All right, so this is a fanfic based off of the song "Friday I'm in Love With You" by the Cure. It's not necessarily a songfic, as there won't be random lyrics spewed across the page, but I will put the beginning lyrics the chapter corresponds with at the top. Enjoy.
"I don't care if Monday's blue."
Monday - Edd
It had been a long, rowdy day in the cul-de-sac; Eddy had planned another crazy scam and, as was typical for the Eds, it had gone awry and ended in failure. Underneath the late afternoon sun, the three Eds sat on the sidewalk, head in hands.
"Why didn't this stupid scam work!" Eddy grunted as he stood. He shoved his hand in his pockets and spun around to face Edd. "This was all your fault, Sockhead!"
"Why, I never! And if you don't mind me asking, Eddy, how was this particular failure my fault?" Edd, more commonly known as Double Dee to his friends, looked at him in exasperation. At the end of the day, Eddy always blamed him for a scam's downfall.
Eddy crossed his arms and scowled. "You shoulda said something! You knew it wasn't gonna work, didn't ya?"
Double Dee gave him a sour look. "Well, maybe if someone had thought logically and realized that I was right before the trial-and-error stage of our scams, we wouldn't fail nearly as often!" he cried before standing up as well.
Ed gazed up at his friends. "Awh, guys, don't do this! We need to get along, like a pair of shoes!" he stated proudly, his typical toothy smile plastered across his face.
Double Dee felt his shoulders slump in defeat; he never had it in him to upset Ed, even when Eddy was deliberately making him angry. "Oh, Eddy, Ed's right! We'll just try something different tomorrow, yes?"
Eddy sighed and kicked stray gravel across the cul-de-sac pavement. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, Sockhead." His constantly irate tone was betrayed by the smile on his face. "Well, boys, whaddaya say we go to the dump and look for something for tomorrow's scam?" The other two Eds nodded in quick agreement and the group scurried out of the cul-de-sac and into the woods.
As they trekked through the local woods and Eddy rambled about possible scam ideas and opportunities, Double Dee was taking in the ambience of nature. The oak trees grew tall here, reaching high into the blue sky, their leaves and branches looking woven together and blocking out most of the hot sun. A lattice-work of shadows fell across his face and the ground beneath him, and as he looked down he saw something crawling in a patch of light.
"Well, I'll say!" Double Dee stopped quickly and yanked out his magnifying glass, the one object he always had on him regardless of the location. He held it up close to his right eye and bent down. "It's a Basilica Orb Weaver!" he cried excitedly. "Intriguing!" The spider was crawling slowly across the floor of the woods, and Double Dee reached into his opposite pocket to produce a mason jar. With gentle hands, he scooted the spider into its temporary home and screwed on the lid. "There! Don't worry, mecynogea lemniscata, I won't keep you for too long!" He tapped the top of the lid lovingly before placing the mason jar back into his pocket.
"Hey, Sockhead, hurry up!" a voice called loudly from the distance. Double Dee realized that he had fallen behind the group considerably in his venture with the spider. "Oh, uh, coming Eddy!"
He began to scuttle over to catch up with his friends, and as he did so, he said, "Oh, Eddy, you'll never believe what I found! It's a-" His sentence was interrupted by a pair of pale, skinny arms wrapping around his midsection. Double Dee felt his face grow hot and his heart beat faster as he saw the crimson nail polish on the fingers.
"Girlfriend?" the shrill voice of Marie Kanker drawled. She giggled and Double Dee began to panic.
"Eddy!" he shrieked, arms beginning to flail uselessly. "Eeeeeddddyyyyy!"
"Awh, what, you're not happy to see me?" Marie sneered, pulling him closer before dragging him backwards, farther away from his friends. Double Dee began yanking at her hands, desperate to be let loose from her iron grip.
"Hey, Marie! I see you found an Ed!" Marie's surly sister Lee said as she came walking out from behind a tree.
