Disclaimer here =3= : I don't own Hetalia, it's owned by that Hidekaz Himaruya guy who apparently wears glasses and likes cute animals…I own the story though O3O

Title: If Only I Could Tell You

Summary: Gilbert is dead, but there's just so much he wishes Roderich to know. AU for human names and Prussia dying (QAQ;;)

This fanfic is written by a fan for fan entertainment only

Now then, Allons y!

If Only I Could Tell You

Looking around the crowd of heads, I found him. He sat there, in the first row facing the altar, surrounded by Elizaveta and West and a bunch others of the European Union. West… I'm sorry, for not being the great brother you might have always wanted. I'm sorry for sometimes neglecting you in favour of fighting with Francis or drinking with Antonio. And Eliz, sorry for always thinking you were a boy and even that time when I tried to bandage your wounds with cloth from my pants, I didn't realise your opinions. But most of all, I'm sorry to you, Roderich.

Man, if you were somehow hearing this right now, which could never be possible, I must sound so unawesome huh?

Whatever, that isn't the main point here, I'm sorry to you because of all those time I barged into your house and attempted to invade your vital regions. Ha, remember that time I actually succeeded? It was pretty hilarious. That is until Eliz showed up with her frying pan.

I also apologize for the countless times I stole some of your pastries before you actually baked them, and then came back later to steal some more when you took them out of the oven. You always seemed pretty pissed off by that, but you couldn't fool me entirely; you had fun fighting me off too.

And you know that time how I stole your only violin? You might never find out, but when you received that package in the mail a few days later that contained a newer, more professional one, it was actually me who sent it to you. To my shame, I had grovelled with Eliz to make it seem that it was her instead of me who sent it to you as a birthday gift to replace your old crappy one. Because we both know that you would be too suspicious to accept one from me.

To you, I may have always acted like I hated you, and that's not always the case! Sure, sometimes you really exasperate me (and yes, I can use advanced language too) with your prissy attitude and cynical thinking but I really just wanted you to loosen up more. To get annoyed and laugh or even shift that thin line of a mouth into a crescent, both ways. Though I must say, I also thought I was simply being obnoxious to you.

However, you always made me happy, almost always for no reason at all. You made me constantly want to go back to your house. You were the one that I first thought of when Arthur announced that I had to be annexed by Russia. And you were the one that I kept thinking of during my entire imprisonment. And through a lot of confusion and excuses, now I've finally realised why.

I love you.

That was the reason why your picture appeared in my head whenever I saw a happy couple on the street. I used to think it was just because one of them acted like or looked like you or something, but they never did, so I thought it was weird. It was also why when Ludwig first brought home Feli as his lover, I wished you would smile at me as Feli did at West.

But I realised too late.

If only I could be a country again, to be able to show my love to you, whether you loved me back or not. I want, so very badly. Heh, but I guess that's impossible now. I still have a few minutes until my final departure. Because of my special case, being tied to a country and its people, they're still having some doubts as to what would happen to me. What awaits me beyond? Hell if I know, Roddy. Hey, ha ha, on the bright side, if I do leave this place, I'll go to where Roman Empire is huh? He sounds like a pretty awesome guy. And well that would be okay because it was nice to see you in my last few moments among all the countries of this wide world. My last wish for you, because really, I can name them until the sun goes out, is that you…would always remember me, Roderich.

Because God, I love you, i-if only…you knew just how much…

|Roderich's Point Of View|

Today was Gilbert's funeral. It made me happy to see so many countries show up, each with their bosses. Unbelievably, I recognised Canada, his eyes teary from crying, being comforted by America right behind him. I suppose Gilbert always did have a fondness for Matthew and his maple syrup especially. There were also some of the Asian countries, to my dull surprise. Ivan wasn't here, assuming he probably wouldn't have been welcome anyway.

Elizaveta squeezed my hand beside me as I heard some loud sobbing and sniffling from Feliciano. Who could blame him? Gilbert was a dear friend in our circle, even if he was annoying at the most unfitting times. Even the ever so serious Ludwig beside me was silently letting tears roll down his face.

Gilbert, why have you left us? I always thought that you were stronger than this. You would probably laugh at this and mock me for days on end, but I hate you. I hate you for leaving us, for leaving me. You're so stupid to go and disappear just because you couldn't rise up again after Russia let you go. I despise you for it. And worst of all, I miss you like I have never before for anything else in the centuries of my existence.

Drowning myself in my anger at Gilbert, that was when I heard it. A muffled laugh and what sounded like quiet mumbling, coming from the altar steps directly in front of me. Out of curiosity, I paused for a while to listen more closely. Yet there was no one there, nor did the voice rise in volume. Standing from my seat, I ignored Elizaveta's worried look and slowly approached in the direction of the step. It felt as if something important was there and that it wasn't something to be ignored.


Diverting my attention from the spot, I turned around to see address her. Elizaveta's normally flawless features, pink and wet from crying, her face held in a sympathetic look. I gave her a reassuring smile that I didn't even believe myself and turned back to the step.

The presence was gone, it felt like it had left and there was now nothing. Curious at what I had just encountered, something caught my eye below me. Eagerly crouching down to better inspect the discovery, I saw them. Both of them. Two small blotches of glistening tears that were still warm to the touch.

[A/N] Harrou thar! This is my first fanfiction( that I bothered to post on FF anyway) and certainly my first PruAus one. Please be kind and tell me your opinion, along with whatever you think I should change ^^

eheh, I kinda've and might've wrote this for Jan 18….. I know know, it's contradictory, but I couldn't finish my picture on time TT^TT –so I did this instead...um, is it too short? D:

*lawl, random French dere in the beginning XD and 'tis not beta'd because I don't have one =3=

Share the PruAus love and thank you for reading! 3