I don't know why I wrote this…it has so many plot holes…but I cannot get it out of my head (like most one-shots) Anyway, I hope you like it!
He doesn't know that I know though. He thinks that I'm completely oblivious, and that I don't have the slightest idea about him. But I do.
I'm surprised, actually, that he hasn't figured it out yet. Probably as much as he's surprised that I haven't. But I have.
I realized a long time ago, but I've went along with the lies, the deception.
I knew it the day we battled against the Afanc. Wind like that just doesn't come out of nowhere. And there were no entrances to the reservoir that could let in a gale like that. My first thought was to turn him in, but then logic set in - why would he save me if he was evil?
So I watched and waited. I know he helped me when I went to save him; the glowing orb was summoned by him. He wanted to drink the poison for me, but I didn't allow him. He had already saved my life enough times, and I needed to return the favour.
He tried to sacrifice his life for Guinevere. I knew he wasn't lying, but I had to save him. I wouldn't admit it, but he was, is, my friend. I couldn't allow him to tell the truth, so I didn't either, for him.
I knew it was him who saved me, not Cedric, but I had to pretend I believed the other man. At first it was just to protect Merlin's secret, but then I started to milk it, simply to see if he would tell me. But he didn't. Instead he just saved the day…again. And I couldn't even say thank you.
He was the reason I was able to save Guinevere. Somehow he used magic, and all I could do was yell at him. I wanted to say thank you. I wanted it more than I wanted Guinevere to not love Lancelot. Instead, I had to give him an under appreciating comment.
I was terrified when the witch finder came. All I wanted to do was tell him that I knew and help him escape. But then Gaius lied for him, to protect him, as I do every day. In the end I helped save Gaius, too. I almost thanked Gaius for taking the fall but stopped myself at the last minute. Even Gaius, the most trustworthy person I knew, shouldn't realize just how much I knew.
I tried to tell him when we met Morgause. I asked him 'what if magic was good?' I desperately hoped that he would decide to tell me, but he didn't. And then I saw Morgause's enchantment, and I was completely blinded by rage. Then he lied to me about how evil magic was, to save my father. After that I had to go along with it, and pretend like I thought magic was evil. But it's not; Merlin's existence is proof enough for that.
I don't know how he saved me from the dragon, but he did. And after he lied to me about it, saying I was the hero, not taking the credit as always.
Morgana had said that she had saved Camelot from the magic, but I know Merlin did. I didn't know Morgana had been the cause of it though, until recent events. Merlin just stood there, and let his enemy get the credit. And why? Because he had to stay alive to protect me.
When Gaius was possessed by the Goblin and ratted on Merlin, arresting him was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I knew that it couldn't possibly be Gaius, but I just had to trap the Goblin in admitting it. My full intention was to bust Merlin out of the dungeons, but he took care of that himself.
I was told that Strength and Magic would come to join me on my quest. At that very moment I knew that I'd be seeing Merlin quite soon, and that he'd save my life again.
Right when I saw the old man, Dragoon the Great, in my bedroom I knew who it was. It was quite entertaining, actually. I asked "have we met?" trying once more to get the truth out of him. But he did not. I knew he was doing everything in his power to save Guinevere. For that, I was eternally grateful.
And when the immortal knights magically disappeared, I knew exactly what had happened. Merlin had saved all of Camelot, and me, again. But he still hasn't told me the truth.
Does it hurt me to jibe at him every day, and pretend to everyone that I don't know the truth? Yes. I have to keep up this act, like I don't know who my best friend really is.
How can he not know that I do? I spend every day with him. Does he really think that I'm that dense?
But what hurts the most is this: Merlin doesn't trust me enough to tell me.
So I pretend to be oblivious every day. I get 'knocked out' on convenient occasions, and make sure to never look. I often see his eyes flash gold, but my head is turned every time he looks at me. One day he'll trust me enough to tell me the truth, and I'll look at him and say: