I woke up because I heard faint clanging of pans then laughter. It sounded like Ava. Then I heard Jake laugh. I wondered if everyone was here. I looked at the clock on the night stand to see what time it was. Wow I was knocked out cold for that long. My headache was totally gone so I was happy about that. In my dreams I tried to work out a few things and I feel much better. I just have to stick to my plan no matter how hard I find it. I sat up in bed and stretched a bit then turned on the lamp next to the bed. I stared at my closet for a few seconds wondering what I was going to wear. I just wanted to be comfortable so I put on a pair of black tights, a long grey turtle neck sweater, and a pair of black leather flats. I didn't have on any plans of putting on make-up but decided to put on eye liner while in the bathroom. Then I realized how easy it would be for me to break down and cry if I thought of my parents' divorce and Matt's reactions. Shit, Matt's probably even mad at me for not telling him about Leah if someone told him about that. Oh well. I sighed. I know I have to check in with him at some point about this. "Ok Ness you are not going to cry," I said softly to myself looking in the bathroom mirror. I ran my fingers through my hair and brought a finger up to my eye to wipe away some moisture that was forming in the corner of my eye.
I heard Em's unique laugh and grinned. Yeah let me get out of this bathroom and hang with my friends. Live like were dying, right. I only know how many seconds are in a day because of that song. I sighed. It's gonna be hard but I have to forget about all of the negative things that happened and just focus on the positive… and the fact that I am grateful for all of my friends and family. Damnit… I guess I have to stop being a bitch to Bianca. I mean the chick is having my brother or sister. I keep telling myself that. I guess I'm hard headed in that area. I do not want to like her. What harm would it do if I waved the white flag and joined my dad and Bianca for dinner to get to know her? I haven't even seen my dad's new apartment yet. Mainly because I was in denial that they were getting a divorce and he needed another place to live.
I gave myself one more look over in the mirror and was mentally ready to go out into the living room. I'm ready to eat and have fun. I felt the baby kick so I guess he's agreeing that he's ready to eat too. Plus I want to hug Nicole for helping out the way she did. I went back in the bedroom to get my phone then headed down the hallway. I heard Zedd playing on the stereo and the first thing that I saw was Em doing the bunny hop. Well I think that's what he was doing.
"Hi," I said laughing.
"Hey, you're up just in time. Dinner is done," Jake said.
"Hey May," Nicole said laughing taking her eyes away from Embry. She walked over to me and gave me a hug.
"Hey Nick... hey everybody," I said as I hugged Nicole
"Hey do you feel better?" Jake and Ava asked at the same time.
"Yes… Yes I feel much better."
"Hi Nessie," Eric said then glanced back at Embry dancing.
"Hey Ness," Embry said quickly as he continued to dance.
"Wh… what in the world is he… doing?" I asked.
"Oh, he bet that he could do the bunny hop to any style of music. So we dared him to do it to techno," Ava said as she walked towards me to hug me.
"Oh… of course," I said a bit baffled.
"Yo, we need a dance off after dinner. Who's down?" Embry said still dancing.
"I'm in," Ava said. "Someone needs to take him down from his high horse."
"What high horse chick. I'm the best dancer in this room. I take on all delusional challengers."
"Delusional Ha!" Ava boasted.
"Honey take his ass down," Eric said then kissed her cheek.
"Oh my God," Jacob groaned.
"Jake… you know Ava can dance and low and behold loves competition," Eric said laughing.
"Well I guess were having a dance off after dinner," Jacob said under his breath.
I walked towards Jake and wrapped my arm around his waist and he kissed my forehead.
"Dinner smells good," I said smiling.
"Thanks. Ava helped a bit. Oh, I know how to make her macaroni and cheese now."
"Yeah, Jake pays attention pretty well," Ava said. "Hey is the baby kicking? Jake said that he felt it kick tonight."
"Um… a few minutes ago." I put my hand on my stomach. "He's not kicking now."
"Oohh get the baby to kick Nicole said."
"I can't command him to move around."
Embry walked up to us grinning.
"Do you mind?" he asked holding his hand out towards my stomach.
"No… go ahead."
Nothing happened. I was hoping that I would feel him move. Come on lil' Jake. I thought to myself.
"Oh well. I guess he's sleep."
Embry started singing and the baby did a little kick. It was strong enough for him to feel.
"Whoa… he just kicked for me! I am magic." Embry said enthusiastically.
"Or he was telling your ass to shut up," Ava said grinning.
"Stop being so jelly Ava," Embry said playfully.
"Jelly?" Ava said with a lost look on her face.
"Um... jealous. Oh you will feel my wrath later when I destroy you in dancing."
"This boy," Ava said under her breath then sighed.
Ava placed her hands on my stomach and lil' Jake moved again.
"Oh! I felt him move," she said with her voice cracking.
"Crazy isn't it?" I said.
"Yeah… wow. Nicole come over here. He's still kicking like crazy."
Nicole touched the side of me stomach and jumped back a little when the baby kicked. I guess it startled her a bit.
