So, someone asked after reading The Beginning of All Things, if there would ever be a fic that showed how Dean and Cas came to be in my little verse. I pondered it but nothing really came to mind to write about it so I said 'maybe if an idea comes'. Then a small idea came to be and I figured maybe a quick, cute little drabble or something. Then, this morning at 4am it whacked me in the face and I sat to write out the few hundred words real quick.
This is what happened. *headdesk*
It is now 8am and I have yet to go to bed, so I apologize if there are mistakes/tense changes and whatever else. It wanted to be written though, it wouldn't let me sleep or leave the keyboard until it was. So...Angel Lawlor, this is for you. I hope it's to your satisfaction.
Also, quick note. It's meant to be part of my plotless 'verse. But it can be completely stand alone if you don't feel like reading the sheer amount of those fics.
Dean's not sure when it is that he started falling in love with Cas, he knows it didn't just happen overnight, but he doesn't remember when exactly it started. He thinks maybe he realizes what that warmth in his chest means when he's showing Cas how to fall asleep for the first time. It's after the dust had settled and Lucifer was locked back in his cage and Cas was there, somehow brought back to life and asking if it was okay if he stayed with Sam and Dean for awhile.
Sam had asked how long 'awhile' was and Cas had responded with a quiet, "As long as it takes." It took awhile for them to realize 'it' was how long it took Cas' now human life to run its course. Dean had wanted to hit Cas, ask him how he could give up Heaven for all this. He didn't deserve Cas' loyalty and faith and friendship. Cas deserved to be in Heaven with his brothers, deserved to keep his wings and that power.
Cas didn't deserve to be laying on a hard bed in a cheap motel room, Sam snoring on the bed next to the one Dean and Cas were sharing. Dean had been leaning against the headboard, pillows piled behind him, not really watching the TV but watching as Cas tossed and turned beside him.
"Would you sit still and go to sleep already?" Cas had rolled onto his stomach, head turned towards Dean and whispered, "I don't know how." He almost looked ashamed, looked like he felt he should know how to do something as simple as sleep. Apparently thousands of years awake and never sleeping is a hard habit to break.
"You need to relax, find a comfortable position, close your eyes and it'll come up on it's own. You can't think too much."
Cas scooted closer to Dean, whispering so as not to wake Sam, "I don't like losing the time. Where anything can happen and I wouldn't be aware." Dean sighed and threaded his fingers through Cas' surprisingly soft hair and said, "I won't let anything happen to you Cas." Cas looked like he wanted to say more, but his eyes were drooping shut as Dean's fingers moved through his hair.
Cas fell asleep for the first time as a human with his cheek pressing against Dean's thigh and his arm wrapped around Dean's legs. Dean didn't sleep a wink that night, just rested his hand between Cas' shoulders and gently stroked his hair when his sleep became restless.
Cas didn't deserve any of this and Dean sure as hell didn't deserve Cas. He was just a dirty little human, a human who had tortured souls, slept with too many women and refused to acknowledge the existence of emotions. Cas was an angel, a being made of light, energy and love. A being who was pure and innocent and didn't deserve to be in the dirt with the rest of them. But a selfish part of Dean wanted to ignore all of that, toss it out the window and clutch Cas to him, beg him to stay forever, stay with Dean. Cas made it all go away, the fear and the pain, he filled Dean with such warmth and a feeling Dean didn't have a name for. Something he only really felt for Sam, but it was different, it went deeper. Straight to his soul it seemed.
Maybe he realizes he loves Cas when the three of them are working a case, it's the middle of May and it's hot and humid. They lose Cas somewhere in the crowd of people and find him again sampling the berries at one of the stalls situated in the middle of the farmer's market they're in.
Dean catches the look of surprise when Cas samples his first blueberry. Surprise quickly turns to pleasure and pleasure quickly turns to him purchasing three pounds of blueberries for eight dollars and telling the brothers he'll meet them at the car when they're done.
When he and Sam are finished interviewing people they return to the Impala to find Cas sitting on the hood, legs tucked up underneath him and his fingers, tongue and lips stained purple-blue from the blueberries he's eating one at a time.
Dean sort of wants to kiss Cas then, chase that bitter sweetness of the berries with his tongue. He remembers tossing the idea aside, reminding himself that Cas is, was, an angel and is off limits. Cas probably doesn't even return those feelings, why would he?
After that hunt ends with Cas experiencing his first broken bone and Sam needing emergency surgery to stop the internal bleeding they decide to slow down. They survived the Apocalypse after all, they deserve a slight break, plus there's not much left to hunt. Everything's laying low in the wake of the Apocalypse. They buy a house not far from Bobby's, they fix it up to their liking and the three move in not long after.
