A/N New story yay :) this is Jagan, just because I've been reading lots of Jagan lately and I've posted like 3 or 4 Kames stories haha. I wanted to try something different :) I have 4 chapters of a new Kames story written. It should be uploaded within the week :)
Logan hated the night time.
It wasn't because it was dark. Logan hadn't been afraid of the dark since he was seven and knew that the sun rose and fell at almost the same time every morning and night and that the darkness that struck around eight o'clock wasn't permanent.
No, Logan had only begun to hate the darkness once they moved to L.A, the city that never sleeps. He hated that the parties were usually so loud that they could be heard through the walls – Logan was a light sleeper. He hated that the light from street lamps or passing cars came streaming through the blinds no matter what he did to stop it.
No, Logan hated more that he shared a room with Carlos. That itself wasn't the problem – Carlos was a brother to Logan, and Logan would die for him any day.
The problem about sharing a room with Carlos was that it meant that James shared a room with Kendall.
Logan couldn't remember a time in his life, since meeting James when he was new to the school and thirteen, that he hadn't felt like he was falling head-over-proverbial-heels in love with the sandy-haired boy. It had always been there. And no matter what he did or said, James always seemed closer to Kendall.
Kendall and James complimented each other perfectly. The sensible one and the crazy one. Even James and Carlos got along like a house on fire – two crazy boys who both acted as if they shared one hairbrain between them. But Logan and James? Logan always felt like there was something missing there. Like it didn't matter what he did, James kept him at arms' length, like he was a threat. Maybe, Logan reflected guiltily, it was after he had gone to punch James when he found out James had kissed Camille. Twice.
He wasn't angry that Camille had been kissed. He felt nothing other than honest friendship for her, almost as if she was a little sister. No, he was angry because ever since they'd moved to L.A, he had convinced himself that all of James' little shoulder-nudges or other touches were meant in more than a friendly manner.
James had proved him wrong. Painfully.
But after that, things hadn't been the same. James had regressed a little after that fight; he hadn't said as much, hadn't laughed as much, hadn't really hung out with any of them as much. If he was hanging out with anybody, it was Kendall – which annoyed Logan for two reasons. One, he was convinced that Kendall was also in love with James – and two.
Two was the option he hated more; option two was that he had hurt James' feelings more than he originally thought, maybe even scared him, and maybe James didn't feel safe around him anymore. But James knew that Kendall would never hurt him. Kendall was safe territory.
Logan hated that a mistake he'd made out of love for James had driven him even further away than he usually seemed to be.
Logan kicked at the covers as the guilt ate at him viciously. He climbed out of bed and shivered. It was abnormally cold here in L.A tonight, but he ignored it and went to the kitchen. He saw that there was a bowl on the table, a spoon still in it, a lone canned peach sitting at the bottom of the bowl.
Logan's heart gave a little somersault. James had been up. James' idea of "pigging out" was by eating a bowl of peaches in the middle of the night. He threw the lone peach out, washed the bowl and then headed to Kendall and James' room.
He eased the door open, feeling rather like a voyeur, and peeped in.
Kendall lay on his back with one hand on his stomach and the other flung above his head, breathing deeply. But Kendall wasn't the one Logan was interested in. To see James, he would have to enter the room and maybe even turn on the light.
He edged around the corner.
James was curled in a ball beneath his covers, head barely touching the corner of his pillow and hair wavy – he must have showered and let it dry by itself before bed, Logan thought. Logan could see that the fingers of James' left hand were clutching the duvet close, and he was shivering.
Logan got up and spread another blanket over James' shivering form, hurriedly straightening it. He didn't want James to wake up and find Logan's hand running up and down his body, smoothing the blanket down.
James sighed in his sleep and the shivering ceased. Logan smiled slightly; the way James slept, fussed over his hair and carefully picked what foods he ate reminded Logan of a cat. And Logan liked cats a lot. James was allergic to them.
He stood and left the room, heading out the front door. He opened the fire escape doorway and began to climb to the roof. The roof was where he always went to think. It would be freezing out, but he didn't mind much. He wouldn't be there long.
Kendall Knight, he thought bitterly. Kendall Knight who monopolizes James' time. It would be funny if they got married. James Diamond-Knight. Well, isn't that just a fantastic last name.
He tried to remind himself that it wasn't Kendall's fault. Logan was the one who had gone to punch James; Logan was the one who had scared him away, even from their friendship. Logan was the one who was always speaking as if he was on a higher level and found himself unable to take humor in James' antics. Kendall was the one who laughed along with them and just smiled understandingly whenever James ran out of the apartment at night, exclaiming he had run out of hairspray.
He heard footsteps on the ladder and turned. He was startled to see that James' head appeared at the top; his hair was blowing around in the breeze, and Logan caught the soft, clean scent of James' shampoo. He saw that James was wearing sweatpants, slippers, and a thick, fleecy sweatshirt he wouldn't be seen dead in outside 2J normally.
"Hi," James said sleepily, voice husky with sleep.
"Hey, James," Logan said, surprised.
"Thanks for putting the blanket over me," James said, coming over and sitting down. His nose and cheeks were red from the cold, and his eyes were half lidded. "I was freezing."
