this: The Great 2-A Interacademical Tutor Exchange!" Negi beamed, and handed out several small pieces of paper, with the names of the top students on one side, and the Baka Rangers' on the other, with lines linking them.

The group took a moment to digest the pairings their teacher had invented, which Negi took as a cue to elaborate.

"See, if the top students taught the bottom students for the weekend, then there'd be no problem with the grades, provided you teach them right-"

Ayaka, who had been scanning the piece of paper for her name and checking where the line adjoining her name led, blanched. She was going to be teaching...

"N-Negi-sensei! Why would you pair me with that... that gorilla girl? She hates me, I hate her, and she will only waste my time and effort!"

Negi shrank before Ayaka, putting his hands together and looking vulnerable. "B-but, class representative-san, i-if you don't, then I'll be i-in trouble..."

Ayaka blushed heavily, stopping almost immediately. "W-well, if Negi-sensei wills it, then it will be done!" She turned and made a beeline for Asuna's desk.

"Ah, sensei? Are you suuuuure that was a good idea...?" Konoka piped up. Negi, oblivious to the yells of 'shotacon' and 'ojicon', smiled at her.

"Well, I know I can rely on class representative-san to try her best, and a commited partner is exactly what Asuna-san needs! Now then, are there any other questions about who you have been selected to be tutoring?"

Chizuru raised a hand. "Sensei, how did you choose who helps who?"

Negi pushed his glasses up. "Well, I tried to match friends together, so it'd be easire, and then went by your personalities." A stroke of panic struck. "Um... do you have any objections, Naba-san?"

"No, no. I'm sure this will work out fine..." Chizuru shot a glance to Ayaka and Asuna, who had progressed to book-throwing.

"Right! Well then, you know who your partners are, so give it your best!"

Chao and Hakase shared a look, then shrugged and walked off in the direction of Ku Fei. Konoka tugged at Nodoka's sleeve, and led her towards Yue, while Chizuru took several steps and began scanning the crowd for Makie.

Asakura was the only one who'd stayed behind, and Negi blinked at her. "Something the matter, Kazumi-san?"

"Hmm?" Asakura snapped to focus on Negi, as if from a daydream. "Oh, no, none. Just... Why do I have to help Kaede? She looks big enough to be in college, so why is she having trouble with Junior High exams?"

"Well..." Negi didn't have an answer for her, so he switched tack. "I thought it may be best for you to get to know each other better."

Asakura sighed. "Fine, sensei. I'll see what I can do."


Negi jumped. "What was that?", he yelped, looking for the source of the noise.

The action ground to a halt, allowing Negi to see Asuna and Ayaka, using the whimpering Narutaki sisters as impromptu swords to duel to the death.

Negi sighed deeply. Well, at least she's trying.

"Negi-sensei! Allow me to explain! You see, this gorilla here picked up Fuuka-san for no reason at all and swung at me-"

"WHAT? Bull-crap! You started having a go at me and acting all snooty, you shotacon-"

...I may need to supervise their sessions. For the furniture's sake.

Asakura knocked on the dorm door. She was supposed to start working with Kaede this afternoon, but she'd missed Kaede after school. She swore that girl could move like a ninja when she wanted to...

A somewhat confused Fuuka and Fumika opened the door. "Hey, what're you doing here?" Fumika asked.

"I was supposed to start helping Kaede with her grades. Where the heck is she?"

The twins exchanged a glance. "You mean ya don't know?"

"Strange to know something the paparazzi don't..." muttered Fuuka. She continued, "Every weekend, Kaede-neechan goes off into the mountains to train."

Asakura stared. "...The mountains?"

Stupid trees. Stupid ankle-eating roots. Stupid toe-stabbing rocks - in a damn forest! - covered by leaves.


An arm snaked around Asakura's middle just before she fell into the water, and she felt movement as the ground moved beneath her.

She wrenched her head around, to see who had saved her. Asakura was being carried like a little child, an arm holding her around her middle. Her saviour was standing on a tree branch, perfectly balanced five metres off the ground.

"If I may ask, Asakura-dono, why are you here-de gozaru?"

Asakura snorted. Well, at least she wouldn't have to search anymore. "Trying to find you, actually. Why are you out of the middle of nowhere?"

"Why, doing my sessha-samurai training." Kaede's carefree face furrowed. "But, why are you looking for me?"

Oh, that's right. Negi-sensei didn't tell the class about TG2AITE. Just one more stumbling block for me.

However, something made Asakura stop. Her reporter's nose was sniffing out a story, and studying would mean losing the chance to follow this up.

"No reason, " she said hurriedly. "Hey, can you let me down? The blood's going to my head, the way you're holding me."

"As you wish, Asakura-dono." Asakura could hear the little grin on her face. Then the world went forwards as Kaede leaned into thin air.

