"I came as soon as I heard," Phoenix Wright sat on the other end of the glass window. Yes, Gumshoe was in the detention center. "I understand that you need an attorney?"
"That's right. Why?"
"Let me defend you."
"No way, porcupine-head," the flatfoot casually brushed his offer aside. Phoenix pulled an anime fall.
"Three reasons," the detective held up three fingers. "One: Your hair gets on my nerves. Two: you're a horrible defense attorney who just slipped by the exams in law school. And three: your hairs gets on my nerves."
"One and three are the same…"
"What was that?" Scruffy shot Trite a glare.
"…Nothing," the spiky-haired lawyer sighed.
"I'm not sure why you'd even consider defending me, though," the detective said with a sigh. "The only other time I met you, I treated you like crap."
"I became a lawyer… so I could defend people in your shoes, Detective Gymshoe."
"I know. Remember, I explained your entire back-story the last time I met you."
"I forgot…" he rubbed the back of his head. The detective cringed, for the bare palm of his had against his hair had to hurt. "So is that the reason you won't let me take your case?"
"No," Gumshoe said once more. "It's just… White told me that every lawyer was another one of his pawns. Even though I know you, I'm sure he has you on some sort of leash. He probably asked you to offer your services to me so you could purposely lose the case, right?"
"Phew," Phoenix sighed. "That saved me a lot of explaining…"
"He threatened to tell about your soul-eating porcupine, didn't he?"
"…You will tell no one," Phoenix said.
"Only if you let me defend myself in court."
"It's a deal."
"I'm so glad we're on the same page."
In the detention center, the detective slept and dreamt. He dreamt of himself in Edgeworth's position behind the prosecutor's desk, instant-noodles, Doraemon, and more instant-noodles. Yeah, it was a nice dream, and it was just what he'd need to cool his head for what would await him the coming morning.
[District Court, Courtroom No. 9]
His Honor banged his gavel heavily, and the noise rang through the musty courtroom. The jury was silenced. After all, they didn't want to say anything that could anger the great Redd White of Bluecorp.
"Court is in session for the trial of Dick Gumshoe," the judge announced. "…Mr. Gumshoe, are you sure about this? I mean, defending yourself?"
"I'm quite sure, your Honor," the detective's confident aura lit the candle of hope in the hearts of White's victims, who sat and watched silently. "And I'm quite sure that I don't want any 'special treatment' from Mr. Edgeworth over there."
"You don't have to ask twice, Detective Gumshoe," Edgeworth said, "as long as you treat me the same."
"Very well," the judge nodded. "Mr. Edgeworth, your opening statement, if you will."
"Let's skip the opening statement today, Your Honor," the prosecutor said. "Everyone in the courtroom, no, the courthouse knows the situation. Instead, I'd just like to call my first witness."
"Very well," the judge nodded. "Would the honorable witness please step forward?"
"'Honorable?'" Gumshoe thought. "Oh, boy…"
The pink-haired man flashed his jewelry; nearly blinding the people of the court.
"Your name and occupation, if you will," Edgeworth said, nearly stumbling over his words.
"Redd White, of Bluecorp!" the witness replied in a jolly tone accompanied with a laugh.
"And what would you like to testify about?"
"My witness account of Detective Gymshoe killing Ms. Mia Fey!"
"If that's the case," Gumshoe said, "then this trial should be for 'Mr. Gymshoe,' not 'Mr. Gumshoe.'"
"Same-difference, m'boy!" White snickered.
"If you'd please give your testimony, Mr. White," the judge cut in.
"Of course, Your Honor-tude!"
GYMSHOE DID IT
"Let's see…" White looked up, "it was about nine, I believe. I was quietly perusifying… er, that's 'reading' to you, some papers by the window. Then, I heard a bedlam coming from outside! Surprised, I turned to look at the building across the way."
"Hold it!" Gumshoe interrupted. "Didn't you tell me the other day that you didn't see anything?"
