"Robin", Batman moaned, "did you have to bring all your cars?"
"Yes", Robin said in an insistent voice, "of course. I have to have enough for everyone to use." Batman groaned under the weight of the bag filled with Robin's fifty model cars.
Batman was beginning to wonder why he had bought for Robin so many cars. Did the boy really need fifty? They had a deal that every time Batman accidentally punched Robin while fight training, enough to make a lasting bruise, he got a car. Needless to say, Robin got punched rather often. Sometimes, he got hit on purpose, like last week when he wanted a sleek blue racer. Batman couldn't prove anything, so Robin got his car.
Robin squealed excitedly and raced up to his friends. Super Boy, Aqualad, Speedy, Kid Flash and Wonder Girl all greeted him exuberantly. "Look", said Robin, "I brought all my cars this time."
"Cool," the boys exclaimed.
"But I don't like cars", Wonder girl wailed.
"Too bad", Aqualad said, "why don't you go cry about it." Wonder girl ran off bawling back to Wonder Woman. Batman finally collapsed under the weight of the model cars. They began to spill out of the bag.
All the boys raced up to him screaming with excitement and started to take the cars. Then, they ran off to play. Batman was left lying on the ground. He got up with a groan. The other Super Parents looked over at him for a moment and then returned to what they were doing. Batman went over and sat next to the Green Arrow.
"So", said Arrow, "Robin made you bring all the cars this time."
"Yup", Batman said wearily. "Did you bring the snacks Arrow?"
"Yea", said Arrow, "but I'm not giving them now. Fruit snacks make Speedy jumpy and I'd rather he be jumpy after he's burned some energy." Batman nodded.
"Zoom, zoom, zoom, hah Speedy, my car beat your car, my car is better", said Robin.
"No", said Speedy, "my car won."
"No it didn't" said Robin, "and anyway, since we're all playing with my cars, I get to say who won."
"Yea" said Aqualad, "your car is so slow, they should call you slowy, not Speedy."
"I'm not a slowy", Speedy wailed, "stop it."
"Slowy, Slowy", Aqualad danced around him chanting, "Speedy's a slowy." Speedy ran off crying and Wonder girl came back over. Speedy rushed up to the Green Arrow, who was discussing the finer points of a battle he had had with The Weather Wizard.
"Arrow", he wailed pathetically and leapt into his arms.
"Speedy", Arrow asked exasperated, "what's wrong now?"
"Aqualad said I was a slowy, I'm not a slowy, right?" The boy looked up at him tearfully and Batman started to snicker.
Arrow, who wasn't really sure what a slowy was but decided it must be some sort of grave insult said, "Of course not Speedy. You're the exact opposite of a slowy."
"Really?" Speedy asked gleefully.
"Sure", said Arrow. Speedy put his arms around Arrow's neck and kissed his nose. Arrow grinned and blew in the boy's face. Speedy giggled and gave his mentor's blond goatee a little tug before jumping off his lap and racing off.
"What the hell is a slowy?" Arrow asked Batman as soon as Speedy left.
"How should I know?" Batman asked. "Just the other day Robin started going around calling people freeps. I just figured out yesterday he put the words freak and creep together. I guess I should have gotten mad at him when he called the commissioner that the other day, but I didn't know what it meant."
Anyway, as Batman and Green Arrow were having a freep conversation, Wonder girl had decided to make a compromise. "I guess I can play cars", she said, "but I get to be the red car."
"No you can't," Robin said, "you're a girl and girls can't drive."
"I'm gona bop you", Wonder girl said defiantly. She loomed over Robin and suddenly, he felt less sure of himself.
"Fine", he grumbled, "here." He handed Wonder Girl the red car. She squealed in delight and raced over to Aqualad to race his car, using Wonder Woman's crossed legs as a track. Robin scooted over to join Super boy, who just happened to be using Robin's favorite black car.
"Be careful", said Robin, swelling up with pride, "that one's my favorite."
"I'll be careful", said Super boy. Then, he moved the cars into position and started to make various car sounds. Two vehicles suddenly raced towards each other at a speed only a super powered child from Krypton could make them move at and crashed into each other. Robin looked horrified down at the little bits of metal in Super boy's hands.
"You broke my cars", he said angrily.
"It was all your fault", said Super boy, "you just have bad cars."
"Yea well, I'm gona tell Batman and he's gona be really mad and hit you with a batarang."
"Well", said Super boy, "I'll just go tell Superman and he'll hit you with his fist." Both boys raced off in the direction of their mentors.
"Batman, Batman", Robin howled as he raced up to Batman.
"What is it Robin?" Batman asked, annoyed because he had just been getting to the punch line of his favorite joke but couldn't tell it when Robin was around because he was sure to repeat it and he got into enough trouble at school repeating all the things the thugs said to each other every night.
"Super Boy crashed my cars", Robin sobbed, "look at them." He held up his two decrepit automobiles. It was definitely Super boy's handiwork.
