A/N: I should totally be going to bed right now. But I've had this idea in my head for eons, and I started writing this forever ago and picked it back up again recently and finished it. This has got to be one of the more angsty, dark cannonly possible fics that I've written. Do I think this will ever happen in the games? No. Could it really? Yeah. Like I said, the idea has been in my head forever.
Oneshot. Sorta SoraKairiRoxas...but not really. You'll see. Post KH2
He can feel her blue eyes on him, and he can't bring himself to meet them.
She hasn't stopped staring at him since it happened. Not that he can blame her. She has every right to be freaked out, he'd be feeling fairly freaked out himself…
… if he could feel anything.
He understands now what the other Organization members meant when they said they could feel but they couldn't. The ghost of emotion: he understands it now.
"I saved you before," she says softly beside him, "Maybe-"
"Kairi," he says, perhaps too harshly, but he hadn't meant to sound that way, "This is different. You saved me before because you released my heart; this time…it's already gone."
He hears her strangled breath. "But, Ro-Sor-" Her breathing quickens and he knows the tears aren't far behind. She doesn't know what to call him, and he can't blame her for that either. He's not entirely sure what to call himself. It's as if the two parts of himself have finally converged. The line between Sora and Roxas has finally dissolved.
But losing your heart will do that to you.
He can still hear Kairi's scream in his ears, still see the mysterious boy's purple and red blade growing out of his chest, still see the hairs on his arm growing lighter, turning blond.
Apparently, this is what happens when a person loses their heart for the second time.
The first time, Roxas was Roxas and Sora was Sora, but this time,
Sora is Roxas.
He finally looks at Kairi, looks at the tears sparkling in her eyes, in the eyes he loves to stare into. She looks beautiful this evening, like she always did during sunset. Her hair always looked like flowing ruby in the light of the dying day, and it cast such a rosy tint to her creamy skin, and he used to look at her in those times and think about how much he loved her, and how she lit up his entire existence…
But now, he feels nothing.
No surge of affection, no overwhelming desire, nothing.
He does not love her.
And it hurts, or at least, it feels like it should, because he's supposed to love her. There is the ghost of something there, but not the tangible love he felt when he still had a heart.
Sora cannot love her because Sora is gone; and Roxas cannot love her because he loves Naminé, and she is not Naminé. He has not even got the connection to Sora's heart to sustain his love. And he cannot even love Namine, because he hasn't got anything to love her with.
He is finally, truly, a nobody.
Kairi's hand reaches out, cups his cheek. "There has to be something we can do!" she says, her voice shaking. "There must be something…you can't just be gone! Sora, please, what-"
He turns away from her. "Kairi, stop it." His own voice is foreign in his ears. It is Roxas's voice. "Sora is gone. I...well I'm not truly the Roxas you knew, but I'm not Sora anymore." He is mildly surprised by how monotone his voice is. It is devoid of emotion; but then again, so is he. "Kairi, there's no changing things this time. This is permanent. Sooner or later I'll just fade away, like the rest of them. You need to give up on me. You need to move on, you-"
"No! I won't! I can't! I love you! I can't just give up on you! Sora, I love you, I'll find a way to fix this, I promise!"
He looks her in the eye for a moment. She looks so sad, but so desperate, and so determined. He knows this will hurt her more than anything else, and what's left of his former self feels terrible because he will not feel any remorse for what he is about to say.
"Kairi, I don't love you."
It hurts, but it is true. Her hand against his cheek provokes none of the sparks it usually did. He feels no rush of nerves or adrenaline or passion. He looks at the girl he twice gave up his heart to save and he feels nothing.
He watches her eyes grow wide and her lips quiver as she gasps. "No, there has to be-"
He gets up and starts to walk away. He needs to get away from here. He needs to get away from her. She needs to be far away from any memory of him, for he is beyond saving. It would be better if he had died.
He hears her scramble to her feet and follow him. "Where are you going? What are you doing?"
"I can't love you, Kairi. It's over. I'm gone. I'm not Sora anymore. I'm not even really Roxas. I'm Nobody. And this…this will never work."
"But, just-" She breaks off just as she grabs his shoulder and spins him around to face her.
"Kai-" He's interrupted when she leans in and kisses him briefly; she moves away as suddenly as she had moved forward. Her eyes look deadened as she stares at him, and he knows why. Their hearts had been so connected, so intertwined, and her heart notices the absence of his. What her heart should have felt in that physical connection, it didn't. Her heart cannot deny the proof that he is truly gone.
She opens her mouth as if to say something, but no words ever make it out. He cannot stand here and torture her any longer; he has retained enough of himself for that. He turns and leaves her standing there.
He has neared the door to the cove when he finally hears her first sob.
He has already opened the door when he hears a voice. "So, where are you gonna go?" He looks up to see Riku leaning against a tree to his left with his arms crossed as he stares blankly down at the sand.
"I don't know. Realm of Darkness, maybe. Who knows? Maybe I'll actually find something down there."
Riku nods, still gazing at the sand. "Be careful down there." His tone is as emotionless as his friend's, but only because he has gone numb to the emotions threatening to overwhelm him.
"Riku?" Riku meets his gaze. Behind the numb mask his eyes are still clearly miserable.
"Take care of her."
The ghost of a bitter smile plays on Riku's lips. For a moment he looks like he is about to reply, but instead he stops and simply nods.
The empty boy sighs and heads on through the door, into the darkness beyond.
A/N: Yum. Isn't angst so delicious? I so love tearing my own OTP apart. XD
Review plz. I'm still feeling rusty.