Disclaimer – I don't own Naruto

Author's Note – Just a little something I wanted to write. It alternates between POVs, and 1st and 3rd person narrative voices. I hope that doesn't bother anyone.

Oh and the characters are pretty screwed up in places. Sloshed, and just screwed up =P

Also, please be warned: this particular ficlet is rated M for language, alcoholic references, sexual references and a somewhat explicit almost-lemon. If you don't like any of that, or it offends you, please don't proceed. This is probably inappropriate for anyone under 18, and maybe even some over. It's basically the most immoral rubbish I've ever had the gall to write.

There are also references to a lot of other pairings. Mainly SasuSaku though, obviously.

Well. Don't say I didn't warn you!

This takes place a year after WW4 has ended. Assume Sasuke is back after his angst/power/revenge-trip.



I'm Sakura Haruno, I'm nineteen years old, I've never been kissed by a guy, and I've never, ever touched alcohol.

Well, unless you count the ethanol which I use when disinfecting wounds but whatever, you get the point.

Yeah, I know my life is pretty boring. Compared to Sasuke and Naruto, and even Sai, I don't have half that much trauma in my life. So why would I need to drink in the first place?

Well, that is bull.

Maybe I wasn't ostracized by the village (being bullied by my forehead, I know, doesn't qualify; geez, I was such a crybaby when I was a kid!) and maybe I don't have a bloodthirsty demon trapped inside of me. Maybe my family wasn't slaughtered by a brother I once idolized and then killed, only to find out that he wasn't the villain I thought he was but a mere victim of some nefarious political scheme.

But my life hasn't exactly been the easiest thing ever, okay?

My teammates practically ignored my existence for the first year (except Naruto's random infatuated declarations) and then the boy I loved knocked me out in the middle of the night before running off to live with some pedophile with biting-fetishes. Then my other teammate ran off with a perverted old man, leaving me here alone. I worked hard (I was slave-driven, more like it, by Tsunade-sama, though I appreciate her for that) and became strong, and I even beat up a member of the Akatsuki (though I practically died in the process). Then I went to rescue my defected teammate, only he ignored my existence, yet again, in favor of pressing up against Naruto and whispering menacingly in his ear.

And they wonder why people think they are gay?

Then soon even Naruto decided that he wasn't interested in me after I confessed my love for him (okay, so maybe that was a little stupid, but damn it, I was trying to keep him safe! And really, it wasn't healthy for him to run after Sasuke so much!) and I was left alone, again, basically looking like an idiot. And then I tried to reason with Sasuke, but failed. So I tried to kill him, but failed as well, because somewhere in my heart I still loved the traitorous bastard. So then he tried to kill me – twice – fortunately, or rather unfortunately, he failed.

And then there was a war, a bloody, long war, which I fought, and finally, Sasuke came back, only to treat me with the same indifference as before despite the fact that I was ready to forgive him for every fucking thing.

Yep, I'm still Sakura, the pile-on, the annoying, stupid useless girl to him. It's not even about unrequited love anymore with him. It's about bloody friendship – forget even that, since he's only capable of befriending Naruto – but maybe just some respect. Acknowledgment.

For me. For my abilities.

(Who healed you when Naruto dragged your bloody, dying carcass back to Konoha? Who heals you almost religiously, after every single damned mission? Certainly not Tsunade, you ungrateful wretch!)

But no. I get none of that. I'm still annoying, you see. His conversation with me still hasn't crossed that impregnable threshold of 'hn', 'ah', and 'tch, annoying'.


I'm not trying to whine, or make anyone pity me. I know that in some ways my life has been better than other people's. And I appreciate that. But it's not been too great in other departments, namely my team and my (lack of a) love life.

And despite that, I haven't ever drunk sake or any form of alcohol.

Even though Naruto and Sasuke got smashed nearly six months back (and nearly blew up the entire restaurant with their impromptu chidori/rasengan skirmish, the morons) and even Sai got drunk before. Ino gets high at every party, so does Kiba – and even Hinata, sweet, innocent Hinata got drunk once (it was an accident, that spiked drink was meant for Shino because Naruto wanted to get him drunk and take his glasses off) but all the same.

I'm nineteen, all my friends drink, and I haven't. Yeah, maybe I'm still two years younger than the legal drinking age, but no one ever pays attention to stupid civilian laws like that anyways, especially shinobi. So it's pretty creditable, okay? I mean, look at Tsunade-sama, my sensei – she's a sake addict! She downs the stuff like freaking water! She's even tried getting me into it, but I chastely refused, good little girl that I am.

So basically, all I'm saying is that, considering all these circumstances – if ever I were to get drunk – crazily and utterly drunk (not that I ever would) – no one has the right to judge me.

Especially not the Emo Prince, Sasuke-fucking-Uchiha.

Hell no.

Especially not him.


Sakura Haruno glared at the scroll in front of her, her eyes hardening to jade shards.


I'm sorry to inform you that patient #22 succumbed to internal bleeding, and passed away this morning. However, that means you don't need to revisit the hospital at night, so you can continue your day as planned. I am saddened by the loss, and I know you must be too, but don't let in weigh on your mind. We did all we could. It wasn't your fault. This is the life of a shinobi.


The scroll had been delivered to her over an hour ago, by one of Tsuande's slug summons, and Sakura was still plagued by guilt, as she continued to glare at the paper, willing it to combust and disappear, as if that would render its contents meaningless.

It wasn't the first time one of Sakura's patients had died. She was a medic-nin after all, and one of the best. Most of the critical cases came to her, and the life of a shinobi was fraught with danger. Still, when the rare deaths occurred, they made it feel like a kunai had stabbed her heart, and Sakura could almost see their blood on her hands, as if it was she who was responsible for their deaths.