"Wow… I didn't expect him to kick that hard. Does that hurt when he does that?" Nicole asked.
"No… not really. Just feels funny. I guess it might hurt when he gets bigger."
In the corner of my eye I noticed Embry filming us with his phone. I didn't mind. Usually whenever he films me he always says something sarcastic and makes a joke out of everything. When our eyes met he just gently smiled and I smiled back. Jake hugged my side and kissed the top of my head.
"Are you ready to eat?" He asked.
"Is lil Jake ready to eat too?" He said as he rubbed my belly. His hand was met with two strong kicks. Harder than the last few this night. "Wow Ness those kicks were big. You ok?"
"I told ya… it just feels funny. But yeah… that was the hardest kick I felt so far."
"He's probably hungry?" Nicole said.
"Well let's get this dinner crackalakin'," Embry said.
Jake chuckled and started walking toward the kitchen. I followed him so that I could help out. Everything smelled so good. Maybe the baby was kicking because he was hungry. I took a glance at the food on the stove and Jake took the baked chickens out of the oven. I was so ready to eat. I put my phone down on the counter and picked up the pot holders so that I could take the pan of macaroni to the table. Ava carried the string beans and placed them near the head of the table. Jacob started cutting the chicken and placing it on a large plate.
"Do you need any help guys?" Nicole asked.
"No it's ok. Everything is almost at the table… Plus you're our guest," Jake said.
"This is my second kitchen," Ava said. "I've cooked here so much I think it's my house. I don't feel like a guess here."
"You've know Jacob since middle school right?" Nicole asked.
"Yup," Ava answered.
Embry pulled out a chair for Nicole to sit in. She thanked him and sat down. Then Embry sat down next to her. I thought it was a chivalrous gesture and started to think of the last time that Jake did that for me. It seems like the only time he did that was when we went to restaurants in Hawaii. We usually eat on the sofa and watch TV. I wondered if he was going to do that for me tonight… though it wasn't a big deal. This seems to be a semi-formal setting and I guess it would make me feel special if he did. Ugg… why am I even pondering over this, he does so much for me every day. After I put a few more dishes on the table Jake asked for me to sit down at the table and pulled out a chair for me. Ok… I'm slightly giddy.
"Thank you," I said smiling.
"You're welcome Baby."
A chill went through my body and I tried to play it off. I may wear my maternity lingerie tonight and get some use out of it. Did it just get hot in here? I moved my hair behind my ear and rubbed my forehead with the side of my hand. I swore that I was sweating but I wasn't. I just felt a bit flustered. I guess Jake can do that to me sometimes.
Every one enjoyed the meal. My stomach started to ache some from laughing so much. Embry and Ava go at it like they are siblings. I guess since they all kinda grew up together that it would be expected. I knew that I had to record their dance off for myself. I couldn't wait for that. I'm pretty sure my brother Matt would shut him down. I really need to get them all here. My brother has hung out with Embry and Jake's other friends before. Matt really likes Embry and says that he's a riot. He also approved him for Nicole… which is kinda big since Matt has had sort of a crush on her since he was a kid. Of course he grew out of the crush and now is in puppy love with Ashley.
I was getting stuffed and my eyes were bigger than my stomach. Though that's hard to be since my stomach seems huge. I wanted to eat more but had to realize that the food wasn't going anywhere. There was a lot left over and I could eat some tomorrow. I wanted to thank Nicole for getting my parents to talk but feared the conversation of their divorce would come up. Even if it does…whatever… I have to deal with it. Even more… I have to talk to Matt about it so that we can deal with it together.
"Thanks again for getting our parents to talk."
"No problem. I'm glad that I was able to do something," Nicole said then took a sip of her drink.
"I keep telling my girl that she needs to go into television," Embry said. "I can see her having her own talk show."
"That would be something," Ava said.
"Would have to be a cable channel. Nicole curses too much," I said laughing.
"It would be something close to Chelsey Lately… but much better," Eric chimed in.
"Yeah, I'm glad that our parents are talking now," Jake said. "Things are going to get better."
"You're so right Jake," Ava said. "Family is important… and family comes in different forms. You don't have to agree with everything. Just love and respect each other. Each day is not promised… so just stay focused on being happy."
"You couldn't have said it better Honey," Eric said.
"Trust me… my father and I went through a lot when I first started dating Eric. My dad was so mad at me… and stubborn. And I guess I'm stubborn too. We went too long not speaking to each other." Ava chuckled. "You could never tell now that he wanted to kill my dear Eric."
"Well not kill," Eric budded in.
Ava quickly glanced at Eric smirking the side of her mouth. His eyes widened a bit.
"Let's just say that I'm happy that you two are the way that you are now," Ava said with a grin.
I had an image of the crazy dream that I had months ago where my dad shot Jacob. That was the craziest shit that I ever dreamed. Jacob placed his hand on top of mine and gave me a loving look. I guess I looked freaked out there for a second remembering the details. I took his hand and squeezed it softly. I know that I freaked him out that night waking up thinking that I was having a miscarriage.
