Disclaimer: I own nothing. All belongs to Glee writers and creators.
A/N: This is just to hold you guys (and me) over until I can finish that pain in the ass chapter of 'Color Me Confused.' And yes, I took the liberty of promoting myself and my stories in this one. ;)
The Naming of Faberry
The gavel was struck and Kurt cleared his throat, drawing the attention of the other nine members standing around the piano.
"This meeting has been called to order," he announced, folding his hands neatly on top of a spiral notebook he'd been carrying around with him for the better part of the week. "As Finn pointed out almost precisely one year ago at our parents's wedding, it's tradition for New Directions to come up with a portmanteau to title every new power couple that enters its ranks. Therefore, it's only fair—" here he rolled his eyes "—that our newest power couple be given the same courtesy, no matter how unnatural the pairing."
Santana scoffed. "This is lame. Can't we just call them 'disgusting' and be done with it?"
"You're just upset because 'Brittana' keeps getting rejected," Mercedes said pointedly.
"And as we've said many times before, Santana, until you make it official with our dear Brit-Brit, you're not a couple, let alone a power couple," Kurt added.
"Gay bastard," Santana grumbled, while Brittany looked particularly aglow at all her favorite names being tossed around.
"What's that?" he asked.
Kurt frowned suspiciously, but chose to let it go for now.
"Now," he continued, with a toss of his perfectly coiffed hair, "I've gone around to all of you this week in hopes of finding a suitable name for our favorite glee girls—" At Mercedes's glower, he hurried to say, "Besides Mercedes." Tina folded her arms. "And Tina." Santana was tapping her foot and glaring pointedly. "And Santana." The glare intensified and he huffed. "What?"
One head jerk made the source of her displeasure clear and Kurt rolled his eyes, adding, "And Brittany."
The Latina nodded approvingly.
"As I was saying, I've collected a suggestion for a suitable name from each of you this week, though some I've unfortunately had to pitch out," he announced, leveling a disappointed glare at the guilty parties as he flipped his notebook to the correct page. "I'm sorry, Sam, but while 'WTF' may be appropriate in the sense that that's what we were all thinking when they announced it, it doesn't combine their names. At all."
"And Finn, 'Why-Does-Everyone-Want-To-Hurt-Me' is even worse," Kurt said exasperatedly.
"Seriously, Finn?" Tina prompted, shaking her head with wide eyes.
"Look, you've got to admit that those two are like hellbent on ruining my life. They're always cheating on me an-and having babies with other people and…stuff," Finn trailed off, gesturing futilely.
Kurt arched an eyebrow. "Boo hoo, brother. Boo hoo."
"You guys are so mean to me," he mumbled.
Puck made a point of moving over next to Artie. Standing next to such a complete pansy ass would totally wreck his rep, after all.
"I'm like two seconds away from punching him in the face. Can we move on now?" Santana snapped irritably.
Finn visibly paled, and Kurt cleared his throat.
"Of course. I'm sorry, Puck, but I had to get rid of all of your suggestions," he said, wrinkling his nose while the boy in question just waggled his eyebrows. "Some of them still make me want to gag."
"Let me see," Mercedes said, and the others gathered around him to peer at the sizable list.
When they all leapt back at once with an "EW!", Puck grinned.
"Hey, you can't expect my mind not to get a little dirty when that combo gets together. Freaking hot, dude," he said unapologetically, and when his eyes glazed over and a wistful look appeared on his face, the rest of them decided it would be best to move on.
"Anyway. I also move to remove Santana's suggestion of 'Stubbers,' because although it does combine their nicknames in an…interesting way, it's-it's…."
Santana smirked. "Awesome?"
"Offensive?" Mercedes offered.
"Rude?" Tina added.
"Bitchy?" Artie said tentatively.
"Just like you," Kurt concluded, and Santana rolled her eyes.
"Well, if you don't like that one, I got plenty more. Runo, Man Bitch—"
"It's mean," Brittany said firmly, and the Latina's mouth closed.
