Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing yada yada yada.
If one lived around the Hellsing manor for any length of time, they learned three things about the great Alucard. First, and most importantly, he was so powerful he made demons cry, so it was wise to not get on his bad side. To the relief of the former, the second thing was he didn't bother with the majority of humans, keeping to himself or to the few he graced with his presence.
Third, Alucard was as good as dead from the first rays of dawn to well after the last of sunset's. One could shove his coffin down a flight of stairs and he wouldn't so much as twitch.
So when Integra spotted Alucard strolling through the gate and down the sidewalk, she had to do a double take. Well, this seemed to be a warning of the imminent end of the world, she thought as she turned away from the window. Of course she wondered what the hell he was doing, but she knew questioning Alucard's motives would drive her mad.
She just so happened to be walking down the staircase as he came back in. He almost looked like he was sleep walking; shuffling along, emotionless and unfocused as his hand clenched around something like a vice. Integra suppressed a sigh.
"Alucard, you do know stealing mail is a federal crime?"
"Mmph." He turned away from her. She moved around him.
"That's an order."
Alucard slowly passed the bundle of letters, bills, and annoying flyers to her, keeping one and trying to tuck it up his sleeve surreptitiously.
"That one too."
"Mmph." He trudged towards the stairs with slightly more urgency than a zombie. Integra caught up, briefly playing tug-o-war before it tore in half.
She glanced up at the top left corner. The National Blood Service emblem was just about the address for the West Centre Blood Donation Centre. She looked up to see Alucard's eyes glowing red with fury.
"We'll talk about this when I wake up." He growled into her mind before descending into the dungeon.
"It's called charity, Alucard. It's not legal to take the burdens of society and drain them of their blood, so they beg for donations," she explained slowly, Alucard standing in front of her desk, "I figured since we do so much…business with them, it would be courteous to return the favor."
"Wouldn't have to if we could just kill a few humans," he grumbled. Integra frowned.
"Buying needed blood from donation centers seems to be the lesser of two evils," she murmured. Alucard waved his hand dismissively.
"Blood is blood to a human; as long as you match A to A and B to B the quality doesn't matter." Integra arched an eyebrow.
"Are you getting at what I think you're getting at?"
"I'm just saying there are two vampires in your basement that stick their necks out for you each and every day, and should take a little precedence over strangers."
"You aren't getting my blood, Alucard."
"But Seras got some!" He whined. Integra stared at his legs.
"Did you just stamp your foot?"
"Do I have to starve myself to get a reward? Pretend I'm human for the chance to lick up a shallow cut?" Integra closed her eyes, rubbing at her temples.
"Don't get dramatic, it was a one-time deal."
"After your father passed away I practically raised you!"
"Now you're confusing yourself with Walter." She opened her eyes, glaring at him, "You're not getting any more of my blood, understood?"
"Understood." But not accepted, his eyes clearly stated, turning away and disappearing from the office.
Ten years…ten years and he was still after it, she mused. It felt like her own personal Ticking Crocodile, lying in wait until Captain Hook accidentally gave herself a papercut. It seemed like the five and a half liters inside of her was pure vampiric gold.
Seras hopped through the kitchen, humming lightly to herself. She stopped, blinking as she saw her master at the dining table, feet propped up and chair leaning back. She didn't even know he was allowed in there… She opened her mouth but he held a finger up, frowning.
"Hello, I'd like to place an order," she noticed the receiver in his other hand pressed to his ear, "Yes, I'm well aware of the fact you aren't a typical restaurant. …fine, you aren't a restaurant. Anyway, there's a particular donation you will be receiving that I have to track. …I'm her brother."
Seras stared at him. Alucard rolled his eyes in disgust at the customer service.
"Her name is Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing and she's coming in on… What do you mean you can't do that? …first come first served? The hell is that supposed to mean? …if you just keep it in the freezer it'll be stay good for…"
Alucard paused, staring at the wall thoughtfully.
"What if I just so happen to puncture a major artery right after she was done giving blood, then could I have it? …again with your "first come first served crap!" I have a veeeeeeery rare blood type that only she shares in the entire world… What do you mean I'm lying?"
Seras went back to the kitchen, not even bothering to wonder. She was sure she didn't want to know.
Regardless, he stormed in a minute later, taking a few packets out of the freezer.
"Sure, for a kidney or bone marrow they do extensive testing but blood? Couldn't care less about the details," he grumbled, flipping one of the packets over and over in his hand, "…we need to cut out the middle man."
Integra didn't like to think she was paranoid, but waking up that Wednesday morning, she felt like someone was out to get her. Her clothes were missing…all of them, including her robe. Her shower was ice cold and she was locked inside the room, though the lock was on her side of the door. Walter finally got it unjammed and Integra waddled down in a bed sheet to steal Seras's tightest clothes (which were still baggy on her). There wasn't any food in the house, let alone breakfast or tea, and the engine in the car was missing.
"He was a busy bee," she commented, undaunted.
She simply took the bus and had breakfast at a coffee shop.
Without any further complications, she arrived at her appointment on time. She filled out the paperwork and they tested her blood's iron level. Once she was in the clear, she was escorted to a cot and laid down. She enjoyed the rare bit of relaxation time, Sara Bareilles playing softly in the background.
It really should freak her out that something that was in her body was slowly being pumped out into a bag below. But this was probably the least violent way she tended to lose blood. Her thoughts turned morbid, wondering if unattended it would just keep sucking her dry or would the bag explode from the volume?
A half-hour later, a familiar dizzy feeling came. A nurse unhooked her, bandaging her up and taking the blood packet.
"Thank you Miss Hellsing." A falsetto voice cooed.
Integra's eyes drifted towards the young girl, her red eyes bright and a smirk on her lips.
"Alucard, don't you dare!"
"Fresh and warm… Like cookies out of the oven," he, or currently she, remarked.
Sitting up too quick made her see stars, still dizzy and weak. Several real nurses restrained her lightly, not paying any mind to the underaged girl walking towards the ice chest. Integra continued to yell at Alucard as he slipped a packet out of his pocket and into the icebox in place of her donation, walking away and sipping triumphantly at her fresh, warm, type A blood.
Thought it was high time I tried Girlycard.
In all seriousness, I would encourage anyone who can donate blood to do so. The horror stories aren't as frequent as you'd think. Most of my friends don't have a problem with giving, and have done it multiple times. You'll never know how you'll react unless you try… And the sugar cookies are bombsauce, along with the super nice staff. Donating blood really does save lives, especially those who need regular transfusions due to medical conditions like my friend.
And also because Alucard approves.
End of soap box.