My computer died, had to wait for taxes to buy a new one...Hope it was worth the wait, as always I'm grateful to know what you think so review if you have time. Thanks for taking a look either way, hope you enjoy :)
The Best Part of Me (2/2)
Of course Puck throws the first party of the summer, a barbecue for Glee in the afternoon and debauchery in the evening for the rest of his friends and anyone from Glee who chooses to stay. This of course includes Santana and Britt, Finn, Sam, Mike, Me and Kurt and Rachel. The end pair have been glued together all afternoon and if Kurt wasn't as gay as I am I would be insanely jealous.
I hang with Sam and Julie and try to be discreet as my eyes continually search for Rachel. Puck orders pizza and looks at me funny when I refuse the plate he offers. When he comments that I didn't eat earlier either I roll my eyes and take the plate and look down at the food. It's not a struggle I'm unaware of, but it is a struggle, and I feel a little bit sick as I look down at the plate and pick up the food with veiled trepidation.
I clench my teeth and stare at the toilet in Puck's bathroom, I really hate doing this anywhere, but at home, but the pizza is sitting heavy in my stomach and Rachel is flirting with a random girl who I don't think even goes to our school, but looks fuckin hot in her bikini. I am thankful it's not Hudson, but I hate myself and run to Puck's bedroom where Sam finds me a few minutes later.
I don't know why I let him hug me, but I do and he tells me I'm beautiful and that I'm not fat and the next thing I know we're hurriedly backing toward Puck's bed, our mouths crashing together as he falls over me. It's only when my hands reach to pull off his shirt that he pulls away and swallows, looking guilty as he stills my hand and turns away from me.
He says he loves me, but assures me that I don't love him. He tells me he likes Rachel and that I should find her because she's hurting as much as I am and she has no idea what's going on because I won't even talk to her to tell her. It's only when I feel the usual blankness settle over my features that I look at him again and he sighs and says he'll take me home. He tells me he'll be right back and leaves me sitting on Puck's bed.
I'm contemplating going back into the bathroom when I hear the door open again and a small voice asks me why I'm not speaking to her. I swallow and look at Rachel standing in the doorway. I love that she's at a high school party, surrounded by the 'cool' kids, getting hit on by a hot girl and she's still wearing a plaid skirt, a thin short sleeve sweater bearing the outline of a unicorn and her signature knee socks. I hate the hurt swelling up in her eyes when I look at her and the next thing I know I'm crying.
I'm crying that I'm fat and ugly and not good enough for her. I'm crying because my father hates me and my mother is pretty much back to ignoring me and once again I'm walking around feeling inconsequential. I'm fairly close to hysterics when I get to prom night and Rachel pulls me close. The familiarity of being in her arms allows me to take deeper breaths as if the scent of her has healing vapors in it.
When I'm finally finished with my hysterics Rachel pulls away and goes to the bathroom and returns with a damp washcloth which she silently and gently runs over my cheeks and eyes. She doesn't speak the entire time, but my heart is aching in my chest over how much I love this girl and I never once feel ashamed that I let her see me cry.
Rachel pulls me close to her and rubs my back and I feel the best I've felt in ages and she waits until my breathing has completely evened out to tell me that she's sorry for making me feel this way. She looks like she wants to say more, but she doesn't, she does kiss me though and my entire body sighs at the contact as her mouth gently captures mine.
Our kisses deepen and I flip Rachel onto her back and she gives the most amazing groan when I lower my body onto hers. Her hands creep under my shirt and the rush of heat from her hands on my bare skin causes my hips to roll into hers and her entire body arches as she pulls me closer. Heat rushes through me knowing that I caused this reaction and I do it again and kiss her as her body meets mine with a little moan in the back of her throat and before she or I realize what's happening Rachel let's my hand snake under her shirt and squeeze over her breast. I'm betting the shock of her not wearing a bra is hitting us both at the same time.
