Disclaimer: I don't own supernatural… just the fleeting thoughts and all the plot bunnies I can catch.

NOTE: This story was written as a request from hotshow! We have bounced ideas back and forth so much we probably slowed down the site! (Smile) It was almost like a ping pong tournament. She is definitely my co-idea bouncer on this one! Hope you like! Thanks for all the reviewers of Here's to Hope, it was amazing! Also for the favs and alerts.

Chapter 1

Death stood as he silently closed his bag and gave a slight nod to Dean right before he disappeared. The air seemed to still as silence reigned except for the noise coming from the cot where Sammy lay breathing heavy; eyes clinched shut tight, his body rigid.

Dean sat down on the bed beside Sammy and touched his shoulder gently, giving it a slight squeeze. Dean could feel Sammy's muscles tighten up even more at his touch. Watching Sammy's face closely he could see he was crying silently, big fat tears falling down the side of his face. He felt Sammy try to curl up into a ball, pulling the restraints taunt. "Sammy?" Dean said softly, trying to soothe Sammy with just the sound of his voice and his touch.

Sammy jerked in response to Dean's use of his name almost like he hadn't heard his own name in a long time. That got Dean to wondering if that was not the case. Dean was confused by Sammy reaction when he moaned and his hands tangled in the sheets as he grabbed at them, turning his head away from Dean.

Dean had let that man hurt him, he wasn't sure why but he hadn't stopped him or the pain that followed. He didn't understand what was happening, it was almost felt like he was blind and couldn't navigate from room to room on his own, everything feeling heavy and foggy. Nothing having that familar feeling that he knew it should have.

Dean took his free hand and placed it on Sam's cheek, forcing him to face Dean's direction as he said gently, "Sammy… come on, little brother. I need you to look at me."

Sammy groaned as he started to shake, his body jerking slightly, reminiscent of the panic room days. The cot was actually making a grating squeaking noise from the increasing movement so much so that Dean was starting to worry it might collapse.

"Sammy? Are you cold?" Dean motioned for Bobby to come closer. He had been standing silent in the doorway. He had wanted to give Dean the time he needed with Sammy. Bobby grabbed a blanket from one of the cabinets when he saw how badly Sammy was shivering. Putting the blanket over Sam he then pulled out a small key.

Sammy opened his eyes to look Dean's direction. He blinked, everything was blurry. He blinked a couple more times, the blurriness didn't go away. It was like he couldn't make his eyes focus. His breathing hitched… he was scared… that feeling was a lingering one. The fear seemed to cling to him, not fading away. He didn't remember where he'd been. What had he been doing? He had memories bombarding him of things he knew he didn't do, wouldn't do. But he saw himself doing them. It was confusing. Had he been possessed again? What the hell? He tried to calm his breathing, but he just couldn't breathe, it felt as if someone was squeezing his chest, not allowing it to move at all.

Dean saw the panic Sam was experiencing. He rubbed Sam's cheek, "Sammy… its okay. You're safe. You're with me now. And Bobby. Just say something please."

Bobby was waiting handcuff key held in his sweaty palm while waiting for confirmation they had their Sammy back. The air in the panic room seemed to be frozen as they waited for some kind of response from Sammy.

"D." Sammy gasp out, closing his eyes once again, "Can't… you're… all blur… ry."

Dean laughed as Bobby unhandcuffed Sammy. "You don't need to see me to talk to me, bitch."

Sammy let more tears fall as he mumbled, tiredly, "Jerk." Falling asleep in a matter of seconds after responding to Dean. His body finally relaxing against the cot mattress.

Dean couldn't stop the tear sliding silently down his cheek as Bobby placed a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean glanced up at Bobby, causing Bobby himself to fight back tears.

Once again, Bobby thought Sammy wasn't the only one with those damn puppy dog eyes.

Dean waited by Sammy's side for him to wake back up while Bobby went upstairs to make sure Sammy's bed was ready in their room. Dean smiled, he had Sammy back. It hadn't been easy, but it was worth it, always. Dean sighed though because he knew this was far from over. He knew Sammy. He would be overwhelmed with guilt if he remembered anything that his body had been up to without him at the wheel. He was probably confused as well. Hell, he wasn't even sure himself how the body without the soul and nothing possessing it could even occur. Let alone run around doing its' own thing for over a year. So how could he explain it to Sammy?

Sammy moaned in his sleep, trying once again to curl into a ball. His defense mechanism ever since he was little. Protect as much as he could, make himself small, makes you safer. Not that his gigantic frame could ever be small again. It was funny how someone so large could sometimes be so fragile…shit… his mind was wandering again.

Dean gave a tiny smile while he instinctively rubbed Sammy's cheek as he leaned in to whisper to Sammy only, "I'm here brother. I've got you."

"No, not here… Dean done… threw away." Sammy mumbled, pushing Dean's hand away and trying to turn away from Dean's touch.

"What?" Dean asked, stilling instantly as he watched Sammy. What time was Sammy thinking he was in?

"Dean's gone… I broke it… gotta fix… trust… won't come…" Sammy was trying to move away. "hasn't… he won't… come." With that statement Sammy was crying in his sleep as he once again began to shake.

"Sammy, it's okay. I am here. You fixed everything. You did it little brother. You saved the world. You stopped the battle. You took control. You saved us… Do you hear me?" Dean asked at the end of his praises of his Sammy. Dean was trying hard to ignore the guilt assaulting him at Sammy's simple words… hasn't come… It meant that even though Sammy had told him to go live the apple pie life he had waited in hell for his big brother to come to the rescue… god, he was such a traitor to his little brother. He'd given up and stayed in Lisa's safe world and let his brother rot… never fucking again. Tears ran down Dean's cheeks as he tried to contain the sobs by holding his hand over his mouth.

