PLEASE READ THE A/N BEFORE YOU READ THE STORY
There are a couple of things I'd like to say, before you start reading this.
First of all, this is my FIRST ever fanfic about Narnia! So be honest and gentle with me!
Also, I know many of you disapprove of of the Susan/Caspian ship, I respect that. But I ask you that you respect mt preference as well.
Anyway, I haven't read all the Narnia books yet! My love for all things Narnia is just a couple of weeks old so I apologize in advance for any mistakes this story might contain. I wrote this with the help of the "Official Narnia Guide".
This story is a mix between the movies and books. You'll see what I mean when you read it.
Also, in this fic the Pevensies never moved to America. (you'll see why.)
I recommend you to listen to Regina Spektor's - The Call. It was a major influence on this fic.
I'll let you read now.
No Need to Say Goodbye
"Father," Rillian kneeled before his father's bed and took his father's hand in his.
He felt somewhat guilty for his father's predicament. If it weren't for his disappearance his father wouldn't be as sick. He knew that his father had gone searching for Aslan, despite his shaky health, to beg him for help.
"Rillian?" the King's voice was a hoarse whisper. It was all his old tired body could manage to produce. "Is that you?"
"Yes, father, I'm back and well, thanks to you." Rillian squeezed his father's hand gratefully.
"You'll make a good king, Rillian, I just know it." The king whispered and Rillian felt a shudder pierce his body.
Rillian hoped he'd be even half as good as his father – King Caspian X the Restorer – as some of the old Narnians called him.
He remembered once asking his father about this nickname and then hearing incredible tales about the Narnian Revolution and the four Kings and Queens of Old.
He always thought of the four legendary rulers as some sort of a myth, having never seen them for himself.
But then he remembered a story Eustace had told him on their return to his father's kingdom. He remembered that Eustace was the cousin of the four rulers and that made them a little more human in his mind.
His father had told him stories about them many times when he was a child. He recalled the reverence in Caspian's voice and the soft look in his eyes as he spoke of his friends.
Rillian jerked up as he heard the soft sound of light footsteps approaching.
He turned his head backwards to the bedchamber door and gasped at the sight in front of him.
He stood up from his father's bed and kneeled down.
"Aslan," he greeted the great lion.
At the sound of the name, Caspian stirred and attempted to straighten in his bed in order to greet the lion properly, but that one stopped him.
"Don't strain yourself, Your Majesty." He told the older king, "Raise, Rillian, future King of Narnia." He then addressed the young man kneeling in front of him.
"To what do I owe the honor, Aslan?" Caspian asked quietly.
"You've been one of the most generous, brave and good hearted kings Narnia has ever had. I came here to say a last goodbye to you and also to reward you with a last dying wish. Is there someone you'd like to see before your mortal days are over?"
Rillian's eyes glistened with hope. This was such a rare opportunity. He hoped to see his mother again. He missed her terribly ever since that wicked witch murdered her.
Caspian's breath caught at Aslan's question. People say that upon dying one's eyes flashes before him as some sort of a recollection of what he's done.
It was true. Since he was stuck on this bed, all Caspian could do was ponder on his life. He recalled his days in Telmar, his parents, his professor, Eustace, his adventures, his wife and son, his people, Lucy, Peter and Edmund – he remembered everything.
Most of all though he thought of the Gentle Queen. He thought of Susan, of the way she had kissed him just before leaving forever. He thought of her beautiful blue eyes and all the sensations they evoked in him. He remembered the soothing tone of her voice and her fierce heart, ready to destroy anyone who harmed her loved ones. Also, he couldn't help but think of what could have been, had she been allowed to stay with him in Narnia.
There wasn't a shadow of a doubt in his heart that had she stayed they would have married and she would have been his Queen.
A pang of guilt pierced him at that thought. He remembered Ramandu's daughter – his true wife and their life together. With the years he came to love her sincerely, but his stubborn heart could not erase his first, true, impossible love from his mind.
That is why Caspian had no trouble answering Aslan's question.
Susan Pevensie was standing in front of the large mirror in her room, trying to fix a stubborn lock of her hair that kept escaping her braid.
A knock on her door shattered her concentration on the matter and she groaned loudly.
"Come in," she called out.
"Su, we need you!" Lucy exclaimed desperately as she burst into the room. Edmund was following closely behind her.
Edmund closed the door behind him as Lucy started explaining.