And in the next instant I'm collapsing against Rachel's neck whispering the eff word into the pillow and I'm fairly certain that if I was a guy I would have just greatly embarrassed myself with an early arrival. Rachel gives a soft sort of giggle, but doesn't make me move my hand and her breathing starts to become uneven when I start to move my hand. Her eyes are closed when my fingers find her nipple and her hips raise to meet mine again when I give it an experimental squeeze.
I'd forgotten how completely intoxicating Rachel could be and we completely lose any sense of where we are or what we're building up to when Puck jolts us back to reality as he swings open the door. Rachel hides her face in my hair as I look up in horror to see who has caught us and I'm shamefully relieved when Puck is smirking at us like he won the lottery. I yell at him to close the door and he does, but not before muttering that he's never going to change his sheets again.
Rachel giggles and I pull away from her and collapse on the bed next to her in my relief that our secret is still safe. See being in love with a girl doesn't really freak me out so much as people finding out that I'm in love with a girl. Rachel props herself on her side to look at me, but when she leans down to kiss me again I turn my head and tell her that we shouldn't do this where anyone could walk in.
There's a flash of hurt in her eyes, but it's gone as fast as it appeared and she asks me if I would like to accompany her to her house for the night to hang out. I can't help smiling like an idiot at the fact that she uses the word accompany. I love how amazing she is and I nod my head as she climbs over me and straightens herself up before she leaves, telling me to take a minute to compose myself and she'll meet me at the car.
Rachel's fathers are happy to see me and she ducks her head and looks embarrassed when they mention her moping about the house for the last few weeks. We watch a movie with them and I even eat the snacks they make us without feeling too sick. I love the way Rachel feels curled into my side as she sleeps and I don't have another break down until cheerleading camp.
It's been two weeks and I think I'm going to go insane. Finn was in the background talking to Rachel when I talked to her earlier and I hate that he still calls her 'Rach', so I find myself taking my frustrations out on the squad. Santana has been glaring at me the entire day with murder in her eyes, but she waits until we are alone in our room before she tells me that she liked me better when I was pretending to be straight.
I open my mouth to deny whatever she's accusing me of, but she gives me a look that makes the sentence die on my lips. She tells me not to waste my breath and asks me what the hell my problem is and before I can stop myself I'm spilling the fact that I think that Rachel is still waiting to get back together with Finn.
Santana rolls her eyes and calls me a girl before she speaks, telling me if I ever mention any of this again she'll beat the hell out of me before she denies everything. She tells me that Rachel is over Finn even if I don't know it yet and that I should quit being a baby. She tells me that Rachel is the type of girl to obsess over her virginity and then asks me in a quiet, but serious voice if I would be so careless about it if I could do it all again. We both sit in the silence of our own regrets and I try not to be such a bitch for the rest of camp.
By the time I make it back from camp Rachel has gone completely off her rocker and when I find her at Puck's house they're going over sheet music with Kyle Karofsky. Puck's picking at his guitar and that rat bastard is leaning over Rachel's shoulder studying the notes she's pointing to on her sheet of paper. I arch my eyebrow at Puck who shrugs his shoulders, but tells Rachel they need food before Sam, Julie and Grace arrive. He enlists Karofsky to help him buy pizza and leaves me and Rachel alone to say hello.
I'm uncomfortably nervous when we find ourselves alone and Rachel immediately puts me at ease by smiling shyly and telling me she missed me. The next thing I know she's in my arms and her lips are moving over mine and I've forgotten that I was ever nervous in the first place. Rachel breaths out that she missed me again and she does it so deep in her throat that I can't help backing her toward Puck's couch and the next thing I know we're making out on his couch completely oblivious to the fact that anyone could walk in at anytime.
Someone does walk in and I'm still a little relieved that it's only Sam. He grins like a teenage boy and twirls around to head off whoever came with him. Rachel looks surprised when I don't move away from her and smiles a little when I reach over and rub my finger on the corner of her mouth to fix what I've done to her. She pushes her hair behind her ear ducks her head as I straighten my own hair and sit up straight.