"Yes, I did say that," White was confident, and the good flatfoot didn't like that. "But I just remembered it this morning."
"I see…" the judge nodded. "Continue."
"He even has this judge siding with him!" Gumshoe thought with a little perspiration.
"It was then I saw him: a big, scruffy man wearing a green jacket attacking a woman with long hair! Needless to say that man was none other than you, Mr. Gymshoe. I called Miss May over at once. She, too, was surprised of course. The victim, she… she ran away, but you gave chase!"
"Hold on a sec, pal," Gumshoe stopped him. "Can you be more specific?"
"Certainly," White looked up in thought. "The victim ran to the left, and you gave chase!"
"Objection!" Gumshoe pointed to Mr. White, who was shocked by his loud but scruffy voice.
"Excuse me?" the judge asked.
"I read up on yesterday's trial," the detective said. "Miss May stated that the victim headed for the door! The door is to the right, pal!"
"So we have a liar on our hands," Edgeworth crossed his arms and tapped his fingers.
"Tell me, Mr. Gumshoe," the judge had his gavel at-the-ready. "Which one is telling the truth?"
"…Both are, Your Honor," Gumshoe stood the way Wright did when he was confident; with both wrists on his hips.
"Objection!" Miles slammed his palm to his desk. "Detective, that's absurd!"
"You limit your train of thought," Gumshoe said. "Only when your tracks spread across the world may your train of thought travel that far."
"Gladly," Gumshoe said. "You see, the two saw the crime from separate vantage points."
"Allow me to show your with the floor plans presented in yesterday's trial," Gumshoe placed the photo onto the courtroom's projector. "Miss May was right here," he said, pointing to the window of the Gatewater hotel. "And Redd White…" Gumshoe pointed to where the killer was marked to be, "was right here!"
"W-what!" Miles slammed the desk once more; this time with a look of frightened-anger on his face. "You're a madman, Gumshoe! That's where the killer was standing!"
The crowds went off into a fit of chatter.
The judge banged the gavel.
"I assure you," Mr. White said, "that I was not in the Fey and Co. Law offices on the night of the murder."
"Would you care to explain?" the judge asked. "In another testimony?"
SHE RAN TO THE "LEFT"
"Miss May's testimony was on-the-ball, as was mine! When you attacked Miss Fey, she first ran to the left. You hit her once, and then she ran to the right. You gave chase, then ended it with a second blow. See? You hit her twice, my good detective!"
"Objection!" Gumshoe shouted. "The autopsy report clearly states that she was hit by a 'single blow to the head!'"
The crowds went into more chatter, but the judge ended it with his gavel.
"Mr. White!" His Honor cried. "Please, elaborate!"
"Hold it!" Miles Edgeworth interrupted. "Your Honor, may I ask for a short recess?"
"No way!" a voice from the crowd cried.
"Make him testify!"
"He's hiding something!"
"White is a poopyhead!"
"Heh…" Gumshoe thought. "It looks like they're all on my side…"
"Wait, I got it!" White pounded his palm. "Your Honor, if you'd let me testify once more…"
THE TWO ACCOUNTS
"Umm, well, see – I looked at the other window when I heard that thing fall…"
"Hold it," Gumshoe said, this time at a more appropriate volume. "What is this 'thing?'"
"A glass light stand," White replied confidently.
"Is this important?" the bearded judge asked.
"It is quite important," the flatfoot, who played lawyer, said with a smile. "After all, the light stand was broken beyond recognition! And to boot, it was outside the vantage point from the Gatewater Hotel's window!"
"Well…" White said, "I've seen it there before."
"But you can't see it through the window…"
"Isn't it about time you confessed to your crime?" Edgeworth asked White.
"About the wiretap, I mean."
"…Ah, yes," White regained his confidence. "I was in there before. The week before the murder. I entered the law offices to place the wiretap. I saw the light stand then."
"Well, Gumshoe?" Edgeworth asked. "Any objections?"
