Title: Inside Jokes
Pairing,Character(s): Kurt, Blaine, Wes, David, New Directions (yes, they count as one character damn it!), Sue
Word Count: 2,159
Spoilers: Up through A Very Glee Christmas
Summary: Though Dalton Academy is safer, sometimes Kurt thinks that it would be easier back at McKinley than try and explain the insanity that was William McKinley High School.
Kurt sat in the Warbler common room with his three closest friends at the school. The fact that they were all prominent members of the Warblers didn't endear Kurt to some of the guys on the bottom of the totem pole, but Kurt was Kurt Elizabeth Hummel and he wasn't going to let the opinions of others get him down. And after that disastrous first week, Kurt had simply looked at Wes, David, and Blaine and told them that he did not change who he was when threatened by bullies, and he wasn't going to do it for them.
Surprisingly, the three understood and tried to coach him into presenting a more cohesive front when performing. But other than that, they hadn't asked Kurt to cool down his personality any. And from then on, Kurt slowly let David and Wes into his personal bubble of friendship.
On an unassuming day in January, the four sat picking at their lunches while they discussed their plans for after graduation. Not that Kurt had a solid idea yet since the others were a year ahead of him.
"I don't know. Maybe I'll pursue a spot at the University of California: Los Angeles. It's in Los Angeles," Kurt couldn't stop himself from tacking on. He also couldn't stop himself from giggling softly at the looks on the other's faces. "Sorry guys, inside joke. You guys went against Vocal Adrenaline last year for Sectionals right?" At the nods, he continued, "well their front man, Jesse St. James, briefly left Carmel to transfer to McKinley. Apparently it was a plot of some sort since their director was Rachel's biological mother and she wanted to reconnect with Rachel but wasn't actually allowed to because of the surrogate contract. Anyway, when he would talk about his plans to go to UCLA, he would always mention that it was in Los Angeles. It became sort of a habit for the rest of us to mock him by doing the same thing."
David shook his head. "And let me guess, you guys have more inside jokes that we'll have to get used to hearing, right?"
Kurt smirked. "Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?" he asked blandly.
Blaine chose to ignore that comment, having actually met the girl that he was sure had uttered that phrase at sometime. "Brittany?"
Kurt nodded. He got an idea suddenly. Since there was no practice that day, most of the Warblers were just doing their homework or hanging out in the room. Kurt fished his phone out of his bag and checked the time. "Perfect," he whispered, noting the fact that the choir room would just be filling up at the moment but not yet time for Glee to start. He pressed 8 and then set the iPhone to speaker.
"Dolphin!" Brittany chirped, her smile could be heard over the speaker. Wes and David exchanged glances.
"Hey Boo," Kurt greeted, "has Glee started yet?"
"No, Mr. Schue isn't here yet. He's sad because Ms. Pillsbury is still with sexy dentist," Brittany said sagely.
"Well Boo, have Artie put me on speakerphone and let the others know we have Warblers listening," Kurt instructed.
"Guys, my dolphin is on the phone. But apparently Warblers can use the phone too, because he says there are Warblers listening too."
"He means his new glee club honey," Mercedes said over a chorus of greetings. "Hey baby, that fancy school treating you good?"
Kurt laughed. "Well, the scenery's better, present company and your boy excluded. I don't flinch every time I hear a loud noise anymore, so I call that progress. Oh, and they don't sell slushies, so no facials either."
Wes looked at Blaine. "Slushies? Facials?"
Blaine leaned foreword. "The jocks would buy slushies for the express purpose of throwing them in someone's faces. Kurt was a favorite target."
"Not just Kurt, pretty boy," Mercedes said, reminding them that they were on speaker just as New Directions were. "All of us got it from time to time, even Mr. Schue…but that one we did so it doesn't really count."
"You slushied your teacher?" David asked, incredulous.
Kurt blushed. "He kind of brought it on himself. He mentioned that he had never been slushied after Finn bought us all one. He practically asked us to do it," he defended.
"Do I hear Kurt?" Finn asked, always slightly slow on the uptake. "Is he on the phone?" A bit of static was heard before Finn's voice blasted through the speakers. "HI KURT!"
"Finn! Simmer down boy, you're on speaker," Kurt snapped gently. "Give the phone back to whoever had it and speak normally."
"Sorry Kurt, sorry Artie for taking the phone," Finn said, sounding all of 5 years old and being made to apologize by his mother. "Kurt, you got to hear this song we were thinking of doing for Regionals-"
"Whoa Finn, competition remember? Besides, there are other Warblers that can hear this even if I kept your confidence like a brother should," Kurt interrupted.
"Oh yeah, guess I didn't hear that part, sorry man."
Kurt simply rolled his eyes at his brother's obliviousness. "You can tell me about it this weekend when I come home and I'll promise to keep my mouth shut about what it is. If only to torture Blaine and the others by knowing something they don't about you guys," he said, smirking at his friends.
"Kurt, not that it's refreshing to hear from you again, we really have to get on with rehearsals since not everyone possesses my years of training and skill," Rachel interrupted.
Kurt suddenly remembered why he called the other team before their rehearsal. "Oh yeah guys, do you still have those forms for a summer internship at University of California Los Angeles?"
"It's in Los Angeles," chorused the group on the other side of the phone, except for the confused Sam.
See, told you, Kurt mouthed to the other Warblers at the table.
"Kurt…did you simply call us to prove a point about the Los Angeles thing?" Tina asked, suspicion in her voice.
