How to Use Fanfiction
(or, what happens when the NextGen stumbles along a familiar site)
sequel to How to Use Facebook
Includes some 'canon' pairings
Molly Weasley was sitting in her common room again, minding her own business, when a familiar red-headed boy rushed into the common room, nearly knocking down the door. "Cousin Molly! There you are."
"Louis, what in the name of Merlin are you doing?" Molly practically shrieked in surprise. "And whose dressing robes are you wearing?"
Louis just shrugged, unperturbed. "Lily's, it was a dare. Anyway, we've decided that it's time for you to give us another lesson on computers."
"Why?" Molly sighed, annoyed. "Can't you guys do it on your own?"
"No," Louis drug out the word. "They won't teach us."
"Fine," Molly sighed, heading up to her dormitory to get her computer.
Once she arrived back downstairs, all of her cousins were waiting there. And that means all of them, with the addition of Lorcan, Lysander, Scorpius, and…Teddy?
"Teddy? Victoire?" Molly peered curiously at her cousin and her cousin's boyfriend. "What are you doing here?"
"I don't know," Victoire rubbed her head. "I touched my toothbrush and ended up outside the grounds, so I just came here."
"You can apparate," Molly reminded her.
"Not off the grounds of Hogwarts," Victoire replied.
"What about you, Teddy?" Molly asked.
"I like computers," Teddy replied, a toothy grin taking over his face.
"Lily, if you gave him that Muggle gas of yours I swear I'll-" Molly began.
From in front of her, Lily just snickered. "It'll wear off soon, don't worry."
"All right," Molly held up a computer. "See, this is the computer-"
"IS THAT A ROBOT?" Teddy shrieked, backing off and stumbling over James' foot. James just cracked up, and so did Lily.
"It's a dinosaur," Lily complained, frown on her face. "Can't we just go to the Room of Requirement and say we require some computers?"
"Oh, yeah," Molly scratched her head. "Why didn't I think of that?"
"Cause you're not smart," Lucy piped up from the audience. They all snickered, except for Molly.
Rolling her eyes, Molly asked, "Do any of you actually know where the Room of Requirement is?"
"I do!" Hugo responded, trying to size himself up to be as tall as the older boys surrounding him. Grinning, he kept at it. "One day, I was walking around, looking for my hairbrush-"
"Why would your hairbrush be in the corridor?" A puzzled sibling, Rose, asked from beside him.
"Rose!" Hugo protested, giving her his famous stop talking look. "It only seemed reasonable that my hairbrush should be in the corridor."
"Hufflepuff reasoning," Ravenclaw Lorcan muttered from beside him.
"Hey!" Teddy and Hugo yelled in protest.
Staggering toward Lorcan, Teddy said, "I resent that…wait, what is a Hufflepuff? A huff and a puff and the wolf blew the building down! Three little pigs, just like my toes!"
"Anyway," Hugo continued. "When I was looking for my hairbrush in the corridor upstairs, suddenly a door appeared! Naturally, I went inside."
"Should've been a Gryffindor," Lysander commented, ruffling his little friend's hair.
"STOP INTERRUPTING!" Hugo all but yelled. "Hufflepuffs are brave too! Anyway, I went inside, and suddenly there was a big room with hairbrushes in it!"
"Wow," Molly grinned. "Well, little cousin, let's see this room."
Grinning, Hugo skipped down the corridor, all of his cousins in tow behind him. Teddy rushed up to join him in his skipping, huge smile on his face. Suddenly, the headmaster rounded the corner and saw them. "Teddy Lupin? What are you doing here?"
"McGonagall," Teddy giggled, flipping his blue hair out of his eyes like Justin Bieber. "Is that like McDonald's? McGonagall, McDonalds. Have you ever been to McDonalds? They take all the Muggle Studies classes on a field trip there each month. Do you know the story of the three little pigs?"
"Is he okay?" Headmaster McGonagall asked, concerned.
Pure Slytherin Scorpius thought up a lie quickly. "He's fine, Headmaster. He appeared here, all disconcerted, so we were taking him to see Madam Pomfrey."
"Oh, okay," McGonagall peered curiously at them again, and Victoire ducked down further behind her sister. "Well, please get him there quickly."
"Will do, Headmaster," Scorpius smiled sweetly at her, sort of like the Veela tricks that Dom and Victoire played.
"Good," McGonagall said. But as she walked off, she turned back to look at them one last time, and they could've sworn they heard her mutter, "Weasleys. Insane, the lot of them."
Once they'd finally arrived at the Room of Requirement, Hugo told them, "Right. Now pace back and forth, thinking about how much you want a room filled with computers."
"But I don't want a room filled with computers!" Teddy whined. "I want a taco!"
