She once had a dream that she was standing on the balcony from where executions were ordered, staring over the kingdom, an unfamiliar expression of a smirk curling across her face. She saw the people and they looked at her… in fear.
And it made her… happy.
She didn't know what happened next, and she couldn't remember anything of the dream, except that she was pretty sure Sir Leon was there, and that she gave an order and it surprised him.
What she doesn't remember. What she won't remember, is the screams of the innocents, the way they ran from the arrows she ordered to shoot them.
She wakes screaming, and Gwen hurries to her side but she won't look at her, because she doesn't deserve to. Because in her dream she was evil, she knows this as deep as she knows her own soul, because her dreams are not dreams. She doesn't quite understand it yet, but they are not merely the product of her imagination. Too many have come true. Too many.
But not this one, that she vows.
Not this one.
When she looks back at herself from that time, she thinks herself weak and ignorant, listening to Uther and believing herself to be safe and right. She was never safe. She was always blinded. Morgause has shown her this. She has opened her eyes to Uther's wrongs, Uther's evil.
That particular dream has long since passed out of her memory. And yet, there is a moment, one moment, after the dream has indeed come true, when she wishes for weak and ignorant days.
Because looking back on the girl, the… child, who vowed that she would never order the deaths of innocents, is like looking back at a stranger.
And it… hurts.
But, no matter, because those weak and ignorant days are long gone now. She is strong. And powerful.
And she ignores the solitary tear that slips down her cheek.
Because it is weak.
AN: First Merlin fanfiction! Wow, and I'm kind of surprised it was about Morgana. But I was inspired suddenly by the idea of her dreams and voila! A very quick and short story followed. I would love to know what you think. She is a very hard character to capture, especially as the changes in her often seem abrupt, but I suppose this was my way of trying to explain it... a little bit.