It was a never-ending cycle. Even after the Fourth World War, there were still insurgents and rebel groups. Shinobi still died. Families were still split apart.

"Saaakura-chaaaan!" an annoyingly loud voice sang, popping up next to her, "Saaakura-chan, you look like you're gonna murder someone!"

"Naruto," Sakura said, smiling stiffly at her already sloshed teammate – how long had they even been in here, thirty minutes? And he was already gone? Considering the Kyuubi gave him a high capacity, Sakura shuddered to think about how much alcohol he'd taken in to get this high. And the effects so much alcohol would have on his liver, enhanced-fox-healing system or not.

"What's wrong, Sakura-chaaan?" Naruto whined, "You c'n tell meee..."

"I'm fine, Naruto," Sakura lied, flashing him a fake smile.

The moron actually fell for it, and grinned back. She was getting better than Sai at this.

"You, however, are another case," Sakura said, seizing the opportunity to lecture him, "How many times have I told you, it is not healthy to get drunk, especially considering your capacity?"

"M'not drunk!" Naruto argued, "Not really! 'Sides, Saas'ke-teme an' me, we're doing a drinking contest, 'ttebayo... an' I'm g'na kick his ass!"

"Baka," Sakura said scathingly, but chose to let the matter slide.

The damage was already done, though she didn't envy the Kyuubi for having to pump all that crap out of the idiot's system.

"Anyways, I g'ta get back to teme," Naruto said, "See if I leave him 'lone to long, he'll get m'lested! But this is for you, 'k, Sakura-chan! Have some fun, dattebayo!"

Naruto slammed something on the table and staggered off, and Sakura now fixed her glare on the shot glass that was right in front of her nose. It had a pale, clear liquid in it. Sakura took a cautious sniff, before wrinkling her nose in distaste.


She knew this because Tsunade had taught her to identify over five-hundred poisons, drinks and toxic substances by smell alone as a part of her medical training.

And this hear, was a shot of vodka, neat as it could be.

Sakura spent the next five minutes alternating between glaring at the scroll, the shot glass, and Sasuke.

She could see him, a few bar-stools away, chugging down bright blue shots with Naruto. The boys would glare at each other, insult each other, drink, and then repeat the whole process. Sakura considered stopping them – the last time this had happened, they'd devastated a building – but then decided against it. It was their fucking problem this time. She wasn't going to clean up their mess.

Sai was watching them curiously, sipping daintily at his own shot as if it were tea. Sakura suppressed a snort at that; Sai really was socially inept.

Her eyes fell back on Sasuke, her heart lurching, as usual. He did look devastatingly handsome. He was wearing a dark blue shirt, with a few buttons open – the open-shirt thing seemed to be his new style ever since Orochimaru, though thankfully he'd gotten rid of the ass-bow. His ebony locks framed his handsome face, and his dark eyes were currently narrowed in a glower directed towards Naruto. The foreign formals really suited Sasuke, Sakura thought. Then again, anything would suit Sasuke – except for perhaps an Akatsuki cloak (traitor!).

Naruto was also dressed in a shit, a bright orange one, though he'd already slopped a lot of alcohol down the front. Sai, too, was dressed in foreign formals; a tuxedo. He didn't carry off the look half as easily or nicely as Sasuke did.

In fact, Sasuke seemed quite at ease, which Sakura found ironic. If she were in his shoes (or in his pants... now that's a thought!) she would be feeling uncomfortable.

Because the reason they were all decked up, and crammed into a bar was to celebrate.

Celebrate the one-year anniversary of the end of the Fourth World War. The one-year anniversary of the death of Madara Uchiha, and the one-year anniversary of the day that Sasuke returned to Konoha after living as a traitor.

Sadly, he was welcomed with open arms. Even more sadly, Sakura was one of the open-armed villagers, ready to forgive.

Though she hadn't forgotten. She would never forget.

Still, just because she knew somewhere at the back of her mind that he was once a traitor, and was still an asshole, didn't mean she couldn't enjoy the view. So Sakura ogled him shamelessly, quite aware that she wasn't the only one. She'd seen that strumpet, Karin, skulking about earlier. She'd joined Konoha too, after the war, and proved herself worthy of the title 'Sasuke's #1 Pissing-Off Fan-slut', a title which Sakura and Ino had secretly bestowed upon her.

Sasuke did seem to have a lot of fan-sluts. It was annoying really. All the fan-girls of the old days had come back with full force, except they were more – slutty – hence the name. Sakura prided herself in that way – not once had she run after him with gifts or pleas for dates. In fact, she treated him with the same cool politeness that she did Sai, though she actually knew that her and Sai's relationship could be considered friendship; still it was dangerous getting too friendly with the boy. Who knows what his book-brainwashed mind would interpret it as?

Sakura sighed, looking down for a moment at her dress. It was a tight, red, strappy thing that barely reached mid-thigh. Ino had bought it for her and flung it in her face that afternoon, demanding that she wear it, along with her black boots. Sakura had obliged, and no, it was not because she was trying to catch Sasuke's eye or anything! The fact that she'd used a jutsu to slightly alter the shade of red till it matched perfectly with his Sharingan had nothing to do with it!

Sakura sighed again, glancing around the room. There were civilians and shinobi, mingling together for once, though it was obvious who was who. For one thing, kunoichi, with their chakra control, were far more graceful in stilettos than those hobbling civilian women.

Sakura spotted Genma, the pervert, hitting on Hinata, who seemed absolutely terrified, as she crossed her arms, attempting to hide the rather low neck of her light blue dress.