Rachel looks a little on the delighted side when I leave our shoulders touching as she explains to me that Grace, Julie and Kyle are joining Glee and we are going to help them choose audition songs. Kurt shows up and we actually have a really fun jam session in Puck's garage and I don't remember to ask Rachel why everyone's so willing to forgive Karfosky until later. Rachel's face darkens for a moment and then she shrugs and tells me quietly that everyone deserves a second chance.
I can't really argue with that, but I have a little trouble getting used to him over the next few weeks until Kurt finally tells me the real reason that everyone's so accepting of the jock. He looks a little on the uncomfortable side as he gives me the basics and tells me that I should call Rachel to get the real story as he only knows what he's heard and it's not much. Instead of calling her I decide that I need to see her.
Rachel is all smiles when she sees me behind her door and my stomach goes a little weak as I think to myself that it wouldn't be the worst thing ever if I could see her smile everyday. She hugs me shyly and ducks away when one of her fathers peeks through the doorway. Mr. Berry-number-one looks at me knowingly and I feel a little bit guilty under his gaze as Rachel announces that we are heading to her bedroom. I'm fairly certain that I go ten shades of red as he yells the words 'Door open!' to Rachel as she leads me up the stairs.
When I reveal the reason I'm visiting Rachel's face darkens and she takes a moment to pick some invisible fuzz off of her bed before she begins talking. It's not a long story and not nearly as dramatic as Kurt made it seem, but I still end up with my fists clenched at my sides.
I only soften when Rachel's hands slip over my fists and pull my arms around her so she can get closer to me. I feel my anger relax as I pull her close and vow to try to be nicer to Karofsky. After all Rachel's right everyone deserves another chance. She relaxes into me as I try not not to think about the fact that I'm on my third. The fourth, if I count sophomore year when I declined her initial offer of friendship. I close my eyes and breath in deeply as I hope against hope that my chances will never run out.
It's the beginning of Senior year and my life has taken a turn toward suck when the man I laughingly call my father moves back in and Rachel and I have our first, last and only fight about Finn Hudson. Rachel has been hinting that she wants to go to the winter formal and I really want to take her. I finally work up the nerve to ask her after she politely turns down about a million offers. I get Puck to buy her a ticket because being me I can hardly go to the booth and pick them up myself without getting grilled about who I'm taking.
I secure the auditorium and sing her a song, and when I ask her to the dance she smiles so wide and bright that my heart stops for a moment in my chest and I walk blindly toward her, forgetting where we are or the consequences of being caught here with her. I kiss her deeply and I only stop when she pulls away gently and looks around the auditorium nervously.
I take a step back, a little bit shocked at my own actions, but I don't drop her hand. Her eyes are questioning when I meet them and I give a little shrug. She smiles tentatively as I lead her out of the auditorium to my car, and for the first time I don't care who sees us walking together.
We end up at her house that night and there's something a little bit different about the way that she looks at me. I like it and it makes me nervous all at once, we have dinner with her parents and Mr. Berry-number-two corners me in the kitchen when I'm putting my plate in the sink. He doesn't say anything for a moment as I squirm uncomfortably under his gaze, and just when it feels like I'm about to crack he smiles, puts his plate in the sink and nods in my direction as he heads back out to the living room.
He leans against Rachel's doorway later on as he stops to say goodnight to his daughter and I make it a point to meet his eyes and then glance at my hands which have stayed nervously on top of Rachel's blankets through the entire movie. He says goodnight to the two of us before he pulls the door mostly closed and I hear him laugh as he walks down the hall toward his bedroom.
Rachel giggles a little next to me and I glare at her for a full five seconds before she leans toward me and kisses me, melting my glare in the process. I ask Rachel when she told her fathers about us and she shrugs and says that they sort of already knew. I panic a little bit before she takes my hand and kisses it, drops it back onto the blanket and tells me that her parents like me. I look at her a little bit puzzled because they must know what I was like before and she says that they're the ones who made her believe in second chances.
