Oh dear...here's a result of what I came up with at three in the morning. This is not for profit, btw. Pokemon belongs to Satoshi Tajiri and Game Freak and everything. Lolz. Try to enjoy.
Narrator: Welcome to the world of Pokémon! Yes, we're still around after 467 episodes, 9 movies, and thousands of conservatories and fan wars. With the sad (not really) departure of May and her annoying brother (amen!) Max, we've brought in another character. Here are a couple of clues. They do a great deal of fan service, apart of popularly followed shipping, and virtually has their own cameo episode. No! It's not Gary Motherf***ing Oak! God, I'm going on my coffee break…
"Pokémon, Pokémon! It's all about the challenges, it's a brand new game and a brand new world—"
Enter Dawn, age 10. Despite the crappy introduction, Dawn is a rookie Pokemon trainer, starting her Pokemon journey today. Fortunately for her, she has a functioning alarm clock and woke up in time. She's currently singing the dub theme song.
"If you wanna be a master—"
Dawn abruptly stopped her singing as she noticed her mother standing at her bedroom door.
Johanna and Dawn were constantly being recognized as twins. Dawn had Johanna's hair color, her height, her eyes, well, her everything.
"Hey Ma!" Dawn exclaims happily, putting the finishing touches on her hair.
"Honey, what did I tell you about singing dub songs?"
Dawn resists the urge to roll her eyes. She carefully recites the words her mother told her. "You're not supposed to sing them because everybody knows Japan is the best in anime and 4Kids sucks at dubbing."
"Actually, this series is being dubbed by PUSA, but close enough. Come on, your breakfast is getting cold."
Sticking her feet in the comfy slippers she always wore, she follows her mom down the long hallway. Dawn passes various pictures hanging on the walls and begins to notice something.
"Hey Mom?" Dawn begins.
"Why are there no pictures of dad anywhere?"
Johanna froze, causing her daughter to run into her. This was the question she had been dreading. She knew her daughter would ask that question one day, but she wasn't prepared to answer it.
I wonder if Dawn would be upset if I told her that she was a one-night stand with—
"Huh, Mom?" Dawn repeats, oblivious to her mother's reactions.
"Oh wow! Is that the smell of waffles?"
Johanna says, distracting her daughter with the lovely, golden yellow goodies.
"Nice!" Dawn exclaims, racing into the kitchen.
Johanna breathes a sigh of relief before following her daughter into the kitchen.
"Man Mom, that breakfast was delicious!"
Johanna smiles. "I'm glad you liked it dear."
"I just feel kinda bad about eating that Torchic," Dawn says with a soft sigh, helping her mom remove the dishes. "But, that's the way of life."
"Speaking of Torchic, have you decided what Pokemon you're going to get?"
The two traveled back to the dining room table.
"Alright, let's admire the postcard I randomly found inside me pocket less dress!"
Dawn takes the aforementioned postcard out and admires the pictures.
"Hmm, there's a Smugtree, a monkey, and a Nazi."
She pauses for a beat before continuing.
"I sense a dream sequence…"
Johanna watches as her daughter begins to twirl around.
"Maybe it was a bad Torchic?" She question, as her daughter slows to a stop.
"How's that Mom?"
Johanna sweatdrops. "I don't think I can see your dream sequences, honey."
Dawn pouts and tries again, this time with the monkey. She spins even more this time.
"Now?" She asks, panting slightly.
Johanna shakes her head. "Actually, I think you're going to be late—"
"Nonsense! I have time for one more sequence!"
Johanna sighs, but watches her daughter resignedly.
Dawn puts all of her energy into this sequence, ending with three spins and twirls.
"You. Had. To. See. That."
Johanna shakes her head with a sigh.
"Dear, this is a parody fanfiction. You can't see anything. You have to visualize."
"Oh," Dawn says, taking a huge, exaggerated sigh. "Why didn't you tell me that before?"
"Dawn, it's time to go."
"Already? Time sure flies in fanfiction…"
She emerges with a large yellow suitcase. Johanna looks on in stunned silence.
"Ok, now I'm ready."
Johanna opens her daughter's suitcase up. She stares at the hundreds of clothes she seemed to have jammed in there.
"Hey, isn't this mine?" She asks, holding up a thin lace black cami with white outlining. "This is one of my stripper outfits—I mean, sleeping clothes!"
Dawn blushes, rubbing the back of her head. "Well, it's looked cute, so…"
"No, this is what you need."
Johanna shoves a yellow knapsack at her.
"This is it?" Dawn asks, heading towards her porch.
"Well, there's actually one more thing."
Johanna reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rusty ribbon.
"What's this?" Dawn asks, taking it.
