A/N: I just want to say that I have had a very difficult time written this story but I did it and I thank you all for the heartfelt reviews.
I want give special thanks to Tsubasa: your review made my heart swell, because of people like you and the rest of my readers make me want to write and put my heart out there through my words.
So many people I want give a special thanks to, who been there since chapter one, I really wanted to end this story with a happy ending but it never seemed to fit as I wrote chapter after chapter.
So for the last chapter of Rage and Fire…I want to do a time jump, the Cullen's are moving away to college and Alice will find Bella's Notebook in her book bag.
Give love to my Beta!
Twenty boxes stacked one by one by the door of the Cullen's house, the house was quiet and gave this feeling of sadness. Esme the Mother, sat back and watched as her children pack up to leave her, she knew they were going away to build a better life for themselves but, her heart still broke as she watched her daughter put the last piece of tape on a small box and laid it by the rest.
"I'm really going to miss you Alice" bringing the small girl into her arms, the raven haired girl clung to her Mother with sadness.
"I'm going to miss you too Mom" just when they pulled away, Emmett, and Edward came tumbling down the stairs and into her arms.
"We're going to miss you Mom" they both said with emotion, Esme couldn't keep the sob that erupted from her mouth, she was losing her babies. Box after box was carried out and put in the truck they rented for the drive to California, where UCLA was waiting. Carlisle walked out of the kitchen and held his wife in his arms, he saw Alice run her hand through her hair.
"Do you think she will be alright?" Carlisle asked as they watch the boys and Jasper rumble on the ground, everybody was smiling and happy; except for Alice who looks about ready to cry.
She didn't have to tell him twice, as he went flying out the door and pulled his daughter into his arms and she finally let out the cry she had been keeping in.
"She should be here moving to California with me" she sobbed as the kids stopped what they were doing and sighed bowing there heads in shame.
"What did I tell you? Bella will always be here with you Alice" Carlisle whispered to his distraught daughter.
"I just wish she was here standing next to me with her arms around me" she said with so much pain and sadness that I couldn't help but feel tears well.
"We all do Sweetie" she pulled away and wiped her eyes, she shook her head and ran into the house and up the stairs; Rosalie was about run after her but Carlisle put his hand up stopping her.
"Leave her be" Carlisle walked back into the house and made his way to his office and slowly pulled the black tattered notebook from his desk.
"She needs to know" Carlisle's head shot up and saw his wife standing there, they both looked at the notebook.
"There are so many things in this book that will hurt her"
"And there's things in there that she should know about too" Esme said as she took the notebook from her Husband's hands. She let the pages flip as she scanned the pages with her fingers.
"This is the closure Alice needs, Carlisle ….more than you do" Gasping, Carlisle looked at his wife with pain.
"You loved Bella just as much as me or Alice did, your hurting as well and you keep this notebook for comfort but, do you think Alice would need the comfort more than you" Carlisle felt ashamed, Esme was right. Alice needs the book more than he did, he snatched it and ran outside, he saw that no one was in the car and he snuck the book into her book bag. After the tear stained goodbyes, the kids were off to their new life as college students.
To have Bella's thoughts written, I wanted to put Alice POV in here, so when she finds it…it will start off there.
"Alice sweetie, we're here" Tanya's voice ran through my ears, I rubbed my eyes finding out that I was crying in my sleep. I got out of the car and we started to unpack the boxes and bags, I was so tired and sleepy. When we got to our dorm room, Rosalie was roomed with me as Maria and Tanya was roomed together just down the hall. Our third roommate was nice but I wasn't in the mood to fucking socialize with anybody, I wanted to unpack and go to fucking sleep. That's been my routine since….
Don't say it!
Shaking my head as I felt the tears, I quickly made my way to my new room. My boxes were stacked nicely….thanks to my brothers and Jasper, opening the first box, I grabbed the handle of my book bag and pull it toward me as all the contents fell out.
"Just great" I mumbled and got down on my knees to pick it up, I heard my door open and glared at who ever it was.
"Alice" it was Rosalie, Tanya, Maria, Deana and their roommate Tristan. What the fuck was this? An intervention?
"Can I help you all with something?" I said picking up the things that fell out my bag, my hand caught on to something black. Looking down I saw Bella's sloppy handwriting across the cover
"I was wondering if you wanted to come with us and go site seeing?" Rosalie asked, my hands shaking, as I felt the lump in my throat grow with every second.
"A…Alice are you alright?" Maria asked, I picked the book up and felt my tears fall, I suddenly looked up and screamed.
"GET THE FUCK OUT!" I jumped to my feet as they all looked scared and shocked, they all left quickly as I locked the door. I slowly turned around and saw the black notebook taunting me, I felt a whimper escape my lips as I pulled at my hair and slid down the door. My heart wanted to read it, but my head told me that I was going to get hurt even more if I read it, I wonder how her notebook got into my bag? Shaking my head, I crawled over and grabbed the book.
"You can do this Alice" I whispered, slowly opening the book I read the first line…..
You will see the difference between Bella and Rage as you read her entries….
Here we go.
My name is Isabella Marie Swan, named after my Grandmother, I wish I had memories of her….they say she was a wonderful woman. My uncle Charlie told me everything about her, he says she was the heart of the family. He told me she took care of everybody, I wonder if she was still alive, would she bare the pain I have lived for me? Would she take my pain away? We would never know.
I could write his name down many times but if uttered once…I feel the pain and loss strangle me to death, he took so much and damaged me for anybody else, he's the reason for my ways but not all is put on him. My mother is a huge part of my heartless way, she showed how to not love, she showed me the way to hurt someone without physically doing so.
Henry who took my innocence and killed me from the outside.
My mother who unbeknown to me killed me from the inside.
Wiping my tears I turn to the next page.