A moment of silence followed before Kurt said, "Motion to remove 'Stubbers' from the list."
"Second," Mercedes said.
"All in favor?"
It was seven to three.
"All right, moving on," Kurt continued, a pleased smirk on his face. It faltered as he read the next one. "Uh, Brittany, I-I'm not really sure where yours came from, but it was a nice thought." He smiled.
"What is it?" Artie asked curiously.
"Uh, she said Mad Libby and Sexy Q could be either Mad Q or Sexy Libby," he replied uncertainly.
Brittany leaned closer to Santana and whispered, "Was that in a different story?"
"I like Sexy Libby," Puck said, and raised his hand.
After the girls had glared at him long enough, he lowered it with a dejected frown.
"All right, on to the real ones," Kurt announced, smirking. "Mike put in 'Quinchel' for consideration."
"No," Finn said immediately, shaking his head and wrinkling his nose.
"I agree with Finn. That's way too close to 'Finchel' for comfort," Mercedes said apologetically. "Sorry, Mike."
"All against Quinchel?" Kurt asked, and there was no contest. Even Mike raised his hand. "Okay. Tina suggested 'Rainn.'" He quirked an eyebrow.
"That's…actually good," Sam said, frowning thoughtfully.
"Yeah," Santana agreed mock-brightly, then glared at both him and Tina. "If we want to sound like we're talking about some hippie lovechild from the seventies."
Tina deflated and Artie patted her hand comfortingly.
"That would also work for Finn and Rachel," Mike pointed out sheepishly.
"He's right. Why the hell are you and Quinn's names so damn close?" Puck asked accusingly, and Finn spluttered.
"It's not my fault! I-I didn't—"
"Anyway." Kurt rolled his eyes. "All in favor of Rainn?"
"Okay, stop switching it up. It's either 'all for' or 'all against.' Pick one and stick with it," Santana growled.
He blinked at her, and only Sam raised his hand.
"Hey, what about Rachinn?" Puck blurted suddenly, looking a little too enthusiastic.
"No," Santana barked.
"What? Why?" he grumbled, pouting.
"Because I know what you're thinking and it's not cool just because it's close to 'bitchin','" she retorted, rolling her eyes.
"Also it could still be used for Finn and Rachel," Brittany pointed out helpfully.
Mercedes patted Puck's arm when his pout only deepened. "But kudos for coming up with a PG-rated one."
"As I was saying, Mercedes came up with 'Fabrerry,'" Kurt said, and glanced around the group to gauge reactions.
"It sounds like library," Artie said uncertainly.
"That's dumb," Santana said flatly.
"What? It's just Fabray, Berry, Fabrerry," Mercedes offered, and when she was still met with blank stares, she sighed. "Fine. Whatever."
"It just doesn't really have a ring to it," Sam said comfortingly.
"And it's really long," Finn added.
"Finn won't be able to remember it," Brittany said, and Santana grinned.
"Damn! Good burn, baby," she praised, and Brittany beamed.
"Excuse me?" Kurt prompted, huffing. "Brittany and Santana's blatant gayness aside, it's time for my suggestion."
"What about mine?" Artie asked, affronted.
"I wrote mine before I got to you, sorry," he said dismissively. "All right. Brace yourselves. How about 'Ferry'?" He grinned.
Santana snorted. "They're gay enough for it."
Kurt scowled at her.
"Wait, ferry like the boat or farry like…Harry with an 'f'?" Mike asked.
"I can't stop thinking of fairies like with wings," Tina observed.
"It kind of does make you think of a fantasy creature," Sam said thoughtfully.
"Everything makes you think of a fantasy creature," Mercedes pointed out, rolling her eyes. "If I'd known y'all was gonna be a 'Star Wars' geek, I wouldn't have agreed to do a duet with you."
"'Star Wars' is lame. I like 'Avatar.' 'Av-a-tar.'"