"So Ahh… when are we doing this?" Embry asked.
"Oh yeah… I didn't forget," Ava chimed.
I was glad that their cheerful excitement broke the tension that I was feeling. I didn't want to think about that night at all. Knowing that we were going to have fun dancing and acting like fools made me fell 100 times better.
We all went into the living room and Jake looked for something in the iPod to put on. I took a seat and pulled out my phone to record it. Nicole did the same thing. Jake sat beside me and pulled me a bit closer to him.
"You ok Babe?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Over ate a bit," I said while rubbing my belly.
"Well I hope you don't get indigestion." Jake placed his hand on top of my stomach and the baby started moving around. "He's happy and fed," Jake said chuckling.
Embry turned up the stereo and started pumping his fist. Ava started stretching like she was about to do exercise.
"Ha… I don't need to stretch Baby… I'm limber all the time," Embry boasted. "Sheeiiit… Nicole knows."
"Oh my God," Nicole mumbled smacking her forehead.
Embry started off like he was about to break dance. All I was thinking was oh no… the furniture. But he then broke into another dance. Then Ava started to dance. They went back and forth taking turns for the middle of the living room. Honestly I thought that Embry won because he did a few flips which I never knew that he could do. The house shook a bit and I wondered how structured our house was. Embry wasn't a small man. Nicole cheered as her man danced. Though I was amped for this dance off I was also thinking about the vases that we had in our living room. After they danced Eric got up to join Ava. Then Jake stood up and took my hand and led me to the middle of the living room floor. Jacob mostly danced around me while I did my simple two step and waving my arms around to the beat. I knew that Jake didn't want me to really over exert myself. So I complied while I giggled watching Jacob dance around me like a tall crazy person. I was still a little bit stuffed and my feet felt a bit swollen. I still wanted to dance and I successfully danced for four songs. After that I started to get tired and wanted to sit down. I feel like an old person… this is ridiculous. I could dance for hours when I was in high school.
"I'm going to sit this one out," I said to Jake trying not to sound out of breath.
"Ok Babe. You feel ok?"
"Yeah… I'm fine."
I sat down on the sofa and Jake stood in front of me with his back towards me and shook his butt.
"Ha ha just playing with you. Do you want something to drink?"
"Sure," I said smiling then slapped his ass.
"Oww… keep the kinky shit for your bedroom," Embry said.
I chuckled then shook my head. Jake brought me a small bottle of water and sat down next to me.
I took a small sip then picked up my phone to see who text me. It was Matt. 'Call me later.' I sighed and knew he was upset about what's going on. "Excuse me for a moment," I said to everybody. I walked down the hall way and leaned on the wall near the bedroom door. I didn't know what shape Matt was in and I got nervous for a moment. I walked into my bedroom and sat down on the chair. 'If you're not busy call me now' I texted. A few seconds later my phone rang.
"Hey, what's up Matt… are you ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Things are a bit better here. It's weird… or mom is just faking it."
"Well it seems like mom and dad are getting along better. Did mom tell you that they talked over Nicole's house last night?"
"Yeah, she told me what happened… and told me about them signing the divorce papers."
"Oh… Wow… Crazy right?"
I heard Matt take a deep sigh. I felt his pain… I still can't believe it myself.
"Yeah… it's crazy… Um… I kinda thought it would happen. I mean… I'm with mom daily and sees how angry she is about dad getting Bianca pregnant. I think if it was just an affair without a baby involved… maybe she would have been able to forgive him? Hey what do I know anyway?"
"I was so worried about you and how you'd be after finding out."
"I mean… it's just something we have to accept and deal with Nessie. I mean… we're still family. Just dads' gonna have an extra one."
"Yeah… I know. Hey you seem pretty mature about all of this."
"Well I'm not a baby anymore Nessie."
"I know," I said somberly.
"Well I just wanted to make sure you were ok… and I don't want you to go all stressed out mode over this. Things will work out fine. It may be different… but it will be manageable."
"When did you get all grown?" I said in awe.
"I'm wiser than you know… white bread."
I softly chucked then heard everyone in the living room laugh hysterically. Then I heard Ava call Embry crazy.
"What's all that noise? Sounds like you have company."
"Oh yeah. Nicole is here with her Embry and Ava is here with her husband."
"Ooh… Ava's there," He said with a smile in his voice.
"Yes with her husband," I said laughing.
I knew that Matt had a small crush on her from the first time that he met her here. He was looking at her with all googley eyes. Poor boy has a thing for older women. Thank God he started to see Nicole as family a few years ago.
"Err… well I don't want to keep you from your company," Matt said uncomfortably.
. "No… no it's ok. I can talk Matt."
"I mean… we can talk later. But I did want to mention that you don't have to keep things from me. I'm not a kid anymore… Hell I'm taller than you."
Uggg… I think Matt's referring to Leah.
"Matt… I don't want to talk about it… if you're refereeing to Jake's ex."
