Bonus Piece: Kira and the SEES Gang Answer Your Reviews!
"Aigis." Yukari called from the kitchen. "Um, I think it's time already…"
The blonde haired girl looked up. She had been sitting and staring at the wall for what seemed to be hours. (Yukari would later find out that Aigis was analyzing a pattern in the chestnut paneled walls which she had found mathematically intriguing.)
"Right. I'll go get him." Aigis said.
In a remote room in the corner of the girls' dorm, a boy lay in his bed, oblivious to the world between his high quality Beats headphones. He still wore his worn red Inverse shoes, and parts of his ruffled black hair stuck up stubbornly past the band of his headphones.
Aigis knocked on the door.
"Author-sama." Aigis called. She knocked again. "Um, it's time—"
Yukari called her from downstairs.
"Hey! Hurry it up!"
Aigis sighed. She opened the door. She could hear his loud music blaring in her ears from where she stood.
Kira was biting his lip as he banged his head. His feet tapped to the quick beat of the song, which was a Trance remix to some RPG game or some such.
Aigis shook her head ashamedly. She quietly took an auxiliary cord, plugged it into a console on her forearm, and plugged the other end into his mp3 player.
After a moment, the boy let out a surprised yell.
"WAAAH! WHAT THE FU-!" he kicked his feet about wildly as he scrambled to remove his headphones, smashing his head on the headboard as he did so, and fell on the floor.
Aigis removed the auxiliary cord from her forearm and dropped it.
"Oh good, you're up." She said. "You are needed downstairs."
Aigis turned and promptly left.
Kira sighed, rubbing his head profusely.
"Stupid android—" He muttered.
"I heard that." Aigis called from the hallway.
"Stupid android." Kira whispered under his breath.
"Still heard it." Aigis called from even farther away.
Kira trudged down the stairs, groaning.
"There he is—" Yukari said cheerfully, hearing his heavy footsteps on the stairs. She held an un-bitten cupcake in her hand. It seemed as if she was debating as to whether or not she should actually eat it. She looked over at the TV.
Risette was frolicking under a water fountain, wearing a string bikini.
"Who has time for a diet—"
Yukari groaned, and put the cupcake back in the fridge. Kira plopped himself down on the couch.
"Okay… where are they?" He asked.
Koromaru trotted up to the boy happily. He was holding an envelope in his mouth. He dropped it in front of him and sat, panting.
"Whaa-? Only one review after all this time!" Kira exclaimed tearfully.
Aigis came up behind him.
"There are more." She announced in her monotonous drone, and tossed a sack of envelopes at his head.
"Doof-!" Kira grunted.
"Alright! Let's do this!" He picked up an envelope and opened it. He read the letter.
"NavyBlack writes, 'Actually pretty good. The first chapter being 5k words is always a good sign. The only thing i'd change is how you change scenes. Starting with a line break and describing the new area is always a better alternative to just jumping to it.
The characters are written convincingly as well. Seems exactly like something that could happen in the games. Keep up the pace and good work.'"
Kira nodded. "Ah! That's right! There was some excellent advice in this one. As you can see, I took your good advice to heart and applied those changes in the following chapters! As for my characters being convincing—" Kira's bottom lip twitched, as his eyes watered.
"Thaaaaannk you!" He gushed suddenly. "Persona is my favorite game series of all time! Even more so than Final Fantasy! I love all the characters (even the creepy ones like Takaya and Mitsuo… okay maybe not Mitsuo…) so it was very important to me that I portray the characters accurately or else the whole fic would have been pointless."
Yukari nodded. "I agree. We are written pretty convincingly."
Behind her Aigis rode a unicycle while balancing a stick with a spinning plate on it. She cackled manically.
"Oh, oh, read this one! This reader brings up some good points." Yukari said, handing Kira the opened letter.
"Hmm, Forever Intun writes, 'Right, five chapters passed and i am still interested, let´s review this.
