The original version of this one-shot was written as a side-story to my friend's original character fanfiction Serendipity. The two main original characters are Amalia and Lucretia. In that story Lucretia is paired with Allen and that was what this story was about. But I found myself rather proud of it and wanted to share so I made some characterization changes and some name changes and it became a Lenalee and Allen story…cause I find them really cute and probably the closest thing to canon, right?
This story is my grudge against characters that won't follow their hearts because they think there's never time, or not a good enough reason. If you're fighting a war, or battle almost every single day of your life, and there's a chance the person you love most could die…why would you wait? Take the opportunities you have and treasure them. Because if they disappear you may at first be heartbroken by your loss, but you'll eventually remember all the happiness in the times you had together! –SIGH-
Rant over…read the story please!
The Moment I Said It
I stood outside of Allen's bedroom door and paced nervously. I wasn't exactly number one when to came to confessions, but this boy threw me for a loop. He was so different and so special that it was hard to keep my two feet on the ground when I was around him.
After taking a deep breath in, I quit my pacing and knocked loudly on his door. I hadn't seen Allen in weeks since he and I had both been on separate assignments. Looking for innocence, fighting Akuma, saving lives, all in the day's work for an exorcist I suppose. I shook my head to push those thoughts out of my mind when he opened his door for me. I smiled up at him brightly and that took him by surprise.
"Lenalee…" he said my name with some emotion I couldn't guess, lingering on his sweet voice. "What are you doing here?" the question had my smile falter as I searched for a reason without flat out telling him why.
"I heard you came home," I started, "and I really wanted to see you!" I beamed again. The words were the truth but the confident smile was phony and I hated faking. But I wasn't planning on hiding for long. I was only delaying the inevitable. Allen broke my thoughts with a nervous laugh.
"Hah, really?" he asked. "Well I probably would have seen you around Headquarters sooner or later anyway." When these words fell from his lips I could hear the feigned cheerfulness. So I wasn't the only one hiding things after all. Raising my gaze to meet his, I stared into his silver-gray eyes.
"Can I come in?" I asked quietly, refusing to pull my eyes away. "Please, Allen?" My heart ran has fast as a hummingbird's wings as I waited for him to answer. He was such a gentleman, and while that was one of the qualities I adored about him, it sometimes made it hard to be as open as I wanted to be. Of course, as of late Allen was treating me less and less politely, and while that sounds strange, I actually found it exciting and endearing.
"Sure," he said finally, after what seemed like ages. Allen moved to one side of the door to let me pass and my arm brushed up against his chest for one fleeting moment. I so wished at that instant, clothing hadn't been the only thing separating our skins from touching.
Stopping just a few feet in I listened as he shut the door behind me and the quiet thudding of his footsteps as he came up to me. Taking a quick breath in for confidence I turned around and smiled as warmly as I could.
"Come on now," his voice sounded strange as he asked this of me, "what's this about Lenalee?'" I looked down at Allen's hands, my mind rushing and knowing what that one glove covered beneath it. Moving quickly, I grabbed his hands in mine and laughed anxiously.
"I have something to say and I'm not sure how you'll take it." Looking back up into his soft eyes he looked at me uncertainly, not for his own sake but for mine. This was the Allen I knew. "Oh, don't look so sad. It's nothing bad."
"Then why won't I like it Lenalee?" he asked me, and this was a completely valid question. Of course I didn't know how he'd react, then again is anyone really sure when they confess something like this to another person?
I mumbled something aloud to myself and Allen gave me a puzzled look in his lack of comprehension. At his expression I genuinely laughed.
"I said I don't know how to say this." I explained and he nodded his head. I looked down at our joined hands and hoped that would be enough.
"I'm just going to tell you straightly, okay?" I asked and again he said nothing, simply nodded his head in understanding. "Just give me a minute to find my words."
The room grew quiet and the only thing I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears and our steady breathing. I glanced up at him and realized now that he gained another inch or two on me, loving the fact I got to see this boy become a young man. He was so handsome and brave and kind and I was just so, so in love with him it was getting hard to keep my thoughts straight.
"Do you like me?" I sputtered out awkwardly. I pulled my hands away from his and wished I could take back everything I just said. This was not how I wanted it to go; this was not how I wanted to tell him exactly what I thought of him.
"What?" he asked me in return, just as tensely. His face turned red and I didn't know if I should have taken it as a good sign. "Why would you ask me that?"
"Because if don't like me I don't think I could tell you this!" I told him honestly and I could feel the pink blush stain my cheeks. "Because I think it would hurt more, do you get it?" I hated how uncool I sounded right now. I was supposed to be a mature woman, but instead I looked like the little girl confessing to her first crush.