"You know it was me?"
"Well, it sure wasn't Carlos or Kendall," James joked with a stuttering laugh. "God, it's cold up here, Logan."
Logan held out his arm invitingly, and James looked at him for a long moment. Logan's heart had just begun to shrivel, thinking James wasn't going to come closer – was going to reject him – when James shuffled over and allowed Logan's arm to rest around his back comfortably. To Logan's surprise, James laid his head down on Logan's shoulder and closed his eyes.
"Why do you come up here?"
"Just to think," Logan said softly.
James opened his eyes and looked up at him. "You seem unhappy."
James wasn't being James, and that scared Logan. Logan thought he knew James. Obviously, he was wrong – he had never seen this caring, gentle side of him.
"I'm not really," Logan said. "I'm just… okay, yeah, I'm kind of unhappy right now."
James lifted his head from Logan's shoulder and looked at him with a strange, fearful expression on his face. "Is it something I did?"
"No, no," Logan hurried to assure him. "Why would you think that?"
James shrugged. "I annoy people." Then, as if suddenly becoming shy or upset, he rested his head back on Logan's shoulder. Logan, for a moment, lost himself of the feeling of James, soft and fiercely warm in his arms. It was what he'd always wanted. And now he felt guilty because for whatever reason, James thought he was annoying Logan.
"Do you want me to go?" James asked.
"No," Logan said. "It's nice that you're here."
James said nothing.
"James?" Logan asked.
"When we… when we fought over Camille, and I was gonna… I was gonna hit you." The words left a bitter taste on Logan's tongue. "Were you scared of me?"
James snuggled closer to him but had a trapped expression on his face. Logan had seen it too many times when James' parents were fighting like cats and dogs. He hated that expression.
"Yeah," James murmured. "I suppose you did. The only person that ever hit me before was my dad."
Logan felt like his stomach had fallen out of him. "Your dad what?" he whispered.
"He used to… oh. I'd forgotten. I thought I'd told you after you moved to Minnesota," James said awkwardly. "I'm sorry."
Logan felt a lump start in his throat. "James, if I'd known… I swear, if I'd known I'd never have-" It all made sense; the way that even when Carlos or Kendall was furious with James, they never, ever raised a hand to him. He had probably hurt James worse than he realised.
"It's not your fault," James said. "It was mine. I'm sorry."
"It wasn't your fault either. Let's blame Camille."
James laughed a little.
"Are you still scared of me?"
James' shoulders tensed, and he looked down. "Um," he said quietly, "sometimes. But I'm… I'm scared of Kendall sometimes, and I'm scared of Carlos sometimes. Sometimes I'm scared of everyone. I can't help it."
Logan knew that the knowledge that Kendall sometimes scared James shouldn't make him even remotely happy, but it did.
James opened his eyes and stared up at the stars. Logan followed his gaze. His brain, over processing as it usually did, began to remind him of all the different elements and gases and other things in space that made up the stars, and that the fractures in the ozone layer caused the twinkling motion of the giant balls of gas.
By the way James was looking at the stars, he didn't know any of this, and Logan admired his expression.
"What do you think makes them twinkle?"
"I don't know," Logan lied. "What's it matter? They're all the same."
"That's like saying all people are the same."
"On the outside. I suppose. I mean, we all have skin and stuff and we're all made of the same stuff, but… on the inside, you know, we're all really different. Some people twinkle more than others do. Some people are worth more."
"What decides that?"
"I don't know," James said mildly. "I suppose you have to be a good person. There's not many of those left."
"Yeah. Good people are one in a million," Logan said softly.
James looked at him and smiled. "Every star is a one in a million too Logan. Or a billion. Or a trillion. Or however many stars there really are. Guess we'll never know."
"Does that mean every human being is only one in a million?"
James smiled again. His nose almost brushed Logan's; Logan could feel James' breath on his cheek and chin.
"You're one in a million," James said. "And so am I. I suppose that together that makes us two in a million."
Without thinking, Logan leaned down and captured James' lips in his own, delivering a searing kiss. He raised his hands to cup James' face between them, feeling the soft skin of his cheeks and the warmth radiating from them and the hair that curled loosely around the collar of James' sweatshirt.
James kissed him back, a hand on his thigh.
When they broke apart, James looked at him, wide eyed. Logan decided that the nickname "Bambi" might have been appropriate if James hadn't been six foot four and seventeen years old.
"What was that for?" James breathed out.
"I've just wanted to do it for a really long time."
James smiled and snuggled back into his side. "You really are one in a million, Logan."
"Together we make two," Logan said.
There was a long silence, and Logan let his eyes drift across James' angelic face. James suddenly laughed and looked at him.
"Does this mean you'll stop glaring at Kendall like you're plotting his death, Logan?"
"I wasn't ever plotting his death," Logan defended. Then he relented and smiled. "Maybe extreme bodily harm."
James laughed again, louder, and wrapped his arms around Logan's waist.
Above them, the stars twinkled down.
A/N oh my god, the fluff. The cheesiness. The utter crappiness of the ending. I love it, it's a masterpiece :P please read and review!