The fight happens after my father catches me sitting a little too intimately against Rachel while we do our homework in my bedroom. He's been moved back in for a few weeks and we mostly avoid each other, but he does make it clear what he expects of me and we both know that snuggling another girl is not acceptable. Rachel doesn't notice him standing in my door until she feels my body go rigid next to hers and she looks at me in concern before following my gaze to my father's face.
He tells her as politely as he can through his clenched teeth that he thinks it's getting late and she looks at him defiantly for a few seconds before sees the look of fear on my face and nods shortly in his direction as she gathers her things and tells me she'll see me at school tomorrow. I try not to think about how much I want to feel her arms around me, or her hand in mine, anything to comfort the feeling in my stomach as my father stares at me in barely masked disgust. We don't talk, but he stares at me with that disappointed look on his face for what seems like forever before he tells me that I will be accompanying him to church this weekend. I nod at the order and wish he could read my mind so he would know how much I hate him.
My father sends my mother up to get me on Sunday morning and I see something like concern in her eyes when she finds me staring in the mirror with a blank look on my face. I haven't had a chance to talk to Rachel since she left my house the other day and I wish for the thousandth time that I was in her arms. I can feel Father Thomas's eyes on me through the entire sermon he gives on sexual deviance and I wonder bitterly if my father requested that he give this message especially for me.
I'm proud of myself that I don't cry until I make it to the safety and privacy of my bathroom and I don't get control over myself until my father calls me down for Sunday dinner and I have to sit across from him and smile when Father Thomas comments on how happy I must be that my family is back together. My father meets my sugary sweet smile with equal animosity behind his own and I pray to any God that will listen to me for this dinner to be over.
He knocks on my door while I am getting ready for bed and sits on the corner of my bed in silence after I let him in. Finally he motions for me to sit next to him and I can't help thinking about when I was younger and he would come in every night when he got home from work and sit in that same spot to tell me a funny story, make me laugh, tuck me in and tell me he loved me. Part of me wishes I didn't hate him so much.
He finally speaks to me, tells me he loves my mother and that even though I have a penchant for disappointing him he loves me too. He gives me a speech about what is expected of a Fabray and reminds me that as long as I live under his roof that he will not be embarrassed by me again. I take this conversation as the heavily disguised threat that it is and ask Sam over to help me study the next day.
Sam is polite when he meets my father, he stands up and shakes his hand and the same part of me that refuses to hold Rachel's hand at school leaps at the fact that Russel nods approval at me for the first time since Finn stupidly stood up and sang at my parents that I was having his baby. He invites Sam to stay for dinner and this time when he smiles at me from across the table I wish that I wasn't so pleased at the sincerity in his eyes.
Rachel gets angry with me for the first time ever when I tell her that I can't go to the dance with her, "It's not like I'm asking you to make out with me on the dance floor, Quinn. Hell, I don't even expect you to be on the dance floor with me." Rachel crosses her arms over her chest as I try to reason with her and storms off toward the choir room before I can catch up to her. The next day she informs me that she'll be attending the dance with Finn and Rachel gets her first glimpse of the Fabray temper.
There's a lot of yelling and I'm thankful that her fathers are not at home. She tells me to stop acting like a child, that she and Finn are only going as friends and I yell back that I see the way he looks at her and I don't want her to go. And when she accuses me of being exactly like that ogre I flip out and before I can stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth I tell her that if she goes to the dance with Finn that she and I are finished.
Rachel and I are both stunned into silence at my words and she looks at me for what seems like forever before she answers in a hurt voice that it can't be over if I'll never be able to give it a chance to start. I leave her house at full tilt and don't start panicking until later that night when I call to apologize and Rachel won't pick up her phone.
On the day of the dance Kurt finds me crying in the bathroom when he comes in to touch up his hair and the next thing I know I'm sitting on Kurt's couch clenching my jaw into impassivity as I watch his brother get ready to take my girlfriend out on a date. I seriously want to choke him when I overhear him telling Kurt that he and Rachel are definitely going to get back together after this. Kurt puts his hand on my knee and the look of indifference I've been struggling to keep is replaced with hatred as I glare at him until he leaves.
