Life Goes On by planet p

Disclaimer I don't own Uroosa or any of its characters.


I have often wondered about my father:

Who he is

What he looks like

(If I look more like him, or more like Ma

If I have his eyes, stuff like that...)

But most of all, I wonder why he left us.

Had we done something wrong? Had I done something wrong? My papa left when I was just a baby, you see, so I guess I can be forgiven for thinking it was somehow my fault... or at least due to me.

Maybe Papa hadn't wanted a child, or he'd wanted a son, or when I was born, he realised that a child was not what he'd wanted, after all, that I would be more trouble than I was worth.

(The screaming – The crying – The constant demands)

Maybe he'd realised that he didn't love my ma all that much, not enough that he could go through with raising me.

I don't know why he left, but I often find myself feeling down because of it. Me and Gloomy Face are old friends, you might even say good friends.

How can I think like this? It's actually quite easy. You see, what if it was my fault that Papa left Ma? What if Ma's big chance at love and happiness failed somehow because of me?

Ma says it was nothing to do with me: it was Papa's choice and he made it. She says even if he would blame me, that it wasn't me who threw him out - he walked out, wholly under his own stead!

When she catches me in one of those moods, when I've been thinking about him for too long, I try to dig out Happy Face. Usually it even works.

But today it doesn't.

Did Papa even think about anyone else's feelings, that day he decided Ma and he were over? Done with. Did he think about Ma? The woman he had married. The woman he had once loved! Did he think about me, his young daughter!

Sometimes I think my papa must be a cold person, and sometimes it worries me that I can be so mad at him for leaving us the way he did, and I wonder if secretly, I might be just as cold as he is, underneath. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be like that, at all! I don't want to live my life like that.

So I try not to be so mad at him. I take Ma's official line: it was his choice to make, ultimately, and he made it. "Life goes on."

And it did, after all.