A/N: Sio's back! Sorry this took forever and a day. I've been so slow on writing lately. Prepare for things to take a turn for the cracky to make up for it! Fic-followers, any ideas for where things should go? Let us know! We're making it cracky! ;)
The next day, William McKinley High was all abuzz with speculation. Breadstix was far from a secluded place for a tryst, and enough of the school's gossips had spotted the unlikely trio sitting cozy in their booth in the back. Especially since they'd been seen actually leaving together. Like, together together.
And all the gossip flying through the halls was before any of the three girls had even arrived on campus. So when Rachel walked in wearing stone-washed jeans slightly to big to be hers - cuffs at the bottom were needed to make them fit properly - and a white button-up shirt that was obviously not hers - cuffs rolled over the cuffs of her jacket sleeves and the bottom of the shirt tied off exposing her abs, half the buttons missing - under her letterman's jacket the rumor mill really kicked into gear. Especially when a particularly observant rumor-monger noticed the small collection of suspicious bruises on her neck and upper chest, poorly covered with concealer.
But things really exploded when Santana and Brittany arrived.
The two cheerleaders parted around her - Brittany to the left, Santana to the right - like water around a boulder. Santana's arm snaked around her waist, thumb hooking into the waistband of Rachel's jeans just over her hip. Brittany curled an arm around her shoulders, leaning into her with a smile.
"Rach, your butt looks, like, super fine in San's jeans. I mean, your skirts are pretty hot too, but I really like you when you're in San's pants," the blonde nods, leaning over to plant a kiss on the blushing brunette's cheek.
"And you totally owe Britt a new shirt," the Latina smirked before reaching over to tip the running back's face up for a heated kiss, running the tip of her tongue over her top lip lightly when she finally pulled back, "though biting the buttons off like that to get to her abs was totally hot."
Rachel could only blink dazedly after Santana's kiss. As over the top and in-your-face as the girl could be, no one could deny that she knew how to kiss - least of all one Rachel Berry. Her mental state wasn't much improved when Brittany pouted about being left out, cupped her cheeks in her warm hands and dipped down for her own involved kiss.
The pair of cheerleaders laughed at the stunned expression on the other girl's face, tugging her along with them as they walked down the hall. They could hear the rumors flying around them, feel the staring eyes of their classmates boring into them. It was pissing Santana off - everybody getting up in her business where they had no place - but Brittany only looked at her over Rachel's head and shook her head, so she contained her ire and waited.
They dropped Rachel off at her locker with a pair of quick kisses to either cheek. The running back grinned at them, whispering something to Brittany that had the lanky dancer in giggles while Santana rounded on the various people staring at the trio with various levels of shock and disbelief. When she spotted a familiar blonde in the crowd, she could barely hide her smirk - this just kept getting better.
"What the hell are all you losers looking at?" She loved how everyone would flinch away from her - it just made her feel all, like, warm and fuzzy and shit, "You're all just jealous cause Berry's got mad game and you wish you could tap that but uh-uh, boys and girls, Santittany has laid claim to that fine ass. So you all?" One hand came up from her hip to point sassily around the crowd, "best be stepping off 'fore I be giving you a reason for them slack-jawed mouth-breather looks you're sporting."
For a long moment no one moved. Which, of course, was not the right response when confronted with irritated Santana.
"Did I stutter, morons?" She glared, looking far more pissed off then she had been moments before, "Shoo!"
The crowd scattered. Not everyone left, but they definitely were keeping their eyes off of the trio if they had to be in the hall. An acceptable compromise.
Santana turned back to the two girls, "And that is how you get people to shut the fuck up about shit they ain't be deserving to talk about."
Brittany grinned and threw her arms around the darker girl. "Isn't San the best, Rach? We should totally have penguin sex now!"
The other two had started to respond, only to stare at each other completely confused. Penguin sex? Rachel just kept shooting the blissfully oblivious Brittany mildly concerned looks until Santana mouthed "the documentary" to her and her eyes widened in recognition. Standing on her tip toes, one hand on Britt's should and the other cupped around her mouth, Rachel whispered something into the blonde's ear.
"Really?" She looked surprised, but Rachel only nodded, "Oh. Well, I don't want to break you, silly!" Rachel started to smile, until Britt continued with a bright grin, "We can just have regular sex then!"
Rachel blushed dark red, falling back against her locker with a soft thump. The half-smile never quite left her face. Santana just laughed, hooking pinkies with the taller girl.
"Come on, B. Let's leave Tiny to her," Santana paused with a sly smirk for the smaller brunette, "thoughts."
Almost as soon as the pair disappeared down the hallway, Puck sidled up to the bemused Rachel still staring off into space.
"Babe, you gotta tell me. Is it true? You, Britt, and Santana?"
"All I can say is that I have discovered that sexuality is remarkably," she rolled her head against the locker to peer up at him with a dreamy smile, "fluid."
Puck stood there, staring at her for a long moment as she turned and spun the combination into her locker opening the steel box. "Holy shit! You totally scored! With Brittany and Santana! At the same time? Come on, Rach, you gotta tell me. I'm dyin' here!"