I mostly cry for the entire night, Kurt lets me, and I try not to hate him too much when he tells me that no one can wait forever, and if I don't choose her soon I don't really deserve her. I don't realize how true this is until Finn walks in and says that Rachel let him kiss her. The color red flashes in front of my eyes and I'm off the couch practically running for the door calling Rachel who still won't pick her phone up. Mr. Berry-number-one answers the door and gives me an encouraging smile and tells me Rachel is upstairs. Number Two gives me a Hard look and tells me not to blow it.
Rachel's sitting at her mirror and the sight of her knocks the breath out of me for a moment because she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I clear my throat and she looks up startled to find me staring at her. Rachel takes in the sight of me and her look of irritation quickly turns to sympathy as she takes in my less than perfect appearance. I've spent most of the night with my head in Kurt's lap and my eyes are red from the crying. I'm almost grateful that I look like such shit because at least she'll know I'm sincere.
We don't talk right away she steers me toward her bed and disappears into her bathroom and once again she's gently wiping away my tears. I tell her how sorry I am and how much my father scares me and how much I hate the way she looks at Finn, how I really loathe the way he looks at her. I almost beg her not to go back to Finn before I apologize for being weak and tell her that I love her and try to make her understand how much I want to be ready for her, but I'm just not there yet. I tell her I know how amazing she is and ask her to hold on for just a little bit longer.
I can see the dilemma in her eyes and I can't stand the fact that I've caused her this much pain. She nods and pulls me against her and my entire body sighs in relief as I feel her arms around me for the first time in what seems like forever. I spend the entire weekend at her house and I try not to feel guilty that I lied to my father and told him that I would be hanging with Grace all weekend. We go to a jam session at Puck's house on Sunday where I find myself alone with Kyle Karofsky.
Rachel went with Puck to get food and I have no idea where anyone else has gotten to, but I wish they would get back because being alone with Karofsky is not exactly comfortable. We make small talk about the game we have next week and out of nowhere he tells me how amazing Rachel is and how lucky I am that she loves me so much. "Wait a minute, do you have a thing for Rachel?" I ask defensively as I feel my face go a little red.
He laughs at me and tells me in a quiet voice that I'm more like him than I could ever realize and that Rachel is not exactly his type. My face goes redder when I think that he's knocking on Rachel and he laughs and tells me to calm down before his face turns serious. He says he knows what it's like to feel like you're suffocating inside your own body, and he wishes that Kurt was as forgiving as Rachel. I look at him silently and blankly for a full minute before everything sinks in and he smiles at me sort of sadly.
On Monday on the way to school Rachel is singing softly to my stereo and I look at her in between keeping my eyes on the road and when we pull up to the school Rachel looks over and smiles softly at me. I think about the weekend, how I felt when I thought that Rachel was going to get back together with Finn and about what Karofsky said. Rachel's brown eyes regard me questioningly, but I just smile, shrug a little and turn to get out of the car.
I love Rachel. She's the only thing I think about as I walk around the car to open the door and help her out like I always do.
I need her. She's astonishing. In the best way possible, she makes me want to be better.
When she looks at me she makes me feel perfect. The only time I feel absolutely at ease with myself is when her arms are around me. She's beautiful, sexy, patient, forgiving.
She's the best part of me.
And in the twenty seconds it takes me to walk around the car I make the choice that should have been this easy from the start. I Take Rachel's hand to help her out of the car and make the best decision of my life. I feel her grip relax on my hand as soon as she's out of the car, but instead of dropping her hand like every other day of the week I squeeze her smaller hand in my own. I look down at our hands as I lace my fingers through hers and they look perfect together. My smile widens when I catch hers and my heart jumps a little in my chest when she doesn't even notice the look on Finn's face as we brush past him.
