Author's Notes: I've toying with the idea of this story for ages the trailer is on my youtube account for any of you interested the link is on my profile. Please note that there is a large chunk in this chapter taken straight from New Moon which I take no credit for but I figured since this is where my story starts and the original scene was great why change it? But obviously I make no claim to that part, which I have marked the beginning and end of in bold within the chapter and make no money from it either.
Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or the characters and make no money from this story it is for fan purposes only. I also as stated above and below do not own the bold section of this chapter it belongs to Stephanie Meyer herself.
The moment I stepped out of the car when we reached the house in Forks for the first time I knew something big was going to happen here. Something really big. Unfortunately the vision was too blurry and too fast for me to know what. This was a vision of fate not of decision...I would just have to wait until it was clearer.
Nearly two years later another blurred vision hit me. The only clear picture I got was a girl's face, but I didn't know her. Of course that was until Bella Swan moved to Folks a month later. Immediately I recognised her and Edward heard me think it. As soon as he noticed her, he realised he couldn't hear her thoughts and that's when another vision hit me. I saw them together in a car, a restaurant, I saw him kiss her, I saw her as one of us. This vision was clearer as if it had been decided...Edward liked her. Then again as always my visions proved indefinite when only an hour later Edward's vision changed to one of him killing her.
As time passed, despite the fact that Bella was the first human I'd ever seen Edward thirst for like this they became friends, in fact more than friends. I assumed that this would continue until perhaps we would leave Forks when we were too old, leave her behind and she would continue her human life since they obviously weren't soul mates. However the image of her as one of us did not and would not shift no matter what vision I had of her...the result was the same her as one of us.
When we killed James and Edward saved her from the change the image still didn't shift. Even month later when Edward refused to change her, the image still wouldn't budge. Bella was going to be one of us. Fate had decided.
Bella and Edward didn't have the same bond that Jasper and I had or Rosalie and Emmett. It was more like Carlisle and Esme's. When I saw visions of soul mates I would see a certain image. Jasper was my soul mate; that is why I waited for him for so long, because I knew he was worth it. Rosalie and Emmett had the strongest bond I had ever seen, if they weren't my family I'd be jealous. Esme and Carlisle however were not soul mates, their love had been one of convenience, although of course they did love each other. Edward and Bella loved each other but I couldn't see them together forever.
That brings me to the present. I had just had a vision of Jasper attacking Bella mere instants before he lunged.
"Jasper no!" I cried, lucky Edward hadn't missed my thoughts and luckily managed to get in between Bella and Jasper before Jasper could hurt her.
As Carlisle and Emmett grabbed Jasper as hard as they could I tried to calm him down. Unfortunately it was no longer just a little blood. I was disgusted with myself as I became unable to focus on anything but her blood. Fortunately Carlisle managed get through to us, telling us to leave. He didn't have to ask twice.
I knew then, as I sat on the floor looking up at them, clutching my bleeding arm and seeing their faces...I didn't belong in this world. I didn't belong in their family after all.
Centuries of experience in the emergency room were evident in Carlisle's quiet, authoritative voice as he told Emmett and Rosalie to get Jasper outside. They did so, Emmett unsmiling and Jasper still fighting to get to me.
Edward's face was whiter than bone as he wheeled to crouch over me, taking a clearly defensive position. A low warning growl slid from between his clenched teeth. I could tell that he wasn't breathing.
Esme's heart-shaped face was ashamed. "I'm so sorry, Bella," she cried as she followed the others into the yard.
"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured. Edward seemed to think about it for a moment before letting Carlisle past. Carlisle knelt beside me, leaning close to examine my arm. I could feel the shock frozen on my face, and I tried to compose it. "Bella," Carlisle said softly. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"
"Here, please," I whispered. If he took me to the hospital, there would be no way to keep this from Charlie.
"I'll get your bag," Alice said.
Next thing I knew we were moving and Edward sat me gently into a chair, and Carlisle pulled up another. He went to work at once. Edward stood over me, still protective, still not breathing.
"Just go, Edward," I sighed.
"I can handle it," he insisted, but his jaw was rigid; his eyes burned with the intensity of the thirst he fought.
"You don't need to be a hero," I said. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."
Carlisle decided to intercede. "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."
Finally, he nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door.
A numb, dead feeling was spreading through my arm. Though it erased the sting, it reminded me of the gash, and I watched Carlisle's face carefully to distract me from what his hands were doing. His hair gleamed gold in the bright light as he bent over my arm.
If she hadn't been in my line of sight, I wouldn't have noticed Alice give up and steal out of the room. With a tiny, apologetic smile on her lips, she disappeared through the kitchen doorway.
"Well, that's everyone," I sighed. "I can clear a room, at least."
