Title: Ever the Same
Rating: M, AH/OOC, Slash
Summary: Edward has had a very difficult week but, tonight, Jasper has plans to make him forget everything but their love and future together.
Slightly based on the song of the same title by Rob Thomas.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
I'm standing at the window of our room on the third floor of the hotel, watching for him. He'll be arriving shortly. I can almost feel him growing nearer. The ache in my heart was lessening with each mile he came closer to me. I sigh heavily, reaching my hand out, running my finger through the frost on the glass, I write his name. Edward.
I don't always wait for him like this, but it's been a bad week for him. He has come back here every night more withdrawn than the night before. He deals with a lot of people and is responsible for many issues, and, to be honest, he puts up with a lot of shit. It's all very draining for him even though he is exceptionally good at it all. Thank God he only has these meetings one week out of a year.
This week has been even harder on him than in past years. He's been having bad dreams and has scared me half to death when he awoke screaming and crying.
He says he is in a huge crowd of people and doesn't know anyone. None of his advisers or security are with him. He can read their minds, and they are taunting him, saying horrible things, calling him names. Then, the minds in the crowd become more violent. He hears them thinking that he's a disappointment and that he doesn't deserve to live. They begin to chant, "Worthless. Worthless. Worthless." As the crowd encloses around him, he sees that they are carrying knives. They begin to cut at him and he stands unable to scream as he watches the blood run down his arms and drip from his fingers. The blood swirls around his ankles, growing deeper as the crowd continues to slash at his body, until waves lick at his waist, and he begins to sway in the current of his own fluids.
He took three showers before he would go back to sleep that night. That was a week ago and it took me two days to get him to tell me about the dream. I don't have to be a mind reader to know that even his subconscious mind is uncomfortable with the lack of control he has over everything around him. He needs me to stabilize him and to ground him, I think to myself as I watch the street for him.
My Edward is a worrier and retreats within his own mind to punish himself. He pushes himself too hard with too many demands and too high expectations. The pressure is too much. Most of the time, Edward is an easy-going guy. He's smart and sweet and totally sexy. He gives me hope and fills me with happiness in a world where those things are hard to come by, and I am so in love with him. He worries about the stress he puts on me when his moods get the better of him; though I have assured him many times that he is no burden to me. I can't seem to get through to him that I want to be there for him. If he needs to fall, I want it to be on me.
The morning after his nightmare, Edward told me the company wanted him to head up a new office in Hong Kong for at least a year. We both know he has to go; he has worked really hard to get to this position within the company. He told me he felt horrible asking me to make such a sacrifice but asked if I would consider going with him—that he needs me.
He claims to know I love him, but after tonight he'll never doubt it, I tell myself.
I am determined to bring my sweet Edward back. Tonight, I plan to erase any doubts he has of himself. I want to make him forget everything but our love. I want him to remember how good we are together and that he doesn't always have to stand alone.
I am still standing at the window with my forehead leaning against the cold pane, drawing hearts around Edward's name, when I see the limo pull to a stop. I hurry to make sure everything is ready, even though I know it already is because I've checked three times, then hurry to the door to greet him.
Even after five years together, I can still feel the flutter of butterflies in my stomach whenever he is near. I still feel tingles up my spine and goosebumps prickling up along my flesh. When my knees wobble slightly and my heart gallops, I close my eyes and inhale, taking a moment to revel in how emotions so strong can make me feel so weak.
When he comes through the door, his shoulders are fallen forward and his head hangs low.
"Hey," he mutters quietly.
My poor Edward-carrying the weight of the world and the further gravity of my decision and what it will mean for him...us.
He sets his briefcase on the floor then mashes his hands into his pants' pockets and, if possible, slumps down even further. My heart breaks for him as he stands staring at his shoes.
"It's done Jasper. It's all up to you now. So...," he averts his eyes from me, not finishing his thought.
I know he assumes we will be discussing the question at hand, and of course, knowing Edward, he expects the answer to be negative, that he's asking too much. He thinks I don't love him as much as he does me. He's wrong.
I walk to him with carefully measured steps; slowly, one foot, pause, then another. I approach him cautiously like one would a scared animal. He has been pushed and shoved and his personal space intruded upon all week. I need him to understand that this is different. I am here for him and I am not demanding anything from him. I only wish to give to him, not take.
I step in front of him and stoop down to see his face. His cheeks are sunken in, his eyes hollow and swollen purple from restless sleep. Immediately, I am angry for allowing this to have continued to this point. I'm mad at myself, his job, and anyone else who ever made him feel stressed, inadequate, or embarrassed. Now, is not the time for that. He needs me to calm him, so I push it away and focus on my beautiful boy.