"My first ribbon. It's a good luck charm. Perfect for crying to sleep with after you lost two contests, but that shouldn't jinx you."
"Nice, but, how did you know that I'm going to be a coordinator?"
"A) You're too weak to challenge gyms, B) I was one, and C) Gyms are only reserved for the real main characters."
"Fair enough." She replies, racing off towards her bicycle.
As soon as Dawn got stable, she took off, her mother waving behind her. Sporting a huge smile, Dawn turns around and waves as well.
"Bye Mom!" She exclaims.
"Bye dear! You stay safe, alright?"
"No need to worry!"
At that very moment, Dawn's bike rolls over a piece of pebble, causing the bike on balance, much to the dismay of the Dawn haters. She continues waving until she's out of sight.
After riding for a bit, Dawn makes it into Sandgem Town. She slows to a stop at a building with a huge clock tower.
"I'm ready for my Pokemon!"
She realizes, after she doesn't hear anything for a couple of seconds, she wasn't even at the lab! In fact, she was in a restaurant.
"Hey! Isn't your mom that famous stripper—I mean, coordinator?"
Dawn blinks a couple of times before rushing out.
"God, I hate when people do that…" She mutters, getting back on her bike. She petals off, still trying to find the lab, but fails—four times. Eventually, she begins to give up.
"Man, this postcard makes no sense! First of all, it's not even in English! It's in weird symbols I'm supposed to instantly recognize—"
Dawn stops her rat as she bumped into somebody.
"Oh my gosh! Huge old man in the middle of the road!"
She jumps two feet back and apologizes.
"Hmm," the man says, staring intently at Dawn. "You're a soon to be main character, aren't you?"
She nods. "Correct, but—"
"I see you have a Pokemon postcard," He interrupts. "Are you a rookie trainer?"
"Yeah, I was trying to find the Pokemon lab, but…I couldn't."
The man nods. "Well, believe it or not, I'm the Pokemon Professor, Professor Rowan. I can show you to my lab. Just follow me. Everybody knows there's nothing wrong with a 10 year old following a creepy old man to an unmarked van."
Dawn's face has a look of confusion cross it, but she follows Professor Rowan anyway.
Narrator: Do to the budget cuts, we can't write the part where the monkey, Smugtree, and the Nazi destroy the lab. Don't' worry, I didn't just give you a spoiler or anything.
"And then she was like, 'Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?'"
Dawn wanted to shoot herself. All Professor Rowan was talking about was this stupid book he read the other day and it was seriously annoying the hell out of her. She sighed in relief as the elevator doors opened. Here relief turned into shock as she noticed the huge mess and shattered windows.
Four geeky lab assistants raced over, acknowledging him.
"What in the bloody hell happened here?"
Dawn looked over at Rowan in surprise. "You're British?"
"No, of course not. Who the hell do you think I am, Yami Bakura?"
Dawn and the other lab assistants stared at him, silently.
"Too many lonely nights hitting the random article button on Wikipedia."
"Anyway," One lab assistant said to break the silence, "We're very sorry Dawn. See, what had happened was—"
"I'd like to go look for them!"
Everybody turns to look at Dawn.
"Are you sure?" Rowan asks. "You don't have to. We can always go watch Cheetah Girls 3 or something."
Another assistant rolls their eyes. "Man, forgot about that stupid marathon today. Quick! Go break the DVR!"
"No way, you do it! It's your turn!"
Ok, I'm leaving now. Dawn thinks, taking this opportunity to escape outside.
"Just keep running, just keep running, just keep running, running, running…"
Dawn was in pursuit of the mission Pokemon. In fact, she made a song to help her remember what she was looking for.
"On the first day of January, I saw drunk on the street, a little blue Nazi! On the second day of January, I saw drunk on the street, a missing circus monkey and a little blue Nazi! On the third day of January, I saw drunk on the street—"
Unforutently, she was only looking for two Pokemon, so it defeated the purpose of the song. She kept running and running and began to get frustrated.
"Come on! I haven't seen a scene change in five minutes!"
All of a sudden, she comes upon a huge web.
"Holy crap! I can't believe the plot actually let me find them…"
She noticed that all of the Pokemon were struggling in the web. She races over to try and free them, but was stopped by a Pokemon move. Dawn turns around and begins screaming.
"Holy crap! It's Spiderpig! Why did I ever pirate that Simpsons movie?"
The Pokemon, an Aridos, was not impressed. It fired a Poison Sting attack. Dawn started running away from the Aridos to escape the attack, but received a rare good idea.
If I get the Ariados to use the attack on the web, it should tear the net apart and fire the Pokemon!
She races back to the web and looks up at the Piplup in distress.
"No need to worry, alright?"
