So I've had this idea since I every first started watching BTR. Love Triangles pretty much make my life...just sayin. Like, you don't even know how much I love them. It's ridiculous! But before we begin with the story I must give thanks to a freakin AMAZING girl who helped give me inspiration to start working on this again through bus conversations on the way home from swim meets, SAM! (aka my little indian) (aka MethuselahHoneysuckle2013) She's amazing and makes my heart happy! Everyone should go message her about how wonderful she is! Seriously, it would make my life if you actually did! But I hope everyone enjoys this and drop me a review if you feel so inclined.
"When you love someone, you open yourself up to suffering. That's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens which allow us to fly."
-Jack Hodgins (Bones)
Unrequited love is a bitch. Having strong feeling for someone who can't or won't reciprocate them is the worst. Logan Mitchell and James Diamond know the feeling all to well.
Logan never planned on falling for his best friend, after all he liked girls, but rules never seemed to apply when it came to Kendall Knight. Kendall, just the name could cause Logan to feel like his stomach had dropped out of his body. He was just so . . . so damn perfect, but also completely straight, which was the basis of Logan's problem.
This would only happen to him. Logan WOULD be the one to go gay for his best friend/band member. His life was that messed up. It's not like he was hot for other dudes. It was just Kendall! Kendall had some kind of power over him that no one else did and Logan couldn't explain or define it, which really messed with his head, seeing how Logan always had an answer for everything.
Another situation that would only happen to Logan was that he was sharing a room with the object of this affection. Which was hard to say the least. It was a pain there was no alone time. When Kendall was unknowingly making him, lets say uncomfortable, he couldn't escape because there was absolutely no where he could go to have some privacy. Logan liked Kendall a lot, might even love him (he wasn't sure exactly sure what love felt like having no past experience) but when his feelings piled up so much he thought he might explode and he has to stop himself from just kissing Kendall until he passed out from lack of air, he had to have an outlet so he didn't jump Kendall and ruin their friendship. He had to let his feelings out to someone. Someone who would understand and not judge him. That person was James.
The first time Logan ever admitted he liked Kendall was shortly after they moved to the Palm Woods. It was late, and they had rehearsals early in the morning, but Logan just couldn't sleep. Why? Because in the bed next to him Kendall kept making these little noises in his sleep that were driving him crazy. Desperate for relief Logan got up to go sit on the orange couch in the living room, hoping to calm himself down, and praying that when he returned Kendall was silent.
What he wasn't counting on was James strolling out of his room like it was perfectly normal to walk around the apartment at three in the morning. "What's up with you?" He said when he caught sight of Logan just sitting on the couch.
"I could ask you the same thing."
"Hmmm, touche. But seriously what's up?"
"It's nothing. I should probably just go back to bed." Logan stood up, but as he passed James a hand came to rest on his arm, holding him in place. James eyes were searching his, looking for the problem that Logan was trying to hide.
"You can trust me Logan. I promise."
Then, like a dam that couldn't hold back the growing water anymore, Logan was telling James everything. How Kendall had always been different to him, special for some reason. How when they had grown up Logan realized he had a crush on Kendall and as much as he tried to fight it, he just couldn't stop. How it was getting harder and harder to hide, and part of the time he wanted to just tell Kendall to get it over with, but he was so fucking scared about what his reaction would be he couldn't even fathom telling him. It was like his brain was having a war. Tell Kendall. Don't tell Kendall. He couldn't make up his mind.
James listened throughout the whole thing, not making one interruption because he could tell Logan needed this, and truthfully he would do anything the smaller boy needed, even smile through a broken heart.
It had happened gradually, but undeniably. Every time Logan would come into James' room to vent about his Kendall problems it grew. That little twinge in his stomach was there and as the months passed it became more and more prominent, and not just during the secret night time conversation they would have, but all through the day, during rehearsal, or when they were all just hanging out James would feel it getting bigger, consuming his mind and body. And then Logan would smile at Kendall with adoration clear in his eyes and it was like getting kicked in the stomach.
It was human nature that we want what we can't have, and boy did James have an unattainable person on his hands. Logan was so completely head-over-heels for Kendall he didn't even notice that James was starting to change around him, touching him for a little longer than was necessary, making sure they always stood next to each other in the recording booth, or trying to catch his eye during one of the love songs Gustavo had penned for them, but being let down when he saw Logan was staring at Kendall, the same way he was staring at Logan.
