Happy birthday Brooky! Hope you like this!

"So uh…why exactly am I here?" Jeff asked as he followed James (who was dragging a whining and protesting Phil alongside him) into the store. He had been looking to surprise Cooper by coming home earlier than he was supposed to but when he had gotten there he had found that Cooper wasn't home at all. He had taken Connor to the park so the younger man could hopefully run out the wild hair he had up his ass today. Now Jeff had wanted to either wait and surprise Cooper when he got home or go to the park and surprise him but James wasn't about to have any of that. He had come in, announced that he needed to go somewhere and then grabbed Jeff and Phil and forced them to come along with him. Phil had whined and protested but it hadn't done a bit of good. James wanted them with him for whatever reason and with him they were going to be.

"Because I feel like a pervert every time I walk in here without anyone else," James answered. The store they were at was a sex toy one and Jeff felt really awkward because he was sure that the guy running the cash register recognized him and Phil. Great, that's just what I need. Awkward questions from fans.

"Well you are a pervert," Phil declared. "So-OWWW!" James had just pinched him on the back of the neck. "That hurt!"

"Aw suck it up Princess," James said, pinching Phil once more for good measure. "You really should be thanking me you know. I'm here to help you and Jeff."

"Oh yeah?" Jeff had to raise his eyebrows at that. "And why do you say that?"

"I'm here to help you with your sex life and keep Phil from having one." James looked like a giant size little kid he was so giddy about this. "See, Punky and Crispy consummating their love is gross and disgusting because they're gross and disgusting. But you Jeffrey Nero, are dating my Cooper and doing this will not only help you but freak him out which is always fun to do."

Jeff's entire face twitched as he took all of that in. "Wow…yeah I'm not sure how I feel about this." He didn't even know what else to say. People said Matt was overbearing but at least he never tried to help out in the sex department. "Mine and Cooper's sex life doesn't need-"

"Oooh stripper pole!" James said, totally not even listening to a word Jeff was trying to say. "Fucking perfect! We're getting it."

"And where exactly are we going to be putting it?" Phil asked as he gave James the evil eye as he grabbed the box for the pole.

"Jeff and Cooper's room," James answered without missing a beat.

"Wait what?" Jeff said incredulously. "James come on-"

"You need a stripper pole Jeffey boy. You're my favorite twinky dink and you've gotta make Cooper dance for you. It's only fair considering all that you probably do for him."

Jeff did had to admit that that sound fair but he already found a hole in James's logic. "But my "twinky dink" status is going to be why I'll be dancing on that pole and not him. Look at me! I scream slutty dancer! Why do you think people write me fucking everyone in fanfics? They think I'm the Kelly Kelly of the male locker room!"

"So wait, we all think you have herpes?" Phil asked. "OWWW!" That comment got him smacked by both James and Jeff. "Abuse! I'm being abused please someone help me!"

He was ignored of course. The only person who ever listened to his cries for help were Glenn and he wasn't even there so Phil was just fucked.

"Look, you might not realize it, but he is whipped by you," James said as he led the two smaller men to the counter so he could pay for the pole. "You'll get him on the pole one way or another. Just trust me. I know what I'm talking about."

"I am NEVER taking you anywhere again," Cooper growled at Connor as he changed out of his muddy clothes. They had just gotten back from the park and Cooper was absolutely furious that Connor had not only somehow busted a fire hydrant the two seconds he had looked away to tie his shoe, but that his little brother had tackled him into the muddy mess that was made and got him absolutely filthy. "Not ever! What the fuck were you thinking? I should fucking strangle you!"

"No you shouldn't Coopy," Connor said in that fake little innocent voice of his. He was busy digging around under his bed for something and if Cooper wasn't so angry he would have realized he needed to find out what it was before Connor got his hands on it. "I like not being strangled. It feels nice."

"Yeah well I don't give a rat's ass what feels nice to you right now," Cooper grumbled. His muddy clothes were all in a pile on the floor now and he was standing only in his boxers. "Fucking little brat-AHHHH! WHAT THE HELL?" Something cold was being poured all over him and when he turned around to see what it was, it turned out to be baby oil of all things. "Where in the blue hell did you get that?" he asked as he knocked it out of Connor's hand.