Silly girl, Sakura thought, doesn't she realise that has the opposite effect?

Sakura considered walking over to save the innocent Hyuuga heiress, but didn't have to, as moments later, a very furious Neji Hyuuga stormed over, his Byakugan activated, accompanied by an angry, shuriken-armed Tenten.

Ino was on the dance floor, dancing rather provocatively. Kiba was with her as well, and seemed to be enjoying himself (or her, rather). Shikamaru stood to the side, looking utterly bored. Chouji was with him, wolfing down all the appetizers. Sakura wondered for a moment how all the waiters seemed to be magnetically attracter towards their table, when she saw the black shadows sneaking out to attach themselves to the poor, unsuspecting civilians.

She smirked.

Ah, the pleasures of knowing ninjutsu...

Shino was standing next to Shikamaru, looking bored as well. Sakura couldn't actually decipher his expression, but she was sure it was boredom. The Sand Siblings hadn't yet arrived.

Rock Lee and Gai-sensei were dancing enthusiastically and manically in the middle of the dance floor. Most of the civilians had steered clear away from them – their dancing was more like taijutsu and involved too much jumping and kicking.

Kakashi was sitting with Yamato, his precious porn in one hand, and the drinks menu in the other. Sakura decided to go and sit with them. Crumpling the scroll in one hand and dropping it to the floor, she picked up her shot glass and went over to their table.

"Ah, Sakura-chan," Kakashi greeted, smiling under his mask, "Is that a shot I see?"

"Naruto dumped it on me," Sakura said, taking a seat, "What are you ordering?"

"I'm not too sure," Kakashi said, "Either a Slippery Nipple, or a Screaming Orgasm... though the Sex On The Beach With Sand In Your Crack sounds interesting too... something I'd recommend to Kazekage-sama when he gets here..."

"Please," Sakura rolled her eyes, "Don't corrupt Gaara. This drinks menu is worse than Jiraiya's smut!"

"Sakura-chan," Kakashi said, affronted, "This is highly tasteful literature, this here. Don't use such derogatory terms. Anyways, how about Redheaded Slut?"

"Who, Karin?" Sakura asked immediately, before smiling sheepishly, "Oh..."

"Speaking of her, where is Sasuke?" Yamato asked, "Naruto was saying something about a drinking contest. I really hope they don't."

"Too late, sensei, Naruto's sloshed," Sakura informed him.

Yamato looked terrified.

"Ah, they're adults, don't fuss," Kakashi told him, before looking up at the waitress, a slim woman with brown eyes and short brown hair, and asking sweetly, "I'd like you give me a Screaming Orgasm, please?"

"Sensei!" Sakura scolded, and the poor woman stared at him for a moment, blushing wildly, before mumbling something and scurrying off.

"What?" Kakashi asked innocently, "It's not my fault they name their drinks so – inappropriately."

"You're the inappropriate one..." Sakura said.

"Well, she – reminded of someone..." Kakashi muttered wistfully, before burying himself behind has book.


The boisterous voice soon interrupted whatever peace and quiet they'd been experiencing (well, as much peace and quiet as you can have in a nightclub) and Sakura soon found an orange, alcohol-smelling ninja lumping himself next to her.

"Scoot up, Sakura-chan! Make space for us!" Naruto pleaded.

Sakura sighed, sliding closer to Kakashi, so that Naruto, Sai, and a rather irritated-looking Sasuke could sit on their little table.

Naruto was coherent again – the Kyuubi really was efficient at getting rid of the alcohol. The moron didn't even suffer hangovers.

Sasuke, too, didn't seem drunk. He was walking straight, though he seemed grumpier than before.

"I take it your drinking contest is over?" Sakura asked Naruto.

"HE CHEATED, DATTEBAYO!" Naruto accused suddenly, pointing at Sasuke, "He was using a modified substitution jutsu to switch his vodka shots with water the entire time! He wasn't even drinking!"

"Tch. You're an idiot if you couldn't figure that out," Sasuke scoffed, "Couldn't you see the hand seals?"


"Whatever. Dobe."


Sakura however, couldn't help but smile to herself at Sasuke's ingenuity. But really, how else to keep up with Naruto and his Kyuubi-enhanced capacity?


"Hn," Sasuke smirked, before adding, "You like getting drunk anyway, Naruto. I don't."

"Eh, whatever," Naruto rolled his eyes, "I'll make you – OH. I KNOW! SINCE WE'RE ALL HERE, LET'S DO TEAM SHOTS!"

"Naruto, volume, please," Kakashi said.

"Don't be ridiculous, Naruto," Sakura snapped, "We're not doing Team Shots! In case you haven't noticed, I don't drink."

"Well then this is the perfect chance for you, believe it!" Naruto said, his enthusiasm only fuelled by her statement, "Let's get Sakura-chan drunk! Whose with me, huh?"

Slowly, Sai raised his hand.

"Sai," Sakura growled.

"What, Ugly?" he asked, blinking, "It will be funny. And you need to let lose."

Kakashi raised a hand too, after a moment.

"Sensei!" Sakura groaned, "Not you too!"

Yamato, after being glared at intensely by Naruto, soon agreed as well.

"Haha! See," Naruto grinned.

Sakura looked desperately at Sasuke for help; though really, not like he would even care.

"Leave her alone," Sasuke said after a moment, his voice low.

Sakura was shocked.

"What? Why?" Naruto whined, "You're supposed to be on my side!"

"Not everyone likes making a fool of themselves like you, Naruto," Sasuke said evenly, "If Sakura doesn't want to drink, you shouldn't force her."

Sakura wondered, if in any warped way, that could be twisted into a compliment.