Hell, maybe I was…
I took a quick glance up at Allen and that bewildered face had been replaced by one of warmth and understanding. His smile cleared my head just enough for me to mumble an apology.
"Of course," he said instead, "I like you very, very much." He brushed his hand through his snow white hair and his eyes left mine. Though to be liked was wonderful, I was growing increasingly tried of being just a friend.
"I love you…" I barely even whispered without meeting Allen's eyes, "I love you so, so much." I said just a bit louder, still I wondered if it was even audible. To my words he shook his head.
"No," he said with a laugh, "you have to say it so I can hear you!" Hating the timid little girl who had seemed to possess me I grabbed his shirt pulled him closer to me.
"Let me show you then." Reaching up I let my lips touch his. Allen's taste was sweet, almost like honey but held some spice as if his flavor was some secret recipe. Whatever it was I only wanted more of it as I released my hands from his shirt and brought them around his neck, forcing him closer to me. My heart ran wild when I felt him answer my kiss with his own. His arms that had remained still up until then had found their way around me as we embraced each other, refusing to let go.
Finally, I pulled away to catch my breath and stared into those intense eyes. I saw so many emotions flash through them as we searched one another's faces. Question, wonder, longing, and lust…
"Do you understand?" I asked as I hid my face in his shoulder. "I love you, I love you Allen!" My voice was muffled in his white collared shirt and I let my arms drop from his neck.
My entire body tensed when I felt Allen's arms uncoil but his hands remained on my back, slowly moving until they found my face so he could pull it out of its hiding. He wanted me to look at him.
"Say it clearly Lenalee," he told me seriously. His eyes narrowing in a way I had never seen before.
"I love you," I told him without even hesitating. It didn't make a difference anymore.
Allen was quiet for a moment and I knew he was racking his brain to find the perfect words. I knew he kissed me back and that he wouldn't have if he had felt nothing for me. But the name for his feelings seemed so mysterious.
"I…" he stalled, but my eyes stared deeply into his, silently begging him to finish. "I love you too, Lenalee," he told me with determination he had been lacking before, that I myself had been lacking before. "But I'm not sure what to do; I dunno how to handle this…" I felt like he had more to say but I silenced him, covering his mouth with my hand.
"I'm not asking for forever, as an exorcist that's something neither of us can give. All I want is you, right now, in this very moment." I pulled my hand away and watched as his face fell into knowing. "Because that's all we have…"
We were quiet for a moment. His hands still cupped my face and mine had fallen to my sides. We just stood in the silence, knowing what we wanted next but not sure how to get there.
"I've never done this before." He admitted with a blush and I told him the exact same thing. We were both unsure, and awkward, and innocent. But I wanted to know him in every sense of the word. And I wanted him to know me.
I raised my hands to the collar of my black jacket and began to pull the buttons apart until it was completely undone. I removed it slowly and tossed it somewhere on the floor. The sudden feel of the cold air on my bare arms gave me goose bumps but I ignored them as I took his hands and began to remove his gloves.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked quietly but did nothing to stop me as I tossed his gloves aside and moved on to his button down shirt. I kept my eyes focused on each of the small clasps.
"All we have is now," I explained again, as I unclasped the last button and moved my hands inside his open shirt. I let my fingers run over the contours of his toned chest and he helped me remove the clothing from his back. "Tomorrow I could go on assignment, and you may never see me again." It was the truth. In this job death was something we faced constantly, like a red printed guarantee. "I'm not going to live my life wondering what could have been!" I looked up forcefully and this time it was he who found my lips first. The intensity of this kiss was multiplied ten times of what it had been before. My head was spinning and I didn't think I'd be able to stand. Like he knew exactly what I was thinking, his hands pulled me to him and held me there. He too, fully understood exactly what I was talking about.
Without pulling away we moved clumsily towards his bed until my back hit the mattress. As he kissed me I let my hands explore his body again. He was so solid and strong and I felt like if he wanted he could break me in half. But while I let my hands run wild, Allen gently placed one hand on my hip and let his other keep himself steady above me.
Pulling away from his lips I brought my legs, which had been dangling over the side of the bed, on to the comforter. He took a nervous breath in before he climbed on top of me, straddling me with his legs. For a moment we were frozen, this was really going to happen and I realized how badly I had wanted it all along.
Sitting up slowly, I grabbed the bottom hem of my tank top and began to pull it up over my head. My vision turned black for a second as the cloth passed over my eyes before the fabric hung loosely from my hand. I dropped it to his floor and felt somewhat proud that now we both were shirtless.
He stared at my breasts for only a moment yet I found myself uneasy in his gaze. Moving my hands I covered my chest and found a spot on the bed that was much easier to look at than his eyes.
