A/N: Revised edition starting now! Trying to fancify all my older stuff.

Warning: The following material is rated M due to frequent adult language and sexual content. Please do not read what you can't handle.

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece or any of the character's involved.


Chapter 1: Meet And Greet

Margaret could feel her face flushing. The redness was probably creeping down to her neck and collar bone area as well.

The first few times she'd done this, every touch made her aware of just how embarrassing it would be if she were to get caught. Of course, those internal cautions had been abandoned when she'd crossed the breaking point and decided it would be best to relieve herself of these needs. It was sheer luck that it was in the middle of her night watch and in the limited privacy of the woods.

Every wave of pleasure was accompanied by the thought that this probably wasn't how normal girls behaved. Her fingers moved over her favorite spot and she winced, biting her lip to keep from crying out. She increased the pace of the rubbing and practically melted, using a tree for support. She dipped a finger into the source of her wetness and ran the same finger over the nub near the top of her groin. It was becoming too much. Her thoughts were starting to blend together, a hurricane medley of self scolding and sounds she wished she could vocalize. Her breathing was ragged, her hips thrusting towards the ground as she continued to pleasure herself. Her knee's spread further apart and that's when she felt it. Right there.

Her vision went hazy. A strangled moan managed to get past her lips. Her entire body went numb with desire. Harder. Faster. More pin pointed. Harder. Wider. Yes.

The orgasm hit hard, every ounce of her being shaking in sheer satisfaction. She let out a heady groan and collapsed the rest of the way to the ground. She removed her jittery fingers and wiped them on the grass. While she was still breathing hard, she reached into her cleavage and produced a newspaper clipping.

Ever since he'd left, Nyon-Baa had made sure to keep her up to date on his adventure's in the outside world. He'd finally been able to meet up with his crew again, and was back to keeping the Marine's busy. Of course, that meant he didn't visit much. In fact, he hadn't been back to Amazon Lily since Hebihime-sama had dropped him off at Sabaody Archepelago. That's when…well, this had started.

With Nyon-Baa's permission, Margaret had taken to clipping out the article's about the Straw Hat Pirate's and their notorious captain. Margaret unfolded the one in her hand, a newer one about an upset on Fishman Island.

Her favorite picture of him was at the top: his left arm was raised in a silent challenge toward his opponent, dark hair flying messily in the wind, free of the hat that hung by a string between his broad shoulder's. His gaze - so bold and serious. Sinewy muscles peeked through his shirt's tattered sleeves.

He just looked…so…manly. Margaret could feel herself turning on again. This always happened, and her own reaction's to a simple piece of paper were baffling.

This is definitely not normal.

She laid her head back against the tree and sighed a frustrated sigh. What was she doing? Why did she FEEL like this? And there? What if she caught some sort of disease from doing this? What if she already had a disease? These questions weren't new, and they never succeeded in deterring her from doing it - whatever it was - over and over again. Her eyes scanned the now sunless ocean and she shook her head.

Were men supposed to make you do things like this?

"I really…don't understand, Luffy…"


Luffy admitted that he might've brought this vocal shit storm upon himself, but he couldn't help going into neutral mode as Sanji had yet another temper tantrum. Why did he have to get so upset when he was the one that had asked him about his time spent on Amazon Lily?

He sighed as the frustrated cook went on banging pots in the kitchen, oblivious to Luffy's disinterest in his plights. The rubber man quietly left the table and ventured out to check on the situation with Nami.

"Of course we're not there, idiot." Nami stared at her captain in annoyance and went back to fixing her map. If she could just get this damn line in proportion…

"But Sanji won't leave me alone. He'll stop bugging me if we get there faster." Luffy pouted and played with his hat on the grassy deck. "Do you think Franky could do another Coup de Burst?"

"No, I don't. I do think you should let me finish this, though. Go play with Chopper or something. We'll get there when we get there." Nami picked up an uneaten piece of sea king meat from her lunch and threw it across the deck. It had the desired effect, and Luffy was gone in a flash. He caught the meat in his teeth, and realized he'd been tricked mid chew. Usopp looked up from the project he was working on and Chopper walked over to them.

"Hey, Luffy, what's it like on Amazon Lily?" The little reindeer looked up at him with big curious eyes. Luffy laughed.

"Well, you know, there's only women on it. It's pretty warm there…uh…and it functions pretty much like any other island."

Luffy laid on his stomach and rested his head on his arms, trying to think of any other significant details.

"Hancock, the lady you guys saw before we left Sabaody, is their leader. She's super nice. Kind of weird, but nice. She has a giant snake she hangs out with. His name is Salome. Actually, they ALL have snakes they hang out with. Then, when they need to shoot something with their arrows, the snakes are used as bows…" Luffy went on and on, Usopp and Chopper getting more excited with each sentence.