"Ok. But soon ok. We used to talk about everything. I feel… I don't know… like things changed. And things should get better as we get older. I shouldn't… well..." Matt sighed.
I can see where he's coming from. I mean I've kept a lot from him this year. Hell… I've kept a lot from everyone.
"And I'm sorry. Matt you know I love my big head brother." I felt the tears about to come but I fought them back. "It's just been so crazy. Half of it feels like a nightmare."
"And that's why you have me. I'm your family. I mean we're not blood, but you are my sister."
"Yes and you are my brother; the best a sister could have."
"Yeah… now I am," he muttered.
"Never mind," He breathed.
"Why would you… Matt come on. Don't be like that. Oh my God… seriously?"
"Don't mind me… I'm just being an ass. I guess my so called maturity slipped. It's just that hearing dad talk about how he can't wait for the sonogram and how Bianca swears she's having a boy. I don't know. It's like that will be his real son."
I couldn't hold my tears back anymore. The sarcasm in his voice didn't hide his pain at all. I don't want him to think that dad would love him any less because of this baby.
"Don't say things like that," I said with my voice cracking.
"Sorry… I didn't mean to upset you Nessie. Please don't cry. Shit."
I wiped my tears but they kept on coming. Damnit I'm sick of crying all the time.
"I shouldn't have said that," Matt said. Then I heard him groan like he was regretting his words. I sniffled and wiped the new tears that fell from my eyes.
"Hey Nessie… come on… don't cry. What you gonna make me sing to get you to stop crying?"
"No," I chucked. "You don't have to torture my ears. I'm ok." I took a deep breath. "I'm ok… but I hope you really don't feel that way Matt. Dad loves you and you know that."
"Yeah," he almost groaned.
"I mean I guess I can see how you would fear that… but you don't have to. Come on… you've been our family since you were a baby. I even remember when they brought you home. And you had a whole head of curly hair… you were so cute. Ugg what happened to ya?" I started to chuckle. He did too and I was glad that I could make him laugh.
"I miss you Nessie."
"I miss you too Matt."
"…and talking to ya no rhythm ass."
"Heeeey, I can dance."
"Whatever you say."
"I was just dancing tonight."
"Oh really? Please tell me someone has it on video."
"Leave me alone Matt," I said playfully.
We talked for a while since I knew it felt like we had to talk. So many things were going on and it's been a while since we really talked about important stuff and just the normal day to day things that were going on in our lives. We kinda stayed off the subject of our parents getting a divorce. I was just praying that Matt really didn't feel like dad would love him in a different way if our new sibling was a boy. I think I may have to talk to dad so that he can reassure matt that he has nothing to worry about. I guess the next few years are going to be weird for a lot of us.
I shifted myself on the chair to make me more comfortable. I didn't expect us to be on the phone this long but I didn't mind at all. I didn't even realize how long we were on the phone because I lost track of time. My dinner party was just a soft murmur of sound in the background. Matt talked about his girlfriend Ashley and told me about some video games that he wanted me to check out soon. I started to hear it in his voice that he was anxious to ask me about Leah again. I was trying to bring up something light to ease his worry but he cut me off.
"Ness I know you said that you'll tell me later," Matt quietly huffed. "I just want you to know that it's always ok to talk to me about anything and feel free to come to me."
"Well thanks… and I'll tell you all about her later. It just… I don't know… makes me nervous when I think or talk about it."
"Oh… well ok."
I heard him sigh and I felt bad that now he was probably worrying about me. I didn't want him worrying… there's too much shit going on with our family for him to have an extra thing to think about. I heard him clear his throat but it sounded distant like he moved the phone away from his face.
"You ok?' I asked.
"Yeah… yeah. The heat in here is just killing me. Mom keeps the heat at hell level."
"So Nessie… I understand that you're married now and Jake will be the one that you would go to with all of your problems. And I respect that whole hubby and wife dynamic… Just don't forget that your brother can deal with shit too. I kinda feel like my job as someone who's here to protect you… just got demoted," he chuckled under his breath.
"You're not demoted Matt. Plus you probably could kick Jake's ass," I said chuckling.
"That mo fo is tall as shit. But I would drop him in a second if he ever hurt you. But I know that he's a good man… so I trust that will never happen."
"No, that's not gonna happen."
"Well I don't wanna keep you any longer from your company. Hey, when can I be your company?"
"Matt, you know that you are welcomed here anytime."
"Thanks… but it's not like you're down the block."
"Jake can pick you up. Do you wanna come over tomorrow? You can stay the night and Jake could take you to school?"
"Hmmm… that sounds like a plan."
I noticed a tall figure in my peripheral vision in jumped out of shock. Jacob was standing at the bedroom door. I didn't even hear him walk down the hall way. I swear he was a Ninja in his past life.
"Oh… you scared me."
"Sorry… just checking on ya."
"I'm ok. Just talking to Matt. Can he spend the night tomorrow?"
"And can you take him to school on Monday?"
"Sure, I can drop him off. Not a problem. It would be cool for him to spend some time with us."
"You here that?" I asked Matt.