"No!" Kurt squeaked, causing snickers from his tablemates.
"You did, didn't you Capital G?" Santana asked, her special brand of sass clearly coming through the phone. "Just for that, I should send Coach there to make sure you're still keeping up with your training."
"But, she couldn't!" Kurt protested. "I'm not on the team anymore."
"Kurty, Kurty," Quinn purred. "Don't you forget the first rule of the Cheerios. You're only off the squad when Coach kicks you off…or you die. Finn's been sending your uniform out like clockwork every Friday even after you left."
Kurt began to bang his head against the table, ignoring what germs and diseases he could pick up from the wood. "Damn that woman" and "need to begin stretching again" and oddly enough a "must remember to call the secret service…again" escaped from Kurt's lips as he continued to attempt to break the solid oak with his forehead.
Brittany was the one to get him to stop. "But I thought Coach was busy being mean to Karofsky for scaring my dolphin away."
"WHAT?" Kurt screeched, his head shooting up again as he startled a couple of the other Warblers with the pitch of the cry.
"Like you don't know Sylvester's got a soft spot for you Hummel," Puck snorted. "You and Aretha are the only ones to be personally invited to the squad after being denied a spot, and even I know that. You won her Nationals, not the others. Like she's going to take losing you to an all boys school lying down. She started shoving Karofsky and any other jock that harassed you into lockers the day after you left. Everyone's too chicken shit to talk back to her."
"Do you blame them?" Rachel asked. "Think of all the stunts she pulled to disband Glee to get back what little bit of her budget we were getting. She tried to get Coach Beiste fired too."
"I heard she made dog poop cookies for Coach," Artie said quietly.
"You have to admit, she's got style," Santana said.
"What else did she do?" Kurt asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
"She personally slushied Karofsky," Finn said quietly. "Right in the middle of the hall. She didn't even try and make some excuse about it. Just walked up and said 'how does it feel?' before tossing it right in his face."
Kurt couldn't help but let a small smile steal over his lips. The woman was a psychopath, but he knew that there were few that she cared enough about to protect. Though many were outraged that Sue used Becky like a trained monkey, Kurt was one of the few that saw the way Sue looked out for the girl. And remembering the comment Sue had made months before while on the Madonna kick, it made sense to him. Becky probably reminded Sue of her sister and made the coach want to look after the girl a bit in the hell that was high school.
Wes was the one to speak up this time. "A teacher slushied a student?"
"Sue Sylvester is a force unlike any other. She rules the school with an iron fist and is not afraid to knock down anyone that she feels is getting above their station. It's why she was so against Glee," Kurt explained. "Plus, I'm pretty sure she's got blackmail material on every member of the school board and the principal."
"You got that right Porcelain," sounded the voice of doom over the speaker of the phone. "I had this room wired months ago in order to prove that Schuester is really selling all of you on the black market in order to afford all the product that goes in his hair on a daily basis. When I heard your voice, I couldn't help but grow concerned that Schuster's pimp ways had followed you to your personal Hogwarts."
Kurt couldn't help the instinctive straightening of his already perfect posture at the sound of her voice. "Good afternoon Coach," he said.
"Hello Lady," Sue said, shocking everyone in the choir room with the smile on her face. "I was serious about the concern. You ever need me there, just call and I will personally lead my battalion of green berets once again to rescue you."
Kurt laughed. "You can tell Captain Gonzalez to stand down Coach. I'm safe here, and I still have my alert button that will call in the reinforcements at a moment's notice."
"And the mace?" barked Sue.
"Three cans and I always make sure to carry around five concealed knives Coach. I'm fine," he reassured the woman.
Blaine, Wes and David all looked at each other in surprise. Kurt looked like a cherub but was apparently more protected than the president and a secret ninja because none of them could remember ever seeing a knife on his person.
"Good. You better keep it that way, because if you're harmed in any way, that would seriously defeat my chances at a 7th championship because four of my girls would be off their game with worry," Sue barked. "And there is no way Sue Sylvester will be beaten."
"Yes Coach," Kurt said. He could imagine the look the coach was giving the room before stalking out.
Before anyone could say anything, Kurt could hear someone rushing into the room. "Guys, are you all right? I saw Coach Sylvester leaving looking like she had destroyed someone's ego again."
"Coach was checking up on Kurt, Mr. Schue," Quinn explained.
"Kurt's on the phone?" Mr. Schue asked.
"Hi Mr. Schue," Kurt greeted. "You're on speakerphone so the Warblers can hear you too," he warned. "Though I think Coach managed to scare them speechless without them ever seeing her."
"I'll make sure to tell her," Mr. Schue said dryly. "I hate to cut you off after getting here, but we've got to rehearse. Tell you what Kurt, why don't you and the others come by my apartment Saturday night and we can all catch up."
"Sure Mr. Schue," Kurt said, noticing the looks on the others faces. "I've got to go anyway. This call ended up longer than I expected and I'm kind of ignoring my friends."
The call ended quickly with a round of good-byes directed at Kurt before the phone was finally silent.
"Sorry guys, for a quick call to explain an inside joke, that quickly got out of hand."
"Kurt…what is a Cheerio and is that woman safe to be around others?" Blaine asked.
Kurt sighed. As much as he loved the safe feeling he got at Dalton, sometimes it took a lot out of him to explain the insanity that was McKinley High School to the private school boys.
A/N: Don't ask me where this came from. I was trying to work on chapter three of To Wear a Blazer and this came out instead.