Sammy's hand jerked out and grabbed Dean's shirt front, pulling him towards Sammy, "D?" he asked as he continued to shake violently.

Dean took a couple of deep breaths, moving his hand from his mouth to touch Sammy's hand clinched in his shirt. "Yeah, bitch. It's really me. God, Sammy… I've missed you." Dean said as his eyes continued to rain down tears, trying to choke back the sob currently trying to escape. Pulling Sammy into a hug, he trapped Sammy's fist between them as he murmured, "I'm sorry I hurt you Sammy. I was hurt you picked a demon over me when I had only ever picked you." His thoughts went instantly to Lisa and Ben. So they were even he supposed because he'd picked them over Sammy. Guilt was assaulting him full force as he held his little brother.

Sammy sobbed harder as he slowly brought his free arm up to circle around Dean's back, mumbling, "D… I'm sorry… I'm sorry I hit you…"

Dean was afraid to ask which time… Was it at the motel before he left with Ruby to take down Lucifer or was it at Stull? Or knowing Sammy he could be talking about every time in his entire life. "It's okay… we made it through."

"How can you forgive me? After everything…." Sam sobbed out harder as he pushed Dean from him and tried to scramble away.

Dean made a grab for him as he started to fall off the other side of the cot. Pulling him back up against him, he wrapped one arm securely against Sammy's back and pushed his bangs out of his eyes with his other hand, "How can I not forgive you, Sambo?" Dean told Sammy simply with so much love in that question, not to mention the use of Dean's personal nickname for Sammy he hadn't used since Sammy was at least five that he had Sammy pulling back to stare at Dean.

"Was I possessed again?" He asked, biting his lip as he waited for Dean's response.

"What? No." Dean replied quickly.

Sammy immediately pulled away and scrambled off the other side of the cot and quickly backed himself into a corner, staring wildly at Dean.

Dean slowly stood and tilted his head to the side as he asked gently, "What's wrong, Sammy?"

Sammy was still shaking violently as his voice joined in with emotion as he asked, "If I haven't been possessed, why haven't you killed me yet?"

Dean jerked as his face took on the what the fuck are you talking about look when Dean starting to find it hard to breath he managed to gasp out, " What are you talking about? I just got you back… nobody is going to hurt you, I swear."

"Dean," Sam looked down as tears slid down his cheeks. His jerked his head up to stare at Dean as he heard him move towards him, "Stay where you are." Sammy demanded, holding out his hand in front of him.

"Sammy…" Dean pleaded as another tear slid down his cheek.

"You said I wasn't possessed…" Sammy got that I'm confused-don't understand-might puke look on his face as his voice rose in panic. It looked as if he was trying to push himself backwards through the wall. He was pressed as hard as he could back against the panic room walls the metal covered in the salt scratching at him as he lightly tapped his head back against the wall.

"Sammy, you weren't. Now don't freak…" Dean said holding out his hand as well before he continued, "The thing is… for a year… nobody was in charge of your body… except your body…" Dean's face took on a pained expression as he waited for this to sink in for Sammy.

Sammy shook his head as if to clear it, "I don't… what? How is that possible?" Sam's hand went up to rub his mouth, before he ran his hand up to push through his hair.

"I don't know Sammy. I don't understand it myself. I fixed it as soon as I could. As soon as I found out what was wrong." Dean said as he stepped closer to Sammy.

"Why did it go on for so long? Why… I…" Sammy couldn't comprehend this… it was too much, "So, my body did the things I'm remembering that I wouldn't do… there was no possession?"

"No, Sammy. You weren't even in possession of your body." Dean said softly, trying for a calming tone.

"Oh, god." Sammy moaned as he sank to the floor. That meant he was deep down… past his soul - evil. Only something evil could do what he was remembering.

Dean rushed over and was on the floor pulling Sammy to him in seconds, "Sammy…" when he received no response, his fear ratcheted up several notches. He tried to look at Sammy's face but his bangs kept him from seeing his eyes. "Sammy." Dean tried again with the same lack of response. It was as if Sammy had simply shut down. "Sammy, please, just talk to me."

Dean could hear Bobby coming down the stairs so he yelled, "Bobby!"

Bobby pace hurried up as he stomped down the stairs, rushing into the room he skidded to a halt as he took in the scene, "What the hell happened?"

"He wanted to know if he'd been possessed. When I told him no, he freaked. Now he's freakin' catatonic." Dean looked at Bobby with those damn puppy dog eyes. "What do I do?"

Bobby glanced from Dean to Sam and back as he told him, leaning over to reach for Sammy, "Let's get him out of this room and back upstairs to your room. That might help. Being somewhere with happier times."

Dean jerked Sammy to him as he told Bobby in a panicked tone, "I got him."

Bobby sighed knowing the boys always reacted this way in panic mode, "I'm just going to help you get him out of this room and someplace more comfortable. Okay?" Then Bobby waited for Dean's reply before moving again.

Dean studied him then slowly nodded as he tried to stand pulling Sammy along with him.

Bobby silently helped as he took Sammy's other arm and they made their way upstairs.

Both Dean and Bobby were worried at Sammy's continued unresponsiveness.

After settling Sammy on his own bed upstairs, Bobby told Dean, "Why don't you lay down with him?" At Dean's funny look, Bobby went on to say, "You can sit on the bed with him, that way you can monitor his vitals."

Dean nodded as he climbed in beside Sammy, propping himself against the headboard as he pulled Sammy into his arms and began to murmur nonsense for Sammy alone.

Bobby left the room to make soup and sandwiches for the boys.