When Vanilla isn't so Vanilla

A smut crack fic by cloneserpents

Standard Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all characters are property of J K Rowling, Warner Brothers, Bloomsbury Books, Arthur A. Levine Books, Raincoast Books, Scholastic publishing (et al.) and are used without permission. This work was written purely for noncommercial entertainment; no money is being made.

Description: Harry proves to his pregnant wife, Padma, that vanilla ice cream doesn't have to be boring. Pure smut. Food play and pregnancy.


Harry strolled up a side street in Hogsmeade with a bright smile plastered on his face. Life couldn't get much better for the young wizard. He had defeated Voldemort in his seventh year at Hogwarts, found a good job at the Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor (which he held for a consecutive six years so far) and not only was he married to the most beautiful witch in the world, the couple were expecting their first child in a few months. With the sack full of groceries under one arm, Harry happily waved to his friends and neighbors as he made his way to the humble three room house he shared with Padma.

The odd cravings that accompany pregnancy had hit Padma like the Hogwarts Express. Harry was running to the grocer at all hours of the day and night to fetch whatever food his wife wanted. He never groused or complained when Padma woke up wanting a hot bowl of porridge at three in the morning. After all, that was his job he had to make sure the mother of his baby was pleased. Now, with the bag full of a strange mixture of food, Harry entered his home.

As he unloaded the jar of pickles, bunch of bananas, green apple, raisins, onion, ground hippogriff and ice cream out of the sack, Harry called out to his wife "Honey, I'm home."

Beaming and glowing, Panda joined her husband in the kitchen. Harry stood behind her, wrapped his arms around her and slid his hands under her blouse to place his palms on the swell of her belly. Kissing the side of her neck, Harry said "I missed you."

"You were only gone a couple of minutes," she said while unpeeling a banana.

"You know me, I can't get enough of you," he said, kissing her just under the ear.

"Remember our honeymoon," said Padma as she munched on the banana. "There we were in beautiful Barbados and we never left the honeymoon suite once."

"Hey, we went to the beach that one day," he argued.

"Yeah, and in a matter of seconds, our swim suits were tossed to the side and we were going at it like a couple of bunnies."

"What can I say, you're so beautiful I can't help myself," once again he kissed her neck. "I'm enthralled with you. Mesmerized even."

Frowning, Padma looked down at her belly and said "I didn't know I married a bloke who was into fat birds."

Harry sighed. "You're not fat."

"What do you call this?" she said placing her palm over her belly, just above Harry's hands.

"Among other things, a miracle," he said. This was another part of Harry's job not only did he need to make trips to the grocer whenever Padma wanted; he had to reaffirm her beauty. Not that he didn't find her attractive; Padma had developed that special beauty every woman got when they became pregnant. "i would also call it damn hot and sexy."

"You're just saying that," she said, blushing.

"Fine, if you won't believe my words perhaps you'll believe this." Harry pressed his groin into Padma's bottom.

"Harry!" she squealed when she felt his organ growing hard against her. "You're insatiable!"

"That I am," he said proudly.

"What are you going to do when I'm too far along, huh?" she said.

"Hand-jobs and blow-jobs." He pulled the collar of her blouse to the side and kissed the newly exposed inch of skin. "Besides, you're barely in the second trimester; we've got plenty of time to fool around."

Padma giggled and licked her lips. She suddenly paused as her eyes feel on the tub of ice cream Harry had just bought. The India witch pulled away from him and snapped; "Vanilla! You got me vanilla?"

Once again Harry sighed and thought to himself "Ah, the mood swings." It was one of the less entertaining side effects of pregnancy.

"What's wrong with vanilla?" he asked.

"It's boring with a capital 'Buh'!" she said with a huff of indignation.

"It's not boring. It's pure," argued Harry. "It's not loaded down with ribbons of fudge and oodles of nuts."

"Ah, fudge and nuts," she said. "If you had gotten ice cream with those things in it, I wouldn't be mad."

"C'mon, give it a try." Harry pried off the lid and grabbed a large spoon from a drawer. Scooping up a sizable dollop, Harry brought the ice cream to his wife's full lips.