"And the FOOD is AMAZING! When I first landed there, I didn't get to eat a lot because the girls were chasing me, but it was SO GOO-" A pan whizzed past Usopp and hit Luffy square in the face. Sanji stood fuming in front of the kitchen door.



The two of them continued to wrestle across the deck, desperately trying to out curse each other. Luffy rubbed his head and looked up in time to see Nami dive into the scuffle, her map forgotten when the peace and quiet had ceased. The fight was over when Sanji mistakenly got a hand full of boob and started to bleed profusely, both from his inevitable nosebleed and the unforgiving punch the red haired navigator bestowed upon him. Chopper ran over to give him first aid, tears flowing from his eyes. He screamed pitifully at Sanji, something about his liver not being good for cooking. Usopp and Luffy looked at each other, both of them a little confused as to what had just happened. They both fell over laughing at the same time.

"Oh man, I can't wait until they get to meet you guys. This is gonna be so awesome," Luffy cried, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes. Usopp held his stomach and attempted to calm himself.

"Hey, Luffy, did you like any of the girls…you know…in a special way?" He nudged Luffy with his elbow and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. "An entire island of girls. Even YOU should've found one you liked. What about the Empress lady, huh? She even winked at you as we were leaving." Luffy gave Usopp a blank stare and tilted his head to the side.

"Eh…special? I guess…Hancock helped me the most getting back to you guys, but…" Luffy mused, scratching his head in thought, "…I don't know if that counts. There were all kinds of girls. None of them had ever seen a guy before, so they all wanted to touch me…"

Sanji's eye twitched and it took both Chopper and Zoro to hold him down. Chopper yelled over desperately, "Luffy! PLEASE."

Luffy's eyes lit up and he pounded a fist into his palm.

"I know! There was one girl there, Margaret, who helped me out. I guess she was special since she's the one that had to convince everyone not to kill me. She and a couple other girls found me in the forest after I ate some poisonous mushrooms and brought me to the village. She was cool! She helped me get away from all the girls so I could eat and," he frowned mid-sentence, "…come to think of it…she had a weird obsession with my balls-"

Sanji's deafening roar of, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING FOR TWO YEARS?" echoed off of the ship's walls as he pushed Zoro off of him. Chopper helplessly clung to the cook's shirt sleeve. He ran across the deck, two years of running from drag queen's finally coming in handy. "PREPARE YOURSELF, SHITTY CAPTAAAAAIN!"

Franky watched the general commotion from the upper deck, a cola sitting forgotten on the table. Robin looked up from her book and raised an eyebrow at him questioningly before asking, "What's going on down there?"

"Nothing. Nothing unusual, anyway." Franky shook his head and went back to fixing part of his leg. Brook walked up the stairs and pulled out a chair for himself at their table.

"You wouldn't believe the fight they're in down there. Sanji-san's become a BONE-fied animal! YOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO..."

"Luffyyy~" Hancock wiggled in delight. Luffy and his crew sat with her in the dining area of the Kuja pirate ship. The snake Empress had prepared all of Luffy's favorite foods for this occasion.

It became apparent after the Straw Hat crew's last run in with the law that a game plan would be needed to continue further. The Marine's, because of the onslaught that took place on Fishman Island, were more alert and taking extra precautions. Rumor had it they were even researching how to put mechanism's on their ships that simulated a Coup De Burst. In need of someplace out of reach, Luffy had asked Hancock if they might be able to visit. She had been delighted to oblige, of course.

The Thousand Sunny had finally made it to the calm belt where the Kuja pirate's were waiting to transport them the rest of the way. To keep things cordial, Hancock allowed the crew to rest on her ship while Sunny was dragged through the calm. Franky mourned the chance to use his cool paddle system, but Luffy assured him there would be a 'next time'.

"You have no idea how lonely I've been in the time you've been absent from my presence," Hancock confided, eyes glittering with dramatic tears as she stroked the oblivious captain's cheek. It was now double its usual size since he was chewing something.

The rest of the crew sat in awkward silence, gawking at the scene taking place before them. Except Sanji. He had turned to stone the second he had seen the Empress, miraculously without her having to use her Merrow-Merrow ability. Chopper was crying next to him in the guest room, trying to coax him out of his state, secretly glad he had avoided another hard core nosebleed.

"She's certainly the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. I can't understand what she sees in that idiot." Robin giggled at Nami's whispered comment, nodding slightly in agreement. Zoro stood up and walked toward the door.

"Zoro? Where ya goin'? There's still more food!" Luffy didn't wait for a reply from him and started stealing from his plate. Zoro sighed in disgust.

"I'm just getting some fresh air. You're making me sick," he grumbled, closing the door upon his exit. Hancock glared at his back.

"What a rude man."

"Don't mind Zoro, Hancock. He's a cool guy."