The Piplup looked surprised, but hoped the girl's plan would work. The pissed Aridos fell right into Dawn's trap. It used the Poison Sting attack right at the center of the net. Piplup flew through the air and Dawn rushes to catch it, making it in the nick of time.
"See, I caught you. But aren't Nazi's supposed to have guns and crap like that?"
"No! It's just a meme. God, are all daughters of famous secret strippers so stupid?" Piplup exclaims, then instantly covers its mouth.
"D-Did you just talk?" Dawn questioned, seriously surprised.
Piplup doesn't say anything else, but was mentally slapping itself.
"We should be fine here."
Dawn and Piplup fall down on the grass with a long sigh.
"Man, I wish we could skip everything else I have to do," Dawn complains. "We just run away, encounter the stupid Ariados again, you save me at one point, and he have a little character development. And, you still didn't answer my question about talking."
"Fine. Let's check this pond out then."
Dawn gets up and the penguin Pokemon follows closely behind. When the two reach the pond, Dawn reads a nearby sigh.
This is not an f***ing pond. This is Lake Verity, home to Mesprit, the being of emotion. If you're lucky, you might catch a glimpse of it.
"Weird," Dawn replies, turning her attention back to the pond—er, lake. "What are the chances of us seeing one of that?"
Just as she spoke those words, the lake water began spiraling around in circles. Piplup ran and hid behind one of Dawn's legs. Suddenly, a projected soul began dancing around. Just as quickly as the soul came, it disappeared, leaving behind clouds of mist.
"Didn't see that coming." Piplup muttered sarcastically.
"See! You're talking again!" Dawn yells. "You're not telling me something."
"That answer is for a later time." The penguin Pokemon says. "Besides, my cameo senses are tingling."
"Wow, you actually got the Nazi back!"
Dawn rolls her eyes as the geeky lab assistant. However, there were more pressing matters. Now that all the Pokemon were back, Dawn could finally make her decision.
"Alright, speed this up. We already know you're going to pick the Nazi, so claim it already," Professor Rowan rushes, already throwing Pokeballs and a Pokedex as her. "Hurry. Cheetah Girls 3 is about to come on."
"Ready?" Dawn asks her new forced Piplup.
Dawn turns around, frantically waving her arms around. "You guys didn't just hear that?"
Rowan looks at Dawn with an eyebrow cocked. "What are you talking about?"
She sighs and shakes her head. "Never mind."
Dawn turns and gives her new Piplup the evil eye as she recalls it to her Pokeball. Dawn grabs her pink Pokedex and Pokeballs and raced outside. The lab staff was already there, holding out her bike.
"Here ya go Dawn."
She gets on it and petals away, happily.
"Take good care of your Nazi—I mean Piplup!" Rowan exclaims, waving until she got out of sight.
After she finally was, he turns to his assistants.
"You guys better hope that my DVR is working."
Narrator: As Dawn petals happily, with joyous thoughts about her new talking Pokemon, she is unaware that she is about to share screen time with the real main character.
"Man, I'm sure glad that I made my cameo in time!" Ash Ketchum exclaims.
"Pika pi!" His Pikachu agrees.
Unknown to the happy threesome, they were being watched by another threesome.
"Aw man. Not another season of followin' da twerp," a talking Meowth complains.
"Not only that," quite effeminate male replies. "But Jessie and I have to avoid being shipped by the ROCKETSHIPPERS!"
Jessie sighs. "Quite your blabbering and come on! We only have five minutes to pull our plan off."
"So Ash, glad you made it to Sinnoh! Do you happen to have Aipom with you?"
Ash decided to stop at a video phone, vid, video phone machine to call Professor Oak.
"Yeah, I do! For some weird reason, I had this strange feeling that I was interrupting somebody's introductory episode, but it was just for a brief moment."
"Wow, we're glad you have it. We were looking all over!" Tracey exclaims in the background.
"So, enough about me, how's my mom?" Ash asked. "She said something about sending me a box that I'm not supposed to even know about."
Professor Oak and Tracey began laughing awkwardly.
"See, um, yeah, about her…" Tracey started.
"Oh man, is that a conviently placed plot twist?"
Ash watches in surprise as his Pikachu is stolen from his shoulder.
"Indeed it is!" Team Rocket exclaims in unison.
Ash takes off after Team Rocket's balloon. Meanwhile, Professor Oak presses his face against his own monitor from Pallet Town.
"Quick Tracey! Grab the camera! I'm posting this to YouTube!"
Narrator: Our Ash is running for his life after his prized steroid Pikachu. Also, Dawn is pedaling happily, unknown to what's ahead of her. What will happen next? Only Wikipedia can tell…
Well, how was it? Weird, quirky? Maybe even...funny? Lol.