"Peter is going insane!" she sighed "He keeps talking about how Amanda is going to regret her decision and leave him alone at the altar and all!"
"We keep telling him that she loves him and that he's being stupid, but you know Pete, he never listens to anyone!" Edmund added with a grin.
"He only ever listens to you, Susan, please go to him!" Lucy begged her older sister.
"Alright, let's go." Susan agreed with a chuckle. She managed to pin that lock of hair down with a pin.
And she followed Ed and Lucy out the door.
The three Pevensies stood frozen in their places.
They were standing in front of very familiar huge oak doors.
They weren't sure where they were, Susan especially.
One thing was sure though – they weren't in England anymore…
Rillian was torn between being angry and confused with his father. His choice was not what he expected. He did not understand his choice, but he did not question it either. He wanted to part with him in peace.
The bedchamber door opened slowly and Trumpkin appeared in front of him
"They're here, Your Majesty." He addressed Caspian sadly.
"They?" Caspian retorted "I only asked for…"
He was cut off mid sentence by Lucy's gasp.
"Oh, Caspian!" She rushed to his side without waiting for Trumpkin to announce them.
Edmund was following her footsteps and was just as upset as his little sister was.
Rillian watched the two in amazement.
Was that the infamous Queen Susan? The one his father asked to see?
All Rillian knew of her was that she was one of the Queens of Old. His father didn't talk about her.
"Lu-Lucy?" Caspian gasped "What are you doing here?"
He once again tried to lift himself from the bed, which was when Edmund rushed to his aid.
"Here, old man, let me help!" he joked, trying to lift the grim atmosphere.
"You're thirteen hundred years older than I am. Ed!" Caspian huffed, his good spirits returning after weeks of misery.
A soft, yet awfully pained chuckle came from the direction of the bedchamber entrance.
Everyone turned to look at the source of the noise.
Susan was standing at the door. Tears were falling freely down her face and one of her hands was pressed against her chest.
Her heart was beating loudly in her chest at the sight of him. With just one glimpse at Caspian, Susan felt more alive than what she had been in years!
It was as if she was still sixteen and seeing him for the first time.
In truth, it was not the same. She remembered Caspian as a brave, impulsive, handsome young man. Not as the weak man age had turned him into now.
But it didn't matter to her. It didn't matter what he looked like, for he will always be just Caspian to her. The fearless, kind, man she fell in love with.
"Hello," Caspian's voice trembled as he smiled at her.
Susan laughed quietly, "Hi," she repeated the first thing she ever told him.
And with that the ice between the two was broken.
Susan crossed the room in three long, fast strides and sat next to Caspian on his bed, Lucy and Edmund retreated backwards, giving them some sort of space.
She took his hand in hers and relished in the comfort and happiness it gave her.
This wasn't enough for the King though, and just like he did all those years ago, he pulled her into an embrace.
"I thought I'll never see you again." She whispered against his neck.
"So did I. "Caspian breathed in her scent and smiled at the familiarity of it.
After a moment that seemed to them as forever they pulled away.
Caspian raised his hand and caressed Susan's face so gently as if he was afraid to break her.
"My memories do not do you justice, Susan." He sighed. And indeed they didn't – she was far more beautiful in reality than she was in his memories. Of course, in his mind he remembered Susan, the girl about to turn into a woman, while the Susan in his arms was a beautiful young woman.
"How did I get here?" Susan could no longer keep that question unanswered. "After your coronation, Aslan said that I am not to return to – " you her heart whispered, but she thought better of it " Narnia."
"I wished to see you." Caspian explained softly "Aslan came and granted me the wish of seeing the one person I wanted to see most before I die."
Susan choked at Caspian's calm mention of his death. It was as if he had come to terms with it already. Her eyes filled up with tears again at the thought of him dying.
"Don't, cry, My Queen, I hate to see you sad." Caspian begged her and brushed away the tear that fell on her cheek with his thumb.
"How can I not be?" Susan sighed "When you will once again be taken away from me, only this time it will be forever." Another tear rolled down from her eye and once again Caspian brushed it away.
"Were you happy, Caspian?" Susan asked suddenly. "I need to know that you were happy!"
Caspian hesitated a little bit before replying. "Yes, I was happy. I was happy when I met you. I was happier when I loved you, but I was the happiest when you kissed me." He smiled at the memories.
"You remember that?" Susan exclaimed happily.
"How could I possibly forget it? It's been a bitter sweet memory ever since you left." The King confessed.