I shoot him a smug smile for good measure and the weight of my decision doesn't really hit me until one of the hockey players catches my hand in Rachel's and gives my tiny diva a predatory leer. I step in front of her to shield her from him, but he never even makes it across the hall before Puck and Karofsky head him off and he steers himself back toward his group of puck heads. Karofsky turns and gives me a nod and I meet his eyes with a silent look of appreciation from my place by Rachel's side.
Rachel's parents are out of town visiting a relative when she finally tells me she loves me. She invites me over for the weekend, assuring me that she has permission from her father's for me to be there and when I arrive after a late Cheerios practice I'm surprised that I can't see any light coming from her house. The door is unlocked so I walk in and I stop dead in my tracks as all of the breath leaves my body.
Rachel is standing in front of me wearing nothing but a pair of red lace panties with a matching bra, bathed in the candle light she has strategically placed around her living room. I suck in my bottom lip instead of much needed air and if I don't remember how to breath soon I might pass out. Rachel lets a pleased and seductive smile settle on her lips before she moves toward me and I drop my bag on the floor next to me because the sight of a mostly naked Rachel Berry has rendered me useless and if I try to walk and carry the bag at the same time I fear disaster.
I meet Rachel's mouth halfway across the room and my knees go a little bit weak when she presses her body up against me so that her lips can crash against mine. She pulls away, smiles and takes my hand to lead me up to her room following a trail of candlelight all the way to her door.
By the time we make it to her bed she has managed to pull off almost all of my clothes and as I lay her gently back on her bed her eyes look at me intensely and she finally says the words. "I love you, Quinn Fabray." After that I have to have her and I make quick work of getting us both naked and nothing I have ever experienced would have been able to prepare me for the way it feels when I settle my weight on top of her and Rachel is naked against me for the first time.
She sighs a little at the contact and closes her eyes. Rachel's bare skin feels wonderfully smooth under my fingertips and mouth as they chase each other over her body, trying to remember every inch of flawless skin. Rachel's movements become more urgent under my touch and I meet her eyes as I take her, trying not to come at the sound she makes in the back of her throat when she relaxes and I can finally start to move my fingers inside of her. She says it again as she groans out my name and clenches around my fingers and this time I don't stop myself from tumbling over the edge with her.
Rachel's fast asleep as my pencil scratches gently over a page in my sketchbook, trying desperately to capture her beauty as she breaths softly in front of me. I know somewhere in the back of my hazy mind that this is impossible, but I try anyway and fight sleep at all costs. I love this woman and for the first time in my life I feel loved back and I want to hold onto this moment forever. She wakes up and pulls me into the bed with her after I've been sketching for about an hour and I love the way she settles into my arms and falls right back to sleep, snoring gently.
Rachel finds my sketch the next morning and she's the first person I ever let go through my art book. She flips out over how talented I am, blushes that so many of my drawings are of her and then laughs lightly as she tells me that they are a definite improvement over the ones on the bathroom stalls. She kisses away my look of regret and tells me that I can make it up to her by cooking her breakfast and Rachel and I don't leave her house until it's time for school on Monday.
It's hard to believe that a week that started out so amazing could end up filled with such crap, but here I am in the bathroom gagging the lunch Sam made me eat into the toilet. It starts with Rachel getting an early acceptance letter to NYU and plummets downhill from there. Out of all the schools I get accepted to Russel makes it plainly clear that he will only pay for pre law at Princeton and I agree because really how else am I going to get out of here. And since Princeton is so close to NYU I don't expect Rachel to freak out as much as she does.
When I tell her she's overreacting she gets super quiet and tells me that she thought that we would be going to New York together and that she wrote me into her dreams. I don't know what else she wants from me and I tell her that I need to think, which she interprets as I don't want to be with her and by the time one of the Carmel football players calls me a dyke I haven't spoken to her in four days.