"What!" Edgeworth slammed the desk with his fists.
"I'd like to present the quote-unquote 'dying message,'" Gumshoe handed the memo that said 'Maya' on it.
"You're looking at a penalty here, Mr. Gumshoe," the judge warned.
"Your Honor, if you'd please turn the receipt around," Gumshoe said.
"Hm?" the old-timer turned and read it aloud. It was a receipt for a light stand, and it was dated the day before the murder.
"Well, White?" Gumshoe asked. "Are you going to confess now or what?"
"Guh…" White gasped for air.
"Your Honor, I request another day to investigate!" Edgeworth shouted.
"Not good," Gumshoe thought. "Since His Honor is in White's favor…"
"Objection!" a familiar voice shouted. The courtroom doors burst open, and porcupine-head shot through the aisle holding a CSI bag in-hand.
"Mr. Wright!" the judge asked. "What is the meaning of this!"
"If you would please let me read something aloud," the blue-garbed attorney said, "then I will leave you all alone."
"Does it concern this trial?"
"Very much," Phoenix reached into the bag and pulled out a piece of parchment.
Wright began reading names; some familiar and some unheard of. Gumshoe recognized the names of a few politics and world leaders.
"S-stop…" White interrupted Wright, who wasn't even half-way down the list.
"Hm?" Phoenix looked up.
"Stop! I've had enough!" Redd White grabbed his head and pounded it to the podium. "I give up! I killed Mia Fey! It was me! Ego iuguolo!"
"Before we bring this trial to a close," the judge said, "I have one question for the defense."
"Yes, Your Honor?"
"What was Mr. White's motive?"
"I can answer that, Your Honor," Wright stepped in. He handed the judge a thick file. "This is a file concerning the DL-6 incident; it concerned Mia Fey's mother. Redd White had destroyed her mother's reputation, so she studied up on him. Knowing she was hot on his trail, White had to silence her."
"I see…" the judge nodded. "If that is the case, this court finds the defendant, Dick Gumshoe… not guilty." He pounded his gavel. "Court is adjourned.
"Mr. Edgeworth, sir!" Gumshoe reported to the prosecutor's lobby, where he was coldly ignored by the student of Manfred von Karma. "I'm terribly sorry for beating you, but I couldn't just let myself go to jail…"
"To think I was going to give you a raise…" Edgeworth said. He turned to face the detective. "Gumshoe, from this moment on, you will refrain from calling yourself a 'detective!'"
"What are you saying, sir?"
"You're fired, Gumshoe," Edgeworth said. "After your next paycheck, you will have no job."
"Sir, that's not fair…!"
"Perhaps I'll promote Officer Meekins to 'Police Detective…'" Edgeworth pondered the idea, and it nearly brought the rock-hearted detective to tears.
The spiky-headed defense attorney stepped outside of his newly inherited office with his newly inherited assistant, Maya Fey. They were on their way to get burgers, but they paused to look at the once-empty building next door. Officers were painting away at the blank sign above the large window, and the name 'Gumshoe' was written in white on the windows itself.
"What's… going on?" Phoenix Wright asked.
"Hey, pal," the scruffy detective approached the attorney. "You're probably wondering what this is."
"Like Hell I am."
"Edgeworth fired me for breaking his 'perfect-win' record," the detective sighed, "so I'm opening a private-detective agency."
"Next to my law offices!" Phoenix turned pale. He stopped moving.
"Poke, poke," Maya said, lightly tapping the ghost-white Wright. He slowly fell to the ground.
"How 'bout I invite ya over once it's done?" Gumshoe asked. "I'll treat ya to some instant-noodles, pals!"END CHAPTER SIX/END EPISODE ONE
This is my longest chapter, and my third one written today. Don't worry about Gumshoe; I promise you he'll be back to his old self in a few episodes (That's right, this isn't your ordinary fanfic, but a series!). I have nothing else to say for the day but that I need to get to sleep… See you in Episode Two: Turnabout Samurai, Pal!