Luffy ignored the look of adoration he received from her and dove into the next dish in front of him.

"That's so like you, Luffy, to look past the flaws of those closest to you and only speak well of them," she gushed, cheeks flush. She went on to herself, mumbling about how she needed to work on being a better person so they could get married. Usopp giggled to himself in amusement.

What a dork. The most beautiful woman in the world has her heart set on marrying him, and all he can think of is food. Now is the great Usopp-sama's chance to woo her.

He made a move to get closer to them, but halted when a butter knife flew past his head and stuck into the wood behind him. Hancock glared suspiciously at the now sweating long nosed sniper.

"Nobody can be close to Luffy but me," her eyes seemed to scream. As if to make a point, she shoved another dish in front of the rubber man. She then lovingly dabbed a napkin to the corner of his mouth, never taking her eyes off Usopp. He stared for a minute, then fainted back into his original seat.

Wonderful. She thinks I'm gay. For Luffy.

At that ungodly thought he rushed out of the room, fighting back the bile rising in his throat. Hancock smiled victoriously, perceiving his actions as that of a jealous rival. Her plan to get Luffy alone was going better than she had initially planned.

Now if I could just get the women out…

Hancock was busy plotting when Margaret quietly walked through the door, an apologetic look on her face. Hancock frowned.

"What is it, Margaret?"

Margaret bowed deeply, her now shoulder length blonde hair falling to cover her eyes.

"I'm terribly sorry to interrupt, Hebihime-sama, but there seems to be an issue with Luffy-san's ship. His ship-wright has requested he come to him immediately."

When Margaret had entered, Luffy had paused in his eating and grinned brightly, prepared to greet her with his usual enthusiasm. Hearing that Franky needed to see him though, the grin was replaced with a look of concern. Was something wrong with Sunny?

He put down his meat and absentmindedly wiped his hands on Hancock's dress. She simply brought the soiled piece of garment to her face and sighed contentedly as Luffy followed Margaret out the door. They both walked across the deck, Luffy greeting Brook in the corner surrounded by about half a dozen Kuja pirate's, their eyes gleaming as he told a story about being on tour. His signature laugh could be heard even as he and Margaret made their way to where The Sunny was tied up at the stern.

Margaret made a move like she was going to climb off the ship and onto the connecting rope so she could shimmy over. Luffy scratched his head and grinned, giggling through his alternative offer of, "I can give you a ride over if you want."

Margaret grinned back, then shook her head.

"The truth is," she started playfully, "I could jump this distance if I wanted to. It's just way more fun to slide there."

With that, she looped her snake bow over the rope and whizzed at surprising speeds toward the ship. A moment before she impacted with the side, she shifted her weight and lightly flipped, landing gracefully on the upper deck of The Sunny. Luffy watched the whole thing with excited eagerness.


Margaret giggled as he looped his own arm over the top of the rope and hung on with his other hand. He launched, and immediately regretted it. She watched him whiz towards the ship, screams of, "IT BURNS, IT BURNS", ringing through the air. He attempted to flip onto his ship as gracefully as his blonde friend. The rope burns, however, offed his brain's judgement of the distance and he ended up splatting quite nicely against the figure head and falling into the water.

Margaret sighed, removing the unnecessary parts of her outfit and diving in after the now, submerged, rubber man.

How…did this happen.

Hancock sat in the dining room surrounded by food and unoccupied pillow seats. Completely alone.

The red haired one had gone to use the restroom, and the raven haired one had excused herself to read on the deck. So there the grand Shichibukai sat, a pitiful kitten that had been left in a cardboard box in the rain. Minutes passed; nobody came.

Surely nothing was wrong with Luffy's ship that it was taking this long to discuss it with the ship-wright. Why wasn't he coming back?

Hancock bit her thumb nail, something that had become a habit when thinking about her future husband.

Am I really…that unattractive?

Dark clouds were beginning to collect over her head when she heard the door open. She looked up eagerly, and then her face fell just as quickly when she looked up into the face of the swordsman. She quickly looked away and blushed, poking a grape on her plate in a pathetic attempt to look like she hadn't been expecting someone else. Zoro gave her a weird look and shrugged, plopping onto a pillow on the complete opposite side of the room. He started to doze off when he noticed her glowering at him pointedly. He frowned.

"Is it gonna be a problem if I sleep here?"

"Where's Luffy."

This "question" was asked in a way that wasn't even a question, Zoro first note. His twenty-one years of life experience told him it would be in his best interest to seek a nap elsewhere.

Spoiled brat. I don't really know why she's so hung up on that moron, but she better get used to his ADHD if she really intends to stick it out…

"Do I look like a baby-sitter to you?"

"You're Roronoa Zoro, first mate of my lover Monkey D. Luffy. He spoke graciously of you on our way to Impel Down," she sniffed.

Zoro raised an eyebrow.


He continued to stare at her for a few more awkward seconds before he settled back on the pillows and shut his eyes.

"Whatever. I'm gonna sleep now-"

"I asked you where Luffy was."

A small vein rose over his forehead.

"And I told you in the nicest way I know how that I don't know where he is."

"Then go find him."

"…Excuse me?"

Hancock lifted a small cluster of grapes to her lips and seductively plucked a piece of fruit with her tongue. She batted her eyelashes prettily.


All the glitter in the world would not have matched the shining magnitude of that one word. Hancock knew this. The swordsman would get up obediently like a love sick dog and leave her alone to wallow in sorrow until he finally brought back her love and-


Hancock's eye twitched before she muttered a hesitant, "…Pardon?"

"It's not my business what he does and doesn't do. If he wants to come back here, he will. If not, he won't. Now leave me alone."

She unconsciously crushed the grape cluster in her fist, her already trace amounts of patience running thin.

"I told you to do something."

"And I'm telling you I ain't doing anything until I get my post-lunch nap in."


With each word, Hancock took a dangerous step towards the green haired man. The room was too large for her to reach him soon enough to her liking and she was in the mood to intimidate, so she took a short cut across the table. Zoro watched her, his arrogant stare making her more pissed with every second that passed. She stepped on plates and squashed food until she was finally before him. He studied her shamelessly, his eyes moving from her feet to her face in one sweeping motion. She smirked and flipped her hair majestically.

"Like what you see?"

"I was just admiring the nice gravy stain you have there."

Hancock had forgotten about Luffy's use of her dress as a napkin. Her heart skipped at the memory. She shakily caressed the stain.

"Luffy…Luffy's lips touched my dress…" she squealed loudly, uninhibited happiness taking control of her body like a love struck school girl. Zoro gagged and sat up. He lazily walked back towards the door.

"Jesus you're noisy. You and that stupid cook. You're both perverts. But at least he's not a secret perv like you."

Hancock was smacked from her blissful day dream of having thirty children with Luffy at that last statement. Quick as lightning, she flicked another butter knife. This time it got lodged in the door panel, barely missing Zoro's head. He slowly turned, the annoyed look on his face reflected in the dull blade.

"Lady, do you know who you're dealing with?"

"I should ask you the same question."

"I've noticed you don't ask a lot of 'questions'."

"I'm used to men giving me the information I need willingly," she crooned, winking at him. He grimaced.

"Would you stop it with that shit? It's disgusting. I need my nap. I'm leaving."


A silver serving tray whizzed past his head and clattered against the wall. He stared at it bug eyed, then turned to look at the china poised in her hands.

"Are you MAD?" he screamed. She grinned sadistically.

"I tried to get along with you because you're Luffy's friend, but it's impossible. And since you won't tell me where he is, it's obvious you just want him for yourself. I'll kill you here and rid myself of a rival."

She laughed, satisfied with her own plan. Zoro stood gaping at her like a fish.

"…Me…you think…me…Luffy…"

Zoro didn't get to finish his response. Plates soared through the air so fast he barely had time to dodge.

This isn't even fair! I can't use my swords because I'll cut your goddamn ship in half!

He dove behind the pile of pillows. Hancock followed and cornered him. The helpless swordsman was now sweating bullets.

"Listen, uh…Hancock was it?"

"That's Hebihime-sama to you, jerk off."

Hancock loomed over him like a wolf over a bunny. Zoro realized how sad this whole situation was, but all he wanted was to get away from this insane chick with his life.

"Yeah, whatever. I think you've got the wrong idea. I don't like dudes."

As the swordsman struggled to climb through the pillows, she stepped towards him menacingly. He finally ran out of pillows and gave into fate. He had never prayed before, but…

God, help me…

Hancock climbed over his now shaking body and took hold of his neck. He felt her inhumanly strong thumbs crushing his air way.

Please, somebody-

"I'm BAAAAaaaack~!"

Nami opened the door expecting to find everyone still sitting around eating. Her eyes drank in the scene before her, however, and she could honestly say she would never have expected this: there lay Zoro, sprawled on silk pillows with his robe undone and his chest bare with a flushed and flustered snake princess on top of him.

The Shichibukai looked a little panicked at Nami's intrusion, but the navigator couldn't really understand what she was trying to say, or whether it was even directed at her. She was too taken aback.

Nonetheless, this was...interesting.

She took a good look at Zoro, now pale in the face at the realization at what this looked like, and decided she smelled blackmail worth keeping for later.

And where there's blackmail, there's money.

"Well, um…I'll tell everyone to leave you guys alone. Ok? Ciao!"

And with a grin, Nami was gone.

Hancock stopped her babbling at the realization of what that meant everyone would think they were doing. Her face blanched. Zoro groaned.

There. Is. No. God.

Thanks for reading!