A/note: Sorry, the idea popped into my fron and wouldn't go away. Asterisk denotes a new take. Present tense. Welcome to my brain. Oh yes, I'm the director. Enjoy!

~ Sacrifices Outtakes ~

Amy walks into the 'Red Dog' bar. She walks past the bar. Suddenly disappears. She face-plants into the ground with a really loud 'thump'. Jack looks over his shoulder.

"Careful!" He smirks. Eventually... he helps her up.

Daniel is sitting on a table with a bowl of cereal, looking straight at the camera.

"What a lot of people don't know, is that Sam is a complete klutz. She's always dropping her gadgets." Eats more cereal. "You should see her try and reload her rifle whilst running. She makes it a Mensa challenge"

Spoon comes flying into view and hits Daniel in the head.

Ali'ki waits off camera in the Goa'uld cargo bay. She has a harness on, ready to run along the wall. Totally ninja.

"Ready?" Sam is getting ready to run to the door.

Director calls 'Action!' Sam starts running. Ali'ki runs along the wall... and keeps going.

Sam makes it to the door. Not exactly how it's supposed to happen. She looks up as Ali'ki runs over the door. She looks back at SG-1.

"I'm gonna make it!" Sam is being special again. Gotta love her.

Director loses her shit.

In the elevator (which was really, really crowded), it's very quiet and poignant. Until...

Pop

Everyone looks at Jack.

"Wasn't me."

That is such an evil thing to do. Especially in a confined space.

After evacuating the elevator for five minutes. Back we go. Scene continues as it should. Lean in for the kiss... (Director is having a conniption) Sam pulls back.

"I always have to kiss Jack. Why can't I kiss Teal'c?"

Jack kisses her anyway. Director has a tiny spazz.

Ba'al is sitting on his throne between takes. He readjusts his leather pants.

"About ninety percent of the scenes I'm in; I have a wedgy."

And yet, we still make him wear leather. He he.

Pregnant Sam and happy Jack are lying on the couch. Mind candy for the director. Suddenly, Sam is trying to get off the couch.

"Be right back!"

Sam flies out of the room so fast, the camera man gets whiplash. Jack tries to crawl back onto the couch.

"Where you going?"

"Bathroom!"

Director goes searching for painkillers for her headache. Jack yells to Sam.

"Again?"

In the distance, we hear, "Jack! Do you have any idea what it feels like to have someone use your bladder as a trampoline?"

Jack looks to camera and mutters;

"Yes, I do. That's how you got knocked up."

Luke uses the camera to smooth his hair. Such a narcissist. We spend - on average - an hour and nearly 45 dollars on his hair. Every. Freaking. Day.

So tempted to just shave him.

Cameron sneaks up behind director and steals her Coca Cola. She didn't notice.

He returns with diet. Director loses her shit... again.

Half his scenes were cut.

Sam is lying on the floor. Her stunt double, Mandy, is sitting on her stomach.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Who do you think you are?" Sam yells. Director is happy. Good work Sam.

Mandy (currently playing Bel'an) sits back, straddling Sam. She looks down.

"This is a bit suss..." she grins. And there goes the scene.

Director groans in annoyance. These two have the dirtiest minds. Ever.

"I was just thinking that." Sam starts to giggle. Far out.

Director is sitting in her awesome chair. With Coca Cola. And Tylenol.

"It wasn't explained in the storyline, but we wanted to suggest that Salek was Bra'tac's son. We were going to cover it in a third instalment, which was basically the story of Luke and Amy's timeline. Unfortunately, MGM went bankrupt. It's a bit up in the air. It's been put on the back burner, so we'll see what happens."

Looks over shoulder.

"And at the moment, we're waiting for the robotic Griffon to get fixed. Vala tried to stuff it into her little hatchback... Didn't quite work."

Jack and Sam are in the hospital. Jack looks at the camera.

"We're waiting for a contraction so we can film. Sam can't fake it properly."

Sam throws an ice cube at him. She likes to throw stuff.

"Don't be so sure Jack... I can fake it when I have to."

Poor Jack.

Director is lying on hospital bed next to pregnant Sam. She got sick of the antics, stole Sam's wet cloth and is currently trying to sleep.

"I love these people, but they drive me nuts."

Vala arrives with coffee. Oh God yes...

"Is that a grey hair?"

Must. Not. Bludgeon. Stargate. Characters.

Thanks everyone! Hope you enjoyed the story :)