I don't touch him or force him to look at me. Instead, I speak softly, "Let me take care of you." After a pause, he nods once.
I raise my arms slowly, placing my hands on his chest and parting the material of his suit jacket. I push it gently down his arms. Then, step behind him and pull the coat the rest away off, freeing his arms and place the coat over the crook of my arm.
Standing before him again, I see that he had previously loosened his tie and undone the top two buttons allowing some coarse hair of his chest to show. Finishing the job he had begun, I pull the tie from his neck and lean in for a light kiss behind his ear.
Taking his wrist, I lead him to the chair in the corner of the room and motion for him to sit. After placing his coat and tie on the bed, I walk back to him and slide down to my knees. I lift his foot and slip his black leather dress shoe off and then his sock. Placing his foot back on the carpet, I lean in and place a soft kiss on the top of his foot. Repeating the gesture to the other foot, I then ran my hands up his legs from his ankles to his thighs watching his face for any sign of relaxing.
Seeing none, I stand, noticing how rigidly stiff he sits. I take his hand in mine, and he sighs deeply as I lead him to the bathroom. I had lit varying size candles in here not long before his arrival. The room is awash in a mellow glow and smells of cinnamon and vanilla. I run the shower and check the water temperature then tell him I'll give him a moment of privacy.
I go to the fridge and get us each a beer, remove the lids, and take deep breaths to calm myself before going back to him. When I re-enter the bathroom, the hot water from the shower has transferred the room into a steamy oasis. Edward is standing in front of the mirror hanging on the wall above the vanity; his hands are braced on the sides of the sink. He has removed his shirt. His black slacks are hanging open, unbuttoned and unzipped, the white waistband of his briefs visible. The sight of him takes my breath away. He is beautiful, stunning. But he is a disaster, anguished and disturbed.
Only I can make this better for him tonight.
Before my heart can shatter on the floor, I step behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. I press my cheek in the warm, soft space between his shoulder blades and squeeze him to me. I pull back slightly and begin to place soft kisses on his back as I trail my hands down his stomach lightly tease the hair around his navel with my fingertips.
Further down, I continue to explore where the dark hair disappears into his underwear. I hold lightly to his hip with one hand as I use the pad of one finger on my other hand to trace just under the wide elastic band of his underwear from one side to the other. Running my hands back to the center, I push my fingers under the waistband and continue, pushing the boxers far enough down to free his cock, but not any farther.
With my arms wrapped around him, I work him with both hands-stroking his cock slowly and circling my thumb around the tip as I massage his balls. He's semi-hard when I take him in my hand but quickly swelling. I rain kisses on his neck, shoulders and back as I study his reaction in the reflective glass.
"Watch yourself in the mirror, Edward," I tell him, as I pant. He hasn't touched me intimately but he never fails to turn me on. Touching him like this, knowing no one else ever will, it makes me excited in a way that no erotica I have ever seen or read could.
"Watch how beautiful you are when you come for me," I whisper in his ear and then bite down lightly on the lobe. His body sags back against me as he gives in to the sensations. It takes him a moment to meet my eyes in the mirror but when he does, his green eyes are blazing. The emotion I see there makes me gasp.
"Please," he begs. "I need this so bad. I need you."
"Sshhh. I know baby," I coo to him, as my fingers grasp his balls more firmly. I press my knuckle into the soft, sensitive space behind them and make long strokes with my hand on his cock, from base to tip, making sure to twist my hand at the head, just the way he likes it.
"Fall apart for me, love."
Edward's knuckles turn white as he holds more harshly to the vanity then, he lets out a guttural growl that comes from deep in his chest and his body vibrates as he releases. I slow my hand movements, knowing he will now be more sensitive, but I continue to stroke and fondle him to increase the pleasure of his orgasm.
When he's finished and able to stand on his own again, I use my thumbs to lift his boxer briefs back in place, then kneel and pull his slacks down his legs. I stand and remove my clothing, opting to leave my underwear on as well. I need to focus on Edward and I can only take so much temptation.
Opening the glass door, I step under the spray before pulling him to me. His face is more relaxed now and he is smiling slightly but I can see in his eyes that he is still guarded and I can't have that. I push him against the wall, pinning him with my hips. My eyes roam over as him, watching the spray of water bounce off his skin and flow down his body.
"Stay still," I command, the emotion coming forth in my voice.