"It's not your fault," Carlisle comforted me with a chuckle. "It could happen to anyone."
"Could" I repeated. "But it usually just happens to me."
He laughed again. His relaxed calm was only more amazing set in direct contrast with everyone else's reaction. I couldn't find any trace of anxiety in his face. He worked with quick, sure movements. The only sound besides our quiet breathing was the soft plink, plink as the tiny fragments of glass dropped one by one to the table.
"How can you do this?" I demanded. "Even Alice and Esme…" I trailed off, shaking my head in wonder. Though the rest of them had given up the traditional diet of vampires just as absolutely as Carlisle had, he was the only one who could bear the smell of my blood without suffering from the intense temptation. Clearly, this was much more difficult than he made it seem.
"Years and years of practice," he told me. "I barely notice the scent anymore."
"Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time. And weren't around any blood?"
"Maybe." He shrugged his shoulders, but his hands remained steady. "I've never felt the need for an extended holiday." He flashed a brilliant smile in my direction. "I enjoy my work too much."
"That makes it sound too easy."
He examined my arm again. "There," he said, snipping a thread. "All done." He wiped an oversized Q-tip, dripping with some syrup-colored liquid, thoroughly across the operation site. The smell was strange; it made my head spin. The syrup stained my skin.
"In the beginning, though," I pressed while he taped another long piece of gauze securely in place, sealing it to my skin. "Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?"
His lips turned up in a private smile. "Hasn't Edward told you this story?"
"Yes. But I'm trying to understand what you were thinking…"
His face was suddenly serious again, and I wondered if his thoughts had gone to the same place that mine had. Wondering what I would be thinking when—I refused to think if—it was me.
"You know my father was a clergyman," he mused as he cleaned the table carefully, rubbing everything down with wet gauze, and then doing it again. The smell of alcohol burned in my nose. "He had a rather harsh view of the world, which I was already beginning to question before the time that I changed."
Carlisle put all the dirty gauze and the glass slivers into an empty crystal bowl. I didn't understand what he was doing, even when he lit the match. Then he threw it onto the alcohol-soaked fibers, and the sudden blaze made me jump.
"Sorry," he apologized. "That ought to do it… So I didn't agree with my father's particular brand of faith. But never, in the nearly four hundred years now since I was born, have I ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or the other. Not even the reflection in the mirror. I'm sure all this sounds a little bizarre, coming from a vampire." He grinned, knowing how their casual use of that word never failed to shock me. "But I'm hoping that there is still a point to this life, even for us. It's a long shot, I'll admit," he continued in an offhand voice. "By all accounts, we're damned regardless. But I hope, maybe foolishly, that we'll get some measure of credit for trying."
"I don't think that's foolish," I mumbled. I couldn't imagine anyone, deity included, who wouldn't be impressed by Carlisle. Besides, the only kind of heaven I could appreciate would have to include Edward. "And I don't think anyone else would, either."
"Actually, you're the very first one to agree with me."
"The rest of them don't feel the same?" I asked, surprised, thinking of only one person in particular.
Carlisle guessed the direction of my thoughts again. "Edward's with me up to a point. God and heaven exist… and so does hell. But he doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind." Carlisle's voice was very soft; he stared out the big window over the sink, into the darkness. "You see, he thinks we've lost our souls."
"That's the real problem, isn't it?" I guessed. "That's why he's being so difficult about me."
"If I believed as he does…" He looked down at me with unfathomable eyes. "If you believed as he did. Could you take away his soul?"
"It's my choice," I insisted.
"It's his, too." He held up his hand when he could see that I was about to argue. "Whether he is responsible for doing that to you."
"He's not the only one able to do it." I eyed Carlisle speculatively.
He laughed, abruptly lightening the mood. "Oh, no! You're going to have to work this out with him." But then he sighed. "That's the one part I can never be sure of. I think, in most other ways, that I've done the best I could with what I had to work with. But was it right to doom the others to this life? I can't decide."
He told me the story of how he changed Edward because of Edward's mother. I stared at him enthrawed with the story and with the gorgeous angel face in front of me.
He smiled at me. "I suppose I should take you home now."
"I'll do that," Edward said. He came through the shadowy dining room, walking slowly for him. His face was smooth, unreadable, but there was something wrong with his eyes—something he was trying very hard to hide. I felt a spasm of unease in my stomach.
"Carlisle can take me," I said. I looked down at my shirt; the light blue cotton was soaked and spotted with my blood. My right shoulder was covered in thick pink frosting.
"I'm fine." Edward's voice was unemotional. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." He strode out the kitchen door again.
I looked at Carlisle anxiously. "He's very upset."
"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most, you being put in danger, because of what we are."
"It's not his fault."
"It's not yours, either."
I looked away from his wise, beautiful eyes. I couldn't agree with that.
