Don't wake up!
Waking up with Tommy was both for Adam: nice and painful.
It was nice because Tommy was laying with his back against Adams chest. Adams arm was around Tommys waist and Adam was holding him tight. This was really nice and warm. Adam is a cuddler and Tommy is a cuddler too, and it was nice to cuddle. And somehow it was melting stress and loneliness away. And not to forget the fact that it was Tommy, what ment that Adam was holding a beautiful man in his arms. And this was very nice.
But it was painful, really painful. Adam knew that it was not born out of love, at least not for Tommy. And he also knew as soon as Tommy would wake up, he would disappear, mumbling something about he would be dying without coffee. And he would leave Adam alone. And the space which was now filled with Tommys body would feel emptier than it felt before Tommy was there. Emptier and colder. Then Tommy would apologize for falling asleep in Adams room again. And Adam would laugh about it saying that he didn't mind, but inside his heart would break. Just a little.
Adam was listening to the steady and calm breath of Tommy. He smelled his scent and it was almost driving him crazy not to be allowed to reach out and to stroke over Tommys hair. But he didn't want to wake him up. He was not ready to let the reality smash into the magical moment. Adam wanted to enjoy it a little longer. Because it felt so nice. And he knew letting go will be painfull.
Tommy was laying close to his body. Adam could feel every breath he was taking. Tommys shirt was pulled out of his pyjama and Adam could see a small piece of skin on Tommys hipbone. And this was also nice. He had to be satisfied just looking on the skin, even if his fingers were longing to touch it. But he was caressing Tommys skin with his eyes. And it was painful to hold back from touching Tommys skin.
Tommys legs were entwined with Adams legs. Adam could feel Tommys warm body even through their pants. And this was also very nice. But it was also very painful because Adam could imagine how it would be to feel to be embraced with those legs while they would make love.
And they were holding hands, because the Adams other arm was under Tommys neck and their finger were interlaced over Tommys chest. And it was very nice to feel Tommys fingers around his own fingers. It was more skin Adam could feel. This was nice. But it was so painful not to move his fingers to stroke over Tommys hand. And he wanted so badly to let his finger touch over Tommys body and he wanted Tommy to touch him. And knowing that it was just a wish was fucking painful.
Adam didn't make a move and didn't let out a sound. He was just breathing and hoping that Tommy won't wake up soon. Because he knew that it will be painful to let him go. And this pain was growing. Because everytime he woke up like this, he wanted it to happen again and he wanted to be sure that it will happen again. And he wanted it to have a meaning. And knowing that for Tommy it was just a friendship was painful.
And he hoped for sure that it was not the last time. He hoped that Tommy would't stop to watch movies with him and that Tommy would again fall asleep in his bed and that he would wake up again happy because Tommy found the way into his arms during the night. And he wanted to suffer the pain, because the nice feelings are so worth it.
Adam had Tommys neck right in front of his face. And he could imagine how soft the skin must be and the desire was almost to much. In his imagination he was kissing over this soft skin and he could hear Tommy moaned, but only in his imagination. But it was nice. And it was also painful because Tommys neck was right in front of him and it was so hard not to let his tongue wander over the skin. And the imagination of it grew stronger and he could feel the arousal in his pants. And he hoped Tommy would not wake up right now. And he was breathing against Tommys neck and trying to calm down.
But what Adam didn't know was, that Tommy wasn't sleeping anymore. In fact he was awaken since a while. And he knew that Adam was awaken too. But he just enjoyed the feeling of being in Adams arms. He could feel Adams body pressed against his and it was, well: nice. Yeah, it was really nice.
And Tommy thought this everytime they were laying like this together. And he was always pretending he would still sleep, just for a while. And just to stay in Adams arms without the need to analyze it. Without the need to talk about it and without the need to put a label on what was going on between them. It was enough just to lay here and feel. This was nice.
But sometimes it was also painful. Really painful.
I don't know if it will be continued... would you like it to be?