Susan nodded her head knowingly. "The joy of having experienced it and the pain of never repeating it." She murmured sadly.
"Exactly." Caspian agreed.
"I didn't mean that period, Caspian, do not try to change the subject." Susan scolded him then, realizing he hadn't really answered his question.
Caspian chuckled. "So stubborn, even after all these years!"
Edmund laughed at that. "Oh you have no idea!" He chimed in and got nudged in the ribs by a tearful Lucy for interrupting Susan and Caspian's moment.
"The first few years after you left, I was miserable. I wanted you back, but I knew it was impossible." Caspian confessed "Then Lucy and Edmund came back along with your cousin Eustace," Susan frowned a little at the name, since in her memories of her cousin he was a spoiled, whiny brat.
"He's not so bad." Caspian told her "Well, at first he was awful, but then he changed."
"If I knew what it took was for him to become a dragon, I would have brought him sooner!" Susan joked lightly.
She knew of their adventures aboard the Dawn Treader and she also knew that Caspian had taken a wife. Hence, the reason she needed to know whether he was happy with her.
"I met Lillandil; she was the daughter of Ramandu…" Caspian trailed off. It seemed wrong to talk about Lillandil in front of Susan.
"Did she make you happy, Caspian? That's all I need to know." Susan asked, sensing his unease.
"Yes, she did," The king nodded.
But not as happy as you would have made me. He added sadly in his mind.
"Good." Susan stated "I'm happy she did. You deserved happiness after all the awful things that happened to you."
"So do you, Susan, so do you." Caspian pointed out. "Are you happy?" he asked back.
As happy as I can be without you she thought sadly, but just as Caspian she kept the thought to herself. Dwelling on the past would be a waste of time and they couldn't afford it in their situation.
Edmund opened his mouth in order to disagree with his sister, but Lucy tugged sharply on his sleeve and silenced him once again.
"Can I have another kiss, Susan?" Caspian asked suddenly. He could feel the strength leaving his body and he knew that he didn't have much time left. "You were the first woman I ever kissed; it's only fair you'd be my last." He explained his request.
Susan's heart fluttered at his request.
From this moment, the both of them moved in complete synchrony. Leaning towards one another, meeting the other's lips and giving in to the feelings they denied for so long.
It was as if there was no more Caspian and no more Susan. They had become one.
Lucy sighed inaudibly at the sight of them. It was awful to imagine herself in their situation.
Rillian was watching his father very carefully ever since Queen Susan appeared.
He seemed like an entirely different man.
For one, he was smiling and laughing. He hadn't been doing that ever since Lillandil died.
Although, the way he smiled at Susan was nothing like he smiled at his mother, Rillian noted. He remembered the affection in his father's smile whenever he smiled at his mother, but he never saw what he did now. It was adoration. Utter adoration. It became obvious to the Prince just from looking at his father, that he loved the Gentle Queen deeply and truly. He also knew now, that Caspian never stopped loving Susan.
Susan's approval of his father's marriage stunned him. He expected the Queen to frown and be angry that Caspian had married, not to be happy for him.
He although sighed in relief when his father admitted to being happy with his mother.
Rillian could see through Susan's lie when she told Caspian she was happy. He noticed the exchange between the other King and Queen from the corner of his eye, too.
After what seemed like days, Caspian and Susan pulled away from their kiss.
It had been sweet, loving and emotional, and yet, passionate and desperate.
It left the both of them absolutely speechless. This last kiss was everything they remembered, everything they dreamed of and more.
While kissing him, Susan felt like they were back in the courtyard of Miraz's palace just before her and her siblings left.
To this day she could not believe how the impulsive snap decision to kiss him had become the best decision she's ever made.
As he relished in the feeling of her lips Caspian came to the conclusion that he could now die a happy, peaceful man.
He knew that the effort and emotion he poured into this kiss would exhaust his strength faster, but if there was anything in this world that was worth dying for – it was Susan's kiss.
Caspian took Susan's hands in his and kissed each of them, without breaking eye contact with her.
Their eyes were telling the other everything they did not dare to voice aloud.
The king then broke away from his lost love's gaze and turned towards his son.
It was time. He had to say his goodbyes.
"Come closer, Rillian," he motioned with his hand towards Rillian.
Rillian did as he was told and silently knelt beside his father's bed, next to Susan.
"My dear boy," Caspian ran his hand through his son's light brown locks. "You truly are the greatest gift Aslan has ever given me." Rillian bowed his head so that his father wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.