Karofsky breaks the guys nose and Rachel nearly has a panic attack when she sees the blood spatter on my uniform. Once we all convince her that it's not mine she calms down and offers to take me home to clean up during halftime. My parents are out so I agree and when we get to my room Rachel grabs my hand and pulls me into a hug, whispering in my ear that she doesn't care where I go to school as long as I don't forget about her.
I tell her how impossible that is and I push her toward my bed so that we can have our first make up sex. Both of us forget about the game and touching her again is like heaven until she's naked and leaning over me and I hear a yelp coming from my doorway because we forgot to lock it. I freeze in fear at the sight of my mother's horrified look and Rachel rolls off of me quickly pulling a blanket over her head in the process and I know she's hoping that my mother didn't recognize her.
I swallow when she says Rachel's name and tells her in a clipped tone that it's late and she had better get dressed and go home. I say goodnight to Rachel and she makes me promise to call her later no matter what and I nod and kiss her goodnight at the door. She snatches her head back in surprise and I shrug, what more damage could I possibly do now.
Turns out my mother knows whats been going on for a while and asks me how I could be so careless about leaving the door unlocked telling me seriously that things would have been a lot different if it had been Russel who opened that door. I ask her through clenched teeth how she could be so careless letting him back into our lives. We argue quietly and it ends when she bans Rachel from the house and tells me that I should get my priorities straight or he'll never pay for me to get out of this stupid little town.
I call Rachel later and smile as I hear her sigh of relief through the phone. I tell her everything and apologize and she's completely understanding and when she tells me to remember that she loves me before she hangs up I don't think I could ever get tired of hearing her voice say those words. Everything is fine until Sue Sylvester suspends me for three games after a weigh in, she lectures me about my weight gain gives me a weeks worth of her weight loss shake and sends me out of her office.
Two day later I haven't lost any weight and when I'm gone a little bit too long during lunch Rachel and Sam find me in the fourth floor bathroom kneeling on the cold tile and the pained look on Rachel's face paired with the shame of being caught causes my stomach to convulse and I have to turn quickly back toward the toilet. She holds back my hair and when my stomach finally stops heaving I brush past both of them to the sink because I can't meet their eyes.
Rachel insists that we skip the rest of the day and we spend the drive to her house in silence. I over hear her in the kitchen moving around and talking to one of her fathers and I wonder how it would be to have parents who actually loved me no matter what I did. She comes into the living room where I am sitting on her couch and places a bowl of soup and a plate of crackers in front of me and tells me gently to put something back into my stomach.
I stare at the food Rachel has set in front of me and I swallow the gag in my throat at the the thought of putting it into my mouth. We don't say anything and when we're still sitting there twenty minutes later I finally reach out with a shaky hand and take a cracker. There's tears in my eyes as I spoon the soup in my mouth and I force down a few more crackers before I can't take anymore and I drop the spoon to the table with a sob.
Rachel rubs my back and takes me up to her room, I feel like a child as she keeps her arms around me and I wish that she didn't have to fix me so often. She goes downstairs to say hello to her fathers when she hears them come in and when she comes back up I'm not exactly proud that she finds me standing in her bathroom, swallowing back the food that's sitting like a lump in my stomach.
There's a pained look on Rachel's face as I break down and tell her what I see when I look in the mirror and it turns to love when she kisses me and whispers in my ear that I'm beautiful and tells me what she sees when she looks at me. Rachel starts pulling my clothes off and it's the first time we've ever had sex in the harsh light of day, but when I try to cover myself she takes my hands in hers and lays me back on her bed.
I feel completely vulnerable as she studies me and I only relax when I see the look of adoration and wonder on her face as she touches me. She's words like beautiful, stunning, perfect, wonderful, tantalizing, as she places kisses over every inch of my skin.
She says that I'm so beautiful that sometimes she swears I'm an angel.
That my eyes are so stunning that sometimes she can't speak when I'm looking at her.
That my breasts feel so perfect in her hands that sometimes she's afraid she'll come just by touching them.
