Author's Note: This is my very first post to FanFiction. So keep that in mind when you read. I don't normally write at all! I have recently discovered The IT Crowd, and I can't get enough. I had a blast writing it and I hope you enjoy. This used to have five chapters, but it was so poor I axed them. I don't feel like changing the story title yet.
Helicopter Girl and Roy
This story pretty much takes place right after the end of Series 4.
Roy stepped out of a room on the top floor near Reynholm's office holding a bandaged arm above his head. "You know just because I'm a tall man doesn't mean you get to take twice the amount of blood!" Muttering to himself, "Should have just stayed downstairs ignoring the phone." Roy barely caught the elevator and stepped in, briefly acknowledging a woman inside. He turned back to the closed doors, pushed the button for the basement, and promptly passed out.
The lady in the elevator quickly recovered from her shock and attempted to revive him by shaking his shoulder, "Sir? Sir? Wake up. Wake up sir. Are you alright? Sir?" The woman grew more panicky and began to lightly slap Roy's face. "Please wake up. Hello? Sir? Come on…." After a few more frantic pleas, she paused to look him up and down. "Come on now, wake up! You, you big. handsome. man!" She quickly and passionately kissed the unconscious Roy. She immediately gasped and sat back covering her mouth with her hand…utterly surprised and scandalized at herself. Just as suddenly, her lust overtook her once more and she continued to kiss Roy timidly and urgently while saying "oh, you handsome, handsome man!" She hungrily held his face in her hands and grabbed at his hair. Again she abruptly stopped to sit upright, and frowned. "What am I doing? You probably have a girlfriend!" The strange and pretty lady became overwhelmed with sadness, and addressed Roy with anger and desperation, "Why are you doing this to me?"
Roy continued to lay there out cold and unresponsive.
"Don't you know that you are breaking my heart?" She cried just before the elevator doors opened. Her composure instantly returned and she calmly said to the small group in the hallway, "This man needs medical attention, he has passed out most likely because he just gave blood." The onlookers gathered closer to the scene, and the woman from the elevator coolly stepped out and looked back once before walking away.
A few days later, Roy was sitting at his desk when Moss entered looking grim. Moss stood squarely in front of Roy's desk with his hands on his hips and announced, "Roy, there is something I think you should see."
"What's that Moss?"
"Well, you know how you said that you fainted in the elevator after donating four pints of blood?"
"Yeah, and then I had to go to the hospital and get more blood..I know I know, ridiculous."
"Well it's about to get even weirder Roy!" Moss dramatically pulled a flash drive out of his shirt pocket.
"What do ya mean, weirder?"
"Well I took it upon myself to have a look at the events as they unfolded Roy, and I made a very. odd. discovery!"
"What the hell are you talking about Moss? What is that?" Roy was getting annoyed and uncomfortable with the information Moss was holding in his hand.
"It might just be the freakiest thing that's ever happened to you Roy!"
"What is it Moss?"
"I didn't believe it at first, but…it's real Roy."
"What's real?" Roy was officially bothered, and stood up ready to snatch the device from Moss.
Moss paused, inserted the flash drive into Roy's computer and walked around to Roy's side of the screen as he quickly explained, "I got a hold of the footage from inside the elevator Roy, to see what exactly happened, and well, I found this." He clicked Roy's keyboard with a flourish and they both watched the scene from the elevator…Moss was serious and unmoved as Roy reacted with a mixture of astonishment, flattery, and horror. The footage ended. Roy stood there astounded for a full minute. "What the hell was that?"
"That was one crazy woman Roy. And you were her plaything." Moss returned to his own desk very disturbed.
"I've never seen anything as strange as this, and to think it was actually happening to me!" Roy said confused and giddy.
"What are you saying Roy? Are you glad this happened?" Moss was beginning to get offended.
"No no no Moss, I'm not glad. It is a little flattering though." Roy's smile faded and he crossed his arms. "Who the hell was that girl?"
"I thought you would never ask Roy," said Moss as he began typing away. "That's why I designed this facial recognition program for Reynholm Industries."
"Aww that's brilliant Moss! Let's see who she is." Roy joined Moss at his screen. "It's a good thing Jen is on holiday, or she would never let me live this one down."
Moss still typing away, "You're right Roy. This would be humiliation material for months." Click click click. "And here's the best image I got from the elevator footage, insert, and go. Hmm. That was fast."
Roy blinked, "what do ya mean, that was fast? Why is it saying 'No Match'? It only took a second to look through the entire staff here!"
"Well, Reynholm Industries isn't actually as largely staffed as you might think Roy…and besides, maybe this kiss-happy freak isn't even an employee."
"Freak? Sure she's a little off Moss but I wouldn't go so far as to say that she was a freak."
"She is the ultimate freak Roy. I've never seen anything so freakish in my life! Why, if the roles were reversed you would be in jail right now, but no not her! Who knows how many times she has taken advantage of poor unsuspecting blokes!"
"Are you sure you're not just jealous Moss? Are you certain it isn't because you wish that you were a big. handsome. man. like me?" Roy laughed, swaggering back to his desk.
"Oh so you don't mind showing this to Jen then?"
Roy's faced dropped instantly. "Don't you DARE!"