"Do not hide your emotions, son. Emotions make us human and that is a part of what makes one a man. Don't ever hide your emotions. Always speak your mind. Love your people and respect everyone – they shall treat you well in return." Caspian lifted his son's head so that he could look into his eyes.
"Yes, father." Rillian choked on his response.
"I'm proud of you, my son. You've made mistakes but you do your best to fix them as best as you can. You'll make a wonderful king." Caspian told him and leaned towards him to kiss the top of his head just like he used to when Rillian was a child.
"Lucy, dearest Lucy, come here," He motioned toward the youngest queen.
"Meeting you was one of the best events of my life. You've always fascinated me with your faith, good heart, and optimism. You helped me believe in myself. You've stood next to me in good and bad times. You are the little sister I've always dreamed of having."
Lucy came to stand at the other side of his bed, she too was crying.
"And you're the best big brother I ever got to choose." She whispered emotionally.
"Ed," Caspian then turned towards his best friend. "As annoying as you can be," he chuckled "I truly feel privileged to be your friend and to have known you. You inspired me to never hold back my thoughts. To always be true to myself and to speak my mind. I'll never forget our adventures, my brother."
Edmund, too, came to stand next to Lucy and patted Caspian lightly on the shoulder.
"It's been a privilege as well, King Caspian the Restorer." He told him with a proud smile.
Caspian was leaving the hardest goodbye for last.
"Susan," he whispered her name reverently and brushed away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks during his small speeches. "My dearest, lovely, Susan." He sighed.
"Caspian, don't." Susan choked on her words "Please don't!" She begged him. She couldn't bear to say goodbye to him once again.
"In all honesty, I can say that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, along with Rillian. You, my gentle queen, taught me how to love in the short time I've known you. You captivated my heart and it's been yours from the moment I laid my eyes on you. Your faith in me gave me a reason to believe in myself. Your presence made me want to become a better man. I wanted to become a man worthy of you. "
"You are. You are." Susan embraced him and cried into his neck. "You are the best man I've ever known."
"I believe it's high time I told you the truth. You were never a fling for me, Susan Pevensie. I love you, truly and deeply, with my entire being." He confessed. He should have told her that a very long time ago.
"I love you." Susan's words made him smile despite the grim circumstances. "I always have. I always will."
"It's time." Caspian's voice was barely over a whisper.
"No." Susan shook her head violently as the tears continued flowing down her face.
"Don't cry for me, my love. We will see each other again. I promise you." Caspian smiled at her and leaned back onto his pillows.
"We'll meet again in Aslan's country, my love, where we would be able to experience everything we were denied in this lifetime. " He closed his eyes, his hand still in hers.
It would be any moment now. "I'll be waiting for you."
And his hand went limp in hers, leaving all of them in a horrified stupor...
May 29th, 1949 is a day that would be remembered forever by Peter, Lucy and Edmund Pevensie.
They were all at Peter's home, celebrating the news of their upcoming addition to the family, when Mrs. Pevensie burst into the room in hysterical tears.
She was holding a telegram and was trembling like a leaf.
Her children rushed to her side to calm her down, but to no avail. She was still crying hysterically and muttering something about a train crash and her daughter…
The pain was excruciating. She couldn't feel her legs and all she could see was dark smoke, flames and large chunks of metal.
She could hear sirens and screams all around her, but she could not see the people that were shouting.
Nor could they see her.
It did not matter though; she knew it was too late for her.
Her only regret was that she wouldn't be able to say goodbye to her family.
They would have to forgive her eventually.
Ever since they returned from Narnia she had not been the same person.
She distanced herself from her family and drowned herself in her own misery.
In these last moments Susan had the time to ponder over everything she has achieved in life.
"Hello," she heard an unmistakable voice calling her.
She looked up and smiled widely at the person.
"Hi," she replied to the handsome young man in front of her.
"Let's get you home, my love." The young man held out his hand for her to take.
Susan smiled despite the enormous amount of pain she was in.
"Caspian," was her very last breath...
So... It wasn't too awful I hope... Please let me know how I did! It's my very first fic (as I mentioned before) and I'd like to know what to improve upon. (character and plot-wise).
Constructive critisism is always welcome.
In case any one of you wonders about the fic's title - I named it this way because Caspian and Susan never actually said goodbye to each other... It was as if they knew that at some point, somewhere they'll meet again.
So that's it, I guess! Thanks for reading!
Till next time,