AN: Hello! I'm taking a break from my other fic and this suddenly hit me. So I wrote it. It's from Shelby's perspective after the show ended. She is talking to Scott. There aren't really any spoilers but you won't get the quote if you haven't seen all of the episodes. Let me know what you think!
Disclaimer- I do not own Higher Ground or any of the characters. I also don't own the quote in the second to last stanza (that's from episode 21 of Higher Ground.)
The problem with tears is that they get you nowhere
They don't bring you food, or warmth, or a sense of direction
They don't suddenly make everything better, or cause a miracle
That's why I left tears behind long ago, on those cold, harsh streets
Weaknesses aren't just burdens in that world-they're lethal
One slip, one wrong move and you're gone
Not that anyone would care it that happened
You're just another lost person wandering in a lost world
So I gave it all up, all my faults, or so I told myself
Maybe I didn't bury them deep enough
Maybe I was only kidding myself all along
But either way, they caught up with me, and now they drag me down
All those fronts I put up, all those shields and barriers
That "suck my dick and die in a hole" attitude I flung around
No one was supposed to break through it, no one was supposed to see me
The real me, the one crying in the corner waiting for a savior, or even just a smile
Why are we so pathetic on the inside?
Why can't we deal with whatever life shoves down our throats on our own?
Why do monsters and demons and nightmares and fiends have to be so real?
Why is life so damn fucked up in the first place? -Why try?
For all my dark thoughts and hatred of the world,
I'm still just me, a crying little girl with no one to care
At least until you came along with your own sad story
Always poking and prodding and trying to understand me
I wasn't used to that, which is why I was such a bitch
I guess all those walls worked for a little while
Because I kept you out at first, it was damn hard though
But you still won in the end, which is all that matters in the scheme of things
How did you get past all of my defenses without my even noticing?
They crumbled like sand under your gentle pressure
I really think that it was just my weaknesses in the end, after all-
All I ever really wanted was for someone to lean on, and be pathetic with
I guess it doesn't really matter now, because I'm falling fast and hard
I can't stop my tears anymore, I can't hide my weaknesses
Where did my coldhearted bitch act go? I can't find it anymore
That scares me, but not as much as the words that slip from my tongue in your presence
Letting out all of my pains and fears and memories
I've never done that before, never
It's terrifying to lose control over myself
After years of locking everything away
These words that drip from my mouth
Faster than the tears from my eyes,
They bring you and me closer and bind us together
I find it funny that getting what I've always wanted is so scary
So don't screw me over or leave me here alone
Because it's too late now, I've let you in and I can't let you out
I never thought I would be this weak again, I promised myself I wouldn't
"I didn't have any signs…"
So I made my own rules and boundaries and did my best to survive
Now that I don't need those rules, now that I have nothing to cling to
I'm choosing to cling to you, that's the best I can sum it up
These stupid, weak tears are finally getting me somewhere-
AN: Ummmmmm… Yeah. What is there to say? I think the ending was a little weak and I know the arrangement could be better so it flowed more naturally. Considering I wrote this in five minutes of inspired madness, it's actually not that bad.
Please leave any comments or criticisms after the beep…