Disclaimer: I do not own.
Okay, so this crazy idea comes to me from my epically demented . . . *ahem* friend, who suggested this to me at ten thirty and I had the stupid impulse to write it. Please don't flame me TOO horribly for this . . . though you might want to bleach your brains after reading this.
"Jesus Christ, Keety, vy do you write zese zings?" Kurt sighed exasperatedly as Kitty's fingers clicked away rapidly, eyes bright with malice as they scanned across the screen of her laptop. Kurt shook his head at his crazy girlfriend, though somehow she saw him and grimaced at him, sticking her tongue out.
"It's called a prank, No-Fun-Wagner, you of all people should know that," Kitty jibed, and Kurt stuck his tongue out at Kitty.
"But it's a sick prank, Keety. Zat . . . ugh," Kurt shuddered violently, "still makes me vont to bleach my brains out." Kitty laughed evilly.
"That's the point. I distribute this to all the residents of the mansion, sit back, pin it on a demented FanFiction author, and watch the carnage. Aren't I genius?" Kitty smiled, and Kurt shuddered again, though less violently, remembering his last encounter with FanFiction.
"Almost finished?" Kurt asked. "Ze sooner it's done viz, ze better."
"Yup! Jus' gotta post it to this account that I hacked earlier today . . . voila! Let's go spread some brain-bleaching carnage." Kitty said, hitting a key with finality. Kurt snatched the laptop and read what Kitty had written and pinned on this author, "Iris Musicia".
It was late at night, and the Professor's head was pounding from dealing with a wave of reporters after the destruction the Brotherhood had caused in the school parking lot. He rubbed his temples tiredly as Mr. McCoy knocked on his open door, to let him know he was there.
"Yes, Hank?" the Professor asked, looking up at the doctor.
"Ibuprofen?" he tossed a small container to the Professor, who tried to catch it, but fumbled and it fell out of his grasp and rolled away.
"Drat. Would you mind . . . ?" the Professor inquired, and Mr. McCoy nodded, knuckle-walking over to the container and handing it more civilly to Professor X. As their hands brushed, though, the Professor shivered imperceptibly.
Kurt frowned slightly, but read on.
Mr. McCoy noticed the Professor's shiver.
"Something wrong?" he asked, tilting his head to one side curiously. The Professor looked down at the painkillers in his hands.
"No, just a headache." he said. The doctor's eyes narrowed.
Kurt's frown became a look of disgust as he read through the next few chapters. That look of disgust very quickly turned into a look of absolute horror as he almost threw the laptop down onto the bed and resisted the urge to run screaming from the room, instead running silently from the room, look of horror fixed on his face.
He caught up with Kitty in the student office area where the printer was, as she was printing out copies to distribute.
"I von't let you do zat!" Kurt shouted, voice about three octaves higher than normal, trying to rip the papers from Kitty's hands.
"No!" Kitty said resolutely, letting Kurt's hands phase through the papers.
"I can't let you! You vent too far!" Kurt squeaked, anger now complementing the horror.
"Really? How so?" Kitty asked infuriatingly, almost coyly.
Kurt made a small strangled squealing noise. ""McCoy straddled ze Professor, locking his lips in a passionate kiss as his hands roved."?.!" Kurt quoted, eyes bulging as Kitty threw her head back and cackled maniacally.
"That's the point!" she shrilled, "it's supposed to make you want to bleach your brain!" she laughed insanely again. "Well, ta-ta, I'm off." she phased through her dumbstuck/horrified/furious boyfriend and disappeared down the hallway.
"Eh." Kurt gave another strangled squeak before teleporting to Jean's room.
"What's up, Kurt?" Jean said, looking up from a paper . . . oh no, it was one of Kitty's papers.
"Noo!" Kurt shrieked and ran running from the room. Jean frowned.
"What got into him?" she wondered aloud as she set down her term paper and went back to work.
. . . Well, that's how I think that story got here . . . *shudders* you're lucky I'm a wuss and omitted what my friend thought was the best part and I should write. I almost did bleach my brains out after hearing her version of what I should write, though I'll leave the Professor/McCoy story up to your imaginations. After all, your minds are quite at home in the gutters, ja? *evil laughter*