"But – but-" Naruto protested, "It's still four against two!"

"And besides, she probably has really low capacity. If all of you are sloshed, who's going to take care of her after she passes out?" Sasuke continued, rather tactlessly.

Oh, Sakura clenched her teeth, he did NOT.

Shannaro! What a bastard! Inner Sakura raged, I have fucking HIGH capacity, princess Uchiha! Let's show him!

Sakura suddenly grabbed the shot glass, glaring at Sasuke, who looked unfazed.

"I'll do it," she said stiffly.

Naruto whooped happily, and if she had looked closely, she would have noticed that Sasuke was smirking.

"Order up, sensei!" Naruto said joyously, "Three shots each!"

"Hey!" Sakura snapped, "I never agree to-"

"Come on, Sakura-chan, scared you won't be able to handle it?" Naruto teased.

"Bring it on," Sakura growled.


This shouldn't be so hard, Sakura thought, I'm a medic. I can just regulate my chakra and flush it out of my system pretty soon... it's not going to affect me.

Three shots were lined up in front of her: neat vodka, a Kamikaze and a Tequila Slammer.

I can do this, she urged herself, reaching for the first one, the vodka.

"Uh, Sakura-chan, you may want to try the Kamikaze before you go neat," Kakashi suggested, but Sakura ignored him.

She was sick of people insinuating she was weak or had low capacity or whatever. Sick of it.

She was a medic, damnit! She was Tsunade's student! She could handle some measly alcohol!

Her sensei practically grew up drinking sake!

"Your choice," Kakashi shrugged, picking up a kamikaze himself.

Around her, Naruto, Sasuke and Sai all picked up their drinks. Yamato did too, a bit nervously.

"Right then," Naruto beamed around, "Just drink it in a gulp, Sakura-chan, don't sip on it like Sai here, okay?"

"I know, Naruto," Sakura growled, "Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I'm an idiot."

"...hey," Sai said after a moment, realising the insult aimed at him.

"Anyways, let's go," Naruto said, "Cheers guys! To a united team seven!"

He held his shot glass forward, and reluctantly, the other five members clinked theirs together.

"One, two – three!" Naruto yelled, downing his shot.

Sakura took her glass, closing her eyes, and bought it to her lips. In one gulp, she took it all down.

It was horrible.

Her eyes watered, and her throat burned horribly, like someone had shoved a chakra wire down her oesophagus. It tasted disgusting, absolutely disgusting, like something that wasn't meant to be consumed. It had an acrid taste that made her mouth sting horribly, and Sakura soon started coughing, tears leaking out of her eyes.

"Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan, are you okay?" Naruto asked concernedly, thumping her on the back, "It's only vodka, don't worry! And the first sip is always the worse!"

"I don't think – I've ever – tasted anything – so disgusting!" Sakura choked out, wiping her eyes, "How can you – stand to drink that?"

"It's not the taste so much as the feeling after," Sai informed her, "Wait for fifteen minutes. It'll kick in."

"I told you to start with the Kamikaze," Kakashi said, "That vodka was neat."

"You shouldn't have more," Sasuke said, and Sakura tried to pretend he was being protective.

She knew he was just being disdainful.

"I'm fine," she said, "It was just – gross. But I'm fine. In fact, I feel like having another right now!"

And with that, she grabbed the Tequila, and poured it down her throat, suppressing her urge to gag and spit it all out.

"See!" she grinned forcedly at her now-shocked looking teammates, "I'm fine! This stuff is great!"

"Ah, if you say so, Sakura-chan," Naruto said, smiling, as he reached for his Tequila.


Twenty minutes and a Kamikaze later, Sakura was feeling great.


I feel awesome.


Sasuke can just kiss his ass – or his brother's, whatever the incestuous bastard would prefer... see I think he's incestuous because he was so obsessed with Itachi and all... though I don't blame him, the brotherfucker.

Have you seen Itachi? Itachi is FUCKING hot. I mean, he's the sexiest ninja to ever have lived. Like, I would totally have an incest-crush on him if he was my older brother!

Ah, he really is the hottest out of all those older men.

Beats Kakashi-sensei HOLLOW.

Oops. Hehehe... I didn't mean that Kakashi-sensei is hot or anything...

But he beats Sasuke-kun hollow too, even I'll admit it.

Hell yeah.

Too bad he's dead.

Okay. That is one thing I should never say in front of Sasuke-kun.


I told those losers I could handle the alcohol! And I did! I sure showed THEM!


Anyways, Naruto's disappeared now. He's dancing with Hinata, who looks like she's going to faint. I hope she doesn't. Because then someone will have to give her CPR. And Naruto doesn't know how, and since I'm the only qualified ninja in this fucking room, I'll have to do it.

And honestly, just because Sasuke-kun, the love of my pathetic little life, might be gay – that doesn't mean I'm turning lezzie, cha!

So kissing Hinata is out of question.

Though it'd be really cool if someone made Sasuke faint... or drown, actually. Where's that blue shark freak from Akatsuki when you need him?

Oh yeah, Gai-sensei killed him.

Lee is still dancing like a freak. Though it's kind of cool, what he's doing. I wanna dance!

Oh, now he's dancing with Tenten! Ooooooh! Like he's spinning her around and stuff, reallyreallyreally fast! It looks fun!

Oh, and now Neji's come!

He looked MA-AD.

Oh no, he just air-palmed Lee away! Lee went flying over all these people and – HAHAHAHA!

He landed on Slutheaded Red! I mean – Redheaded Slut.

Same thing really.

And now Neji's dragging Tenten off, all roughly and violently... ooh, he looks furious. But like, in a hot, badass way.

