Disclaimer: Don't own.

Pairing: It will be Rizzles, please wade carefully through the straight scene in the beginning.

A/N1: It takes place during "I Kissed a Girl" but there is no case, just Jane and Maura going out to dinner with their *shutter* boys. Did you ever wonder what happened with Maura and Brock? No? Oh you didn't want to think about it? Yeah I didn't either, but yet I wrote this. Please Review!

A/N 2: It's not betaed! Okay….so things coming to me oddly. I've always thought Maura has a certain innocence about her. This story line has been rolling around in my head for awhile. Please don't kill me. And PLEASE let me know what you think. All reviews will be greatly appreciated.


Maura concentrated on her breathing. She had to keep control. She felt his hands fumble on the zipper to her green Carolina Herrera dress. Finally, after a few tries the garment was pulled off and tossed across the room. She whimpered, not because of the mouth that was sucking on her neck but because her $800 dollar dress was lying in a heap on the floor. Brock didn't know the real reason why she made that cute noise, he took it as encouragement and bit down harder, "Oh baby, you taste so good." Maura cringed, yes she found him very attractive. Any woman would, he was the perfect male specimen. Muscle in all the right places, perfectly tanned, and a gentleman…then why wasn't she reacting the way she was supposed to? She let her mind drift. Right now she could be down in her quiet lab pouring over results or she could be with Jane. Jane, she wondered how her date with Jorge was going. She smiled, she would hear about that one in the morning. Maybe they could get drinks tomorrow night? Tomorrow was Friday; she would have to mention a movie night on Saturday. There was some 'A' movie Jane was dying to- She was suddenly brought back to the present by a sharp tug on her right nipple. She yelped and pulled back; Brock seemed to take this as a good sign and attacked her mouth with his. "Baby you are so sexy; you have no idea what you do to me."

Actually, she did, it was pressing into her stomach. She again concentrated on her breathing, 'you can do this Maura.' His fingers reached out again to fondle her breasts through her bra. She knew men found her ample chest attractive. She was bordering on a D cup and 90% of her dates rarely raised their eyes past them. For Maura they were a nuisance. They typically hurt unless she had them supported. She got frequent neck and back aches from them. She knew she could have a reduction but just the thought of that made her flush red. She felt Brock undoing the clasp on her bra, she tensed as it slid down her arms. She really, really did not want to do this. He moaned his approval before latching his mouth to her breast. She thought back to the promise she had made herself, she had to do this. She was tired of feeling scared and lonely. She needed this. She tried to relax but the feeling of Brock's five o'clock shadow against her stomach was making her slightly nauseous. She felt the tears being to prick her eyes. She squeezed them tight. Damn it. "Brock?"

"Yeah babe?" He mumbled against her.

She pushed against his shoulders, forcing him back. She looked at him, he was good looking. She thought back to her letter, she had to do this; it was the right thing to do. But then why did it make her feel sick? She sighed. Maybe this was far enough for now? She still had a few days left, she shouldn't think of this as a failure but a step in the right direction. She nodded to herself, but how was she going to make him understand that?

"Could we stop please?"

He frowned, they had been going out casually for the past two months and this was the farthest he gotten with her. "What's wrong?" She was a vision kneeling in front of him, her normally perfect hair was a mess and she was clad in only a pair of maroon panties.

Maura again felt herself tense. She should tell him the truth, but she didn't trust him enough not to laugh or call her crazy. She couldn't face that look again; she didn't want to feel that feeling. The sting of rejection always burned deep. "Umm.." Could she lie? She felt her chest get hot, the feeling of hives just below the surface. 'No no no no…' "I'm, I'm menstruating." She lied, she did it. She felt the breath leave her, oh God! It would be thirteen days before her cycle started. LIE LIE LIE, her brain screamed at her. Again she had to remind herself to breathe.

"Oh," He looked down to collect himself. The conversation from then on was forced. She quickly put on her satin robe and escorted him to the door.

She felt terribly guilty as she walked back to her bedroom. She lied, she hadn't lied since she was a child and even then she had a reaction like this. She took a deep breath, she could do this, she had to. She picked her dress up off the floor and hung it up. The wrinkles hadn't set in too bad yet. Next she stripped her bed; she could still smell his cologne on her body. Walking into the bathroom she dropped her robe and turned the shower on; she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked rumbled, she traced the mark Brock had left on her breast and signed. "Maura, you are such a mess." She told her refection. She let the hot water stream down on her back, "Damn it!" She felt the tears begin to fall. This all started with that stupid letter. Why did she have to write it? If she could go back in time she was sure she would never be that stupid again. She methodically began washing her hair.

She dressed in her gold pajamas and slowly made the bed in a trance. Finally when she laid herself down did she allow herself to look over at the letter. She had almost forgotten about it…almost. It was hidden away in her personal file cabinet for the past fifteen years. It was addressed to Dr. Maura Isles. She opened it, there it was, a list of ten things to do before she was thirty-six. She had written it right after her break up with Garrett. She was mad at herself then, she allowed someone to come between her and her plan. He was her first serious relationship, the first guy to not get angry when she asked him to stop. She loved him and she almost gave up the hopes of a career to be with him. She read through the letter again. The first seven things were career and scholarly goals, all which she had met. She smiled, she was living part of her dream. The last three were the hardest.

8. Get Married

9. Have intercourse

10. Have a family

Maura sighed; she felt her eyes prickle again. She doubted two of those things would happen in the next week. It took her till she was twenty five to realize she had Genophobia. She knew she shouldn't be embarrassed but her fear of having sex was something she didn't want to talk to anyone about. It was the thing that ended her relationship with Garrett. Suddenly her phone chirped causing her to jump. Picking it up she smiled, Jane. Maybe there was someone she could talk to. She read the text and laughed out loud, "Really M? A male nurse?"

"Uh-oh." Jorge was a nice guy, just because he was a nurse didn't mean anything. She felt better, she would ask Jane to come over tomorrow night and skip their usual drinks at The Robber. She knew Jane wouldn't laugh at her, maybe she could help her. Maura put her phone down and smiled. Tomorrow would be a better day.


I know it is very Maura heavy but I promise the next chapter will be Rizzles. Please review and let me know what you thought! The more reviews the faster the 2nd (and final) chapter will be posted.