First, as said above, I am liking this whole P3 vs P4 thingy. More so because both groups lack the Persona-roulette-wheel AKA MC(s).
Also that their conflict is more or less natural. Sure they have not talked with each other, which they should try in their first confrontation BTW, but right now its understandable.
The fact that Souji can´t return to Inaba, in this timeframe of the story, while contrived ("Hey mom can I go?" "No") makes sense, so another point for that.
However the fact that Yosuke is the leader of the Inaba Scoobies should be a little more contested. More importantly by Naoto, since she is rational and she would see herself as the more... prepared for that. Also Yosuke, while not an idiot, is really emotional so there is that too. Remember, Souji is their leader and when you try to change the head, the body will not be completely happy.
As for the P3 cast, If I am understanding correctly, Chidori wasnt saved right?
Yeah the P3 cast is so far "good" since they do have a back up leader (Aegis) and had time to adjust. You should remember that their personas do have elemental weakness unlike those of P4.
...I think I am giving you more advice than reviewing. Guess I am getting ahead right, hehe, sorry.
But yeah, I am liking this and I am awaiting for the next chapter~"
Kira pouted for a bit, thinking.
"First of all! Thank you." Kira said. "Second! 'Inaba Scoobies'—I like that. I can imagine Chie saying something to Teddie like, 'would you do it for a Teddie snack?' To which Teddie would say, 'No! I want a Topsicle.' Or something. Maybe a kiss on the cheek from Yukiko."
Kira frowned. "Yeah, that exchange between Souji and his mother was a bit contrived. I didn't really feel like devoting too much time into it, because I wasn't too clear on why Souji can't freely move back to Inaba at that point, and it didn't seem to matter." He laughed sheepishly.
"But it was important that he not be able to. As for Chidori, although that could be a fun little way to flesh out Junpei a bit, I wanted to keep as close to Persona canon as possible, and I think in the canon she dies, correct? As for any possible tension between Yosuke and Naoto regarding who should rightfully lead the Investigation Team… hm. I think it's arguable whether something like that would occur. Naoto seems to me like the type who is fine contributing to the team without actually leading it. Yosuke is more of a leader, 'spiritually'. He gives the team 'emotional' direction, (I.e. 'c'mon guys, let's do this! …even though I'm not sure what we're supposed to do!') while Naoto is mostly around to conveniently figure tangible facts and things out that the team couldn't figure out on their own. Still, really good advice! I had forgotten about the SEES team retaining their weaknesses in their Ultimate Personas, which obviously played a part in their battle."
"They're just lucky I wasn't there to even the playing field!" He said with a nod. Yukari rolled her eyes.
"Not like you don't have any weaknesses… Ice, Girls, Logic…" Yukari continued listing weaknesses.
Someone knocked on the door.
"Eh?" Kira said. "Who could that be?"
Aigis answered the door.
"Heyyy gang!" Adachi said, walking in. Kira looked up.
"Oh. Hey Adachi. What brings you here, to this…err… completely different city and game…? And time frame…?"
Adachi laughed sheepishly.
"Well, I was heading over to someone's house to deliver this anonymous threat when I found this in my mailbox." He gave Kira an envelope. "I think it's supposed to be for you?"
Kira opened it. "Oh, it's another review. It's a good one too. Xoraan writes, 'The last part was certainly cute and funny, poor Yukari :)
Not to nag at you, but don't forget to make Yukari have a drastic reaction when she learns of Souji's powers and why he's so similar to Minato. This ought to give her a dilemma between Souji and her team or between Souji and Minato.
Adachi's escape was very bloody and so were Takaya's experiments. Which disappoints me as I wish they would go straight after their defeats in the actual game story lines.
Either way this was a very nice chapter and I hope to read another soon.'"