"Yeah, I'll let mom know."
"You want me to slice you a piece of peach pie?" Jake asked.
When have I ever turned down dessert? I gave Jake a look like you should know me better. He grinned. "I take that as a yes," he said as he walked down the hallway to the living room.
"Hey Matt… Do you want anything special for dinner tomorrow?"
"Oh no... Don't go out of the way. I'll eat whatever you guys are eating. Hey do you think there be any peach pie left?"
"I doubt it… but I'll have some dessert here for you."
"Ok. Hey, who made the pie?"
"We bought it from the market."
"Oh. You didn't feel like baking?"
"Not really. I actually went to sleep when we got home from the market. Jake and Ava did all of the cooking."
"You sleep a lot now that you're pregnant."
"Ehhh… Yeah more than normal I guess. But I had a headache so I just laid down."
"Sucks that you still get migraines. You can't even take your meds now can ya?"
"No. I can take low dose aspirin but that doesn't really help. My doctor told me that I definitely can not take the ones I took before I got pregnant."
"Well my nephew will be born in a few months. So you don't have long to go."
"Yeah. I feel big as a house now… and I'm supposed to get bigger."
"Well don't worry about getting big. That's all a part of it."
"Ok wise one."
I sighed. Matt can't possibly understand what I'm going through with my body changing and me feeling like a cow. I guess that's something that I just have to get over.
"Well I gotta get back. Plus I'm kinda craving the hell out of that pie right now."
"Cool. I'll see ya tomorrow."
"Ok. See ya."
"Oh and Nessie…"
"I love you too punk."
I went on Facebook so that I could post a picture to Matt's page. I went into my photo album of old pictures and found the picture that I was looking for. It was a picture of Matt as a toddler with me holding him. It was a way to say I love you and if he got embarrassed a bit I wouldn't mind that either. After I posted the picture a message came into my inbox. It was from someone named Steve Lombardi. The profile picture was a cartoon character I've never seen before. After I looked at the picture I read the first line. 'Sorry about my grandmother being so frank.' What this from Steven? I opened the message and continued reading. 'She didn't mean any harm. My grandmother just has her quirky ways. She felt bad about it in the car going home after seeing how mad your husband got. She wanted to apologize and it wasn't so hard to find you on Facebook since your name is not common." I stared at the message for a while not knowing what to do or say. I knew that Jake was worked up about him trying to contact me as if he wanted to talk to me. Shit… now he's on my Facebook. Don't think Jake would take it so gracefully if I added him as a friend. Jake gets so jealous sometimes. I decided to reply back.
'Thanks. I knew that she didn't mean any harm. It's ok.' I didn't want to be chatty because I had to go.
'Please let your husband know that she's sorry.'
'Ok I will. Hey what's your profile pic?'
'Oh that's just a cartoon that I drew.'
'Oh that's cool. Well I gotta go. I have a few friends over.'
'Ok have fun ttyl.'
A few seconds later he sent a friend request. I didn't accept it. For now I'm going to act like I didn't see it. I closed facebook and struggled to get out of the chair. I heard someone coming down the hall and looked towards the door.
"Hey need some help pregos," Nicole asked.
"I got it," I said as I grunted to get up.
"So Matt's coming over tomorrow. You guys need some time together."
"Yeah. I didn't realize that we were on the phone so long."
"Oh that's ok. The guys are just playing PlayStation and Ava and I are just stuffing our faces with pie watching them."
"Well I need to stuff my face with pie now."
"Ya know Em is going to be over Jared house tomorrow for football night. A lot of the guys are going to be there. Jake hasn't been since football season started."
"Yeah, it would be nice for him to hang out with just the guys. He's so on the don't leave me alone kick right now. Since Matt will be here he won't be so hesitant to go."
"Yeah… that has to be getting to you."
"Um… a little. But I know he's just doing it because he's being extra cautious."
Nicole sighed and we walked down the hallway to the living room. The guy's attention were glued to the TV as if they were in a trance. I'm used to that growing up with Matt. It looked like they were playing Call of Duty. We watched them play the game for a while eating our pie. I was happy that I found some room for it. My slice was a bit smaller than I would usually get. I only got a smaller piece because I didn't want to make myself sick. After the guys were finished playing the game I put on my Ed Sheeran mix on the iPod. CD. The night was winding down and I figured that would be the proper mood music. I sat down next to Jake and noticed that we were all seated in couples. I had a little aww moment. Erica and Ava were on the love seat and Nicole and Embry were on the other side of our sofa.
"Hey, I just love this song," Ava said.
"Yeah… Thinking Out Loud is one of my favorites on this CD."
"Yo… do you know the words to this?" Embry asked looking at Jacob. "I can see you singing this in your voice."
"As much as Ness plays this... Um yes."
"Oww… will you sing it?" Nicole asked excitedly.
My smile grew wider. I would love for Jake to sing this. Jake made a deep sigh and got up from the sofa and walked over to the stereo where his acoustic guitar was.
"Owww… you're gonna play too!" Ava said as she sat up straight in the loveseat.
