A/N: Heya, guys! Thanks so much for your reviews, you truly are awesome! I'm so happy you enjoy this little thing of mine! So now, after all sweetness we had... Yea, let's have a look at Bruce's mind, shall we? I'm kinda enjoying this point of view. If you see any mistakes, pretty please, tell me! I'm sorry for them.
You remember it as if you were looking through the mist.
You are four years old again and you're sitting in your mother's lap. You're desperately trying to reach something. You think it's a toy, maybe a little car. You can't be sure. The mist is thick. Heavy.
You wince, when your little fingers are curling in front of you, but not far enough to get the toy. And just when you're on the edge of your four year old patience, your mother stops talking to Alfred and notices the frown on your smooth forehead and wetness in your usually clear blue eyes. She smiles then, and scoops you up firmly, reaching her much longer arm to hand you the car.
The mist is almost like a wall now, but you still can remember the softness of Martha's lips against your temple. At least you think you can, but maybe your imagination just tries to fill all those holes in your memory. The one thing which you are sure about this reminiscence is easiness. Yes, it was easy when your mother handed you the toy. Being in her arms was easy. Everything was easy.
And then suddenly there is another picture in your head. But this one is clear. Almost sharp and hurting in its clearness.
You're nine years old and you're standing at the large marble plate on the cemetery. It's the first anniversary.
The grave is neat. That's all you remember about it from that day. It is neat.
There are two names on it. And though you're only fucking nine, you realise that since those names had been written here, nothing is easy anymore. Nothing will be, because you are not going to let anything actually be easy. No, not you. Emptiness, pain and sorrow won't let anything be easy anymore. Since then easiness will only bring those memories back, with everything you can't have and you'll never be able to have. For you easy means painful. Easy means hurting.
So through all those years you've learned to do things – get things, the hard way. Difficult way. No matter how ridiculous it seems to be – it is safer. Easiness has always meant pain for you. You've learned that when something came easy to you, you'd always ended up being hurt and broken.
Over and over again.
More and more each time.
And that's the reason you fight it, right? Why you fight her. Because falling for her is easy. It doesn't require any efforts, any difficult methods or complicated analyses. It's just happening.
But resisting her? Now, that is hard. Like climbing. Never-ending climbing up some perfectly perpendicular wall. One wrong movement and you'll be falling and you know there will be no coming back. And it is anything but easy. It's vexed, it's exhausting, it's difficult.
You find yourself tired. You are truly and completely tired and yet you don't stop.
They say you're foolish and stubborn. You could have everything you've ever wanted and more and yet you continue to reject it.
Yes, they say you are foolish, but they have no idea how right your actions are. At least that's what you keep reapiting yourself.
You look at her across the room and you're telling yourself that you help her, protect her and yourself.
And then you catch the glimpse of her beautiful sky blue eyes and you see that. The same hurt and pain and longing.
You want to let go, let yourself fall, but instead you just keep climbing, desperately clutching to the wall.
Maybe they are right.
Maybe you are a fool after all.