I bet she's going to get a kunai up her sheath, if you get what I mean.

I wish Sasuke-kun would manhandle me.

And no by manhandle I don't mean fucking murder!

So now Lee's gotten off of Karin the Slore, and is heading back to the dance floor. Ino's there too. And Hinata, Naruto, Kiba, Sai and some people.

"INO!" I screamed suddenly, catching sight of my frenemy.

See she's my best friend, but she's my enemy because she also likes Sasuke-kun. (Where is he, by the way? I don't see him...)

"INO-PIG!" I holler again, and piggy looks back at me, her blue eyes lighting up.

She walks over, wearing this purple halter dress, which I admit, looks pretty great.

"Forehead! Hiiii!" Ino smiles widely at me, before looking at me closely.

"Sakura are you – drunk?" she asks, sounding disbelieving.

"Hell yeah!" I tell her, before dragging her off to the bar, "And I want MORE!"

So I have shots with Ino-pig.

And then I have some with Kiba.

And Naruto.

And Sai.

And SHANNAROOOO! I feel awesome! Fucking awesome!

Screw Sasuke-kun! This is FUNNNN!


Oh, they're playing a song I know now... I know this song!

... kinou no shippai de kujiketatte? Gottsuan desu! Gottsuan desu!





Hanaretetemo onaji sora no shita de saawaratte, funbatte.

Sakura wasn't exactly the queen of disco or anything, but she liked dancing well enough. Except now, she was drunk, so really, it seemed ten times more appealing.

"PIGGY!" Sakura squealed, grabbing her friend, "HINA-CHAN! IT'S OUR SONG!"

She dragged the two girls onto the dance floor. Ino came along quite happily, though Hinata seemed shy.

"OKAY BITCHES!" Sakura shrieked, "Let's do it!"

Let's do it, do it, do it, do it!

The music blared loudly, and Sakura danced, like she'd never danced before. She moved, rhythmically – or maybe not so much, but it didn't matter, because she was immersed in the song and loving every moment of it. Ino and Hinata danced too, though soon Sakura found herself clambering onto one of the tables. Ino followed her, amid wolf-whistles and cat-calls.

Bacchikoi bachikoi beibee!

Somewhere in the blurred room, Sakura thought she saw a pair of blood-red eyes glaring at her furiously, but ignored it, jumping and moving to the music.

Some may have called their dancing promiscuous or suggestive, but frankly, Sakura was tired of being the good little medic.

Tattoe asa ga kunakutatte yei yei!


"Naruto," Kakashi said, walking over to the blonde, who was gaping openly at his now wildly-dancing teammate, "How many has she had?"

"Uhhh..." Naruto attempted to remember, "Like, three with Team Seven. And then two more with just me..."

"I saw Beautiful have three with her," Sai piped up, "And Dog-boy had two. And two with me as well."

"Twelve shots?" Kakashi looked scandalized, "And you didn't stop her!"

"I wasn't babysitting her!" Naruto whined, "And I've had over twenty-five!"

"You're you, Naruto," Kakashi said, "She can't possibly have more! I thought she'd be out by three!"

"She's not a lightweight, not Sakura-chan," Naruto shook his head, "She must've inherited it from Baa-chan, tteabayo!"

"Someone should do something about her before she pukes," Sasuke said coldly, entering the conversation and seeming quite sober, "Or embarrasses herself by dancing more – like that."

"Ah, come on, Sasuke-teme, you know you like it..." Naruto teased

"It's disgraceful," Sasuke spat, and everyone knew that in Uchiha language, that translated to SLUTTY.

"Which is why I think you should make her stop right away," Kakashi said, "Consider it a mission, ok boys? Get Sakura off the dance floor."

He poofed off with that, leaving only a swirl of leaves.

"Oh, smart!" Naruto yelled at the pile of leaves, "Just 'cause you don't wanna do it yourself, ttebayo! Make it seem like a mission for us!"

"Just go, dobe," Sasuke grunted.

"Why should I go?" Naruto demanded, looking up fearfully at Sakura, "She's scary enough when she's sober! I'm not forcing her to do anything she doesn't want! I like my balls, thanks!"

"You forced her to drink," Sasuke hissed, "It's your fault she's like this!"

"Actually that was you," Naruto said, displaying rare insight and wisdom, "You knew she wouldn't listen to any of us, so you used reverse psychology on her! And you thought I wouldn't catch it, you sly bastard. Very smart... 'sides, I want my balls. You don't have a sex drive so you don't need them!"

"What – does that have to do with anything?" Sasuke sputtered.

"Hey!" Naruto said suddenly, eyes lightening up, "Hey, the Sand Sibs are here! Gaara! I'll catch you later, Sasuke-teme! Take care of Sakura-chan, ok?"

With that, he sped off, leaving a cursing and rather annoyed Sasuke.


Sasuke was pissed. Apparently, shooting trademarked Uchiha Death Glare #12 from across the room, was not doing the trick.

Sakura was still dancing like – some kind of a – some kind of a someone who Sasuke knew she wasn't.

Hell, what she trying to prove a point?

Stupid, annoying girl.

Did she not realise how many dirty men were staring at her? Attempting to look down her too-low neckline, or up her too-short dress? Did she not realise that Genma had tried to grind with her? He'd nearly succeeded, but then Sasuke had shot a perfectly aimed chidori senbon across the room.

Genma had been paralysed after that; forget dancing, the man could barely move.

"Stupid girl," Sasuke muttered to himself.

He supposed this required physical action, and wondered if using chidori to cleave a path between all those dirty-minded civilian men to get Sakura would be too drastic.