In defiance, Padma sealed him mouth shut, denying Harry attempt. But the Man Who Conquered(tm) was not one to back down from a challenge. He pushed the ice cream into Padma's shut lips, smearing them with the frozen confection.

Padma glowered at Harry with the white cream dripping from her lips. She refused to whip off the ice cream.

"My, who knew Ravenclaws could be so stubborn," he commented.

She gave him a look that warn if he did not remove the cold treat from her lips, she would make his life miserable. Being the dutiful husband, Harry followed Padma's silent order. He leaned forward and kissed her. He parted his lips and ran the tip of his tongue along her. She closed her eyes as Harry traced every contour of her lips. Mad as she was, Padma had to admit her husband was a good kisser.

"My goodness, that was delicious," said Harry licking his lips. "The combination of you and vanilla ice cream is spectacular."

He lifted the ice cream to her face once more.

"Don't think about it, Potter," she warned.

He dabbed the ice cream directly on the tip of her nose. He then smeared it across her lips again. Before she could protest, Harry swooped in and began to kiss and lick the treat off her face. As he kissed and licked her lips, Padma moaned. Harry seized the opportunity and slid his tongue into Padma's mouth. He crushed his lips to hers. The coldness created by the ice cream sent a shiver up both of their spines.

Harry pulled away and Padma parted her lips, expecting him to smear the ice cream once again. However Harry placed the spoonful of ice cream to her neck just below her jaw.

"Oh, Harry, that's cold!" she yelped as he pushed the spoon down her neck to her collarbone.

Slowly Harry's tongue traveled down her neck. As the warmth of his tongue chased away the chill from the ice cream, Padma shivered. Harry began to nuzzle at Padma's neck as he used his free hand to unbutton her blouse. After he spread the blouse open to reveal the honey colored orbs of Padma's breasts, Harry traced the top of her blue cotton bra with the ice cream. Gooseflesh blossomed over her bosom and the white treat stood out in high contrast to her dark skin.

"Oh, Merlin," she purred.

Harry licked the ice cream from her breasts at an agonizingly slow pace. The heat from her body caused the dessert to melt and it trickled beneath her bra. When the cold fluid touched her sensitive nipples, Padma groaned.

Wanting more, Padma reached behind her back, unclasped her bra and tossed it to the side. Harry smiled. He placed the ice cream to her breast, just outside of her brown areola. He drew a circle around her puffy skin slowly. He drew another circle, this time on the very edge of her areola. The next circle smeared the ice cream a breath away from her nipple. Padma's nub grew hard as Harry slowly dragged the cold treat in a tight circle around it. The shocking cold on her sensitive nipple caused Padma to take in short, shallow gulps of breath. The cold quickly spread through her bosom and into her chest.

Than Harry moved to the other nipple and repeated the process. Once both nipples were coated, Harry scooped up another large dollop of ice cream. He began to roll the ice cream under her breasts. The cold liquid flowed down her breasts and over the swell of her belly. Harry finally set the spoon down and started the happy task of cleaning his wife with his tongue. Padma moaned as the heat form his breath and tongue slowly began to chase the cold away.

A few minutes later, when her breasts were free of ice cream but glistening, Padma groaned "I need you."

"Let's head to bed then," he said with a dark look in his eyes. As Padma led the way to their bedroom, Harry picked up the tub of ice cream and spoon. He hid these two items discreetly behind his back.

When he entered the room, he said "Get on the bed."

Padma complied. As she crawled onto the bed, she pushed down her knickers and kicked them off.

"Spread your legs, baby," Harry said. He took his place, kneeling between his wife's legs and smiled wickedly. In one quick motion, Harry dropped a scoop of ice cream on top of Padma's neatly trimmed patch of pubic hair.

"Fuck! That's cold!" she exclaimed and writhed on the bed. Her back arched and Harry scooped up another spoonful of ice cream. "We can't leave junior out of all the fun."

Padma braced herself as Harry dropped the ice cream onto her belly button. She let out a long, hissing breath as the cold raced through her belly and womanhood.

"Does Mummy like vanilla ice cream now?" he asked coyly.

"I still think fudge ripple would work better," she purred.

"Oh, looks like I have to change your mind." Without warning, Harry dropped another large spoonful directly on top of her labia. She shot straight up in the bed, sending the three scoops sliding onto the sheets.