"What are you doing-" Asakura flailed around with her hands as the ground approached far too rapidly to be healthy, trying to grab onto Kaede. It wasn't like this would improve things, but instinct told her to catch hold of the tall girl.

Kaede let go, then spun once and slipped her arms out, landing in a crouch with Asakura held securely in her arms, bending her knees to absorb the shock.

Asakura noted the distinct lack of neck-breakyness, and dared to open her eyes. The first thing she noticed was just how submissive her pose was. Eyes squeezed shut until seconds ago, hands clasped demurely underneath her chin, she couldn't lie to herself and claim she hadn't yelped just a tiny bit, and hanging in Kaede's arms like a princess being saved from a monster. Kaede opened one of her eyes a crack, and smiled slyly.

"Anything else, Asakura-dono?"

"Just let me down, " Asakura grumbled, reaching out to get onto her feet.

"So, what brings you out here-de gozaru?" Kaede asked as the reporter stood. "This one is not so important as to lure you out here on her own."

Asakura raised her hand. "Hey, don't be so quick to judge. You are very much important and interesting. For starters, what are you even doing out here?"

Kaede tilted her head. "Did you not listen? This one is undergoing sessha-samurai training."

"Wait, in the middle of the mountains?" Asakura was forced to abandon her questioning, however, as her stomach protested. "Ah, dammit. Knew I shouldn't have skipped breakfast today."

"Well then, would you join me in foraging? The koi are good this time of year..."

Asakura mulled it over. She was hungry, and it certainly seemed like Kaede had done this before. "Sure."

Asakura leaned back, watching the sun set from the rock. It still amazed her, the things the tall girl could do. Throwing kunai to hit fish as they jumped out of the water was already impressive enough (to do six within moments of each other was crazy!), but splitting into sixteen different people? She's not normal, that's for sure. Ah, my kingdom for my camera! This could be the biggest scoop of my life - Plucky Reporter Girl Uncovers Secret Ninja Society!

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice Kaede preparing the open-air bath, until Kaede approached her, and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Do you wish to go in first-de gozaru?"

Asakura started, and looked around for a moment, before spotting the bath. "Oh, wow, is that a-" Kaede nodded in response. Asakura quickly undressed, glad to get rid of the dirt and grime of a day in the mountain, and stepped inside, huddling over and letting the warmth soak into her bones. Nothing against the mountains, but by god they knew how to dirty someone up.

"Ah, good. Mind if I join in?"

Asakura, head still blissfully full of warmth and cleanliness and comfort, could only mumble comfortably in return. Kaede took this as a 'yes', and promptly began disrobing.

The reporter looked up dully, soaking in the bath. Her eyes snapped open once she saw Kaede naked, and she splashed slightly, turning to face Kaede.

"W-wait! Is this thing even big enough for both of us?"

Kaede stopped and stood, unashamedly naked in the cool night air. "Well, this one has never checked, but it should be enough for us two. Unless... you would prefer to remain alone."

Asakura stopped moving around, and looked at the ninja. There was no denying she was attractive, and the second biggest pair of breasts in the class just... hung there.

Oh, no. Not good. Stop thinking about them! Stay focused!

She swallowed slightly, and did her best to make space for Kaede.

Kaede smiled broadly, and squeezed herself in behind the reporter. She breathed out, happy to be in the warmth.

"W-well, this is a bit of a new step for me." She'd bathed with her classmates before, but this was rather more... intimate. And Kaede's body pressing against hers wasn't helping her concentration one bit. "I gotta say that you've- AH!" Asakura yelped as Kaede snaked her arms around her middle.

"Hmmm? Something wrong? I was just getting more comfortable..." Asakura knew that kaede was smiling again - she'd done it when Asakura had dropped the kunai, and when she'd overlooked a root. A tone of what might have been teasing entered her tone, and she spoke in shorter sentences.

Asakura sighed. She was tired from the full day (not to mention the journey), the bath was warm and calming, and Kaede's breasts were soft enough that she felt she could drown in them... She leaned back into Kaede, smiling sleepily. Her head moved back far enough for her to look Kaede in the eye, to see the ninja leaning closer.

One hand of Kaede's was still around her midsection, but it was now sliding dangerously - and breathlessly - south, while the other went up and stroked gently over the tender skin of Asakura's chest.

Asakura sighed, and her eyes fluttered closed. Kaede leaned down the slightest hint more, and then her partner's hands were up around her neck, pulling her down into a sleepy, content kiss.

Dully, the reporter realised that spreading the word to the world would mean Kaede would have no more privacy. Her life would become public property, and this quiet little mountain 'home'would die away.

Maybe... maybe it is better to let this one thing remain unexplained. The world needs to have it's mysteries, after all...