"You don't get this excited when I sing," Eric said chuckling.
"Oh don't get jealous Sweetie." Ava said as she patted his knee.
"Yeah don't get jelly," Embry cut in laughing.
Jacob restarted the song and turned the volume down a bit. Then he sat next to me on the sofa but left some room between us for the guitar. He started singing and my heart just melted. By the time he got to the chorus Nicole and Embry were waving their cell phones in the air with their lighter app on like they were at a concert. Ava was filming Jake with her cell phone. Jake started to get more into it and belted out the lyrics. His voice sounded so soulful. "Baby now... take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the light under the light of a thousand stars..." My eyes started to automatically tear as I beamed at my husband signing his heart out. I know that Kim is just going to love this since she has been one of his biggest fans of his singing. Well now I am. I softly rocked side to side as he continued to sing. At one point it felt like we were the only ones in the room. The way Jake gazed at me was so intense… somewhat private. Like he was making love to me with the lyrics. I was definitely wet because he looked so damn sexy singing with his guitar in his arms. When he was finished I was still in a bit of a daze. "Damn that was hot." Nicole belted out. Her loud outburst brought me back in the moment.
"Wow boss man. That was hot," Eric said.
"See why I get excited," Ava chucked. "He doesn't have all those hits on you tube from singing in Vegas for nothing."
"That was beautiful Jake," I said with my voice cracking.
"Sooo… have you given any more thought about trying to sing professionally?" Nicole asked. "I mean… you would kick ass. Plus it's a gift ya know."
"Umm… not really. I'm not even that comfortable singing in front of a whole lot of people."
"Um… what about Vegas?" Eric asked baffled.
"Well… that was different. It was our honeymoon and it was for Ness."
"Trust me… Kim nags Jake weekly about this," Ava said.
"Yeah Jake's not that comfortable with singing in front of crowds," Embry said. "It took me giving up a video game in high school for him to agree to sing with me and Quill for our talent show."
"Oh I remember that show like it was yesterday," Ava beamed.
"Wow… I would have loved to see that," I said.
"Oh… you can see it," Ava said. "I just need to get it transferred onto a DVD. Right now it's on tape in our garage."
"I still have an old VCR that was my moms," Nicole said. "It's in my basement."
Jake covered his forehead with his large hand and started shaking his head. I found it so cute that he was getting embarrassed. He really has nothing to be embarrassed about. He's really good.
"Yall really gonna do this to me guys."
"Oh Jake… shut it. That video is a classic. Nessie will love to see it."
"Yes… I will love to see it Jake. Plus you in high school. I've only seen pictures of you… not video." I poked out my lips in a pout. "Please Jake. Pretty please."
"Ok… ok. Ava you can dig out the tape. Ugg."
"Cool. I'll have it by next weekend," Ava said enthusiastically. "We can all watch it over my house… or wherever. No... at my house. I'll have a big dinner and have everyone over. Would you like that my dear Jake?"
"Sure, sure," He mumbled.
Ava smiled and mouthed to me that I would love it. Then they all started talking about different stories from high school. It was entertaining and I didn't even notice the time going by. I was getting really sleepy but tried my best to hold in a yawn. It didn't work and just made me yawn harder.
"It's getting late and someone looks like they need to go to sleep," Ava said.
"Oh I'm fine."
"Yeah… ok. Don't have to fake it for us Hon. It's like 3 am."
"Oh shit… it is?" I said a bit shocked.
"Yeah… wow. I didn't realize it was 3 o'clock," Jake said.
"Man we have to do this again sometime," Embry said as he stood up and stretched his arms.
Everyone else stood up and started to get their things. I was so glad that everyone came over. Though I panned on cooking this dinner… I don't mind that Jake and Ava stepped in to help since I didn't feel well.
"It was so good seeing all of you guys," I said as I hugged Nicole goodbye.
"Yes. We will do this again at my house," Ava said. "I'll make sure the whole gang is there; Drag Sam and Emily out too."
"That sound good," Jake said.
"Yeah… I can't wait," I said.
"Tomorrow night is guy's night at Jared's," Eric said.
"Seahawks are playing," Embry said with enthusiasm. "Just the normal testosterone filled event. Big screen, wings, beer…burping, farting ya know."
"Eww," Ava and I said in unison.
Nicole rolled her eyes and started shaking her head as Embry and Eric giggled.
"Yeah, Nicole told me about it," I said half laughing. "Jake… Matt will be here with me all night so feel free to go."
"Ok… ok... that works out fine."
"Oh man… we're gonna have Big Jay for football night," Eric said.
"Yeah Man," Embry said. Then they started to do their crazy hand shake.
