Bright Eyes

It was already dark outside when I got home. Outside, it was pretty stormy and thunder and lightning are crossing the silence of the night occasionally. I only just returned from an important meeting. It was pretty exhausting and accordingly I was tired. I dropped my briefcase on one of the chairs. Tomorrow is Sunday, so I can sleep in.

Normally I would have worked on Sundays, but since you are with me, Katsuya, we did something else on Saturdays and Sundays. Even on holidays you broke me free from work. How did you always manage it? You were truly a mystery to me sometimes, even though we were married for about half a year already. Smiling, I walked into my room and looked to our bed in which I suspected you. I turned on the lights and stood still unable to move. I thought I couldn't believe my eyes. This was not true.

You lay on the bed with Mokuba. Well, the idea of it is nothing unusual. I have already seen it a lot of times but this time I had no words. The thing that did not fit in this picture was that you weren't lying next to Mokuba, but on top of him!

How dare you to lay hands on my little brother? Okay, you two still had clothes on but what would have happened if I had entered the room a little later? Slowly, the anger crept up in me. I was walking to you and pulled you away from Mokuba. You winced, like Mokuba did because you two had not noticed me.

I only looked down on you coldly. A questioning look hit me from your side

"Seto, what's up?"

You did not seem to understand. Then I had to make it quite clear to you.

"How dare you", I hissed quietly but you only blinked and looked at me confused.

Slowly I lost my patience. That could not be true! I grabbed the collar of your pajama and pulled you up to my eye level.

"Keep your hands off Mokuba!" I growled. You look quite shocked. I still fixed you with a cold glare.

"Brother, he did not...", Mokuba started but I did not let him finish. You seemed to begin to understand what I meant finally and tried to explain the situation. However I cut you off with a sharp word.

"Tell me, am I not enough for you? Do you have to lay hands also on my brother when I'm absent?"

You looked a bit uneasy.

"B-but, Seto ... I ... I did not ..." you spluttered but I only pushed you away.

"Beat it…"

You sat on the ground not knowing what was going on.

"But ... Seto i-"

"GO AWAY! Get lost! Out of my house! And don't dare to show up in front of me ever again!"

Mokuba wanted to object but I didn't listen. I blew you up and saw how tears rose slowly in your eyes. You were totally confused and drained.

"I hate you."

I whispered quietly and you cringed as if someone slapped you right in the face. Slowly you got up. I watched expressionless as a tear ran down your cheek. Then you walked out of the room. I heard the front door slam and watched from the window as you were running down the driveway. You disappeared around the corner and I lost sight of you.

~Is it a kind of a dream?

Floating out on the tide,

Following the river of death down-stream

Oh is it a dream? ~

I trudged to my room angry. How could you dare wanting to lay hands on my little brother. I couldn't believe this.

Yes, I was pissed. But besides that I was also hurt. After all this time we were together now ... I just cannot believe it.

I trusted you.

I raged in my room and used my anger and disappointment on a couple of vases which I have never liked before.

There was knock at the door hesitantly. It was Mokuba. He must have followed me. He entered cautiously.

"Big brother?"

I heard it silently coming from the door. I looked at him. He came up to me with a little intimidated glance.

"What do you want, Moki", I asked huffy.

He came a little closer towards me. I've now sat on the bed. He sat down next to me and looked at me.

He began to explain to me what just had happened but I did not really listen to him. So for a start he tried to calm me down till he tried again. I kept silent all the time.

"Brother, this is all a big misunderstanding. Katsuya didn't want to do what you think."

I snorted contemptuously. It looked to me like that and my stubbornness didn't let myself think otherwise. Mokuba sighed.

"You know well that I'm afraid of thunderstorms. So I went him because you weren't here. And when it flashed and thundered so bad I clung to him and in that moment you entered. Do you understand? You got it all wrong. Katsuya had never intended to do what you thought."

Mokuba looked at me pleadingly.