"I stole it from Randy," Connor said. He giggled manically until Cooper tried to grab him. Then he shrieked and bolted from the room, nearly running over Jeff as he tried to come in.

"Jeff?" Cooper said, his eyes widening right up at the sight of his boyfriend. He immediately forgot about killing Connor (for the moment anyway) and grabbed the smaller man by the waistband of the jeans and pulled him in for a kiss. "What are you doing here? I thought-"

"I got done early," Jeff replied, laughing as he kissed Cooper back. He didn't even seem to care that his clothes were now being covered in baby oil too now. "I gotta say I like this look on you. If you ditched the boxers it would be even better."

Cooper grinned. "You think so?" He started trying to do just that but Jeff suddenly stopped him and shook his head. "What?" he asked in confusion. "You just said-"

"I want to show you something," Jeff said, grabbing Cooper's hand and led him out of Connor's room and took him back to their room, where a stripper pole was now set up inside of it.

"Whoa," Cooper said, definitely not expecting that. He couldn't help but grin at it though. "So you're going to dance for me then? Cuz I gotta say I like-"

"Actually…I want you to dance on it," Jeff informed him.

Cooper immediately began to laugh because he really thought that Jeff was joking. But then he caught the pout that immediately followed that laugh and realized that his lover was serious about it. "Jeff…I love you babe but you know I don't dance. And if I did, I wouldn't be on the pole."

Jeff pouted even more and gave Cooper quite the annoyed look. "Oh so I always have to be on the pole? I'm the bottom in this equation so that just means I should just hop on this pole and shake my shit. Is that how it is?"

"Well…yeah?"

Wrong answer. Jeff huffed and smacked him on the chest really hard and stormed out, slamming the door shut behind him as he went. "Crap," Cooper said with a wince. "That's not good."

By the time dinner rolled around Jeff was not speaking to Cooper at all and it was not setting well with him at all. All through the meal Cooper tried to get Jeff to talk to him but it was all to no avail. Jeff just ate as fast as he possibly could and then went upstairs, leaving Cooper to get up and go brood in the kitchen. He didn't get to do so for very long though. James was quick to follow him in so they could talk. "You really should have just danced for him," he said, opening drawers and messing around with the stuff inside of it just because he couldn't ever not mess with shit.

Cooper sighed loudly. "He told you?"

"He didn't have to. I got the stripper pole for you and-"

"You bought us a stripper pole?" Cooper said incredulously. He shook his head. "Dad! What the hell?"

"Well Mark and I are on the rocks again so-"

"So you're going to interfere with my sex life?"

"I was trying to help!"

"Your help has made my boyfriend not talk to me!"

"No, you're stubborness did that," James corrected. "You should have just danced for him. I mean fuck, are you too good to dance on a pole? I've danced on one a few times myself. It's not that bad."

Cooper twitched and gagged upon hearing that. "I'm going to pretend that you never said that." He could not even begin to think about that, even though the image was doing its best to get in his head and scar him for life."

James smirked and put his hand on Cooper's shoulder. "Just dance for him. Believe me, it's easier to just give in." He let Cooper go and went back to the table to eat, leaving Cooper by himself once again. "Fuck," he said under his breath. He almost went to go find Jeff and try to talk to him but deep down, he knew that that wasn't going to do the trick. If Jeff really wanted him to dance on that damn pole then he was going to have to dance. There wasn't going to be any getting around it.

Fuck I'm going to need some help with this…

Jeff sighed as he flipped through his magazine. He couldn't concentrate on it no matter how hard he tried. He was trying to pout and not talk his way into getting what he wanted but the bad thing was, he was doing it on the one person he didn't like doing it to. On anyone else he could do it to for weeks on in with no problem but not Cooper. No, Cooper had to go and be the damn exception. Stupid Cooper. He loved him but he didn't like that it was hard to ignore him like this. He was fighting the urge to go downstairs and finally just talk to him again and he was losing against it. "Oh fuck it," he muttered, tossing the magazine down and starting to get up when Cooper came stumbling in, surprisingly quite wasted. "Cooper?" Jeff said slowly, shaking his head slowly at his boyfriend. "What-"

"Jeff!" Cooper said gleefully, kicking the door shut behind him and stripping himself of his shirt.