"I'm sorry." I muttered out quietly, thinking that I needed to. Looking over quickly, Allen gave me an intense look of shock and anger. And while my heart hurt from the stare it also made me feel rather moist. If it were anywhere else I don't think I would even have noticed it.
"Why are you apologizing?" he asked with a rough voice as he moved in closer and let his lips trail from my collar bone to the tip of my breast. I felt him bite the nipple gently before he peered back up at me. "You are so beautiful." The words almost made me want to cry, mostly because I had never thought I'd get to hear him say it like that. Without thinking I brushed his bangs away and kissed the star shaped mark on his forehead.
"I love your white hair," I told him in whispers as I showered his face with butterfly kisses. "And I love your eyes and your kindness…" I could have gone on forever, senselessly naming every little detail that made me love him. But he silenced me with his lips and that was fine by me. Letting him lower me back on the bed I reached down and grasped tightly on to his pants. Smirking and inwardly thinking that they were on far too long.
Quickly I undid the top button and like he was answering my silent request he helped me take them off the rest of the way. Not a moment later my red skirt too had been tossed aside and both of us were down to nothing but our under garments. Despite the chill in the room my breathing was labored with excitement and I could feel sweat begin to dot my forehead. I wondered how hot I would feel when he would push inside me…wondered if I would I burn up and melt away.
My thoughts grew fuzzy as I felt his fingers reach inside of my underwear and touched my aching entrance. A sound I had never made before escaped my mouth and Allen looked up at me, startled at first he grinned as he then proceeded to gently move one of his fingers inside. My back arched unnaturally with a sharp pain. I knew it was going to hurt, but this was probably the calm before the storm. Peering down at him, I could see his penis erected beneath his underwear.
"Don't waste time…" I breathed out, finding myself liking the feel of his prodding fingers more and more. "I know what you need Allen…please, please!" His eyes met mine and in that one instant I didn't need to tell him anything else. He knew every word. I wanted to be his because who knows when we'll ever get another opportunity to be together again. We couldn't hold anything to chance, we had to live for the now and just keep going.
Allen said nothing as he slid my panties down my legs and left me lying on his bed, naked and waiting. I watched as he threw them off to the side and after I helped him remove his he did the exact same. There was no more waiting anymore, no reason for it.
Closing my eyes tight I waited and felt the tip of him begin to go inside. It felt nothing like his fingers and I suddenly found myself wanting to scream, or to cry, or anything to make it past the pain. Allen, realizing the hurt he was causing, stopped and kissed the tears that began sneaking out from the corner of my eyes.
"I can stop," he said with heavy breath, his lips by my ear as he kissed it softly, making his way towards my neck. Finding a spot he liked, he stopped and kissed it roughly and I knew he'd leave a mark. Trying to shake away the distractions, I shook my head wildly. I didn't want him to stop, I knew this wasn't a fairy tale and it wasn't all going to feel like magic. I knew it was going to hurt and that I would have to hope that my patience would be rewarded.
"No, don't stop. Please?" I reached out and touched his face as he pulled away; bringing his lips to meet mine. I knew he was only thinking about me, trying to always put others before himself. But this wasn't just for Allen it was for the both of us.
Obeying my words he kept going, getting faster until the pain melted into some type of satisfaction I wasn't sure I had ever felt before. But at the same time it was hot, so very hot and I was sure any moment I was going to burst into flames. But the heat too became something that felt so good it sent the warmth straight to my heart.
When the heat and pain and ecstasy all mixed into one I knew I had reached my climax, that this was the moment where Allen and I became one being. I opened my eyes and cried out happily at his smiling face looking down on me.
"I love you…" I sighed and I wondered if he had heard me, if I had been able to get the words out. But apparently he had because he kissed me again and told me he loved me over and over until he gently pulled out and fell beside me on the bed. Our foreheads were pressed into one another and our heavy breathing mingled after the exercise. We lay there in silence for a moment, trying to bring ourselves back down to earth.
"Now I'm yours." I told him simply with a smile. My body ached all over but it was a feeling I could deal with. Despite it I sat up and pulled on the cover of his bed, wanting to crawl inside. He laughed as he moved and got in right along with me. I cuddled up into him knowing that this man was mine for as long as I could have him.
"Does that mean I'm yours too, Lenalee?" He asked after a moment, running his hand through my damp, dark, mess of hair.
I looked up for a moment and kissed his chin before burying my head into the crook of his neck.
"For right now, for as long as we can…we belong to each other." I closed my eyes and let sleep take me while I was wrapped up safe in his arms. At that moment, we weren't exorcists; and we weren't fighting for the greater good…
It was just one moment in a long span of time. He was Allen and I was Lenalee and that was all that mattered.