"Alright", said Batman, "I'm sure Super boy will apologize, come on." He took Robin's small hand and led him over to where Super boy was sobbing into Superman's lap as the man of steel tried his best to comfort his young protégé.
"Robin's come here for an apology", Batman said smoothly.
"Your kid wants an apology", Superman asked, "your kid emotionally traumatized my kid." His voice raised just a slight octave, but everyone in the room suddenly looked up. Superman stood up, one arm hanging down to press Super boy to his leg.
"Well", said Batman, "your kid did break my kid's car."
"Well", said Superman, "maybe you're just cheap, maybe you just bought weak cars." Everyone in the room gasped. Weak cars; that was a terrible insult. They all turned to see how Batman would reply.
"Well", said Batman, swelling up with rage, "you're just a…"he looked around and saw all the young people in the room looking up at him and decided to reword his statement, "you're just a Freep."
"Ooo", Robin said, putting a hand over his mouth. Then, he took it off and said, "Yea you give it too him Batman."
"What's that?" Superman asked angrily.
"Tell him Robin", Batman said triumphantly.
"It's a cross between a freak and a creep", Robin said. That was when Superman snapped.
"You can't call me a freep in front of my kid", he roared, and jumped at Batman. The two men in tights started to role around on the ground in a terrible fight. Super boy and Robin stood next to each other, watching awestruck.
"You know", Robin said, "your daddy fights like an old lady."
"Yours does too", Super boy said. They both giggled, old feuds forgotten. "Hey", said Super boy, "this is lame. Lets play Star Wars."
"Oh, oh, oh, I call being Porkins, I wanna be Porkins", Robin said, "he's my favorite (for those of you who have never seen Star Wars, A New hope, Porkins is this fat guy who blows up trying to destroy the death star)."
"I wanna be a Ti fighter", Wonder Girl said, "'cause I'm awesome."
"I getta be Luke, said Super boy.
I wanna be Han, said Kid Flash.
"So I'm stuck with stupid old Chewbacca", Speedy said glumly, "Chewbacca's just a big mutant ground hog thing."
"You can be Darth Vader", Robin suggested.
"Ok", said Speedy.
"We need a Death Star", said Aqualad, "who's the fattest guy in the room right now."
"How about my daddy", Speedy said, "he ate about ten donuts yesterday."
"Ok", they all exclaimed, "go get him."
"Arrow, Arrow", Speedy called, "come on." He grabbed Arrow's hand and tried to drag him off his chair.
"Where are we going?" Arrow asked laughing.
"You have to be the Death Star."
"Why do I have to be the Death Star," Arrow asked, "can't you use Aquaman or something? I kinda wanna watch this fight." Batman had Superman on the ground with a rather large piece of kryptonite and was pulling back hard on his leg. Superman was yelling and slapping his hand on the ground.
"Because silly", Speedy continued, "you're the fattest guy here and we need someone round."
"Ohh", Arrow said frowning at his ward's over honesty, "of course." Arrow watched the fight's finish from afar; frowning as he stood in the center of the five kids zooming around him, making shooting noises. He patted his stomach self consciously. Aquaman came over, having decided the fight was pretty much done.
"Why do you always have to be the Death Star?" he asked.
"Because apparently", Arrow replied, "the kids are all in agreement that I am the one most shaped like the Death Star in the room. Aquaman, do you think I'm fat?"
Aquaman looked him over for a moment and said, "Well, when you add in the light infractions from this room and the whooshing air from the kids, plus the fact that I see better under water, it could make a person seem more… well…"
"Get out of her barnacle breath before I shoot you with one of my little Death Star lasers." Aquaman laughed jovially and returned to hand Batman a bag of ice for his emerging black eye. The brawl had ended with Batman being victorious, much to Superman's dismay.
"If he hadn't had kryptonite", he said grumbling as he stalked off.
"Arrow", Arrow heard a high voice say as he felt a tug at his tunic. He looked down and saw Kid Flash looking up at him with big green eyes.
"Yes", he asked, squatting (Ohh I hate that word, such an ugly word) down to meet the boy's eye level.
"You stink as a Death Star", the junior speedster replied.
"What!" Arrow exclaimed in mock offense. Kid Flash nodded solemnly.
"Well", Arrow asked, "how could I be a better Death Star, since you see, to be the expert at such things."
"You have to shoot at us rebels", the boy replied.
"Ohh, of course", Arrow replied, and started tickling Kid Flash. "Is that enough laser's for you?" he asked wickedly.
"No", Kid Flash shrieked, "I wasn't ready, you have to wait until I'm ready."
"The Death Star waits for no Rebel", Arrow said in a commanding voice, swinging Kid flash over his shoulder. "And now to go after the next Rebel scum." He set his eyes on Robin, who shrieked and backed up. Arrow moved towards him.
"No", Robin said, "the Death Star's supposed to take like twenty minutes to move two inches."
"Well, this Death Star got an upgrade", Arrow said, and started to chase Robin. Robin ran away screaming at the top of his lungs and making everyone cover their ears while Kid Flash giggled in delight at being carried around the room at a jaunty trot on the shoulder of the masked bowman.