"Seto, please go after him and apologize. He does not deserve your anger."

I got up and looked at him. Sometimes he behaved much too grown up. Then I nodded and smiled slightly.

"Yes ... you're right. I might have … overreacted."

I brushed through the fuzzy hair of him.

"See you later."

And with these words I left the house went looking for you.

I was so stupid. Why didn't I just let you finish your explanation? But no, I was stubborn once again. Hopefully I would be able to find you. It was raining and cold. You can't see well on the streets. Moreover, it has already gotten dark so it was even harder to keep track of the surroundings. Tense I stay on the lookout for you.

Where did you run off to?

~There's a fog along the horizon

A strange glow in the sky

And nobody seems to know where you go

And what does it mean

Oh is it a dream? ~

And then I saw you. Although I could barely recognize you. It was somewhat foggy because of the evaporated rain on the heated street. You had lowered your eyes and went slowly further. Quietly I sighed. You didn't look very happy. I was sorry that I hurt you so badly.

A car passed me and drove down the road. I followed it with my gaze then looked again to you. You stopped and looked around shortly.

Then you crossed the street. You did not seem to have noticed the approaching car. Neither seemed the driver to have seen you. The fog was way too opaque. I could hardly recognize something. The car continued still with the same speed. You seemed absent minded. I stopped. You really did not seem to have noticed the car.

Slowly anxiety rose in me.

This couldn't happen, no, I simply could not allow that. I took a deep breath and pressed my eyes shut.


I looked at you. You probably must have heard me because you stood still. You looked into my direction, noticed the car just now.

Your eyes widened in shock.

I couldn't help you. I was too far away from you.

One could hear the squeaking of car tires on the wet road and a dull impact. Shocked I had observed the scene unable to move an inch.

The driver wasn't able to brake on time and you were just too shocked to evade. The car struck you with full force. You rolled over the roof and hit the ground on the other side. Motionless you remained there.

Slowly a stream of dark color formed and got washed away by the rain instantly. You remained motionless.

I cannot grasp it. This cannot have happened.


~Bright eyes burning like fire,

Bright eyes how can you close and fail

How can the light that burned so brightly

Suddenly burn so pale? Bright eyes. ~

I ran to you. The car which was standing diagonally on the street I ignored. You were the only one that counted. I knelt down beside you and looked at you.

You opened your eyes a little bit and looked back at me. Your eyes were empty, the well known fire extinguished. I swallowed. Did I really cause this?

Carefully I lifted you up a little and pulled you on my lap. You winced and moaned in pain. I was trying to be very gentle.

After all, I wouldn't have wanted to inflict even more pain than you had already. You were bleeding heavily and clawed your cramped fingers into my shirt. I held you tight in my arms and listened to your weak and trembling breath. I kept looking into your hazelnut-brown eyes.

They were so endlessly empty.

It pained me to see you like that and I felt my heart shrink.

Your otherwise bright eyes were now so empty and filled with tears.

What have I just done!

I've chased you out of my house and hurt you badly.

I'm sorry.

I only wanted to protect Mokuba but apparently I did everything wrong again. I hurt the things in my life that I treasure the most.

I closed my eyes and gently pressed you against my chest.

"Forgive me please ... I ... I did not want to-" I whispered with a cracked voice. I was agitated. I did not know how I could have helped you.

~Is it a kind of shadow

Reaching into the night

Wandering over the hills unseen

Or is it a dream? ~

Oh please, let it all just happen to be a bad dream. This has never happened. I don't want that. You can't do this to me! Don't leave me alone! I would not be able to endure it! You are my everything and can't simply go away! I wish I had listened to you. But I was to stubborn and obstinate! I have to blame myself.

I'm sorry.

~There's a high wind in the trees

A cold sound in the air

And nobody ever knows when you go

And where do you start

Oh into the dark. ~

The wind blew through my hair. I held you in my arms and pressed you tightly onto me.

I do not want you go ... I do not want you to leave me now.

Not now.

I still have to apologize to you. For all I've said that hurt you.

Stay with me please!

I don't want to lose you.

You mean so much to me.

Next to my brother you were the only one who has ever answered back. You broke my wall of ice and created space for a new emotion. Yeah right. You have taught me how to love with all my heart. And now I should lose it all? This is not fair. Now that I've finally found you I don't want to give you away.

It was dark around us. Only a few street lights illuminated your pale face. The rain has beaten relentlessly down on us. He mixed with the tears running down my cheeks and the blood of your countless injuries. I you pulled up a little closer to me.

Trying to protect you somehow from the rain I felt you tremble and clinging to my shirt.

I closed my eyes and started to pray. For the first time in my life I prayed for someone. I prayed that you would be saved by someone because I was no longer able to do so. I have never felt so helpless. I couldn't do anything for you other than trying desperately to keep you here with me.

All my money is useless now.

~Bright eyes burning like fire,

Bright eyes how can you close and fail

How can the light that burned so brightly

Suddenly burn so pale? Bright eyes. ~

Don't leave me alone.
I do not want you to die for such a silly misunderstanding.
You did not deserve it. It's all my fault. I should be in your place here.

I hugged you a little tighter.
As close as possible I wanted you to be with me now.
However, I immediately loosened my grip a little because you clenched in pain.

"I'm sorry."

My voice sounded brittle.

I wanted to apologize to you but you put your hand on my cheek so I kept silent.

Your lips moved slowly but I couldn't understand. Only quite silent your whisper reached me.

I took your hand and pressed it gently.

You answered the pressure without hesitation and even though it is weak I have felt it.

I looked at you.

You also had opened your eyes a little bit to look at me.

Only briefly, I could admire your beautiful eyes.

I couldn't believe that they would close forever.

This could not be happening.

Again you started to whisper something.

I detached myself from your eyes and tacked mine onto your lips. I tried to understand what you meant to tell me.
It was difficult. I bowed down to you. Your voice was weak. I was beginning to drift off again, so I tried to concentrate on your words.

Tense I listened to every word you said which would probably be your last ones.

"Seto ... I ... I'm sorry that we ... have to part like this ... I really … wished for something ... different."

I wanted to say something but you showed me to be silent. So I waited and let you finish.

"Promise me you ... you always take care of Mokuba ... and ... please don't cry."

You swept away some of my tears with your trembling fingers.

"I will never forget you, Seto. Keep ... living on for me."

All I was able to say was a slight 'I will' and nodded.

You closed your eyes and a fierce shot punctured my heart.

You held no power to keep your eyes open anymore.

"Katsuya ...", I whispered softly.

You were gathering strength again to speak. I tacked back to your lips.

"Seto, ... give me one last ... kiss please."

I nodded slightly and bowed down to you.

I could hardly feel your breath weak as it was.

Gently I placed my lips on yours.

You strengthened your grip on my shirt and for a short time you kissed me back weakly.
I maintained the kiss.

I didn't want it to end here and now.
Slowly you relaxed more and more.

I felt the slight pressure on my hand weaken even more.

I loosened the kiss and looked at you one last time. I followed your last breath, looked like a single, final tear ran down your cheek.

"... I love you ..."

Those were your last words and you stayed silent forever.

I couldn't believe it.

Are you really gone now?

~ Bright eyes burning like fire,

Bright eyes how can you close and fail

How can the light that burned so brightly

Suddenly burn so pale? Bright eyes ~

I held you in my arms and swallowed hard.

I just didn't want to admit it.

Why did you have to go?

I sobbed quietly and snuggled your lifeless body.

During our short conversation, all the warmth had left it. I didn't want to let go of you. Desperate, I held you tightly.

Maybe I can bring you back again?

A long time we kept sitting in the rain.

Desperately I suppressed my tears.

I wanted to keep what I had promised you.

Why did it have come to this? Why? Tell me…

Katsuya ... please … come back.