Rachel just glanced at him with an enigmatic smirk, grabbing her books, "What do you think?"
"Oh yeah," he nodded, a pleased grin on his face, eyes closed, picturing it in his mind, "that is so hot. So, Jewbabe, you're gonna do your bro a solid and get me in on that action, right? Cause the Puckster is totally down for some hot four-way action with three of the hottest chicks in campus."
Rachel leaned up and placed a kiss on his cheek, "Noah, I love you. I do." She smiled at the boy, patting his cheek with fond affection, "but I'm afraid you just don't have the right equipment for the job. I'm sorry."
She left him gaping at her back as she walked away, "I thought we were bros, Rach! Bros! How could they have corrupted you so fast?"
Rachel's laughter drifting through the hall as she turned the corner was the only response he got.
Quinn was stunned. Shocked. Horrified even.
Her two second-in-commands had hooked up with Rachel freaking Berry.
They did it. They had actually did it. Sure, she'd known Santana and Brittany played fast and loose with sexual morals, but hooking up with Berry? Of all people?
That was an entirely new level of degraded. Even for them.
And claiming her ass? In front of the entire school? Had they lost their minds?
Quinn was bound and determined to get to the bottom of this.
So when Santana and Brittany came around the corner, pale fingers had latched onto a tanned arm like the talons of some oversized raptor. Santana barely had time to squawk in protest before she was flung around and slammed into the lockers, pinned in place by an irate head cheerleader. Brittany could only look on, discomforted by the situation but not sure how to resolve it without hurting one of her friends.
"What. The. Hell, Santana?"
Santana glared, "Excuse me, bitch? You just done stepped on my line. What the fuck is wrong with you, Quimby?"
"Don't give me any of your shit, Santana. I'm so not in the mood. What the hell is going on with you two and Berry?"
Suddenly catching on, Santana relaxed back into the lockers with a sly smirk, "So that's what's got your panties in a knot? Hey, she might be a shortie but she's totally hot enough to get our mack on with. Besides," she decided to get some of hers back from the blonde for getting up in her game so often, her tongue darting out to lick her lips as she gave Quinn her smokiest gaze - the one that made Puck just melt, "that girl is insatiable. She wore us all out, right, Britt?"
Brittany nodded, pleased that Quinn and Santana seemed to not be on the verge of a fistfight again, "Yeah, Rach just keeps going and going. And she's, like, really flexible for not being a cheerleader," remembering the crazy Yogi Bear thing the little girl had suggested after their Animal Planet marathon and the demonstration. It was surprisingly hot - she hadn't known people that weren't her could bend like that, "We all fell asleep in San's bed and I totally got to cuddle with Rach. She's like a warm, snuggly teddy bear. I totally like sleeping with her."
Quinn could only stare at the other blonde, stunned at Brittany's revelation. Santana laughed, reaching up to pat her cheek and slipping from her hold. Brittany promptly hugged the brunette as soon as she got close, making it easy for her to spot Rachel coming around the corner.
"Yeah, Q, Rach's got mad bedroom skillz for an untapped talent. The things she can do with her tongue," the Latina leaned back against the lanky dancer who still hadn't let her go, fanning herself with her hand, "damn. I mean, just damn. All those vocal lessons paid off in a real unexpected way." She grinned at the discomforted expression on her captain's face.
Brittany was starting to get concerned at how red in the face Quinn was getting, "Don't get mad, Quinn. You can totally come next time, if you want. I'm sure Rachel wouldn't mind!"
"Wouldn't mind what, Britt?" Rachel asked, coming up on the trio.
The dancer whirled, scooping the diva into a bear hug, "Rachel! I missed you!" She planted a big kiss on the girl before setting her back down, "Quinn wants to join us next time! You don't mind do you?"
"If Quinn joins us?" Rachel blinked, trying to focus past the kiss - Santana might be good but Brittany had lots of experience - finally she shrugged, figuring Brittany was talking about their impromptu sleepover in Santana's bed, "No, I don't mind. Though you may not be very comfortable. I'm not sure how four people would fit."
Quinn gaped, sputtering more than saying anything coherent. Brittany and Rachel just looked at her completely baffled by her sudden inarticulation. Santana could barely contain her laughter over the whole thing.
Finally, Brittany decided that Quinn must concerned about the discomfort of all of them not fitting in the bed, "Don't worry, Quinn! Rach is like a warm, cuddly teddy bear. She can totally sleep on me and you can have her spot!" She smiled warmly, certain she'd resolved the problem.
"What are you talking about? I'm not going to... I'm not like... I can't... you're all just sick!" Quinn yelled, flinging up her hands in disgust, before spinning about on her heel and storming off.
Brittany frowned as she left. "Sick's a good thing, right? Like what they say about snowboarders and stuff when we watch the X-games. Right, San?"
"Oh, yeah, B. Yeah," Santana wiped away a few amused tears from the corners of her eyes, still chuckling a bit, "that's totally what Q meant. Totally."
Rachel just rolled her eyes and headed to class