How would I describe Passion in one word?
She makes me think, I don't know it's something about her that makes the rage inside burn with need and lust, I don't want to but I can't help how I feel. She's beautiful yes but she doesn't hold a candle to my goddess Alice, I would move the world for her….I don't think she even knows how deep and serious my feelings for her are? I love her with so much that it hurts. She makes me want to get better and have kids and a house, to be a family.
I would love to have a family with Alice, to have that pure love of devotion and care, to love and protect my family like mine failed to do for me. I would never leave my daughter unprotected ever! Our child will have the love of millions in her heart because I would be damned if she feels even a little ounce of what I did growing up.
Alice…..my beautiful Alice
How I would love to be that person for her but I know I'm not going to get that far, I'm too damaged...Or should I say unfixable to have a family.
She wouldn't want to have a family with a freak anyway.
"Oh Bella" I cried.
I need her arms around me.
I need to feel her skin against mine as she whispers her love for me in my ear.
I can't stop thinking about Alice and her soft touch that send chills inside my heart, the girl has my heart in everyway. I can't imagine not being with her, if I couldn't be with her I don't know what I would I do, she is my whole reason why I haven't taken a gun to my head. She knows that she has my life in her hands, she knows that if I can't have her then I have no meaning to live. But I know she will always love me, and that's why I have so much faith in my self to get better and love her right and keep my hands to myself. I have scarred her beautiful face…..I never felt so much pain then when I saw the blood pouring from her head where I hit her, I didn't mean to I swear. She was making me so mad and I snapped, I felt empty and heartless.
I hope she can forgive me for all my wrong and help me do right so we both can have a life full of love and happiness.
"You left me Bella" …
She fucking left me!
Because of fucking Passion's raggedy ass! I have so much fucking anger…so she thinks this is really over, well she got another thing coming, no one walks away from Bella like that and fucking live to tell the tale. Alice must have lost her mind! She is so lucky that I'm locked up in this stupid ass hospital because if I was near her I would defiantly try to tear her head off.
She lost her rabbit ass mind! Passion fucking pushed me and I snapped, I couldn't stop until it was over, she should be fucking happy that I was hurting Passion and not fucking her.
Because lord knows I want to. The girl makes me so fucking hot and bothered that I can't handle it, she feeds my anger and fuels my Rage with her words and aggression. If I wasn't with Alice I would have her legs spread and pussy wide open in seconds.
Stupid ass bitch! Telling me we're over!
I say when we're over not her!
I say what's goes on in this relationship….she has no voice, whatever I want she will do.
And if she wants to give me some lip.
Well I will punch her ass in her lip.
Just wait until I get the fuck out of here, she will learn…that her place is at my feet.
If I killed everybody here, would I be doing everyone a favor?
I don't know I just feel that most of the people in here is a waste of space, like me. If I had the chance to give them an out I would…I wish someone would give me one.
Alice hasn't called or came by, I'm not going to dwell on it though, she can do whatever she fucking wants to….I'm not going to stop her. Passion is getting on my fucking nerves and James is about seconds from having his nuts for lunch, where the hell is Carlisle, he was my doctor…..not this ponytail wearing faggot. He's been pushing my limits and I was ready to explode, I hope fuckers know to stay clear away because when I blow...Somebody's getting hurt.
She thinks she can fuck with my head but, I tell you this, that bitch will have a rude awaken if she think Bella fucking Swan will follow her ass around like some lost puppy…Bella don't get down like that, she might have my heart but she don't have the permission to treat me like shit.
Where the hell is Carlisle!
Hearing a knock on my door, I yelled at them to go away and turned the page, tears falling hard as I read.
Once had friends…..now all alone in this box they call a room, I'm suffocating in this piece of shit.
I'm losing hope
I saw an angel.
I was dreaming and suddenly I woke up and there it was, just sitting there on the end of my bed. Its wings extended and bright. She was beautiful and had the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen.
Her wings were this gorgeous black color, I smiled at her as she smiled.
She didn't talk and so I didn't we just stared at each other until I felt myself shooting up in the bed sweaty and scared.
What does it mean when you see a angel?
But more importantly what does it mean if your angel's wings were black?
I don't want to hurt anymore.
Baby don't you know that I can't handle it.
I don't want to fight anymore.
Life has won this battle.
Too much pain.
I give up.
This last one, will be of Bella last thoughts while she was locked up, her last words carved into the stone with the blade before she died.
HERE I AM FUCKER!
You want me!
You can have me…I don't want it anymore! I know you can hear me, I know you feel me because I can feel you. I can hear you breathing in my ear.
I feel your presence.
She betrayed me….I have no reason to want it anymore, so you can take it…I don't need it.
You're a coward!
And I thought we as people suppose to be scared of you! You are a bitch.
If you want me…you have to come and get me yourself.
Your little shadows on the wall don't scare me, I am a of emotions….she killed me and now you can have my soul.
No one else wants it.
I would gladly walk the steps into your eternity.
Well there you have it, the end has come and I had a emotional and thrilling ride writing this. I never wanted to go this deep in this story, I just wanted her have a anger problem but my mind came up with something total different…but I am glad that mind went this way because this story shows the hardship that most people in this world has to deal with. I am blessed that I have family that loves me and care for me, if I could I would love everyone….because not feeling loved at all can damage a person dramatically. Bella had so many stab wounds, her mother didn't want her, her father let her mother brainwash him resulting in leaving her unprotected and Henry stole something precious from her. She found love at the last minute, Charlie tried his hardest but it wasn't enough…Alice broke at the end only to feel the pain of losing her love. This story brings tears to my eyes.
Thank you all and make sure you go and tell someone you love them even when you haven't said it to them in awhile.
Tell someone you love them….you might be the first person to tell them that.
From yours truly,