Hey guys! Ok, ok so I was reading The Roger Diaries by xRajahx...THE BEST RENT FIC EVER! And I decided I would write the super secret diaries of some of MY favorite characters! I'll work on Dodger's for now and eventually get around to Sodapop Curtis and Jack Kelly!
So, without further ado, HERE'S DODGER'S SUPER SECRET DIARY!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, a'ight?
A/N: When I found this super secret diary of Dodger's, it originally had several misspellings, for our darling Dodger has no edumakation. So I fixed the spelling for this wonderful little world called Fan-fiction! But the rest is true to what Dodgey wrote! Hope it's enjoyed! And I hope Dodger never finds out I stole his diary. He's quite the character in general. His diary just proves him even more...epic? Yeah, sure. Epic.
THE SUPER SECRET DIARY OF THE ARTFUL DODGER
Alright, to start off, let's get one thing straight. If any of the boys found out I kept a diary I would positively never live it down, for I am THE ARTFUL DODGER! And the Artful Dodger don't keep diaries. Only I am. So I guess I'm defying a law of nature. But I defy lotsa laws, so it ain't really a shocking event.
BUT I DO HAVE A SHOCKING EVENT FOR YOU, MATE! Today, I saw Oliver eat a piece of cake.
Now anyone who knows the Twist kid knows this is indeed a shocking event 'cause Oliver never eats carbs. Lotsa people think he's skinny as a green bean because he's just a poor starving orphan who can't get his hands on food. This ain't true. He just don't eat carbs. And he works out in pink leg warmers to opera music. But that's not what we're talkin' about right now.
We're talking about the cake. Basically, me and Charley walked in from our day on the job and found Oliver Twist, sitting on the floor, shoveling chocolate cake into his mouth like Sikes was out to get him and it was his last meal. It was not an attractive sight, let me tell ya, mate. I can honestly say I had to do a double take, have Charley kick me in the leg, and pinch myself five times in five different places before I believed I hadn't spontaneously passed out and was dreaming or delusional. And then when I finally realized I was, in fact, totally awake, I cried "HOLY GUMBO, CHARLEY, THE BLOODY WORLD'S ENDING! QUICK, GET IN THE CLOSET AND COVER YOUR HEAD WITH A PILLOW!"
Charley didn't hesitate, let me tell ya. He grabbed a pillow and ducked into the closet, covering his head with it and rocking back and forth, sobbing "I don't wanna die I don't wanna die I don't wanna die!"
I was about to join him when Oliver shook his head, smiling. "No, no Dodger! Never fear! This isn't chocolate cake! It's prune cake! High in fiber and vitamins! It just LOOKS like chocolate! Honestly, Dodge, did you really think I would eat chocolate cake? Puh-leese."
I think he kept going after that but I was too busy gagging at the thought of prune cake to pay attention. I mean, the kid's made some pretty nasty things in the past but prune cake has gotta be the worst. Well...there was that one time he made me try his homemade lima bean cupcakes. I couldn't sit up for three days without puking me guts out all over the place. It was not a pleasant experience, let me tall ya.
So, you'd think Charley wouldn't exactly love the idea of prune cake either, right? Wrong. He squealed for joy and went over there and started eating the no-doubt poisonous food with Oliver! That's when I decided I was the smartest out of all my friends; and that's saying a lot since I can only do addition up to two plus two is five.
So I left those two insane people to enjoy their meal that would later turn into a barf fest and went to go find Nancy. Ain't a diary where you're supposed to record, like, your innermost feelings? Okay then.
NANCY IS THE MOST WONDERFULEST PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! SHE'S SO SWEET AND KIND AND BEAUTIFUL BUT SHE'S DATING THAT IDIOT BILL SIKES WHO I WOULD LIKE TO WHACK WITH HIS OWN STUPID STICK! THAT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN AND MAKE THE WORLD A MUCH HAPPIER PLACE!
So I went to go find Nancy, who I guessed was at the Three Cripples where she works. AND SHE WAS! I was really happy to see her. But I was so distracted by her beautiful hair in the lamp light and her dazzling smile that I tripped and fell over a table and smushed fifteen glass cups into tiny shards which I then fell onto and I cut myself up pretty bad. So I left and never got to say hi to Nancy. Some days just aren't my cup of tea.
The Artful Dodger
Hehehe well there's the first entry! Hope you all enjoyed it! I hope to have the second one up soon! :)
Review? Please? I guess either you will or you won't no matter how much I beg, but it doesn't hurt to ask, I guess.