Carlisle offered me his hand and helped me up from the table. I felt the jolt go right through me at the contact. For a moment I could have sworn I saw Carlisle look surprised but figured maybe I imagined it because his face looked just as calm and collected as normal.
The drive home with Edward was silent and it was driving me to insanity.
"Say something," I finally begged as he turned onto the freeway.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked in a detached voice.
"I'm sorry." I told him quietly.
"Sorry? For what?" he asked surprised, snapping him out of his cold demeanour.
"For tonight." I replied. "I should have been more careful."
"Bella you're human." He sighed. "This is why I'm not sure having you around my house is a good idea. Accidents happen."
He didn't want me at his house? Near his family? Didn't he know how much I loved his family? How much I desperately wanted to be a part of his family? Now I wouldn't be able to see them much...
It had been weeks since my birthday, nearly a month. I hadn't seen as much of Edward since then. I saw him at school and sometimes after but he never stayed the night anymore and the only time I saw any of the others was at school and that was brief. I hated it. Edward barely touched me anymore and kissing me was out of the question.
I couldn't help feeling that maybe we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore...he definitely didn't seem to want me that way anymore. I hoped it wasn't the case...
He was over-reacting of course but I didn't want to say anything because Alice had told me he nearly tried to get the whole family to leave for my own good but Carlisle had talked him out of it. Thank god.
So until now I had been giving him time to relax and for things to go back to normal. Unfortunately it wasn't going back to normal. Today none of them were in school due to the sun making a rare appearance in Forks. Edward hadn't even called or text me to tell me that they wouldn't be in but he'd miss me. This made me decide to pay them a visit. I would conveniently drop by the house to see Edward and of course once I was there it would be rude not to say hello to everyone.
I pulled my truck up the driveway and got out. I looked up at the house as I climbed the steps to the front door. Before my knuckles even hit the door to knock it was being opened for me. Carlisle stood in the doorway. I hadn't seen him in nearly a month and the sight nearly dazzled me.
With his strong build, perfect blonde hair, immaculately sculptured face and gorgeous eyes honey eyes he was surely what the Greeks pictured when they built statues of their gods.
"Come in Bella, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked warmly. I followed him into the house. "Would you like anything to eat or drink?"
"No thank you. I actually just came to see everyone since I didn't see them at school today for obvious reasons." I replied.
"I'm afraid that they've all gone hunting for the day...Edward didn't tell you?" Carlisle said, awkwardly.
"No...he must have...forgot." I sighed, lowering myself to the couch. But he knew as well as I did vampires didn't tend to forget things.
"They'll be back this evening Bella, I'm sure Edward will come over to see you the moment he's back." Carlisle replied, reassuringly sitting opposite me.
"I was actually hoping to see the rest of you..." I sighed hopelessly. "Edward's been adamant that it isn't safe for me to be here."
"I'm sure in time things will improve. He does these things with the most honourable intentions I'm sure." His smooth voice told me. I nodded but didn't reply. "We all miss you too, but Edward cares about you...he just doesn't want you hurt."
"That much is obvious."I snorted. Apparently the weak human female needed to be wrapped up in cotton wool.
"Bella, are you coping alright?" Carlisle asked, but this wasn't Carlisle asking it was Carlisle the Doctor asking.
"I just...it's nothing." I sighed, standing to leave. "I should go."
"Are you sure? I could fix you a nice warm drink before you head home in the dark?" he offered. "You could tell me what's bothering you."
"What's bothering me is the fact that I clearly don't belong here." I snapped suddenly. I covered my mouth and looked at Carlisle apologetically. "Oh God Carlisle I'm sorry I'm not mad at you."
"Bella you are welcome here anytime. You know that." He said softly, reaching his hand out to squeeze my arm comfortingly.
"Carlisle...I don't belong in your family, or your world...I think Edward has proved that." I whispered.
"You are already part of the family." He replied. I tried to look away from those golden eyes but I just couldn't do it. Then I felt my tears against my cheeks...I hadn't even realised I was crying.
"He doesn't want me." I sobbed.
"Of course he does, he's not going anywhere, none of us are." Carlisle assured me, hugging me to him.
"I mean he doesn't...want me." I whispered. "In a boyfriendly way."
"I'm sure that's not the case." Carlisle said, pushing away to arms length and meeting my gaze. "Don't be silly Bella, any man human or...otherwise would be lucky to have you."
I tried to respond but I couldn't think of anything to say. He could see that I didn't believe him. I felt his cool hands running across my face and neck.
"You are so beautiful Bella." He said softly and ever so quietly. "I mean it."
Author's Notes: Hope you like where this is going. As stated above the bold sections don't belong to me and I take no credit for them I only take credit for the parts I've written myself. Please bear with me here this story will pick up I promise.