"That was effing cold!" she said with a shiver.

"Aw, I'm sorry, hon. Would you like me to kiss it to make it better?" he asked, wriggling his eyebrows.

Padma answered by lying back on the bed. Harry lowered himself so that his mouth was hovering over her wet sex. His tongue darted out, licking the length of her folds in one quick motion. Using his fingers, Harry picked up one of the discarded scoops and placed it to her labia. She hissed in a combination of pleasure and cold. The heat from her sex was quickly melting the ice cream. Harry rolled the scoop over her quivering sex, coating every fold, every line with the frozen desert. It didn't take long for the ice cream to melt completely. Even though the ice cream had vanished, Harry continued to massage her folds gently.

"Oh, Merlin, Harry," she groaned. "I want you!"

He chuckled as he picked up the second scoop. He placed it to her sex again. As he rolled it over her sex, he used his free hand to gently pull back the hood to reveal Padma's hyper sensitive bud. It was already engorged and glistening. He placed his tongue on the bud. Padma gasped.

The feeling of his tongue on her clit and the cold ice cream on her sex was driving her wild. Her body was heating up more than any time she could remember. The combination of his tongue and the cold ice cream was pushing her into overdrive.

Harry placed his lips around her bud and Padma almost screamed. His tongue batted back and forth as her made a loud grumbling sound in his throat.

Padma's legs clamped around his head. "Oh, I'm gonna-I'm gonna cum, Harry!"

Her hips bucked and a warm, sticky fluid trickled out of her, coating Harry's fingers and the rapidly melting ball of ice cream. Harry removed his lips from her and slipped the ice cream into his mouth. His organ strained against his trousers as the flavor of his wife and the ice cream filled his mouth.

"Mmm, tasty," he said.

Standing, Harry unbuttoned his trousers and freed his erection.

"Now it's your turn!" Padma said. She rolled to a sitting position and pushed Harry onto the bed and then on his back. She grabbed the last ball of ice cream with one hand while holding Harry's organ in the other. Holding the rod in place, Padma touched the ice cream to the very tip of his crown. The organ jerked in her hand, trying to get away from the cold treat and Harry hissed.

"Aw, Daddy fancies toying with Mummy but he can't stand to be played with himself," she said with a smile.

"Generally, cold is bad for erections, hon," Harry pointed out.

"Oh, ballocks," she said. If she copied her husband's actions and rolled the ice cream on his genitals, he would surely loose his erection and then play time would be over. Harry laughed. He sat up and guided Padma onto her back once more. With a gentle nudge, Harry pushed his way into Padma. She rewarded him by squeezing her walls around his rod.

"Time to make twins," he said and slowly began to pump.

She laughed "It doesn't work that way."

"Doesn't mean I can't try."

Padma wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him to drive deeper into her. Harry obliged.

A few moments later, Padma's breath became labored once more. Her second orgasm was quickly approaching.

Harry reached out and took hold of the spoon. Blindly, he scooped up some more ice cream. Lifting himself off of Padma, Harry dropped the scoop right between her breasts. Padma howled. The heat from her body began to melt the ice cream instantaneously.

She clamped around him and she bucked once again. Harry growled as she quivered and shook around him.

"I'm going to cum," he warned.

Padma reached out and snatched up the tub of ice cream. "Here, cum in this!"

"What?"

"Just do it! Cum in the ice cream."

Harry pulled out and Padma placed the tub on her belly. Harry half stood half squatted over his wife. Padma took hold of his organ and began to stroke him. He growled and launched the first string of his discharge. It hit the target, landing in the middle of the tub. Padma continued to stroke and pump him as he fired off even more ejaculate into the tub of ice cream.

Once he was spent, Harry laid next to his wife. "Why'd you have me cum in the ice cream?"

She smiled and picked up the discarded spoon. The Indian scooped up a bit of her husband's discharge and ice cream. She held it to her lips and licked up the combination.

"Mmmm, vanilla is good after all," she said scooping up another spoonful. "I just needed to add a bit of your man sauce to it, Harry."

The End.

This was a drabble I wrote a long time ago for a Yahoo Group. I finally got around to posting it here.