Author's Note: I own nothing but the words that follow. But I own none of the characters mentioned, those are copyrights by JKR.

Hermione's List Chapter One: Draco Malfoy

Chapter Summery: Hermione wrote a list of her top-ten ways to bother the Slytherin Head Boy.


Steal one of every pair of Draco's socks and hide them in random places among the corridors. The initial panic display is immediately amusing and satisfying, and he is bound to spend the next few days extremely vexed as he searches in vain for the mates and finds them throughout Hogwarts Castle. Whenever I get-gasp-bored of my studies, I turn to this one. It has never failed to cheer me up.


Write him a letter telling him his mom has sent him a subscription to WitchWeekly. He won't know what to do with himself.


Better yet, actually send him a copy and subscription to WitchWeekly. Although it's a little on the expensive side, it will ensure he is miffed for the rest of the year…


Steal some of his clothes from the laundry and permanently dye them pink. He won't admit it, but Draco is rather fond of light shades of magenta. I've tried this twice, and both times he has gone rather bonkers attempting to fix his clothes.


To do even more damage to the above, put itching powder, the kind that doesn't wash out, all over the rest of his clothes. Everyone knows Draco's not very good at household spells, and since he prides himself on being self-reliant, he won't ask for help and will be clearly suffering for at least a week.


Put Muggle glue in his hair pomade. You really can't get that stuff out, and believe me, when he runs half-naked to Madam Pomfrey with his hands glued to his head, you wont stop laughing about that for a few days.


Make his breakfast disappear once it appears in front of him and he begins to eat it. Have it reappear several tables over, disappear again, then have it land directly land on his head. He'll get up and leave after he freaks out.


Do the same thing when and if he comes down for lunch. Heck, if he appears for dinner, do it again. He wont come back to the table for a few days after that, trust me.


This one takes a bit of courage, so only use it if you're committed to ruining Draco's life on a regular basis. Walk straight up to him, dressed so he wont recognize you easily, and profess your love for him in any language but English, but make it sound like you're chewing him out. Then thrust a letter into his hands and run away. Send him repeated letters by owl until he goes looking for you. Then get a group of friends together, then make a huge fool out of him when you transform the words on the letters into announcements for school-based activities and look at him like he's nuts when he gets angry and confused. Run away.


The most assuredly easy and foolproof way to ruin Draco's day is to make all of his books and homework invisible in the bottom of his bag. They will be solid, but unusable and he will get in trouble for it.

Or, just do all of the above if you're really having a bad day and are in dire need of a go at the git.

A/N: Did ya like it? It's just a short series, and the list for Ron will be up as soon as I finish it