Rolling their eyes, the rest of them paced back and forth until suddenly a shimmering white door appeared in front of them. Rose gasped. "Hugo, you actually did it!"
Hugo beamed. "I did, didn't I?"
"I'LL GO IN!" Teddy yelped, running to the door and slamming into it with a loud thud. Dominique caught him just before he hit the ground. Rolling her Veela-blue eyes, she handed his nearly unconscious form to Victoire and pulled open the door.
"Whoa," Dominique gasped, and the rest of them followed suit as they walked in. Laptops were strategically placed on tables, each with a chair to go with it.
"I CALL THE BEST ONE!" James yelled, and the rest of them followed him.
Molly stopped them. "Guys! Don't you want me to teach you what to do first?"
"Fine," Lily griped, and they all walked back to where Lysander was still sitting. Lily giggled. "Lysander will show us!"
"Hey, Moll, let me type please?"Lysander begged, unleashing the full power of his beautiful blue eyes on her.
"Fine," Molly sighed, giving in. Lysander let out a loud "YES!" before smiling up at her. "Moll, what should I type in?"
"pandiction and then ., then c-o-m," Molly dictated. "You can search for anything there."
"Okay!" Lysander exclaimed, bending over. Five minutes later, he looked up. "Is this it?"
Molly checked the address in the address bar. "Lysander! It's not fanfiction, it's pandiction!"
"Whoops," Lysander replied, shrugging while still grinning.
"Here, I'll type it," Molly growled, taking the keyboard from him.
"Molly, wait!" Albus protested. Evil grin on his face, he told her, "This website looks pretty cool. Why don't we check it out?"
"Fine," Molly consented, sighing. "Do whatever you want to!"
"All right!" Albus exclaimed. All of the others gathered around him. "First," he announced. "We have to pick a category."
"Books are the only one I know," Rose told him, peering at the screen.
"I don't know any of them!" Lysander announced.
"Just click on books," Molly commanded him.
"Fine," Lysander stuck out his tongue at her. Slowly, he moved the mouse over to the books icon and pressed the button just as slowly. Then someone burst into the room, startling them all.
"DID YOU KNOW THE TEACHERS HAVE A LOUNGE WITH BUTTERBEER?" Teddy Lupin yelled.
"No," Lysander's eyes lit up.
"Let's go!" Scorpius yelled.
"They kicked me out!" Teddy complained. "AND then they locked the door!"
"Aw," Scorpius and Lysander sat back down.
Dominique sighed. "Too bad."
"Guys, look!" Rose yelled, pointing at the screen.
"Harry Potter?" James, Lily, and Albus all exclaimed in unison. "DAD?"
"There's a book about DAD?" Lily yelped, looking surprised.
"CLICK ON IT!" Albus commanded.
Looking surprised, Lysander did as she said. Slowly, the page came up. The first story that came up was one with the names Draco and Hermione.
"My dad?"Scorpius looked as if he would be sick.
"And my MOM?" Rose shrieked, face red.
"That's just sick," Hugo seconded, looking kind of scared.
"SCORPIUS AND ROSE?" Lorcan yelled, peering down at the page.
"WHAT?" The two shrieked in unison.
"Click on it," little Lily shrieked through her giggles.
The story, which was told from Rose's point of view, centered around the two of them becoming Head Girl and Head Boy. Not to mention, Scorpius was a Gryffindor.
"A Gryffindor?" Scorpius shrieked, disgusted. "How could they even-? Never mind, I don't want to know. But still, Gryffindor? And me and ROSE?"
"Sorry, Scorpius," Rose giggled. "I don't think of you that way."
"Me neither, don't worry," Scorpius told her, hiding his blushing face.
"Well, I'm a Ravenclaw," Rose replied, frowning just a bit.
"Hey, what's wrong with Ravenclaw?" Lorcan protested.
"There's nothing wrong with Gryffindor!" Fred added.
"Sure," Rose and Scorpius chorused in unison, glancing at each other and blushing again in pure embarrassment.
"Hey, look," Molly pointed at the top of the page. "You can click on the characters!"
Grinning, Lysander clicked on it. At the top was the name Albus S. P. The aforementioned boy's face lit up. "That's me! Click on it!"
Lysander did so, and then hit the go button. A large number announced the number of stories about the little black-haired, green-eyed wizard. There were 1, 819 stories about him. Albus' eyes lit up. "What? People like me that much?"
"Yeah, yeah," James pushed his younger brother aside. "Here, let's see if people know who the real hero is." He scrolled down to click on the name James S. P. and then the go button. "969? Are you insane? Almost a thousand less than Albus? What is the world coming to?
