Some Random: What can I say, there's been a little bit of self-inserting going on here for KotOR and I got inspired to have a crack at it myself. As said in the summary, CpunchMaster is where the inspiration came from, so kudos to you guys for starting the train rolling in my little brain.

And besides, can't let the boys have all the fun, right? :P Title kinda sucks I know, I might think of something a bit better later, who knows. Really this first chapter is a test to see if I do any good. So, here goes!


KotOR Misadventures

Chapter One - The Insanity Begins...

"Gosh darn it!" I nearly flung the controller away in sheer frustration. "And I was so close too! Damn challenge, why does thee berate me so?"

Stretching out in my chair, I stared ahead at the TV, currently displaying the challenge screen for Force Unleashed 2, and then yawned. As games go it's not bad, but short, even if now I was only persevering with it for the sake of achievements/extras. Joys of an Xbox 360.

'Two challenges left to finish on Gold for that achievement, though at this rate that's gonna take forever. Maybe I should have played AC: Brotherhood instead...'

I sighed, putting the controller down and taking a peek outside. Still raining on and off, even though I couldn't see it well, I could certainly hear it.

'You'd think after that flood, we'd be able to have a break from the wet weather, but it seems Mother Nature isn't done yet...'

At least it wasn't as bad as it had been earlier on, where I couldn't even get out the front door without getting wet. Okay, slight exaggeration but if it's bad enough that half of Brisbane or so got flooded and all that, well, I can say my front yard technically became a swamp all I like.

I sighed again for good measure, blowing a few stray strands of hair out of my face. Feeling somewhat unenthused towards continuing to attempt those challenges, I contemplated on what to play next.

'Face it girl, you've finished half the games you've got anyway, half of them you're only replaying cause they were worth it or only for achievements.'

I looked over at my poor little computer, doing little more then playing some of my music through Media Player. Maybe I could play something on that? Though the graphics card was weirding out on me so I couldn't play half the games I'd want to.

'Though it wouldn't be too bad to play one of those old Tomb Raiders, just for kicks, with all that cheating I'm doing. Or one of the KotOR's, well, the one that works at the moment. Haven't played them in ages.'

I smirked to myself, thinking of Tomb Raider and blowing up squarish, pixellated, monkeys with a rocket launcher. Strange sounding I know and quite frankly overkill, but why cheat and not have fun at the same time? Defeats the purpose of cheating in the first place if you don't do something for kicks, in my opinion.

Turning off the Xbox, I stood, stretched and was just about to walk over to my computer when I heard something. Just. It had been so darn quiet I was certain I was hallucinating things, until I heard it again.

'What the hell?' I didn't dare say that out loud, in case whatever it was sounded off again and I missed it. And...yep, there it goes again. Guess I'm not hallucinating. It wasn't a sound like I thought, more of a whisper. A thready whisper, barely audible. Pausing my music, I listened for it again, determined to find out just what was going on.


Ah ha! There! I turned around, listening for it come again.


Hm, well that was weird. I moved carefully forward, and hearing the whispers get slightly louder, decided to keep going. One step at a time.

"...can hide...dark...but...tainted..."

"Whatever this is, it doesn't make any sense..." I muttered, moving from the front room into my bedroom.


The sound seemed to be coming from my room and I moved to take a step forward before I stopped myself.

'Wait just one little minute there missy...'

The voices, cause there was more then one whispering this weird shit, almost seemed to want me to walk into my room. And that had a cold shiver running down my spine.

'I've either been playing way too much Fable 3, or this is something creepy beyond measure...'

I stood still in the doorway, just waiting and listening, hearing the voices continue whispering.

'When you think about it, it's almost like...almost like they're not in just in front of me but...'

The lights shorted out just as I turned to walk out of the doorway, facing back into the front room.

"Crap." I swore under my breath.

"You will walk...can hide from the"

"Double crap." The voices were louder and I felt my heart rate pick up. Even the hairs on my arms were standing on end but I didn't need that to tell me something wasn't right. I just knew.

'Really starting to get a Crawler and the Children type feel outta this right now...'

I ran my tongue over my dry lips, backing up slowly and trying to see through the dark. By now it didn't matter which way I went, whatever it was in here had me now.

'Fan-fucking-tastic...and what the hell was that!' Something had brushed against my back in the dark and I went extremely still, the only sounds in the room my breathing and the insistent whispering voices.

"You will walk with us...can hide from the dark, slave"

My fists clenched. 'This isn't happening...this isn't happening...this isn'thappening...'

Unfortunately for me, in the dark you can't see any of the random stuff I have scattered on the floor in my bedroom. Meaning one minute I'm more scared then I've ever been before, taking one last retreating step and the next my foot catches on something lying on the floor, leaving me airborne. Last thing I feel is said floor and everything goes black.

Sorry, blacker.


'Ouch, my freakin' head. If I wake up on some slab in some kind of lab then this is seriously going to be a Chronicles-esque dream sequence and I'm man...'

Slab might not be far off, as whatever I was lying on was both hard and cold. And that just sounds wrong now that I think about it.

'Couldn't just pass out on carpet now could I? Nice, soft, comfortable carpet...but noooooo...'

My eyes flickered open, only to be greeted with not the slab in my imagination but a...metal floor?


Sitting up slowly, with some degree of head spinning, I wasn't all that surprised to find I had no idea where I was (some corridor?) and it certainly wasn't Kansas anymore. Er, Australia. As far as unconscious hallucinations go, this one wasn't being very interesting so far. Unless this is one of those creepy ones and an army of zombies are going to come shambling around the corner...on second thought, I'm happy with how things are.

Having come to such conclusions it seemed the best thing to do would be...well, find out just where here was and what the hell was going on. Oh, and not run into any zombies.