His thoughts, however, were interrupted when an extremely annoying presence felt it necessary to attach themselves to his arm like a parasite.

"Sasuke-kunnn!" Karin cooed, pressing her chest into him, "Let's dance!"

She fluttered her eyelashes, but Sasuke ignored her, shoving her off him none too gently.

She was annoying. And not in the good Sakura-ish way.

"Sasuke-kun!" Karin cried, affronted, "Come on! It'll be fun! And we can give Harlot Haruno a taste of her own medicine!"

Sasuke wasn't too sure what Karin meant by that comment, but decided he didn't care.

He shot a glare at her – Uchiha Death Glare #17 (Special Mangekyou Sharingan Version) – before hissing out, in a voice laced with menace.

"Do not let me hear you call her that ever again."

And then he stormed off, leaving a wide-eyed Karin staring after him.

"I won't let you hear me say it," Karin muttered after a moment, "Hoebag Haruno!"


"Hey!" Sakura yelped, as a sudden strong grip on her hand yanked her away from the dance floor.

She spun around, finding herself facing none other than Sasuke Uchiha.

A rather wrathful Sasuke Uchiha, his Sharingan swirling dangerously.

"I was having fun!" Sakura sulked, before smiling, "Unless you want to join... is that it, Sasuke-kunnn? Do you want some of it too?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself against his hard torso.

It was something she would never ever contemplate doing if she was sober (and self-respecting).

But she was drunk. And Sasuke hadn't expected it.

His eyes widened by a fraction, and if someone had paid attention through the flashing strobe lights, they would have noticed a tiny, barely-there blush.

But it soon morphed into a scowl, and he placed his hands on her hips, firmly pulling himself away.

"Sakura," he snapped, "Get a hold of yourself!"

"Oh, come on, Sasuke-kunnn," Sakura cooed, rubbing against him, "Naruto may have been your first kiss, but he doesn't have to be the la-ast..."

"What the – the fuck," Sasuke glowered at her, "That never happened!"

He pushed her away again, backing against the bar-stool.

Sakura took the opportunity to plot herself onto his lap. Sasuke stiffened.

"The entire village thinks you're gay with him, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said, leaning forward.

Her lips brushed his ear, and he nearly jumped; or he would have if she wasn't sitting in his lap!

"Wanna show them how un-gay you are?" Sakura purred, biting his ear.

Her lips quickly moved to his neck – the sensitive spot which had once been marked before – and Sasuke found he enjoyed the sensation of Sakura's teeth far more than Orochimaru's.

A second later, he was shocked and disgusted with himself for even having such a thought – for even letting her do – whatever the hell she thought she was doing – even if it was just for a few seconds.

"Sakura, stop it!" Sasuke said sternly, forcibly pushing her off.

Sakura glared at him.

"But, Sasuke-kunnn... I was having fun!"

This is why, Sasuke thought, this is why she should never ever drink! Annoying girl...

"Don't do that ever again," Sasuke growled at her, and she shrunk back, looking almost scared.

"Come on," Sasuke tugged on her wrist, "We're leaving."

"Oh – but Sasuke-kun!" Sakura pleaded, "I want to dance!"

"I don't care."


Hahahaha! I gave Sasuke-kun a hickey! Almost!

Take that Orochimaru, you fucking pedophile!

Ooh, he's taking me somewhere... out of the club!

But I don't wanna go! I wanna FUCKING DANCE!

Well... if I get to be alone with Sasuke-kun... maybe I don't mind...

He's yummy.

I don't mind if he molests me...


Ooh, look. Civilians.

"Hello," one of the civilians says, smiling at me.

I smile back uncertainly. He looks like a little kid, about fourteen. What is he doing in a bar? Oh yeah, we're all fucking underage except the senseis.

"Hiiii," I finally greet.

"You're really beautiful, you know, Sakura-chan," the kid says.

"Oh," I smile, "Um –"

Do I know this kid?

"Yeah, you are," the kid goes on fervently, obviously sloshed (but not as much as meeee), "You're fucking beautiful! You're the most fucking beautiful woman I've ever seen!"

"Ahaha," I laugh awkwardly, "Um – thank you?"

I can't say more, because Sasuke's yanked me off again.

Ooh, Sasuke-kun, take that. For once I, Sakura Haruno, got hit on, and you didn't.


Burn like a giant fireball jutsu!

You know, the kid was stupid, but that little compliment actually helped my self-esteem!

Like – I'm beautiful, bitches! (Yeah, Karin, I'm telling you, you fugly strumpet!)

Five minutes later, we stumble into more people. Shinobi this time. I think I've seen one of them. He's a Hyuuga, he works at the hospital.

"Sakura-chan!" he says, "You're really sexy, you know that!"

"Oh!" I squeal, looking over at Sasuke-kun's face.

He does not look happy.

"Thank you!" I smile.

The shinobi wants to chat some more, but really, I don't, and nor does Sasuke-kun.

So he drags me along some more. And I let him.

"Bacchikoi, bacchikoi, ba-by," I sing.

Sasuke glares at me.

He obviously wants me to stop.

Well too bad Uchiha, you faggot. You don't always get what you want! I didn't want you to leave and you did! SO SUCK UP MY SINGING BITCH, 'CAUSE I AM NOT STOPPING, HELL NO!

"LET'S DO IT! LET'S DO IT!" I sing, even louder.

Oh crap.

The Mangekyou Sharingan has been activated. That usually means bad things.

Ah... whatever... he already tried to kill me twice... what more can he do?

"Tattoe asa ga kunakutatte yei yei!"


"Mijika ni aru mono tsune ni ki wo tsuketeinai to..."