Kira scratched his head. "Oh man, then you really wouldn't have liked the way the chapter was originally written… I had Adachi basically fight his way out of the prison block by block. While re-re-re-rereading it I decided it really wasn't necessary, and didn't fit his character. I don't think he was that kind of a bloody guy either. But don't worry. I also feel that deep down somewhere there is definitely goodness in Adachi. I like Adachi a lot. To be honest, in my first play-through of P4 I got a little worried when I started to suspect that Adachi was the one who sent the mysterious warning letter to Souji, even though my ace detective intuition was pretty sure it was him."
Kira looked to Adachi. "Right Adachi-baby?"
"Eh…?" Adachi had his head stuck in the fridge. He looked to the group.
"Do you guys have any cabbage…?"
"Who the heck even are you?" Yukari yelled at him.
Kira opened up another envelope. He chuckled.
"Blazehawkins writes, 'Interesting story. I thought Souji would have gone after Mitsuru, but Yukari makes sense as well. Keep it going!'"
"H-huh…? Me?" Mitsuru said.
"Hm," Kira began, "To be perfectly honest, I really don't see Souji really fitting together well with any of the SEES team… I just liked the Souji x Yukari pairing because Souji and Minato both were Wild Cards, etc. etc. Hahah. Also, I knew from the start I wanted some kind of relationship between someone from the IT and someone from SEES, because it would key up the drama between the two when they finally clashed. Okay! Next one—"
"741852AuthorNicolaStarlaLili—whoa whatta name, writes, 'Wow, fastest update since the "Legendary ToD"!' Eh? What story is that? To tell you the truth, when I wrote this fic, I was about 5 chapters and 20,000+ words in before I decided to publish. I try to make it a habit to keep at least 3 chapters ahead before I publish a new chapter, so that if I ever get writer's block, I can still update. It's how I manage to put up a new chapter nearly every day! Also, thank you very much for your consistent reviews!"
Kira opened another letter and read it.
"Ikasury writes 'i could kiss you... you obviously know your SMT stuff, to be pulling things out like the old Nanjo group from the original persona... HA! XD that just gave me a kick...
plus all the little other drops... i'm have tempted to ask if the Kuzunoha agency will get involved... *snickers* oh man... so much stuff XD
anywho, get on with the next, my drama sense is tingling :P till next *Salute-waves* Sayounara, Kira!
Kira let out a big smile.
"Huh? Kuzonoha agency…?" Rise asked, popping her head through the door. "Is that a talent agency?"
Kira snickered. "Oh Rise, you don't need to know. And thank you! I played the Persona remake for the PSP, and Eternal Punishment with a cousin waaaaaay back in the day. But hearing Boss Kirijo mention the Nanjo Group in P3 sure got a rise out of me, and I figured there MUST be an awesome fic waiting to be written connecting those two somehow. Who knows if this is it. Also! I'm happy you got the other little easter eggs! To be honest, I had to replay the Persona remake on PSP, as well as FES and P4 a couple of times before I had all this down. I still go to the SMT Wiki every once in a while to confirm things I want to reference. And I'm definitely waiting for the Innocent Sin remake for the PSP!"
Yukari shook her head.
"I have no idea what you're talking about… What is an FES?" She asked. Kira sighed, and opened up another letter.
"Yukari, you would like this one." Kira said after reading it.
"Huh? How come?" She asked, looking over his shoulder. She read the letter aloud.
"DemonRaily writes, 'Well at first, after reading the summary I did not think about the story too much, but after I started reading the story itself I quite liked it. You are playing the plot out quite nicely.
I have a theory about why Minato is doing it of my own so far, if you wanna hear it just tell me if not that's okay as well, no?
Well for the pairings, what can I say, I just despise Yukari, and Minato X Yukari I just hate, for there is no other female character so bitchy and uselessly stuck up in entire persona series. But I guess The three way pairing of yours may as well do. Well other pairings I support, well just say the way I base some of them would take some time to explain...' …WHAT? BITCHY AND USELESSLY STUCK UP?" Yukari exclaimed. "Who is this? I'll kill them!"