"Try me!" Lily announced, bright smile on her face. When neither of her brothers or a smirking Lysander complied, she leaned over and changed the featured character to Lily Luna P. Once the page loaded, the number displayed 2, 592 stories.
"Not bad," Lily replied triumphantly. Both of her brothers scrambled to check out the number.
"You're kidding me," James groaned. "My kid sister has more stories than I do."
"How about me?" Scorpius butted in, grey eyes shining.
"We'll see," Lily sang, scrolling down to find Scorpius M. After hitting the next button, the number displayed 4,559.
"You're kidding," James sighed again. "The Malfoy kid has more than me."
"Ooh, look at that," Lucy spoke up. "Albus and Scorpius, slash fic."
"What?" Albus exclaimed. "I don't swing that way!"
"Me neither!" Scorpius protested, turning red.
"Look at this," Hugo pointed out. "2,426 of those are you paired with Rose."
"Only 19 of me and Scorpius," Dominique declared triumphantly. "Good, these people are sane." When Scorpius glared at her, she just beamed back at him.
Lily checked. "459 of me and Scorpius… how can they even think that without choking or something?"
Scorpius rolled his eyes. "Can we stop the beat up on Scorpius?"
"Hey, look for me!" Teddy grinned, bouncing up and down. "I wanna see, I wanna see!"
"1, 975," Lysander announced. "Congratulations, Teddy, you beat James and Albus."
"Yay!" Teddy beamed, spinning in a circle.
Victoire eyed the page disdainfully. "Look at all the people Teddy's paired with! Teddy and Victoire, Teddy and Lily, Teddy and Rose, Teddy and James, Teddy and OC…who the heck is OC?"
"No idea," All of the kids said in unison.
"Looks like the major pairings are Teddy and Lily and Teddy and Victoire," Dominique observed. "Hey, what about me, Lysander, Lorcan, Lucy, Molly…"
Lysander cracked up at the computer. When they all shot him quizzical looks, he announced, "39 stories about me and Molly. Really, do these people have no lives?" He shot Molly a lopsided grin, which she quickly returned.
"Click on one," Lily suggested.
The story centered around a day in which Ravenclaw Molly (who was written as an OCD person) and Gryffindor Lysander, who was written as a guitar-playing hippie, got together and then made out for about twenty minutes.
"That's nasty!" Lorcan gasped. "Please, next fiction."
"208 about you, Lorcan," Lucy giggled from where she was positioned at the computer.
"Whoa, Lucy and Lorcan," Molly teased. "Have you two got something going on here?"
"More than half of them are Lucy and Lorcan," Lily said, giggling once again. She seemed to be enjoying this more than everyone else.
"Look," Fred laughed, pointing at the screen. "This one talks about how Lucy completes Lorcan's heart or something like that."
"Sick!" Louis mimed puking.
"Oh, don't be so immature," Victoire admonished them all.
"Well, here's a Teddy/Lorcan," Louis pointed out, grinning at his older sister, who looked as if she was going to be sick at the mention of that.
"Can we get off of this, please?" Dominique stuck out her bottom lip.
"What do you want to see, ickle Dominique?" Louis teased, clicking on her name. "Ooh, look, Scorpius and Dominique, Lorcan and Dominique, Lysander and Dominique, ooh, here's the best one yet, VOLDEMORT and Dominique!"
"WHAT?" Dominique rushed to the computer. "VOLDEMORT and Dominique? Are they mentally unstable?"
Louis cracked up. "Obviously so."
"YAY!" Teddy called. "Voldemort likes Dominique, and they're gonna get married! Can I be the bride of honour!"
"Hey, let's make an account!" Lily suggested. "So we can favourite all of the funny ones, like the Voldemort Dominique, and laugh at them."
"Why not?" Molly shrugged, so they clicked the sign up button.
"Let's call it the True Next Gen," Lily suggested.
"Sure," Lysander began to type slowly.
"Use your e-mail, Ly," Molly called. "We'll be back in a few hours."
"Okay," Lysander called. Once he had finally finished typing out the basic information, he clicked on the profile and filled this in.
Our Favourite Pairings
Grinning, he logged off, wondering what Molly was going to do when she saw that profile. Or the rest of them, for that matter. He was going to be dead meat.
But smiling, he didn't care.
And he clicked the link to go read some more stories.
A/N: Well, that was bad. But I hope you liked it anyway! Yes, MollyLysander is my OTP. I don't like TeddyVictoire that much, but hey, it's pretty much canon. Reviews please?
Also, what should I do next? Another wizards meet technology? Maybe NextGen e-mails, watches the Harry Potter movie, or goes on Google? Or how about something like wizards go to McDonalds?
Thanks to Zhie and Rose for ideas :D