"Sakura, will you shut up!" Sasuke hissed, as he finally managed to drag the pink-haired drunken kunoichi out of the club, "Seriously, you're fucking annoying!"

"I'm always annoying to you, you bastard!" Sakura shrieked, "So I don't care!"

Sasuke recoiled at the expletive, as if stung. She had never insulted him like that.

Sakura continued to sing.

"Amari ni chikasugite miushinatteshimaisou..."

They began walking towards the central part of the village, Sasuke's arm tight around Sakura's waist to keep her from falling, as she stumbled every few steps.

She wasn't hitting on him, no. But frankly, he preferred that to this atrocious singing.

"You know the closer you get to somethiiing..."

"Sakura, please-" Sasuke growled, clenching his jaw.

"The tougher it is to seeeee it..."

"Listen, just-" he tightened his fists into balls.

"And I'll never take it for graaanted..."

Fuck this, you're screwed, Sasuke thought darkly.


My singing seems to be annoying Sasuke-kun. I don't know why. I'm good. Really!

Too bad, Sasuke-kun. CHA!

Oh, he's angry. He suddenly stopped walking. He's glaring at me.

Fuck, I may be a masochist but – he looks fucking sexy when he glares like that.

It's like a rapist look.

And on Sasuke-kun... daaamn...

Suddenly, Sasuke-kun has stepped close to me, way too close to me. Like he's totally in my bubble.

And he's mad. Really mad. I can see the pinwheel spinning in his eyes, I can see his glare fixated on me, and – oh –I think I'm going to faint, but I can feel his breath – his heavy, angry breath – ghosting across my face.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Sasuke demanded, "Dancing like that?"

I say nothing, too thrilled by his proximity.

"Those civilians were fucking staring at you, Genma was grinding with you – did you enjoy it or are you just that fucking stupid, Sakura? Huh?"

"I – I didn't – realise," I said, my voice shaking, "I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun, I-"

"You didn't realise?" Sasuke asks harshly, "Sakura you're a ninja. You cannot be that unaware of your surroundings! What is wrong with you?"

"Why do you care so much!" I ask, finally sticking up for myself, "Look I said I'm sorry!"

"I don't appreciate my teammate whoring herself out like some kind of a slut!" Sasuke snaps, "It's embarrassing for me!"

"I – what?" I nearly screech, shocked.

I can feel tears gathering at the corner of my eyes, but I won't cry. I won't show any weakness, not in front of this – this bastard.

"You – you called me a slut," I say, my voice shaking.

"I didn't mean it like that," Sasuke says quickly, "But Sakura, the way you were-"

"You called me a fucking slut?" I repeat, disbelief and anger coloring my voice, "You who comes back from your missing-nin-hood with that booted-bimbo hanging off your arm, you who apparently even the Mizukage has hit on – you're calling me a slut? After I – I waited – all these years – I never -"

"Sakura, I wasn't referring to you," Sasuke interrupts me, "I was referring to what you were doing. It wasn't like you. That's why you shouldn't drink-"

"You guys were the ones who wanted me to drink!" I say tearfully, "Everyone thought I was boring! I never touched alcohol, and now when I finally did – you say – stuff like this? This isn't fair to me! It isn't – fair!"


"No, you shut up and fucking listen! You don't even have the right to say anything! Not you, not Naruto, not anyone! It didn't matter, I didn't matter, when you ran off and betrayed us, when Naruto ran off with Jiraiya! Neither of you cared about me, and what I'd feel like to be left alone! You'd never cared, even as a genin team!"

"We never-"

"It was always about you and Naruto, and then you and Itachi, and then Naruto and you, again, and I never said anything, I let it slide but now – you don't fucking own me! You have no right, after all these years, after treating me like – like garbage, like some sort of nuisance – to judge me or say anything!"

I was shaking now, and everything was pouring out, like this catharsis. Everything I kept locked within me flooded out. I guess that's what happens when you're drunk.

"You're a fucking selfish bastard, Sasuke," I hiss, deliberately leaving out the honorific ,"And you know what? I fucking hate you."

I didn't mean it, or maybe I did, but damn, saying it out loud felt good.

I shove him off me then, injecting some chakra into my hands. Unfortunately, my control kind of sucks right now, and I end up practically punching him in the chest. He flies back a couple feet, and looks absolutely livid.

Ooh, I hit Sasuke Uchiha. I hit the prodigy missing-nin.

I am scre-ewed.

"Stay the fuck away from me," I hiss at him, but Sasuke ignores me and advances anyways.

So I aim at him, again, and he ducks this time. So I kick, and he leaps, and before we know it, we're sparring with taijutsu.

It's a ferocious spar; even though I can't control my movements or chakra precisely, I guess that makes it more dangerous, more predictable, less accurate. More chance I'll accidentally hit him near his vitals, more chance I'll inject too much chakra in my hits.

He's realised that. His Sharingan is on, trying to gauge my movements.

I may be a natural at drunken fist too!

Finally though, he manages to get me, and pins me against the wall.

"You asked for it, Sakura," Sasuke murmurs darkly.

His voice is husky, and it sends shivers down my spine.

Fuck, he's so sexy. Why is he so sexy? It should be illegal to be so sexy!

And fuck, I'm supposed to be angry at the bastard! This isn't supposed to turn me on!

But his eyes are boring into mine, and his face is so close... and he has such a perfect, beautiful face... with perfectly chiselled features... and his hair... it's hanging around his face so prettily... oh wow...

Suddenly, his hands are on my wrists, and he lifts my arms up to pin them above my head, holding them in one hand.

He's manhandling me! SHANNARO!

The position is so fucking erotic, that I feel all my anger melt away, only to be replaced by lust.