Junpei fell off the couch, rolling on the floor.
"HAHAHA! Oh man! This guy is AWESOME!" He said, laughing.
"What are you implying?" Yukari yelled, "That he's right or something?"
Kira laughed nervously.
"Err, umm… anyway, sure! I'd love to hear your theory. What I love about this series is that there are so many little angles one can pursue about a character, for the fact that the game itself draws heavily upon psychology. Most people play through like, P4 and go through each dungeon and say 'there's Kanji being gay in a sauna place' followed by some after school special realization or something. They don't realize that each character represents a common psychological complex. All these different facets of psychology—gender, sexuality, family dynamics, memento mori, etc. I love it so much. It could even be discussed at length in a college class I think.
As for Yukari… it's funny, but I've just started a new FES playthrough—your comment rang in my head during the beach vacation scene, when Minato talks to Yukari and she bites his head off for no reason. 'You think you know me! You know nothing about me!'"
Kira and Junpei snuck a high five, snickering.
"I'm going to destroy both of you…" Yukari growled. Kira laughed sheepishly.
Yukari threw an envelope at Kira's face. "This one is pretty good! You should read it!"
Kira grinned. "R-really? Is it a cute girl asking for my number?" He tore open the envelope.
"D writes, 'this fucking sucks'" Kira hung his head. Yukari snickered.
"Serves you right!" She said, sticking her tongue out. Kira snatched another envelope.
"Whatever… (coughbitchycough). Ahem! We Are Legion writes, 'You know, I enjoy how to depicted the slight animosity between SEES towards IT, as potential dangerous Persona users, and the IT just not knowing. Writing has a few grammar and spelling errors, but still readable.
If anything, the two criticisms I have for this is too much dialogue between character action (which I know you can write well, Yukiko's chapter 8 was brilliantly written) and Souji/Yukari pairing. Although I have nothing against the pairing itself, you just haven't explored Souji's reason for being with her when he had a past thing with Yukiko. On the other hand, I love how Yukari is slightly attracted to him because he reminds her of Minato.
Anyway, looking forward to more.'"
Kira nodded. "Excellent points, sire! And… apologies for the spelling errors. I sort of agree with the 'two much dialogue' comment. My writing in general, when it comes to fiction anyway, is very dialogue driven. I noticed this when I read another fic. It was another Persona fic titled, 'What The Butler Saw', written by Pathworkearth. The author's writing style relays so much information to the reader even without dialogue, and after finishing (and reviewing it) I decided to strive to be like him/her. It's an awesome fic and throws out a lot of crazy Persona / Devil Summoner mythos, so if you're a hardcore fan, you'd love it. While I'm on the subject of awesome fics, take the time to read 'Did Not Expect That' by Myths Maki. It includes a FEMALE Souji, a concept that blew me away, yet at the same time love! Hilarious stuff. Both authors have styles I'd love to emulate. "
The blood from Souji's face disappeared. "Female…?"
Memories of the 'Miss' Yasogami High Pageant flashed in his mind. He shuddered.
"Thank you for your compliment regarding chapter 8!" Kira continued, "It was a favorite of mine. I was surprised I could write that way about Yukiko, seeing as how as a character I didn't find her as deep as some of the other Persona girls, like Aigis or Naoto. Alas, that's what happens when you decide to write while listening to good music!
…As an extra, I wrote the SEES and Investigation fight scenes while listening to 'Unavoidable Battle' and 'The Almighty (Dual Mix)' The latter has an incredible piano intro that is awesome to listen to while reading the part where—well you can mess with the timing. Hehe."
"And with that, dear readers, I shall close. Thank you all once again for taking the time to read, let alone review my story! I hope you all stick with me as I finish this story! Ja ne-!"
A/N: As of now,2/13/11, GxG Chapitre II: Two In Harmony is about 2% written, and is still in the initial planning phases. In the meantime, I might release some other stuff.