I was thinking they could have him every football night but Jake is so hesitant on leaving me by myself. Matt and I never got into football though our parents watched it. We all said good bye and in just a few seconds the house was just occupied with my husband and I. All of the food was already put away so I was just anticipating laying down. We went in the bedroom and I kicked off my flats. They were comfortable but since my feet are a bit more swollen than usual I just prefer to be barefoot or have slippers on. I took off my clothes thinking about the friend request from Steven that was waiting for me to accept or ignore it. I should tell Jake now so he doesn't freak out if he finds about it later. I mean it's not a big deal. I just don't feel like hearing him freaking out over nothing. Tonight's been fun and I just want to relax. Well… make love and go to sleep.
"Hey what's on your mind?" Jake asked while he was standing near the dresser.
"You look like you're… I don't know?" Jacob sat down next to me on the bed. "Hon… your facial expressions always give you away. What's up?"
Shit. Should I tell him about Steven in boxing me? Will he take it out of context and make a big deal about it.
"Um… nothing really. It's just that Steven from the market in boxed me today on Facebook to apologize for how his grandmother acted."
I slightly cringed waiting for his reaction, which I believed would be over the top since he can get so jealous at times.
"Yeah. He said his grandmother felt really bad about some of the things she said and noticed that you were angry."
Really… just a 'Humm'. Ok Jake what aren't you saying.
"He said it was easy to find me because of my name." I started to feel tension in my neck and shoulders. This was what I was trying to avoid.
"What… no what is pretty boy doing trying to contact me?"
Jake chuckled under his breath.
"No, Ness. The last time we talked about him you were pissed at me because you thought I didn't trust you. Even withheld sex from me. Well tried." Jake shrugged his shoulders. "His grandma felt bad and wanted to apologize. Ok."
"Oh… ok. Not what I was expecting. Thanks for being cool about it," I said almost in awe.
Jacob slowly smirked at me. I guess my facial expression showed that I was amazed; mostly impressed. He leaned over and kissed my forehead. This dude is pretending that he's ok with it so we don't have an argument. I can't really read him now. Is he serious?
"Just curious… did he send you a friend request?" Oh… here it comes.
"Yeah, but I didn't respond to it."
"Oh… Umm… because you didn't want to or you thought I would get upset?"
"Well I was in a rush to get back… plus… Jake I don't want to do anything that would upset you. I mean I have a lot of male high school friends on facebook… even a few the sort time I was in college. I just don't want you thinking because I met someone that happens to be a guy… that you have something to worry about. Just be… confident that nothing and no one will come between us Jake."
"Ok…ok. Hey… you can accept it if you want. I trust you and I know you only want me… so…"
Ok did he just really say that? The overprotective, extremely jealous one. Just… just…
I must have had a baffled look on my face and I felt kind of frozen. Honestly I was being kind of hypocritical. I was always just a little jealous of women with Jake. Always had a visual in the back of my mind with women flirting with him at work and when I'm not with him. Hell… women even dared to secretly flirt with him while he was with me. "Baby?" Jake breathed. I softly chuckled to myself. "Yeah… I'm ok." I crawled closer to him and he pulled me in his arms. Jake kissed my forehead and gently smiled.
"I love you Ness… and I trust you to no let anything get inappropriate."
"Thank you… and I love you too. And I trust you too. Is just that I'm trying to absorb this change. Weeks ago you were basically angry saying that you don't trust other people… and that you think most guys that meet me have an ulterior motive."
"I'm allowed to change my views. It takes too much energy worrying about that. I know that you love me and would never do anything to hurt me."
"And I do… I do love you Jake."
"I love you so much. I just want you happy… and safe."
"And I am," I said with my voice cracking.
Jake closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. When he opened them he gave me a gently smile and pulled me closer to him and had me lie down beside him.
"I know your parents must be on your mind."
"Well yeah. But I think I'm starting to handle that better." I thought about what kept me half asleep before I was totally knocked out for my nap. My parents… Bianca… talking about Leah. Having a positive outlook on everything. I inhaled jakes cologne and nuzzled into his neck. I heard Jake take a deep breath.
"Jake… while I was taking a nap today I thought of a lot of things. And the more I thought about a few things… I realized to just let a lot of things go that I can't control. And… and to just except my new structure of family as it is." Jake sat up some so that he could look at my face. "As much as I wanna hate Bianca, she will be the mother of my brother or sister. Sooo... I just gotta go with the flow I guess. And I know that my family doesn't t understand why I kept the Leah from them. Right now I feel like I can only talk about it to Matt because he's more understanding. We almost started talking about it tonight… but I didn't want to. You know just in case I got upset." Jake's eyes squinted a bit as if he felt how painful it was to try to talk about it. I made a deep sigh. "I almost broke into tears when Matt started talking crazy shit like he will be less of son to dad since he's having another baby. He literally said that dad could have a real son know. It broke my heart."
"We really need to spend some time together."
"I definitely understand that. He can stay a few days if you want. I don't mind driving him to school."
"Thanks. It has been… a different experience since we don't live together anymore. We had time to talk about everything. After he grew out of the annoying stage... we really became like best friends."
"Annoying stage, "Jake softly chuckled.
"Well yeah. He was always in my business. When he was even younger he used to break my toys on purpose."
"Oh yeah… I did that to my sister's dolls as well."