At the beginning, when James didn't feel anything but brotherly love for Logan, he had maintained the stance that Logan shouldn't tell Kendall, at least not yet. Without knowing the others feelings it could do disastrous things to their friendship and the band. But now a plan was forming in James' head, so bad, so wrong that he could hardly believe he was considering telling Logan. Because if Logan revealed his feeling to Kendall, Kendall would obviously be shocked, and, banking on the fact that Kendall had nothing but platonic feeling for Logan, reject him, leaving an utterly heartbroken Logan, but also a Logan who would be free to see that he needed to stop wasting his time on a boy that wasn't ever going to love him back. James could help Logan, be there for him when he was falling apart, help him put everything back together. They would be together, but was it worth breaking Logan in the process?
Because without a doubt would Logan be broken. So broken in fact he might never be the same again. Did James dare ripped the small chance that Logan could be truly happy in life for his own personal gain? Did he love Logan enough it let him go? Did he love him enough to sit and watch him with someone else, just as long as he was happy? Maybe. But Kendall wasn't showing signs of reciprocating, so what was the point in delaying the inevitable?
Logan would realize one day that Kendall wasn't ever going to work out for him, that method would be slower and more gentle on Logan, giving him time to come to terms with the fact that sometimes you can't have the person you want the most. Sometimes those things never worked out like all the cheesy romance movies Mama Knight and Katie watched because this was real life and not the movies. In real life you get your heart broken. What movie has ever ended with an unhappy ending? None. No one wants to pay to watch something that is going to make them leave the theater depressed. That's not how the world liked it. They liked fluffy sob stories with the happy ending where everything ends up ok because the guy came back after all. It was the whole "Love conquers" all mantra, but James knew that this wasn't the case.
Because very soon someone was going to get there heart broken. Whether it would be James or Logan was he only question. They weren't going to get out unharmed. Either Logan would get his heart crushed and have to settle for James, or James would see Logan and Kendall get together or (and James thought this was the worst possible option, even worse than having to watch Logan be all lovey-dovey with Kendall) Logan would get rejected by Kendall and then reject James. That was another thought that scared James shitless and rose even more questions about the morality of the situation.
James had no idea if Logan would even be into him if the whole Kendall thing went south. They had never talked about an attraction between the two of them, and despite James' best effort to show Logan that he could be all he ever wanted, Logan was completely clueless to all forms of flirting and hints. For the smartest guy in the band Logan could sure be a dumb-ass sometimes.
There was a chance that somewhere down the road Kendall would notice and share Logan's feeling, then James was just being a horrible person for not letting what would happen happen. He told himself over and over again to just wait and let the cards fall where they lie, but it was easier said then done.
Like Logan felt with Kendall, James was staring to need some release. Someone to talk to, so he didn't attack Logan in a fit of pent-up sexual tension. He could talk to Carlos, but that boy was terrible at keeping secrets. With James' luck he would tell Carlos and then Carlos would accidentally let it slip, which could ruin everything before it had even been started. So he had to deal with it. Hide his desire away from prying eyes. Pretend he didn't feel that spark of jealousy when Kendall would carelessly throw his arm around Logan's shoulder. Pretend it didn't hurt like hell to see the smile Logan threw up at the taller boy, holding all the love his small form could muster. Pretend it wasn't Logan that had him in the bathroom for an extra thirty minutes, making sure his hair was absolutely perfect, but it was worth it if everything worked out. If James could have Logan forever and always.
A storm was approaching. Lightning ready to strike at a moments notice, never knowing who or where it would hit. It was a guessing game of love and faith, that you couldn't pin down or answer. The wind was picking up as they entered the storm, however ill prepared they maybe. There was no turning back no second guessing. James had made his decision and now, whatever the outcome, he had to live with either the happiness or sorrow that he had come to know. He was past the point of no return.
And there we have chapter uno! And just so you know, the title of this fic does have a meaning, which I will probably reveal in the last chapter because if I told everyone now it would give away WAY too much about how this will end, but feel free to speculate and theorize! It's a total nerd reference, but if you understand what it means then you are my new best friend! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Feel free to review!