Title: Abandonment

Rating: T. Nudity and sexual overtones, but no sex.

This takes off from when Nina wakes up the morning after her experience with Lily…I just wrote it a little differently.

I'm thinking of writing some more chapters to this… not in a linear-like fashion, but perhaps random one-shots following a story arc. Let me know what you think.


She was floating.

Not in the literal sense of the world, but in an otherworldly sort of way. There was no gravity. No gravity, no ground, no time…she was just floating above it all, free, chained by no person, object, or concept. She drifted in and out of awareness, always conscious, but to varying degrees…sometimes she felt a bed beneath her, sometimes she didn't. She always knew it was there, in her brain, at least, but it wasn't quite real. Nothing was real. Nothing was there. Her eyes were closed, but she knew even if she opened them, she wouldn't see anything. Not when she was floating this far away from the world, anyway. In the spaces that stretched every which way she turned her mind, there was nothing…nothing except Lily beside her. Not her body, but her warmth. Her steady breathing. Her heartbeat.

"Lily," she whispered softly, and she floated gently, timelessly toward the ground again. Her bed constructed beneath her, her pillow gently beneath her head and neck. Space returned. Time returned, as Nina became aware of the rising sun's rays enter through the window shades that also returned to existence. Finally, her body returned. She regained feeling in her lips, her throat, her eyes, her toes, and then she became aware of Lily's body resting tenderly in her arms. Nina cradled her for a moment, a minute, an eternity, and tried to soak up all she could of the girl. Lily stirred momentarily, letting free a sleepy, contented sound from her throat, before settling again. Is she awake? Nina could have sworn she nestled her forehead and nose a little more into the crook of her neck. Nina held her tighter, one arm snaking around her soft waist, the other protectively around her shoulders. Between her forearms, she observed the tattoo stretched across Lily's back. Feathers. Hadn't they been lily flowers before? Hadn't they only shifted to feathers in a moment of passion? She must have been mistaken. They had been wings all along.

"Lily," she whispered again. This time, Lily's small, firm body shifted on top of hers, sending jolts throughout Nina's whole body. Her movements were slow, tantalizingly slow…Nina couldn't breathe. This is what it's like. This is what it's like to not be alone. Slowly, Lily drew herself up so she was directly above Nina. Her eyes opened. Her hair cascaded over her right shoulder, the ends tickling Nina's shoulders. This is what it's like.

For a few heartbeats, Lily just looked into her eyes. Nina was breathless…paralyzed – in a good way. This was all new territory to Nina, but strangely, she wasn't scared. She didn't know why… it was Lily, of all people. Her rival, her adversary, her enemy. But for whatever reason, as she gazed into her differently shaded eyes, truly gazed, she was overcome with another feeling… Trust. Nina didn't know a lot about the world, she could admit that to herself…but she knew, knew with every fiber of her being, that she wanted nothing more at this moment in time than to be with Lily.

"Nina…" With a shallow breath, Lily smoothly lowered her body onto Nina's. She elegantly straddled Nina's hips. Her hand moved downwards. Nina tightened in expectancy, but Lily rested her palm onto the outside of her thigh, and then her fingertips. Lily looked down, admiring the curves of Nina's body, before sliding her hand up her thigh and up her torso, brushing the side of Nina's breast with her thumb. Finally, she rested her hand on Nina's neck. With a deliberately slow speed, Lily's face approached Nina's. With two fingertips, Lily rotated Nina's head slightly and continued moving closer, closer and closer, until her lips were almost touching Nina. Nina could feel her warm, seductive breath on her lips. She wanted to press her lips to Lily's, but she couldn't move.

Lily looked deep into Nina's eyes. "Tell me…" she whispered, just loudly enough so Nina could hear. "What do you want?"

Nina could see Lily, but slowly, the weight of her body lessened a feather. "I want…" Nina's voice trailed off. Lily was gone. Nina blinked again, and she reappeared. "No…"

"What…" Lily whispered again, with more aggression, "…do you want?"


Lily drifted away again, pulsed back, pulsed away, and Nina screwed her eyes shut, trying to keep the onslaught of tears from escaping.

"What…do you want?" Nina could see her, and then she couldn't…and then again, but her image got hazier and hazier. Her warmth drifted away.

"I…" Flicker. Flicker. Flicker. Nina desperately reached forward, hungry to touch Lily again, but she felt only the cold, unforgiving air. "Lily, please…" She felt the bed on both sides of her, then again the space she had just occupied. "No…no…" She felt the bed again. The tears broke loose. The convulsions of restrained sobs came. "I…God, Lily please…I just want to be loved!"

And then the flickering image of Lily was gone for good. There was silence, and there was Nina's staggered breathing. There was cold, and there was the burning pain in Nina's heart. There was emptiness, and there was Nina.

She was alone.

She collapsed her head and shoulders onto the pillow again, releasing the pained sobs she had been suppressing. She dug her nails into her thighs, into her stomach, wanting Lily's touch, needing it.

"She's gone…she's gone…" Nina shook her head, trying to fight against it, but kept repeating the words to herself. Why? Why did she have to leave her? Why couldn't she stay for just a little while longer, prolong the one moment of freedom and happiness she had ever really had?

When she lost the energy to cry, Nina rolled over, burying her face into the pillow. She lay limp.

Alone. That is what she was. Loved by no one, wanted by no one. What she had for a family was a mother who smothered her and controlled her every move, and what she had for a friend…well, she didn't have any. The one person who may have been her friend, she pushed away again and again, convincing herself that she was the enemy. All she had in her life for company was a hallucination.

"Lily…" she moaned into the pillow, one final weep until she became still again. She forced herself to breath, since her body no longer wanted to.

It had been manageable enough to be alone before last night. It had been manageable enough to be alone when that was all she knew. But after experiencing what it was like to have a lover, to give yourself over completely to a girl you trust, to a girl who cares about you… It made the absence that much more painful.

So Nina lay quietly on her bed, alone and broken. Her body no longer yearned for Lily; she knew too well she wouldn't come back. She had been abandoned by her own hallucinations.

"I just want to be loved…"