'Smartest move you've made yet, girl. Play along until we wake up, good plan.' I mean, I was going to wake up at some point, right?

"Hey kid!" A gruff (well, pensioner sounding gruff I guess) voice grumbled loudly at me and I looked up to see who it was. Surprise, surprise, it was a somewhat grumpy looking old man holding what looked like a broom.

'The cleaner?'

"Stop lazing about on the floor, I just cleaned them ya know!" he snapped and I frowned.

'Yup, definitely the cleaner.'

"Oi I'll pass out and wake up where I bloody well like old man." I grumbled, "And I was just about to move too!" Okay, that last bit was kinda a lie. Moving was next on the agenda once I could look at the room without it being a little wavy. Though, things were getting better.

He didn't look pleased with my back chatting. "Kids these days! No manners, just like them darn Sith!"

I'd just opened my mouth to complain that a nineteen turning twenty (somewhere along the line) year old like myself could hardly be a "kid" when the last word registered.

'Sith? What the hell? Did I hit my head harder then I thought?'

"Sith?" I echoed, dumbstruck.

"You're an offworlder, I can tell just by lookin' at ya. But even you'd have to know Taris is under Sith quarantine.'

"Taris? Sith quarantine?" I'll admit I probably sounded like a total idiot but the whole thing was unbelievable. I mean, Taris? From the 1st KotOR, gets blown up by Malak, Taris? You had to be kidding me.

The old cleaner was looking at me like I'd been dropped on the head as a child. Of course, the goldfish imitation I'd adopted after that last line of his probably didn't help.

'Great, now he figures I'm some kind of simpleton. Smooth...'

Clearing my throat, I pulled a more serious expression. If this situation was as crazy as I thought it was, I didn't need to add to it with my own brand of stupidity.

"Sorry, memory can be a little strange sometimes, you know how it is. Where are we again and what's this about Sith quarantine?"

'I can't believe I just said that...'

Thankfully, now he seemed to take me a little more seriously. Even if it was only a little.

"You're stuck on Taris like the rest of the offworlders kid." He said. I stopped myself from scowling, barely. "Quarantined the whole planet they did. No one comes or goes without Sith say so these days."

'Not strictlytrue, an amnesiac Revan manages to find their way off just fine...' I kept those musing to myself. "Right..."

"Bein' an offworlder though, you should already know that."

I tried my best not to look too sheepish. "Heh, right. Anyway, it's been great talking, but I gotta skedaddle." I clambered to my feet, trying not to sway too much from standing up so fast.

"And I gotta clean that section of floor again..." Was he glaring at me? Was he glaring at me? Geez! It's not like I chose to pass out there old man!

"Eh he, he..." I smiled sheepishly. "See ya."

And left it at that.


The door hissed open, but my mind was too busy wandering to take much notice of the automatic doors and I headed out onto the street.

'This can't be right.' I thought, wandering aimlessly. 'There's simply no way I can be on Taris. It's just not possible.'

Then again, the whole passing out/hallucination thing did lead credit to the idea that I was simply imagining all of this, half-conscious on my bedroom floor.

'Reminds me too much of that show I once watched, about the guy in a coma that get transported to the 80's or something. Life on Mars, I think it was called...'

But I wasn't in a coma, or even dying like what happened to that chick in the sequel Ashes to Ashes. I was just unconscious. Or at least I thought I was.

'What if...What if those weird voices had anything to do with this? Like the blackout bit was triggered by some weird supernatural force while it whispers nothings to me and knocking myself out by being a clutz was actually the means of transporting me here? I've read fanfics that made less sense plot wise then that.'

I stopped and looked at my hand, an idea occurring to me.

'Let's see, in the movies when a weird situation like this occurs, the heroine usually pinches herself to see if it's a dream. Not that I believe everything in movies is true, cause it ain't, but it's the only thing I can think of right now.' I stared at my hand a little more. 'Although...pinching never seems to work, so what if I go one step further?'

That was it. But I'd have to do it quickly otherwise I'd wimp out and it wouldn't work. Which also meant I couldn't brace myself, it had to be spontaneous. Right.

I lowered my hand and took a cursory look at my surroundings, taking in the city around me. Half of me was almost tempted to walk up to someone and poke them to see if they'd just dissolve into pixels. A very strange half of me I'll admit, but half of me none the less. The buildings, while like out of the game, seemed bigger and much more detailed. And I didn't remember there being that many of them. Or that many people out on the street either.

'Looks real enough, but you can never tell.'

Tilting my head slightly, I watched people mill past, a few seconds of almost silence passing before...


...I slapped myself in the face.

"Aw geez...owww..." I rubbed my cheek. "That stung more then expected."

Everything else, however, remained the same. Well, there were a few bystanders looking at me strangely but apart from that I was (apparently) still on Taris.

"Okay, that didn't work..." I muttered, cheek still stinging from the slap. "Which means this calls for a Plan B..."

But, surprise surprise, I didn't have one. Well, apart from hunting for Revan, his/her fake identity not with standing, and getting the hell off of Taris before Malak blows it to pieces. Dream sequence or no dream sequence, I'm not dying either way.

Problem was, I had no idea where to start.



Some Random: And I think I'll end it there. Don't know how good it is and I keep feeling all paranoid that I'm copying someone, which just makes it all worse. Just so you know, the "Chronicles" mentioned is Chronicles of Eternal War a non-fandom story of my own that I'm in the middle of writing so it's perfectly normal to not understand that. For disclaimer sakes, I pretty much don't own squat in this, except for myself. And by the way, I'm not that much of a total spaz, I just spiced it up for the humour benefits. Our dear protagonist does calm down, don't worry.

Favourites and alerts are just as good, but reviews take the cake for dispelling my avid procrastination. Reviews spur on more chapters, especially good reviews, so if you want more misadventures, hop to it!