Sasuke's hand is rough on my wrists, his nails digging into my skin. He's pressed himself against me, his chest touching my own, his legs entangled with mine.


I want him. I fucking want him.

The last time we were this close was when – well, when he tried to kill me. I hope that's not the case.

I say this.

I say:

"Sasuke-kun, please don't kill me..."

I sound scared maybe, just a little. But he is kind of scary. In a sexy-as-fucking-hell way.

Sasuke just glared at me some more, and it makes my heart flutter.

Yep, I'm a masochist. Soon he'll be electrocuting me with his chidori and that will make me want to come – okay, I can't be that drunk!

Or maybe I can.

He presses himself closer to me, and my heart pounds so hard, I think it's going to fall out of my chest. My knees are shaking, and I know I'd fall, but I'm trapped between Sasuke-kun divine, hard body and a wall, so really, that's not possible.

He speaks again, his voice a dangerous whisper.

"Sakura," he breathes, and his lips brush my ear, sending little jolts of electricity, like little chidori streams, down my whole body, "You're annoying."

He glares at me again, and then suddenly, his lips are on mine.



Sasuke-kun is – kissing me!

And – I cannot believe this is happening...

His lips are on mine, and they're moving almost frantically. He bites at my lower lip (wow, Sasuke-kun, you're good!) and I gasp, and he slips his tongue into my mouth.

He kisses me harder, and I kiss back, my mind spinning, my stomach leaping, my heart fluttering – I'm in euphoria. I'm in fucking paradise.

I can smell him, feel him, taste him – and he is fucking divine. Fucking amazing.

I'm completely immobilized, with my hands above my head. He places his free hand on my lower back, and pushes me closer to him. I can feel something hard digging into my thigh, and when I realise what it is, I nearly faint from excitement.

He drags his hand lower, and lower, before he squeezes, roughly, and I moan into his mouth, arching against him. He moves his hand lower, his fingers brushing against my thigh, before slipping underneath the fabric of my dress.

He continued to kiss me, and touch me, and I let him, like I'm some sort of private sex slave for him.

Fuck, he's so good.

We don't stop there though.

He's horny, for once in his life, and I am fucking sloshed.

We go on and on, until he lets go of my hands, and I tangle them in his hair, scraping my nails across his scalp, and then his chest. He places both hands on my thighs, and lifts me up slightly, and I straddle him, wrapping my legs around his waist.

I feel hot. I feel warm heat pooling downwards, and I press myself against him wantonly.

His hands move over my chest, under my dress, under my fucking bra, and fuck, he's amazing. And then he slips them down, down and inside, and seconds later, I'm writhing and gasping and moaning against his fingers.

Fuck, he's amazing. He's so amazing. How is he so good?

Has he done this before?

His fingers move, back and forth, in an out, with the perfect pace and rhythm, as I grind against him.

My muddled mind wonders, if he's had this kind of practice – maybe on Karin the Slore? I can imagine her happily whoring herself out for him, letting him do what he is doing to be... letting him touch her in the most intimate of places...

For a second, jealously flares up within me, but then I decide I don't care.

At least not for now.

Because Sasuke is so fucking good, that I don't care about anything as long as he doesn't stop.

I – don't – fucking – care.

Even if he's done this to hundreds of girls before me – he's so – fucking – amazing.

And I think I'm going to – I think I –

"Nnnnnh! Sasuke-kunnnnnnn!"


When Sakura woke up the next morning, the first thing she realised was that her head hurt.

No, hurt was truly an understatement.

It was agonizing, ear-splitting pain. It felt like her brain had been pierced by senbon, that someone had slammed a sledgehammer onto her skull, and that a bunch of hyperactive Naruto-like idiots were pounding away at her head.

She also found that her throat was fuzzy, and it hurt when she swallowed.

And – for some inconceivable reason – she seemed to have – wet her beautiful, lacy lingerie.

It was quite literally soaked.

"Ugh," Sakura groaned, pushing herself into a sitting position, wiping away a few strands of pink hair.

She tried to get out of bed, but also noticed that her – lower regions ached as well.

"What the heck?" Sakura muttered, wracking her brain.

She remembered a note, about her patient dying, and then getting bored at that stupid nightclub. She remembered Naruto being drunk, and Kakashi reading porn. But other than that...

Sakura sighed, shrugging her shoulders as she attempted to pull off her covers and get out of bed.

Whatever had transpired, it was inconsequential; knowing her, it's not like she could have really done anything worth worrying about...

Sakura yanked at her covers, wondering why they were being so stubborn. She pulled again, but they didn't move, almost as if they were being restrained by some other weight.

Groggily, Sakura turned her head, glancing towards the other side of her bed.

Only to see it was occupied.

By an overly attractive, half-naked Sasuke Uchiha.

Suddenly, things began to fall into place.

"HELLLL NOOOOOOOOO!" Sakura shrieked.


Author's Note – Well, I did warn you =P I don't know why I felt like writing this. It's messed up, the characters are messed up and it's nothing like my usual stuff.

And wow. I wrote 25 pages of this immoral, dirty crap =S

But it was kind of fun. So whatever.

I'm sorry if I offended any Sakura or Sasuke fans with the depiction of their characters. But they were drunk, remember that =/

Anyways, please review! Thank you so much to those of you who did for the last two chapters!

Oh by the way – anyone get that Kakashi/Rin reference? (though actually I alluded to lots of pairings in this =P) If you did, kudos to you! =)

And the songs Sakura were singing were from the Shippuden Opening/Closings. Basically, in case you don't know-

Bacchikoi by Dev Parade

Closer by Inoue Joe