Her hands leave them and travel over my stomach and when I flinch away she leans down and trails kisses over my abdomen letting me know that this is her favorite part of me. Telling me that without it I would have spent all of high school not realizing how wonderful I could be.
She waits for me to relax and when her mouth is sucking at the inside of my thigh I'm practically quivering from needing her so much and she tells me that my legs and hips are so tantalizing that she can barely admire me walk without fighting the need to pull me into a janitors closet at school.
I laugh and she kisses my mouth and takes my hand, both of us gasping when she slides it between her thighs. She falls into my neck as I start to move my hand over her wetness and whispers deep in her throat that I do that to her everyday.
She pulls back to meet my eyes, "When I look at you, you're flawless Quinn Fabray." She says breathlessly as she slides her fingers inside of me. I believe her as I push against her and hold her eyes until my body coasts over the edge, forcing them closed with the intensity of my release.
We have dinner with her fathers later that night and I don't eat much, but when I don't feel sick afterword I figure it's a start.
It's prom night when I have a revelation about my future. It's been a year since I've been here. Sitting on a bed waiting for the woman I love to come out of the bathroom, only this time I'm not nervous at all. This time I danced with her. I held her and made her laugh and I barely cared who noticed.
This time she's smiling sexily as she comes out of the bathroom and when she's touching me all I can think is that I want to go to New York with her. I want to make her happy and take care of her, I want to spend the rest of my life making sure that every one of her dreams come true because she's become every one of mine.
Rachel shrieks so loud when I show her my NYU acceptance letter that her father's think I've killed her and come barreling up the stairs faster than I knew anyone could move. She just grins through her tears and shows them the letter and they join in the hugging and I have to admit I sort of love them for posting my letter next to Rachel's on their refrigerator.
The only thing better than my decision is when we go to New York for nationals and I get my first glimpse of New York Rachel and fall madly in love with her, it's exactly what she was made for. I have an absolute blast singing with her on stage and the bitch part of me is pleased at the look on Finn's face when Rachel smiles and curls herself into my side on the bus ride home. For the first time ever I realize exactly how long she has been over Finn Hudson.
Rachel and I start school and end up sharing a tiny apartment off campus when I get jealous over her dorm mate and get her kicked out. We both have busy schedules at school and work part time jobs to pay for the things her fathers don't so we don't see each other too often during the day, but it's perfect crawling into bed with her every night. Rachel's still crazy, and occasionally my insecurity still shows it's ugly head in the form of Head Bitch Quinn, but she loves me anyway and I still can't live without her, which brings me back to watching Rachel walk away from Finn marveling over the fact that even after everything I've put her through she still loves me enough to choose me everyday for the rest of her life.
I love the way her eyes light up when they find me and a part of me wonders what the hell he said to her to make her frown like that. As she throws her arms around me I think about what Sam said to me about him still being in love with Rachel and I try to have some sympathy for him, but turns out that someone else being in love with my fiance is just really annoying.
By mid afternoon he's starting to get creepy and I try my best not to scowl as I walk toward him. I sit next to him and try to imagine how I would feel if I had to watch Rachel be in love with someone else. I don't let my face change as I start to talk to him because I'm not sorry that he blew it, but I do sort of feel bad that he doesn't understand just exactly how close he came to destroying her.
I tell him everything. He looks pained when I tell him how I found her in the bathroom that day and embarrassed and shameful when I tell him what she told me on the bleachers. I don't really care if he understands for himself, but I have a feeling that if he doesn't he'll never be able to be happy for her and for reasons I make a note to ask her about she still cares about him. His opinion still means something to her and I promised myself a long time ago that I would do anything to make her happy.
It works, and I'm amazed I don't punch him in the face when she smiles and hugs him when he finally congratulates her. He gives her a smile back and she pulls me closer behind her and tilts her head to smile and mouth that she loves me. I lean down and kiss her, grinning as I lace our fingers together at her waist, feel my ring on her finger and thank God that things don't always turn out exactly the way you plan them...
So...How was it and who should I work on next Sam, Puck or Kurt?