Sam and Dean take over the second level of the house, their bedrooms and the office/library are up there while Cas takes the room that's set off from the rest of the house downstairs as his own. They relax into their new lives, Dean easily gets a job at one of the shops in town and sometimes helps Bobby out at the yard. Sam gets his job at the local bookstore without a hitch and Cas spends his time sitting in the window seat in the living room reading or simply staring out the window while his broken leg heals.
Dean finds him there one morning, book forgotten on his lap, eyes far away and glazed over while he stares out the window. These faraway looks are becoming more and more frequent and Dean worries that Cas is falling into a bout of depression, that he's regretting his choice to become human and that any day now he'll be begging his brothers to take him back.
Dean's throat constricts when the thought of Cas leaving for good hits him, he tells himself he's coming down with something.
"Hey, Cas." Cas' attention returns to the now, his eyes slowly focusing and turning to look at Dean. A small smile graces his full lips and, "Hello, Dean."
"You doin' okay? Need anything?" Cas shakes his head and rests his head against the window, watching as Dean settles himself onto the couch. They simply stare at eachother for awhile, Cas blinking long and slow but his attention never wavers. Dean wonders how he could possibly live without this. Cas is the only one he feels he can be quiet around, the only one where nothing needs to be said because Cas already knows.
"You don't regret it do you?" Dean finds himself blurting out as the early morning light shifts into the warmer shades of late afternoon. Cas gives him that small, personal smile again and whispers, "Never, Dean."
"Never?" Cas nods his confirmation and Dean blames the stinging in his eyes on allergies.
It's nearly September when Cas experiences his first cold. He stood out on their front porch too long during a thunderstorm, and the head cold hit him with a force not long after. He's miserable and sneezy and filled with so much snot Dean is shocked Cas hasn't drowned in it yet.
Dean takes care of him though. Brings him soup, cold medicine and tea with the right amount of honey that's only found in New Zealand in it. He sits with him on Cas' bed and reads and watches movies with him on Sam's laptop. Cas falls asleep those nights pressed close to Dean, snuffling into Dean's side in his sleep.
It's then that Dean realizes that over all these months, the feelings that have been growing inside of him, have been love. Slowly slipping from 'friendship' to 'love' and Dean doesn't know how it happened. How he suddenly came to realize that he's loved Cas all along, that these feelings he's been trying to push away and hide is his deep and fierce love for Cas.
The realization startles him upright in the bed, startling Cas from his slumber with a sneeze and a groggy, "What's wrong Dean?"
Dean wants to tell him nothing. Wants to tell Cas to go back to sleep and wants to run away from this. Wants to get into the Impala and just drive. Drive and drive until he's somewhere that's not here, not this domesticity that isn't Dean.
Instead what comes out is, "I love you."
Maybe it's the way Cas simply stares at him over the tissue he's holding to his nose, one eyebrow raised, that keeps Dean from panicking and running away. Maybe it's the way that he simply says, "Well it's about time. Your soul has been telling me that for months now," that keeps Dean grounded.
"You knew?" Dean doesn't know if he should feel annoyed or relieved. Cas squints at him over another tissue and mutters through it, "I knew your soul knew. I didn't know if you knew."
"Didn't think you should, I don't know...fill me in on this?" Cas simply looks at him, his eyes too blue in the dim lighting of the room before he finally asks, "Would you have believed me?"
Dean knows he has a point. Knows he probably would have scoffed and denied and moved on from it and probably never would have come to the realization himself. The silence between them quickly becomes awkward as they simply stare at eachother.
"Yes Dean. I love you too. Can we go back to sleep now please? I think my head is going to explode." Just like that the awkwardness is broken and Dean snorts, nodding and laying down, Cas settles beside him, closer than before and rests his head on Dean's chest.
"So, what do we do now?" Cas lets out a sigh, probably annoyed at being kept from going back to sleep and says, "Nothing really needs to change Dean. We already live together, hunt together we already know eachother. There's nothing to change."
Which is probably a good thing. Dean has never done to well with change, likes to keep things as they are. He wants things to stay as they are, doesn't want to lose Cas' friendship or his brother.
"It'll take me some time to get used to."
"I know Dean."
"But uh, just remember that when I say or do something stupid, which I will since I suck at this relationship thing. Just remember that I do love you okay?"
"I know you Dean. You don't need to tell me this."
"I know, it just makes me feel better to say it okay?"
"Okay Dean." Cas has nearly drifted off again by then and Dean just enjoys his warmth, wonders why it took him this long to accept this. Cas has been the constant thing in his life over the years they've known eachother. Cas has never left and he never really gave up on Dean when he should have. It will take Dean some time, but he knows he'll get there.
"There is one thing that will change though." Cas mutters. Dean feels himself tense, prepares himself for something he really isn't ready to hear and asks, "What?"
It takes awhile for Cas to respond and he's pretty much asleep when he finally does, "We can have sex now."
Yeah, that's something Dean can definitely get behind.