A/N I refuse to believe that the case in 'Gone' didn't bring up memories and emotional issues for Gillian, having lost Sophie. I didn't expect her to be a complete wreck, because she's a professional and she handled the case well, but I thought we'd get something to remind us that she lost her baby, and it was still a tough issue to deal with. And since we got nothing, I had to write a little bit.

Disclaimer: Not mine


She knows what it's like to lose a baby. True, her situation wasn't the same. She knew who had taken her baby; had known it was going to happen, at least a couple of days, before it did; knew her baby had been taken by someone who was going to love her and care for her. But she knew what it was like to be a mother, to love the child that you held tenderly in your arms, and then find yourself one day staring at an empty cot and jars of baby food that would never get used, and wonder if you'd ever be able to put the pieces of your life back together again.

Collette Bradley got her baby back - little Kimberly was returned to her mother. Technically, though, isn't that what happened to Sophie? She was returned to her mother. But I didn't steal her. I was her mother. And why should people be allowed to give away their children, then snatch them back when they simply change their mind?

She pours another glass of wine, sinking back into the sofa and closing her eyes. She went through a lot of emotions when Sophie was taken, and her feelings towards Sophie's biological mother were just as jumbled. She was shocked by her, she hated her, she was angry with her, she sympathised with her, she understood why she couldn't live without her daughter. In the end, she was simply jealous of her.

She's tried to move on, in a hundred different ways, and most days she keeps the pain and the loss buried deep enough inside that it doesn't even show. Cases like this, though, bring it all back. Of course, she was professional. She did her job, she worked to uncover the truth, she acted as family psychologist – marriage counsellor, even – between Lane and Collette when they first had Kim returned to them, although as a family they still have a mountain to climb. She left her personal history at the door, and she did what she had to do.

But now, alone in her house with only a bottle of wine for company, she allows her mind to reflect and reminisce, and remember the daughter she had, and lost.