"Yeah, what's he doing out here all alone?" May had followed pursuit, blonde hair billowing behind her as she ran over to the scene.
"I don't think he's alone, girls, he's callin' for Eddy!" Marie grabbed his face roughly with one hand. "Not that I care," she said offhandedly, "I've got my boyfriend right here!"
"Please, don't!" Double Dee cried out, heart thumping wildly in his chest. Suddenly, he grew less worried as he saw the silhouettes of his friends running towards him. Ed came galloping in and came to a screeching stop.
"Kankers, Eddy!" he yelped, but before Ed could make his escape he was roped in by May. Lee stood there, tapping her foot and waiting for Eddy to make his grand entry like he always did.
"What're you yappin' about now, Lumpy?" Eddy's erratic voice said as he approached the scene. Lee stalked over to him and grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Kankers," he grunted under his breath.
"Hey, dreamboat, did you miss me?"
"Eddy, what're we going to do?" Double Dee shouted again. Marie planted a kiss on cheek, leaving a large, red smudge.
"Shut up, honey! Stop ruining all the fun!" He could feel himself being dragged across the earth, his friends and their torturous "girlfriends" being left behind.
"Where on earth are you taking me, Marie?" Double Dee pleaded.
"Just somewhere a little more private," she cooed. Worried, he squeezed his eyes shut, preparing for the worst. He felt himself hit the warm ground with a thud, and then proceeded to open on eye cautiously.
Marie was looming above him, as intimidating as ever, arms crossed over her chest. "Well, doll, let's get to the fun stuff!" She reached a hand down her shirt and produced a tube of cherry lipstick before applying it over her lips. She bent down slowly and placed a kiss dangerously close to his mouth. Double Dee could feel trickles of sweat rolling down his face, cheeks read from embarrassment and nervousness.
She brushed her hand across his face. "You're too cute when you're being shy!"
"Marie…" he moaned hopelessly, knowing she wouldn't leave him alone.
It was there in the shady woods of Peach Creek, amongst the screaming of his friends, that Double Dee got his share of the Eds typical torture, administered by the Kanker sisters. The three met up again not too long later; Ed's clothes were disheveled, Eddy was soaking wet, and all three of them were covered with big smudges of red lipstick.
"Good lord, Eddy! How'd you get wet!" Double Dee exclaimed.
Eddy shook his head and rung out his shirt. "Oh, I dunno, maybe by Lee throwing me into the creek! What about you, Shakespeare, what the heck did Marie do to you?"
Double Dee felt his face grow hot again, "Well, she certainly didn't throw me in any creek." He began to rub at one of the lipstick stains on his face. "She just bombarded me with unwanted affection, like usual.
Both boys glanced over at Ed. "Ed. . . What did she do to you."
"Don't make me talk about it Eddy!" Ed yelled before taking cover in a nearby bush. The boys scratched their heads and decided they didn't want to know.
"Stupid Kankers!" Eddy smoothed back his wet hair. "I wish they'd just go away!"
"I concur! But every time we try, they just come back and torture us ten fold!" Double Dee said, voice coated in displeasure.
"I know, let's hit 'em with a shovel!"
"Eddy! The Kankers, as gruesome as they may be, are still ladies!"
"Says who?" Eddy chuckled at the thought of the Kankers being ladies, since they were far from it.
Double Dee sighed and put a hand to his head. "I digress. Gentlemen, I will see you two tomorrow."
He waved his friends goodbye and trudged home. He dug around in his pockets when he approached his front door to find the house key. He unlocked the door and opened it gingerly, despite the fact that he knew no one would be home. On the counter there was a sticky note addressed to him, telling him to make sure he'd done the dishes. With a heavy sigh, Double Dee folded the note and threw it in the trashcan before washing the few remaining dishes.
The day had been too long, too disappointing, too blue. Double Dee couldn't wait to wash this mess off his face and change clothes to sleep in his quiet, labeled room, where there were no sticky notes, no messes, and especially no Kankers.
Read and review, please. ;]