"I don't care."
"Okay!" Kurt exclaimed, his frown going deep enough to cause—gasp—wrinkles. "That's enough. Why don't we vote?"
"I don't think there's enough of Quinn's name in it," Puck said, and Mercedes patted him to give him his kudos for thinking in PG again.
Artie snorted, and everyone stared at him.
"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking it rhymes with Rachel's last name really fun? You know, Berry Ferry, Ferry Berry," he said, chuckling. They all stared some more and he faltered. "No? Okay. Moving on."
"I think I know her," Brittany whispered to Santana.
"Can we vote now?" Kurt blew out irritably. When no one else interjected, he said, "Okay, all in favor of Ferry?"
He raised his hand, and that was the end of that.
"Fine. Okay, last suggestion was Artie's and it's 'Faberry,'" he grumbled halfheartedly.
There was a moment of silence.
"Artie!" Tina exclaimed, and he jumped. "That is totally genius!"
He grinned bashfully. "Really?"
"It's like the perfect length," Sam said, patting Finn's shoulder.
"It's so cool. It's like Fabrerry and Ferry but not," Finn added, grinning to himself.
"It's actually pretty good," Santana approved.
"It's perfect!" Mercedes said eagerly. "It doesn't mix with anyone else's names and it hooks them in the exact right spot."
"I like it," Mike said.
"Totally dig it," Puck added.
"I think I've heard it before," Brittany said sagely. "You guys, we should look it up before we just steal it like that."
There was another moment of silence.
"It's good," Kurt said grudgingly, smiling at Artie, who beamed with pride. "Okay, all in favor?"
They all grinned at each other and Puck bounded to the door.
"Okay, ladies, you can get your fine asses in here!" he shouted.
"Don't talk about my girlfriend's ass, Puckerman," Quinn hissed as she marched in, Rachel preceding her.
"That's not fair. You can't take talking privileges away from me, too!" he whined, and the blonde snorted.
"You're such a child."
Rachel waited until Quinn was wrapped securely around her from behind before addressing the others.
"So, what's the verdict?" she prompted, bouncing in place. Quinn smirked.
"It's unanimous. Your power couple name is…." Kurt paused, glaring at the rest of them, who waited impatiently.
"Well?" Rachel asked, a frown beginning to peek out.
"Do you people not understand the concept of drum rolls?" the boy growled, and there was a collective 'oh!' before they all started tapping their fingers on the piano and vibrating their tongues along the roofs of their mouths. Santana's may not have been in her own, but hey. "Thank you! Okay. Your power couple name is…Faberry!"
The drum rolls ceased and Brittany and Santana parted with smack, leaving a roguish grin on Puck's face. Rachel leaned back to catch Quinn's eye, and they did that weird nonverbal communication thing that always freaked Finn out. At last, they both smiled and Quinn nodded.
"I like it," she approved, and Rachel nodded.
"As do I. Though it reminds me of a slushie flavor." She tapped her chin. "Although, the combination does taste pretty good."
"Rachel!" Quinn yelped, eyes going wide, and Puck's grin could not have been bigger.
The brunette clapped a hand over her mouth, looking at all the wide-eyed and mildly disgusted faces.
"Oh, my God. Did I say that out loud?" she whimpered, and at Quinn's nod, she groaned. "I think it's time for me to go home now."
And she twisted out of Quinn's arms before executing a (mostly) dignified exit. Puck frowned.
"What about the party?" he called, pouting, and it grew when Quinn trailed after her girlfriend.
"I thought we were all going to Puck's tonight to celebrate your…new out-and-proud couple-ness," Mercedes reminded her, and Quinn paused.
"Are you kidding? If Unfiltered Dirty Talk Rachel is visiting, I'm totally taking advantage. See you guys Monday."
And then she was gone. The rest stood in silence, each feeling happy for their friends, a little grossed out, and kind of at loose ends. Except for Finn, who had turned pink.