"Cooper have you been drinking?" Totally obvious question right now but he wanted it to hear it straight from the drunk's mouth.

"Yesssss," Cooper said. "But it's okay. It's okay." He stumbled over to the pole and grabbed it with both hands. "I decided to be good and dance for you."

Jeff wanted to be excited about that but whatever Cooper had drank had hit him like a semi-truck and the last place he really needed to be was on a pole. "Cooper you know, maybe we should wait until-oh boy." Cooper was circling the pole while grinding against it like he was giving it a lap dance. "Wow. That's…wow."

Cooper grinned cockily. "See? Told you I could do it." To further prove his point, he attempted to jump up so he could hang off the pole upside down but that was when the alcohol really hit him and he ended up falling directly on his head.

"Cooper!" Jeff sprang up to his feet and knelt down at the younger man's side. "Oh fuck, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Cooper said, getting right back up to his feet. "See? I feel great. He tried to go back on the pole but Jeff quickly pushed him down on the bed.

"Oh no no no. You're not getting on that shit again."

"But why?" Cooper tried to get up once again and Jeff had to climb on top of him to get him to stay down. "You want me to dance and I wanna dance! I like dancing."

"Then we'll do our own dance," Jeff said, wanting to check on Cooper's neck but knowing there was no way that he would get to do so while Cooper was so wound up and intoxicated. He was going to have to wear him out and then have him sleep it all off first.

Cooper blinked and tried to say something but Jeff quickly cut him off with a kiss. Cooper's breath reeked of alcohol and his kisses were so beyond sloppy but Jeff didn't care. He just delved his tongue into Cooper's mouth and worked on stripping the both of them of the rest of their clothes off because all Cooper seemed to be able to do was shamelessly grind up against him. "You're so damn touchy feely when you're drunk," Jeff commented as he tossed their clothes to the floor.

"Mmmhmmm." Cooper placed both of his hands on Jeff's hips and thrusted into him without any kind of warning. Jeff's eyes widened and he moaned at the sudden invasion. Usually at least some prepping was necessary so he could avoid not being able to sit right the next morning but tonight he wasn't going to get that. So he decided to just go with it and he attempted to pin Cooper's hands down above his head but quickly found the tables being turned against him and he was the one pinned down on the bed.

"Not that drunk," Cooper slurred out, keeping Jeff's wrists good and pinned down as he began to thrust harshly.

"Asshole," Jeff said, although he really didn't mean that at all. He loved it when Cooper pinned him down and fucked him hard. He did it way too well to not love it. "Fuck!" he moaned, feeling Cooper's cock stabbing his prostate over and over again. "Fuck fuck fuck!" He wrapped his legs around Cooper's waist and dug his nails into his back, which just spurred Cooper on to fuck him even harder. "Cooper!" He bit down on his lover's neck so hard he drew blood and he quickly kissed and licked the wound.

Cooper just moaned, too drunk to even begin to talk. One of his hands did go down to Jeff's cock and began to stroke it. Jeff moaned and arched into his hand, cumming all over it once he felt Cooper's seed splashing inside of him. "Oh fuck," he said, panting for breath as Cooper collapsed on top of him. "That-" he stopped and groaned when he realized Cooper had actually just passed out. "Not again." He tried to push Cooper off of him but he wasn't going anywhere. Jeff was officially stuck. He thought about trying again or waking Cooper up to make him move or even calling for help but in the end he decided to just stay the way he was in. In the morning Cooper would feel bad about "smothering" him and then he could guilt trip him into doing a proper dance on the pole.

"You really should have just danced earlier when I told you I wanted you to," he said as he kissed Cooper's hair. "You should have known I would get you to do it one way or another. I always win-always."