"See Jake… YOU were even annoying," I laughed.
"Well I guess I was. It must be a younger brother thing to torment their older sisters."
"Yeah… it must be."
We both started to laugh then Jake leaned in to kiss me. I started thinking of the intense look that he was giving me when he was singing earlier. I would love to give him that same feeling of chills going through his body like he does for me. I've only sang for him a few times. I guess I get shy when singing to him and I know that I shouldn't. I mean… this man has walked in the bathroom while I was taking a shit and acts like its nothing. The first few months of living together he purposely invaded my bathroom space to make me comfortable. I fought it until I had no choice. The man has a weird way of breaking down walls. All of my other shacked up friends had a chance to ease into that awkward setting. Jake just high jacked it and basically was like… we're married now shit. In a weird way I find his ways adorable.
Jake's hands started to massage the small of my back and I let out a soft moan. Then he gently bit my bottom lip.
"I really loved the way you sang tonight. You were amaaaazing."
"Oh thanks, Baby."
"I can't wait to see their video. I was too busy in a daze to even think about recording you."
I ran my fingers softly across his chest and he made a deep satisfying grunt. I was tempted for my hands to go farther down, but there were still things that I wanted to talk about before I got him ready to go.
"You know… I would like for us to sing a song together one day," I breathed.
"Oh really… which one?" He said softly then kissed my neck.
"Can't take my eyes off you by Lady Antebellum."
"Oh… that is a nice song. You've flooded me with modern county music since I've met you."
"Well somebody had to widen your horizon of music."
"I have to admit… I do like that group and Rascal Flatts."
"See… I told ya."
Jake deeply chuckled which sounded so sexy.
"Ummm… some of the sounds that come out of your body are sooo sexy," I breathed.
"No quite all," I giggled.
Jake laughed along with me. We snuggled for a while and talked about the fun night that we had with our friends. Jake also gave me encouragement on how to handle my parents' divorce and starting some type of relationship with Bianca.
"Everything will get better with time Baby," he breathed as he gave me gentle kisses.
"You say that a lot Jake. I guess I'm going to have to start believing it."
"Ok." I kissed his lips. "I love you Jake."
"Love you too."
I thought of the reaction that Eric had when he heard that Jacob was going to join them for football night and wanted Jake to know that he didn't have to sacrifice anything because he was so worried about leaving me here.
"You know… now that its football season. Please feel free to have your friends over to watch the games if you don't want me to be here by myself. I won't wind the noise."
"You don't even like football like that."
"That doesn't mean anything. The way that Eric was surprised that you were going to hang with them… clearly shows that. Well… that you haven't been doing the normal things that you do because I'm having a rough pregnancy."
"Hey I don't care about not seeing the game with the -."
"I'm not saying that you don't mind. I just feel that it would be healthier for you to do normal things. I will be fine. Please… hang with your friends. I'll be with mine when you go out. Have your friends come here. We had so much fun tonight. We could do that more often."
"I hear ya."
I took a deep breath.
"Are you tired… do you wanna go to sleep?" he asked.
"Only after you make love to me," I said with a not so innocent smile.
I turned my back to him and gripped my pillow preparing myself for his entry. Jake placed soft kisses along my neck and ear as he breathed heavily onto my skin. "Ummm," I moaned as he continued to touch me eagerly. Being wrapped in his arms almost made me feel lightheaded or euphoric. I was happy and grateful for all the things that I had. In the mist of my moans I found myself saying thank you.
"For what Baby?" Jake groaned in my ear.
"For being you," I panted.
"I find it impossible for me to love you more than I love you now," he breathed.
I moaned again… this time a bit louder because Jake was angling his strokes and making them go deeper. "Oooh… Ohhh... Ja… Jake." As he continued to thrust inside me I pondered on how much I could possible love him. And I too found it hard for me to love him more than I do now. But I also knew that anything was possible… and with time we could grow in ways that would reach boundless concepts of loving each other. I was in love… and blessed to be in love with someone that was in love with me. And to think that just a few years ago I felt like I couldn't allow anyone near my heart to even have a chance to experience love. How closed minded I was due to one situation. After we both climaxed I clung to his sweaty body and spoke the words that spun through my mind on how much I loved him. It reminded me of the Ed Sheeran song Thinking Out Loud. I was glad that I was able to freely share my emotions to the man that changed my last name… changed my life. I hugged my pillow as Jake's body was wrapped around me. I felt less conflicted on the emotions I didn't share with him. I honestly don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. For now I'm going with it being a good thing. Ness… focus on being happy. That is the plan right. Jake kissed the back of my head.
"Good night," he whispered.
"Good night," I managed to say without sounding occupied with my nagging thoughts.
Tomorrows another day. I have to be the supportive force in Matt's life while he's going to try his best to me mine. I think I'm up to talking about Leah to him. I know he's going to push the issue without thinking that he's being pushy about it. Even if he does… I know he's doing it out of love. I gulped feeling that I was about to have indigestion but it was probably just nerves from the flash is just had. Wow… the things we do out of love.