Bella/Alice

Rated M

Summary: Bella has an illness called Intermittent explosive disorder…. (IED), all of her life she had been struggling with her anger and temper. She had no control over her actions.

I read about this disorder for a assignment for school and thought that it could become a good story plot, so I'm going to try this but I won't be as dedicated as I am to Choosey lovers.

Intermittent explosive disorder: is a behavioral disorder characterized by extreme expressions of anger, often to the point of uncontrollable rage, that are disproportionate to the situation at hand.

the outbursts are brief (lasting less than an hour), with a variety of bodily symptoms (sweating, chest tightness, twitching, palpitations. The violent acts were frequently reported accompanied by a sensation of relief, and in some cases, pleasure, but accompanied by remorse after the fact.

Hope you guys like it!

Enjoy!

Ch1

My name is Isabella Marie Swan and I have Intermittent explosive disorder.

The easier definition.

I have a very ugly Anger Disorder, which put everybody I love in danger, I have no control; I have no limits of where my anger will escalate. One minute, I can be sitting down talking to you and the next; I'm bashing your face in with a lunch tray. I never had a relationship, not because, I don't want to….because I can't.

That is off limits for me, my anger will destroy the relationship alone with her…believe me it happened already. It was horrible to watch but, pleasurable at the same time, watching her fall in love and when the perfect time came.

I watched as she fell into piece right at my feet, sometime I would pick her up and put her back together…..just to let go and watch her shattered all over again.

I'm a sick fuck…but I can't help who I am, it's better to embrace it then fight it…because every time you try to fight back, you will feel yourself being push back on your ass.

I still remember my first lash out, I was thirteen and the nanny was watching me….once again. She was yelling and screaming at about having girls in my room after seven, I felt this tingling sensation course from my feet all the way to my finger tips and before I knew it.

I pushed her….down a seven flight of stairs.

No one knew what happen to Miss. Bosky, they thought that she fell down the stairs and hit her head, I never shed a tear….I never felt that guilt murders say that feel after awhile of killing someone. I didn't beg forgiveness because, I didn't want it….if God made me this way; then who I to deny who I was. Throughout the years, it just got worse and my parents tried little to help me...nothing was working.

The medicine was a way for me to get high…so I wasn't complaining.

Sitting here, watching my father pack the trunk with my belonging, I was being shipped to an Uncle who lives somewhere in the fucking woods or something. I went ballistic and manage to break my Mother's wrist and that was the last straw and now I'm being thrown away.

Like trash.

I didn't like being touched, she knew that….he knew that but, still she insist on touching me and I flipped. I saw her arm reach and I attacked on full instinct, I grabbed her wrist so fast and turn it until I heard that sickening…..as well as pleasurable crack sound. Her screams fueled my anger as I was about to kick her but was pushed back by my Father, it took only seconds for the rage to completely disappear and all I was left feeling was remorse and regret. They couldn't handle me anymore, so they were sending to a doctor….I forgot the name but, I know that last name was Cullen. A loud bang brought me out of my thoughts as I saw that my Father was done loading the car, I moved from the window shield and walked over to my closet and bent down to receive a black box from the back. Pulling the heavy box to view, I sat down and gently rubbed the top as dust flew off and fell carelessly to the floor.

"Been a long time" I softly said to the box that held my innermost secretes and fears, I made this box after the death of Miss. Bosky. It was my only friend, my only companion…..my only reason for life. Slowly opening it like it was the box of Pandora, the first that caught my eyes was Miss. Bosky ear rings. She gave them to me when I turned twelve; she was a true Mother to me.

"Isabella!" I quickly put the top back on it and lock it, I stood up and dust myself off. This was it; I was no longer apart of this life anymore.

Not like I was in the first place.

They thought that money and nannies will fill that empty place where my heart use to be, they were the worse parents on the universe. Their jobs were more importantly to them than their struggling daughter who is a lesbian and on top of that…battling with an illness that could put people in danger or worse.

"Isa-

"I'm coming!" I yelled down the balcony of the hallway, one thing I will miss…..was this big ass house. My parents were stupid rich, they had so much money and spend it on stupid shit like trips and cruses that I never were invited on….ever. I wanted to take their money and put it to good use; like my fucking disorder, to try to get some information on the disease. I grabbed my book bag from the stripped bed, and held my box under my arms tight and walked down the stairs to the car. When I got to the front door, my Mother stop me.

She didn't touch…smart woman.

"You know I forgive you" she raised her left arm that was wrapped in a white case, I squeezed the box until my arm started to hurt by the ruff edges.

"I do not have it in my dead heart to apologize to you, if anything…you should be apologizing to me" I told her calmly as she gasped.

"What! You broke my fucking wrist, how do I own you an apology"

"For many wrongs but, I will forgive you because you forgave me. You are a sick excuse of a Mother, and I'm so happy that I'm finally being release from your heartless paws. But, one thing I can say….your smart; you got rid of me before I did something I wouldn't regret" I said turning on my heels and walked towards the black truck that was taking me far away from here. I got in and stared straight ahead with back straight, Father finally got in and sat there…I could tell he wanted to say something but, chose not to and turned the car on. I gave one last look at the house I spent seventeen years in, I was being freed….like a prisoner who has just finished their sentence.

I was a prisoner…..of my own mind and body.

I didn't have the feeling control and…

That made me very angry.

A/N: well there's the first chapter, I hope you like it….the Cullen's will be coming into the second Chapter.

Review…..tell me how you feel about it. :)