Meanwhile, Speedy was chasing Super boy who had his arms out in a perfect X-wing fashion. He ran into people and chairs, knocking them over and sending everyone sprawling to the ground. The adults lay groaning in a heap.
"Superman needs to keep a leash on that kid", Wonder Woman moaned. Flash nodded. Arrow had just released his charges and was standing in the center of the two as they zoomed around him once more, when Super boy came in for the pass.
"Now", he yelled, "To destroy the Death Star."
He ran towards Arrow who held up his hands pleading for real this time, "No, no Super boy, please don't destroy the Death Star." But it was too late. Super boy leaped up in the air and punched Arrow in the gut. Arrow had the wind knocked out of him, crumpled to the ground, and curled up in ball, arms clasped around his stomach. "Ok", he gasped, "you destroyed the Death Star."
"Hurrah", all the kids cheered.
"Now you have to be the second Death Star", Speedy said.
"No, no, no", Arrow gasped, "the Death Star needs to take a breather. New game."
"What should we play now?" Speedy asked. Aqualad shrugged.
"Snack time", the Flash called loudly, coming in with two fistfuls of plastic packages.
"Fruit Snacks", the kids screamed and raced towards him. They barreled into him and knocked him to the ground, clambering over him like puppies as they collected the fallen treats. Flash groaned and lifted himself up onto his elbows, shaking his head. But right then, Super boy spied a package of snacks right on Flash's collar bone and pounced, knocking his torso to the ground again while seizing his coveted prize.
The kids climbed off and sat in a circle to trade and compare shapes. "I'll trade you two blue Scoobies for a green Dora", Robin said.
"Deal", said Kid Flash and they quickly exchanged their treats. Aqualad started to cry.
"My Pooh Bear is missing a head", he wailed.
"Well", said Wonder Woman, coming over, "now it's a… blowfish, yea, lets go with that."
"Hey", said Aqualad, "you're right. Now it's better then all of you guys's."
"Naw aww", said Robin, "I got a shaggy fruit snack and they're way better."
"Hold on Robin", said Batman, "let me see the sugar content on that package. No, you can't eat these, the sugar and transfats are way too high. Good thing I brought you sugar free."
"No Batman", Robin moaned, "I want Scooby Doo fruit snacks. Those sugar free ones are gross."
"I will not have a fat Robin", Batman insisted, "who do you want to end up looking like, Arrow?"
"Hey", Arrow said from his fetal position in the corner, "I heard that." Robin frowned.
"Ohh come on Batman", Wonder Woman said, "let the kid live a little. One package isn't going to make him look like Arrow."
"Stop calling me fat guys, its not nice."
"Shut up Death Star", Wonder Woman called, "you're supposed to be dead."
"Alright, Alright fine, Robin can have the snacks, but just one pack."
"Hurrah", Robin said happily, and stuffed them into his mouth. The rest of the day progressed in much the similar fashion with Batman being forced to act as a runway for the Super kid's airport and Superman having to act as the engines for everyone.
The Flash had to be a burning building when they played firemen and Aquaman had to be the ladder. When it was decided that it was about time for the kids to be settling down, Arrow put on the mindless annoying DVD he always used to make Speedy be quiet for a while.
Batman disapproved because it wasn't an educational DVD about chemistry or something lame like that, but everyone else threatened to end his life if they had to give one more horsey ride to Super boy, who had a tendency to pull on the reins a little hard and kick with his heels rather roughly.
Eventually, the adults were all out of their mind and about to kill Arrow because the DVD was so annoying, but he said it kept the kids quiet, which they all had to agree with.
But, because the kids had been going and going all day, they were now tired. Robin decided the ground was too uncomfortable for him to take his nap, so he proceeded to seek out a lap upon which he could fall asleep. The first one he found was the Flash's, so he crawled into it and curled up like a kitten, clinging to the red uniform.
Kid Flash, finding his own mentor's lap occupied, took Superman's and Super boy took Wonder Woman's. That left Speedy with Batman's lap and Wonder girl sprawled out over Green Arrow's, who gently stroked her hair as he began to become engrossed in the film. "Batman", Robin said drowsily, "I wanna go home, I'm tired."
"Shh Robin", Batman said, "I have to see if Timmy gets the cupcake from Mr. Crocker."
"Arrow, don't spoil it", said the Flash, rubbing Robin's back gently in an attempt to soothe him.
"I won't" Arrow said, "but watch, this is the best part." The video finally ended and there was an exchange of children as each young hero was returned to their rightful set of arms.
"Good thing we don't do this too often", Batman said as he placed an arm to support Robin's underside.
"Yea", Superman replied, holding Super boy so that he was laying belly down over one arm, "I don't think I could handle this more then once a week. It's just too stressful."
"I think we should switch it to once a month", the Flash said, holding Kid Flash so that the boy's small head was on his shoulder.
"No", all the kids sighed in unison, and then fell back asleep. The adults grinned and walked out, cradling their slumbering charges.