Not taking my eyes from him, I reach behind me for the shampoo. Squeezing out a small amount in my hand, I sit the bottle back in its place, and then begin rubbing my hands together to work the liquid into a lather. He's watching me and his breath hitches as I reach for him. I shampoo his hair gently, massaging his scalp. I take my time, loving the moans and grunts of approval that leave his mouth.
I turn him and place us under the spray. Cupping the back of his head in my palm, I help him to lean back far enough to rinse his hair. I pulse my fingers and run through his locks as the suds flow down his neck and back.
"You're stunning," I tell him, and I am rewarded with a big, bright smile.
Turning him again, I lather my hands with the soap and take to exploring his entire body, worshipping him. Trailing my lips behind, I kiss everywhere my hands have cleaned. Up, down, and around, following the slopes and angles of his flesh.
I've seen sunsets that would bring tears to your eyes. I've seen the moon in all its phases, and shooting stars darting across the sky. I've gazed upon snow-capped mountains and meadows full of wildflowers, but I have never seen anything more amazing than Edward.
When I finish, I look up into his eyes and he is smirking at me. There's my Edward. I feel the smile spread across my face even as his arms spread around my waist. Slowly, he brings his lips to mine, inch by excruciating inch. Edward inhales deeply through his nose, breathing me in, and I do the same before allowing my eyes to flutter closed when I feel his soft mouth pressed against my own.
With gentle kisses, we reacquaint ourselves with a love that is uniquely our own, reconnecting with tender touches and soft words.
"Don't you ever doubt this love of mine," I tell him as my hands knead his back and my mouth suckles at his nipple.
"You're the only one for me," he whispers, lightly rubbing the stubble on his chin across my shoulder.
I know he has loosened up but I am in no way finished with him tonight. I loosen myself from his grip, turn off the water, and help him from the tub. Reaching for the fluffy blue towel on the rack, I dry his body with small circles. When I feel I have done a thorough job, I wrap him up in the towel and leave him in his wet undies standing in the middle of the floor. Grabbing another towel, I sling it over my shoulder and smile mischievously at him as I make my way out of the room.
Back in the bedroom, I hurry and dry my skin, rubbing the towel through my hair to soak up as much excess as possible then sling it over into the corner. Slipping quickly into fresh undergarments, I walk to the small kitchen area and bring back the food platter I had prepared earlier and two more beers that I place on the table by the bed. I turn the iPod on to some soft jazz and light a few candles.
I am just finishing when he steps out of the bathroom stark naked.
Touché, Mr. Cullen.
He makes no move to find any clothes, just watches for me for a moment, before crossing the room. He settles on the bed, reclining on the pillows stacked under his head. I sit beside him and begin feeding him and myself small bites of food.
The tray is filled with crackers, slices of ham and turkey, and cubes of cheddar cheese, olives and strawberries. I tell him random things about my day. We don't discuss his day. Not now. I want to keep the atmosphere light. So, I press an olive to his lips and give him a sip of beer. I kiss the corner of his mouth as I tell him about the dogs in the park, and the new Stephen King novel I am reading.
When the platter is empty, I sit it back on the table and encourage him to turn over and make himself comfortable. Edward complies immediately when I wave the massage oil at him that I pulled from the bedside table.
I massage his feet and legs, working out the tension, before ghosting my hands over the swell of his ass and sitting astride him. I rub small circles on his neck with my thumbs and whisper in his ear, "I want all of you Edward. Everything you see, hear, think, or feel, I want to share it. If you smile, I want to know why so I will be able to make you do it again. If you cry, I want to sit down beside you and cry as well because if you feel bad then I do too. We are one."
I place both of my hands palms down in the center of his lower back, and with firm pressure, I move up his spine around his shoulders and down his arms in one long motion. Edward sighs and moans. "We are one," he repeats. Working his sore, tense muscles, I repeat the motion over and over, expelling the bad energy from inside him and forcing it out through his fingertips.
I have him flip over, and I begin at his feet again while speaking softly to him.
"I know the most important things about you. Things no one else in the world can imagine. Would you like to hear what I know Edward?" I ask as I place kisses on the arch of his foot.
I kiss his ankle, flicking my tongue out to tease the skin there. "I love the lusty sounds you make in our bed."
I smile in appreciation when Edward moans loudly and his back arches off the bed. He is watching me, though, paying rapt attention, so I continue.
"You're strong and fearless, and I know that your inner beauty is even more magnificent than your outer beauty," I say as I bite down gently on the skin behind his knee. Edward's body jerks in response.
"I know that you smell like the ocean after a shower," I tell him, leaning down to press my nose in the course hair between his legs and inhale deeply, finishing with an, "Ahhh."
Edward chuckles and I look up quickly to enjoy the sight of his beaming smile.
"I know where to touch you that will make you scream my name in ecstasy," I say, my voice laced with the lust that is quickly overcoming me.
"I know where you are soft," I say, sucking on the skin at the top of his thigh, "and I know where you're hard." I breathe raggedly, reaching to fist his cock in my hand.
Edward's head falls back in the pillows, and he groans loudly before propping himself back up on his elbows and meeting my eyes.
I don't say anything but take one hand and slowly start to trace the veins in his cock from the base right up to the ridge. I let one finger dwell on the pre-cum that is there, smearing it around the head and down the shaft.
"Best of all, I know you taste just as good as you look, baby," I whisper and lean down to take him in my mouth.
He watches me as I lick around the head of his cock, pressing my tongue into the slit. There is so much love shining in his eyes, and I know he sees the same profound love in my own. He lifts his hand to my face and uses the back of one finger to lightly caress my cheek. Pulling away from his cock, I suckle his balls while he writhes beneath me, panting heavily.
Edward's cock swells even more, turning purplish-red around the head as I lave his testicles with my tongue. I watch as another drop of clear pre-cum leaks from his tip and I stop my ministrations momentarily to lick it up, humming with approval as I taste his unique flavor again.
Instead of returning to my previous endeavor, I continue down, biting lightly at the swell of his ass and then soothing it with my tongue before pressing my tongue flat against his opening. Edward bends his knees to give me better access, and I take the opportunity to penetrate his warmth.
"Oh God, please," he begs.
I remove my tongue and press a finger gently inside of him. I still for a moment as he adjusts, and then he begins pushing himself against my hand, swirling his hips as he moves. Knowing he is ready, I begin a steady rhythm, fucking him slow and deep.
I balance myself with one hand on the bed as I put my mouth back to his prominent erection. The skin of his cock is fleshy and generous, the smooth flesh of his head stretched tight and gleaming. I hold the base of his cock in my hand and slowly lick and kiss the underside of the base of his dick as I move in small increments toward the head. As I approach the sensitive area, I wet my lips and press them lightly against that spot.
Edward responds by letting out a long sigh while his hips rise off the bed. As I move my lips away, I lightly run my tongue around that concentration of nerves. He gasped and, encouraged by his reaction, I press my tongue flat against him and begin alternately licking and sucking the loose skin. His breath is shuddering as he moans loudly.
"Fuck!" Edward screams out, as I plunge my mouth down his length, taking all of him in, before swallowing and curling my finger inside of him. Sucking him harder now, moving my hand more quickly as he nears the end. He cursed profusely as his cock twitched in my mouth and his muscles spasm around my hand.
His hips buck wildly, driving himself down my throat and then he comes with a silent scream, his mouth wide open and his eyes rolling back. I swallow greedily and lick him clean as he floats down from his high.
He's still panting as I crawl up over him and press my weight against his warm body.
Reaching his arms around me and holding me tight as his body trembles from the intensity of his release, he whispers in my ear, "Jesus, I love you, Jasper."
And that makes it all worth it. I'd crawl through the desert on my hands and knees, hike to the top of Mt. Everest-anything-to hear him say those words.
"I love you too Edward," I whisper as I nuzzle into his neck.
"Jasper, I know I distrust a lot of things, but I want you to know there is no doubt in my mind that I belong with you," he says sincerely.
Rising up on my arms, I roll us on our sides, facing each other and use my pointer fingers to draw a heart on his face like I did on the window earlier tonight, beginning between his brows, up and around his eyes, and down the apples of his cheeks with my fingers meeting again on his chin. I see his smile shining through the dim light of the room.
"Edward, you're not going anywhere without me. I'm going with you to Hong Kong. You are my home."
"Really?" he asks, his smile radiant.
I kiss his eyes and whisper again that I love him.
His temples. Kiss.
"I love you."
His nose. Kiss.
"I love you."
The cleft in his chin. Kiss.
The dimple in his cheek. Kiss.
I kiss his face everywhere I can see and try make him feel my love.
He wants to reciprocate, but even as he tells me so his eyes are fluttering closed. I chuckle at him, telling him we have the rest of forever. We fall asleep wrapped up in each other dreaming about better days in the future and fantasizing about similar future nights because some things really should be the same forever.