Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything mentioned in this story that exists in the real world.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
I have a confession to make.
Do you remember, once upon a time, when you would contact me every day, sometimes in the most unexpected ways?
It would be skyping, chatting, texting, and calling (but only if I got really lucky). It would be every day for hours, just talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Stories, dreams, thoughts on life and what is beyond this world. I connected with you as if I had known you for years instead of months. I don't know how you did it, but you opened me up in a way that only a few others have ever been able to figure out.
You knew me so well and I thought I knew you, too. I could tell when you'd get upset, even if you didn't want to admit it. I knew when you attempted to hide something from me, which I could weasel out of you in a matter of minutes. Yes, in a matter of time, I felt like we were two peas in a pod. We just understood each other so well. We fit.
But apparently I was wrong.
For obvious reasons, you are not completely predictable. To be honest, no one has a personality formula that is set in stone. Otherwise, life would be so boring, don't you think? But besides you leaving me, Edward, you surprised me in other, more delightful ways. Ways that would send my heart fluttering and wondering if this was what guy friends did to the girls who were just their buddies. I had no idea, but I tried my best to shove those dangerous thoughts to the dark abyss of my mind.
Of course, they always seemed to come back like a boomerang.
What were these little surprises that I am so fondly mentioning? They're messages, of course! Even the ones that you had taken down from my wall. You see, Edward, you may not have realized, but just like everyone else, I get little emails for any activity on my profile. That means you, too. And you can't take away an email, though you can remove a post on Facebook.
So, I thought I'd share some of these lovely posts that brightened my days and were so sweet and unexpected, I didn't know what to do. All I did was grin and float, just like the teenage girl that I never acted like before.
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY BELLA!
Bella, are you gonna be here next Thursday because I am playing at Trattoria again around the 9-9:30 ish realm.
GOOD MORNING MADEMOISELLE!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING BELLA!
I MISS YOU
MERRY CHRISTMAS BELLA!
Bella, today was really long. I missed you already. Yeah this is wall spam.
Hi Bella, Happy unbirthday. I miss you a ton.
Happy early St. Patrick's day, Bella.
Also good luck on your midterm tomorrow!
I definitely broke down the second your car drove off.
And you would send me messages, countless messages. They could be the most thoughtful or thoughtless things, too. Many of them were songs like "Adrienne" that I didn't know what to think after listening to the sweet melodies and lyrics. Others were just what you were thinking, which I swear I wanted to know just as much as you wanted to know whatwas going on in my mind. Here is just one I found in my email inbox that I for some reason saved:
I miss you a ton. I hope that everything is working out and that you do good on the chem test thing you were studying for. I hope you get A's on all of the labs you did. I hope you have a good weekend full of relaxation to recoop from this insanity. I miss you a ton. Sleep well when you do. Good night. I miss you a ton. Big hug. I can't wait till you are home.
I have been listening to Rock Bottom a ton this week. it is all your fault.
Love. Do you know how much that stuff swelled in my heart after I read that, even now? It's quite pathetic, really. You don't even want me as a person in your life, and yet my heart can't listen to a damn thing my head is telling it. It sucks. But I believed that you really might have loved me. You were so endearing, so willing to let me in when I know that to others you hadn't. Surely if you said love, it meant something? I just kept telling myself this, trying to convince my logical brain that was so atuned to being skeptical, looking for the hard facts, like a good scientist. It worked for a long time, too. I thought that maybe I could be loved by another and here he is, right before me. Someone I had intitally thought that I would never even talk to outside of our one class in common.
I just thought I'd like to share that with you. Just so you could see what was going on in my mind and why you can't do the things you do to girls. With your looks and strange but charming personality, all it does is make geeky girls like me swoon, even though they try their best not to. It's like a spontaneous reaction of the heart. It may not go fast, but the process of falling for you is unstoppable.
I just hope that it's reversible.
Yikes! Sorry, but I'm at a sort of research camp right now, so I'm just a tad busy. Hopefully I will be better at updating.